


No Expectations

by reusabletears



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, BarrelRacing!Waverly, Cancer, Cancer care, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hope I covered it all, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Making Fun of Cancer, Medical Procedures, Minor Character Death, Past Drug Use, Perceptive!Doc, Protective!Gus, RanchHand!Nicole, Redemption, Self-Doubt, Stetson - Freeform, Supportive!Doc, Wynonna sucks, Wynonna then unsucks her suck, medical talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:28:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 83,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26723650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reusabletears/pseuds/reusabletears
Summary: Nicole Haught has been working away her demons at Peacemaker Farms for the past four years; a cattle farm owned by infamous Purgatory residents Wynonna and Waverly Earp. Her time was spent healing addictions, nursing old wounds, and hiding her love for Waverly.Waverly Earp has had disaster after disaster happen to her and her family. Just when she was ready to give up, she met her farm's new broken but loyal ranch hand Nicole Haught. Four years of secret love and desperate pining have not been enough to break through Nicole's defensive shell.But maybe a new disaster will remind them both of what is important.
Relationships: Waverly Earp & Nicole Haught, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, Wynonna Earp & Doc Holliday, Wynonna Earp/Doc Holliday
Comments: 992
Kudos: 1408





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends!
> 
> I had been working on fics for my Double-Sharp series when the muse bust me over the head with this story. I hope you will indulge my muse and be patient, I am still working on Double-Sharp. 
> 
> As a warning and reminder!
> 
> There will be no character death but this fanfiction delves deeply into cancer, cancer care, and coping with cancer. There is also mentions of Heroin, addiction, and post addiction care; but no explicit drug use. 
> 
> I have personal experience with cancer and I have chosen to utilize my own cancer to keep the facts as true as I possibly can. But please know, I am not a doctor! I only experienced the cancer and all the feels that came with it.
> 
> I also have experience with Heroin but not person use experience; please be patient with me on that as well.
> 
> Enjoy the angsty/fluffy ride!

**November 8th, 2020**

Every hay bale Nicole Haught threw into the blue and white Ford felt like some kind of redemption. Leather clad palms, sweaty forearms, and a screaming lower back grounded the redheaded woman in her task. The old Ford could hold about 35 bales and Nicole made quick work of the pile she had thrown down from the barn loft. Her focus, however, was not entirely on the feeling of stiff hay stalks and taut twine. She also had her eyes on the beautiful brunette who was combing a raucous brown and white filly, named Dandelion, in the paddock not 20ft from where she worked. The cold of the impending Calgary winter more a promise than a threat now but the petite woman was still out; still working the horses with fervor. The indulgent glance made Nicole feel warm and tingly inside. The last bale thrown, Nicole dusted her palms together and looked up at her companion in the truck bed a grin plastered across her face.

"I have never seen a ranch hand who loves manual labor as much as you, Haught." The mustached man drawled, his right hand going to his button-down to flick it back and forth against his chest in a futile attempt to cool down.

"What can I say Doc, I am a simple woman." Nicole laughed, putting her hand out to him and he took it eagerly, jumping down with ease.

"This should be good enough for the east herd." Doc huffed, patting his pocket before pulling out his cigarello box and matches. In a flash, he was pulling the tobacco smoke into his lungs. "After that we should lunch before minerals."

"Are we not going to tag today?" Nicole asked absent-mindedly, slamming the tailgate. Her brown eyes flickering up, taking in the sight of the distant brunette leaning her forehead against Dandelion’s. Nicole knew the woman was talking to the filly and it made butterflies erupt from deep within her belly. She was suddenly very jealous of a horse.

Doc's eyes followed hers and he chuckled warmly;  _ knowingly _ . "Miss Waverly wants Wynonna to come back from the big city first."

Nicole smiled, only really taking in Waverly's name and watching the girl laugh loudly while rubbing Dandelion’s neck affectionately. Like the filly was the funniest creature on the planet.

"Haught." 

"Yeah?" Nicole broke her focus and turned to her friend.

"You have been a Ranch hand here at Peacemaker Farms for what- 4 years?" Doc mused, placing a hand on her shoulder and pushing her lightly towards the cab of the truck. Once they were both seated inside he continued speaking, his voice even. "And I have been here for 6."

"Yessir." Nicole responded formally, unsure where this was going.

"Remember when I picked you up in town?"

The engine started as Nicole nodded hesitantly; The truck lurching forward towards the east fields.

"You were a damn mess. Sunken eyes, tattered clothes. I can not believe that Sheriff Nedley beat me in poker and then instead of taking my money, he went and convinced me to take you on as an apprentice. I just knew that Wynonna would take one look at you and fire us both. But-" Doc gathered calmly, shaking his head. "Peacemaker Farms needed to grow and Wynonna and I could not do it alone. So, even though I went into town looking for a former rodeo clown with a work ethic like a mule. I returned, a washed up cowboy wannabe with a scrawny, redheaded heroin addict."

Nicole wrung her hands and her anxiety bloomed; she was racking her brain on what she had done to fuck up. Nothing came to mind. Sure, she had found those needles hidden in the salt lick box last year but she didn't touch them. She went and got Doc and Wynonna immediately and they had figured out their summer hire Levi had hid them there, not once accusing Nicole. This job was the single best thing that ever happened to her, but good things never last long when it came to Nicole Haught. Deep down, she always knew the other shoe would drop. Too bad it did before she could get up the gall to tell Waverly Earp how she felt about her. Nicole was unsure what to say so she just pulled off her white stetson and turned to look at Doc;  _ knowing _ this was the end.

Doc glanced over but did not smile, instead he backed the vehicle up to the feeding station. Nicole watched the older man purse his lips in thought before he turned to look at her with his steely blues. 

"But you moved into that little cabin without complaint. You woke up before dawn, throwing hay bales like you had been doing it your entire life. Sure, you did not know your ass from a shovel but you never complained. There is nary a cow, chicken, or horse that you do not know how to take care of now. You stayed quiet no matter how Wynonna dogged you. Hell, you convinced Miss Waverly to get back onto a horse. I am unsure any ranch hand has ever earned their keep or Wynonna's respect quite like you."

Doc placed his hand onto Nicole's shoulder and gripped tightly.

"I have never been more proud of anyone than I am of you, Nicole."

The relief flooded the redheads body and she let out a noise that sounded like a mix between a cough and a sob. The tears she didn't even know had formed, slowly made their way down her cheeks. "You are a grade A, asshole."

Doc's deep laugh filled the cab.

"So with that out of the way, let us talk. Really talk."

"Alright."

"I see the way you look at little Earp.” Doc smiled affectionately.

Nicole rolled her eyes and tried to wrest away the blush she felt coming to her cheeks.

“When work is done for the day, the two of you are practically inseparable. Riding around the land, fishing down at the Ghost river, and you are even driving sober for Earp libations at Shorty’s.” Doc leaned in. “So why do you always just kiss her hand on the stoop every night?”

Nicole put her head in her hands, knowing full well her face must be red as a beet. She silently wondered why it had taken four years for anyone to even broach the subject of sweet, gorgeous, infectious Waverly Earp with her. The redhead quickly decided to take the high ground; Doc understood the high ground. He had been secretly pining after Wynonna for longer than Nicole had known the Earps. And Nicole herself had been teasing Wynonna about it relentlessly. But then a sympathetic thought crossed her mind. Wynonna watched Nicole with Waverly and she never said a word. She would cross her arms, cough loudly, and shake her head with that coy Earp grin. This was going to be more difficult than the redhead previously considered.

“I am respecting Waverly’s autonomy.” Nicole forced a half smile. “I am a convicted criminal you know; I don’t want her to feel unsafe.”

“What? You have been nothing but kind, caring, and chivalrous with Miss Waverly.” Doc practically choked, his face one of disbelief.

“ _ Exactly _ .” Nicole punctuated. “And Waverly is just being kind back to me.”

“Like hell. When I met that girl, she was so far inside her shell that I thought she was a tortoise. Sure, she was always sweet but it was not until she met you that I even dared to consider her playful and affectionate. No ma’am, Miss Waverly was never one for affection until you helped her get back up onto Lottie.”

Nicole smiled softly at the memory. Waverly’s small, warm hand. Her trusting eyes when Nicole explained every little detail about horses. The elation when she finally was on top of Lottie, no fear present in her hazels.  _ God.  _ Nicole could map out every beautiful facial feature from memory alone.

“And you never had a shine in your eye until she taught you to play guitar."

Nicole gulped but her mouth was already dry. That memory was too precious to think about right now.

"Pray tell, when will you pull your head out of your ass and ask her out?" Doc whined.

Nicole's eyes went wide and she coughed. Doc was never so forward but here he was on a November morning, sending her emotions on a rollercoaster ride of death. It always seemed that when she thought she knew Doc Holliday like a book, an updated version was released.

"Jesus, Henry. Can you cut it out?" Nicole plopped her hat on the dash before coughing some more. "Mere minutes ago, I thought you were going to fire me. Now you are badgering me about Waverly. Are you trying to kill me?"

"I might."

"You know I can't." Nicole huffed, opening the truck door.

"Sure ya’ can." Doc pleaded, watching the ranch hand step out and slam her door. He reached for her forgotten stetson and followed suit.

"There are no rules against fraternization in your contract." Doc crossed around the truck and threw the hat in Nicole's direction, she caught it one-handed before plopping it on top of her french braid. “And Dolls proved that even if things go south, there will not be an addendum.”

Nicole rolled her eyes and lowered the tailgate before leaning on it, palms down. The redhead wanted to be frustrated, defiant. But the older man was making that difficult after saying such nice things about her. She knew she could make up an excuse about her job, even with the lack of rules, but that wasn't it. Nicole knew it was her past misdeeds that kept her from the younger Earp; so she found an excuse in the middle.

"Waverly doesn't even like me like that, Doc."

"Bullshit." Doc grabbed their gloves from the corner and tossed her pair down with force next to her left hand. "She thinks you roped the moon just for her."

"No, that was Champ Hardy. The actual rodeo clown."

Doc laughed openly as he pulled on his leather gloves. Nicole watched, a little amused by his flippancy. He then grabbed his black cowboy hat from his head and pointed it at her with purpose.

"She only dated that excuse of a man because you did not ask her to the Winter Solstice. Little Miss Waverly spent an entire year trying to make you jealous. Instead she created the blabbering, love-sick fool that is Champ now." 

"I was jealous." Nicole mumbled under her breath as she adjusted her gloves and grabbed the first bale, turning toward the feeding station.

"I know." Doc grinned.

The redhead dropped the bale before flipping out her knife to cut the twine. She paused, the memory of Champ hardy kissing Waverly aggressively on the Homestead porch was pushing it’s way forward in her mind's eye. She had only been on her own porch to make sure Waverly made it home safely, but she couldn't stop herself from watching. Wishing it was her lips on Waverly's. Gripping her fists tightly as Waverly had to push him off multiple times before he would get the hint and end the night. Nicole shook her head and cut the twine.

"I am just tired, Haught."

"Of what?" She asked, grabbing another bale.

"Watching you let your life pass by." Doc slid a bale to the edge of the tailgate. "You have been clean for four years, kiddo. When are you going to let yourself be happy?"

Nicole scrunched her face, cutting twine with two audible snaps. Doc Holliday was not telling Nicole anything she didn't already know about herself. She knew she was in love with Waverly Earp. The first day they met, Waverly invited her into the Homestead for lunch. Nicole was unsure if she was going to be able to say full sentences, so she thanked her for her food and took it back to her cabin's porch. The withdrawals were so bad that she was clutching her glass of ice tea far tighter than she would normally, trying to still her tremors long enough to drink, that it smashed in her hand. The blood was so red and warm, gushing between her fingers as she laid her hands on the small table and watched it flow. She hadn't even registered Waverly's footsteps until she felt the smaller woman pull her up and back towards the Homestead. Nicole had caught herself counting gold flecks inside of hazel eyes while Waverly patched her up. The memory had helped Nicole battle her withdrawals for weeks. 

But no matter how she felt about Waverly, she knew she would never get to hold her the way she wanted to. To love her the way Waverly deserved.

"How about this Doc?" Nicole mused, still carrying the bales back and forth with fervor.

"You have a wager for me?" His eyes glinted as his mustache moved with his coy smile.

"You tell Wynonna how you feel and I will ask Waverly to the Solstice." Nicole stated. “A tit for tat if you will.”

"Oh dear." Was the only reply she received from her friend and it gave Nicole a feeling of self-satisfaction. Her hands went back to hay bales and silence followed.

*****

“Babygirl, I’m home!”

Waverly smiled at the sound of her sister’s big entrance, twisting the spatula she was holding in a skilled flair. She had a pot with boiling potatoes on the back of the stove, a cast iron with newly cooking burger patties, and a smaller sauce pan with chunky tomatoes stewing in her signature spices. 

“Nicole’s favorite- excuse me, Mama’s favorite meal?” Wynonna quizzed from behind Waverly. The younger Earp turned and shrugged, giving Wynonna her best grin. She would let the jab about Nicole go.

Mama Earp had taught Willa the meal in order to train her to feed big, burly ranch hands. Willa had taught Waverly after Mama had left; and cooking it made her feel closer to her lost parent. Mashed potatoes as a bed, hamburger patty, and large helping of chunky tomatoes; as rich and filling as her Mama was. That-- and it was Nicole’s favorite. And anything Nicole liked, Waverly wanted to provide.

“Be good.” Waverly warned, turning back to dinner. “Or you will only get bread. I baked a new loaf this morning.”

“I can do bread.” Wynonna cut back. “You can at least understand Peter Hollywood on that British Baking Thingy; so I know it is quality.”

“Great British Bake-off.” Waverly corrected, dropping the colander into the sink. “And it’s Paul Hollywood.”

“Fine, whatever.” Wynonna pulled out a chair and plopped with a groan. “Did Doc and Haught-stuff tag today?”

“No. I requested they wait for you. I had them do hay for all the far paddocks and minerals today.” 

“Come on, I hate tagging.” Wynonna cried, stomping a boot in frustration. “I could have done hay in the morning.”

Waverly tutted and turned to give her sister her signature glare. “Remember Wyn, when you are gone I am in charge.”

“You just like listening to Nicole grunt when she throws bales.”

Waverly gasped and threw a tea towel in Wynonna’s direction, a cackle emitting from the elder Earp. “Wynonna!”

“Truth hurts, babygirl.”

A slam of the kitchen swinging door behind her reminded her about dinner. Waverly grumbled and grabbed the potato pot and turned to pour it out over the colander. As she twisted her core she felt a searing pain right above her pelvis and cried out, barely getting the heavy pot onto the countertop in time. Before she could attempt to right the pot, Waverly felt a strong hand on the small of her back and the pot being pulled away further onto the counter. A wave of vanilla and earth filled her senses as she placed her newly freed hand below her belly button reactively. But the searing pain was gone and only a dull ache left; Waverly shook her head.  _ Must be pre-period cramps,  _ Waverly thought before looking up and finding russet eyes looking at her with concern. 

Nicole must have come into the kitchen and saved her from burning herself on potato water. The redhead was always there when Waverly needed her and she couldn’t stop the electricity of attraction buzz lightly across her skin.

“Hi.” Was all Waverly could muster. 

“Are you ok?” Nicole’s eyes were concerned, her forehead scrunched up. Waverly tried to grin wider in an attempt to comfort the woman as she studied her crush’s features. Nicole’s soft face had the sheen of dried sweat, tons of little fiery wisps of hair trying to escape her french braid, and a dirt streak across her chin. Waverly was unable to stop her hand when it lifted to wipe the dirt streak from Nicole’s chin. The brunette caught the hitch of Nicole’s breath and internally thanked her hands for being so brave. 

“Yeah, just a cramp I think.” Hazel eyes watched brown soften, the worry lessening instantly. Waverly then noticed how Nicole’s hand felt on her back and that her own hand was now laid against Nicole’s shoulder. They were so close and Waverly wanted to just grip the ranch hand’s shirt and pull her closer. She licked her lips in anticipation and watched Nicole’s eyes darken at the action.

Wynonna coughed and Nicole jumped back, like Waverley was the hot potato water. “Sorry Waverly. I just didn’t- you- fall?”

Wynonna laughed and Waverly shot her a glare. Before she could protest, Nicole’s gravely voice pulled her back in. “I believe the burgers need turning, Wave.”

Waverly turned to complete the task, allowing the nickname to pull at the thread attached to her heart. 

“But for reals; are you ok, Waverly?” Wynonna asked.

“Yeah, honest.” 

The kitchen door slammed again.

“Miss Waverly, it smells absolutely wonderful in here.” Doc’s twang had Waverly turning instantly and he planted a chaste kiss to her cheek in appreciation.

“Indeed.” Nicole joined in. “It’s my favorite.”

“Only the best for our best employees!” Waverly sang, turning to wink at Nicole who was now mashing the potatoes; redness cascading from her ears to her cheeks.

“They are our only employees right now.” Wynonna chuckled, grabbing plates from the cabinet.

“Doesn’t make them less than the best.” Waverly responded.

“I don’t know. Doc has been really mouthy today.” Nicole teased. “Unsure if he is worthy of this wonderful meal.”

“So has Wynonna.” Waverly replied instantly. “I already threatened to feed her only bread. Which reminds me- Nicole, I made a rosemary loaf this morning!”

“Mmm, rosemary. Sounds delightful.” Nicole hummed appreciatively, which was music to Waverly’s ears. “We shouldn’t give them that. They don’t deserve your Paul Hollywood loaf.” 

“Water, then?”

“Water, indeed.”

Wynonna coughed again. “You guys aren’t the only people alive, you know?”

Laughter filled the room as Doc pulled his chair close to Wynonna. “How did the big-city go? Any interest?”

Waverly passed the milk to Nicole and they touched fingers as their eyes met. Waverly melted.

*****

Waverly woke up with a start, searing heat below her bellybutton. She blinked away her sleep, groaning at how powerful the pain was. Grabbing her phone and letting it illuminate her face, she saw 1:32am staring back at her.  _ Ugh _ . Waverly massaged the painful area before feeling the familiar rumble of her guts; feeling sickness overtake her. She quickly padded to the bathroom, throwing up in the toilet. Sometimes her period made her vomit so she knew, she just knew she would find an early present from Aunt Flo. But there was also a new feeling; like something was terribly wrong. She knew she wasn’t pregnant; she had left any chance of that slack-jawed at Shorty’s months ago.  _ What could it be? _

Once she was finished she checked her panties. No blood present; just a weird, sticky discharge. Before she could process, another searing pain ran through her gut and her only focus was on finding some midol. And maybe getting back to sleep.

Hopefully. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is here.
> 
> Mentions of "Strawberry Wine" by Deana Carter and Nicole sings "Meet in the Middle" by Diamond Rio.

**July 17th, 2016**

Nicole’s muscles screamed every time her shovel hit the concrete floor of the horse stall. After one fateful scoop, a powerful, painful spasm surged through her lower back and she grimaced. Nicole stopped and pulled the spade onto its head; the shovel becoming less of a tool and more of a crutch. Air was pushing and pulling raggedly from her lungs as she tried to brush back stray red strands stuck to her sweaty face. Nicole knew she was a pitiful sight; scrawny, sweaty, and wearing the same outfit she left the Purgatory jail in. She wanted to stop and throw down the shovel, run to town as fast as her holey sneakers could carry her. One of Bobo’s guys would be posted up behind Jimmy’s Surplus. Everyone in the GRT knows that his ‘heavy’ is the best.  _ Was the best. _

Nicole growled in frustration as she pushed the thoughts from her brain, instead trying to imagine the feeling of Sheriff Nedley’s cuffs on her wrists. The image of her spoon and lighter on the trunk of his car. These images were not helping her urges so she turned her focus on the black hat and mustache of her new friend; the wild hair and leather fringe of her boss. It wasn’t working and Nicole instead found herself noticing that she had already sweated through her clothes after one stall. Doc had asked her to muck the entire horse barn and re-line it by lunch; the first stall took thirty minutes longer than it should have. 

A wave of nausea hit the redhead before she could continue; a loud, dry retch escaping her lips. Picking up the shovel seemed impossible now but she had to do it. Nicole  _ needed _ to. Her mind brought a new memory up and soon she was imagining the soft curling smile and wavy brown hair of Waverly Earp. Nicole closed her eyes and focused on counting golden flakes in hazel eyes. 

“One.” Her hands slipped into position.

“Two.” The shovel head slipped to the concrete.

“Three.” Nicole pushed, sliding a thick pile of muck onto the spade.

“Four.” She lifted it, pivoting her hips toward the waiting wheelbarrow.

“Five.” Nicole dumped her contents. 

It had been 4 full days since Nicole’s last hit.  _ Heroin _ . Day 4 was the worst last time Nicole attempted sobriety; which only lasted to day 5.  _ This time has to be different.  _ Nicole saw her new job as her last chance to get clean. If this didn’t work out she  _ knew _ she was going to be as dead as Neal. A shudder rushed through her body at the memory.

“Six.”

“The barn has four stalls, you know?”

_ Wynonna. _

“Seven.” 

“No,” Wynonna cooed rudely. “Four. Come on Tater-Haught, can’t you count?”

Nicole closed her eyes and bit her tongue, choosing to keep her focus on the image of Waverly’s eyes, the way she giggles with sweet abandon. With the smaller woman on her mind her job was no longer shoveling manure, it was mining for gold.

“Eight.” 

Nicole heard Wynonna step closer and lean against the wood of the stall door. Before Nicole could think of greeting her more professionally, the heavy smell of whiskey hit her nostrils and Nicole gagged involuntarily. Wynonna almost always smelled of whiskey. She turned to the wheel-barrow with lightning speed, spewing the tiny amount of water on her stomach into the manure. Two more dry-heaves followed, Nicole feeling their gravity behind her eyes. 

Once Nicole felt like it had passed fully, she used the shovel to push herself up high.  _ Fuck, of course. Wynonna had to see that _ . The redhead turned her head slowly to look at her boss, expecting to be chastised. Instead she saw a slightly open mouth, softened face, and guilt ridden blues.  _ This is worse. _

“Good morning boss.” Nicole tilted forward on the shovel, attempting to make her voice sound as professional as possible.

Wynonna didn’t respond and Nicole watched as her face didn’t even change expression. Then it happened. The guilt in her eyes turned to pity and Nicole felt hot anger poke in between her shoulder blades. Nicole despised pity.

“Eight.”

"Who got you on the smack?” 

“Nine.” Nicole gripped the shovel harder. Wynonna was messing with her focus on her memory of Waverly and the familiar urge to run was building up quickly. The last time someone tried to ask her that, she had a bender that ended with her wrist cuffed to a hospital bed. 

Nicole growled involuntarily but then blew air out her lungs in defeat. Maybe it's time to drop the fantasy and pick up honesty. She needed Wynonna and Doc to trust her if she was going to make it. “Neal.”

“Neal McCoy?” Wynonna gasped. "All he has got to do is give me that wink."

“Neal Haught. My brother.” 

“What a shithead.” Wynonna chuckled. “Middle child?”

“No, eldest.”

“Those can suck sometimes too.”

“I am the fourth and final Haught.” Nicole gave willingly, the conversation actually allowing her to continue her task.

“Well, I can tell you that the baby is always the best one.” Wynonna smiled. 

_ Waverly. She means Waverly _ . Nicole smiled too. 

“How did he do it? I mean, you seem-” Wynonna waved her hand up and down Nicole’s body. “Disciplined.” 

“He promised me money, power, and beautiful women.” Nicole deadpanned.

“Really?”

“No.”

“Then how?” Wynonna stepped forward this time, grabbing the handles on the wheel-barrow. “Think on an answer and I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Wynonna tottered off with the full load. Nicole should tell her the truth; especially if she was really going to rebuild. And if the woman was honest with herself, she had never told the full truth to anyone.  _ God my back hurts. _

“Alright, sock it to me Haught-sauce.” Wynonna dropped the now empty vessel back into its spot, her eyes no longer filled with pity. Nicole now saw interest. 

“I wanted to be a police officer-”

“Not with that record!” Wyonna interrupted and Nicole turned her head down to not say something in anger. “I’m sorry, go on.”

“I wanted to be a police officer. After doing a few ride-alongs in the Big-City, I knew I would have my work cut out for me. So, I got a gym membership and set my sights on getting in top physical shape while sending out applications to different academies. It was a dreary Tuesday in April when I received my first rejection letter. I was crushed so I went to the gym. I was doing way too many squats and I refused spotters, just kept doing rep after rep. I pulled a muscle in my lower back.”

Wynonna hummed, pulling a bucket from the wall to sit on it. Nicole just kept mucking and tried to keep her voice as even as possible.

“I refused to go to the doctor and sat around at home for days writhing in pain. I was ashamed of myself and scared I had hurt my back so bad it would ruin any future applications. Neal was in town and he popped by for a free meal; as was his usual M.O. between jail sentences. He always wanted to shoot up with me, kept going on about how it made him feel invincible. I somehow let him convince me, thinking it would only be once. It would lessen the pain in my back and I could get back to working hard. But you know what they say, Wynonna...”

Wynonna shook her head.

“It’s never just once. I was hooked instantly. From then on out we were inseparable; there wasn’t a day where I didn’t see him with a ‘big bag’ and a slanted smile. Two years of a drug-haze, one kind-ass sheriff, a mustachio-ed man, and now I am here.”

“Where is Neal?” 

“Dead.” Nicole huffed. “Overdose last month.”

“I’m sorry, Nicole.” Wynonna stepped forward, touching Nicole for the first time. She instinctively pulled away.

“Thank you.” Nicole shrugged. “For letting me work here. I am going to try and not let you down.”

“I don’t think you will.”

Nicole turned as a few silent tears dropped.

“Did you get in anywhere else?” Wynonna asked quietly. “Cop school, I mean.”

“No idea. I never checked my mail again.”

*****

**November 15th, 2020**

Sundays were the only days Nicole allowed herself to sleep until 6am. She technically was only contracted to work 5 days a week but Nicole worked all 7 anyway; despite Waverly’s protests. The hard work of the cattle ranch kept her grounded, sane. The cool air on Nicole’s face let her know her wood stove had died at some point in the night but she was not pressed to re-light it yet. Nicole was proudly snuggled under the warm quilt Waverly had made her last Christmas; too bad it didn’t smell like her anymore. That first couple weeks after her soul was filled with the scent of wildflowers. It was so comforting to wake up to her favorite smell that she was in a funk for most of February. Nicole even considered ripping it ‘accidently’ so that Waverly would repair it and renew the cherished smell. But that was over-indulgent.

A distant creak of the tool shed door let Nicole know Doc was up and about. The redhead felt mandated to get up now, the urge to work was like her urge to live; strong. She pulled herself out from under the quilt, swinging her feet to her cabin floor. Nicole stretched her arms to the sky and pulled herself to full height.  _ Coffee. _

Nicole let the machine brew as she pittered around her meager cabin. She had a strict routine of making the bed, tidying any mess, and filling her bathroom sink with warm water. Without routine her mind would run around on its own and Nicole refused to let that happen. A loud hiss and click let Nicole know her coffee was ready so she turned off the faucet and crossed back into her kitchen. Before she could grab the carafe, three quick knocks caused her to jump.

“Jesus Christ!” Nicole yelled, flipping her long red hair over a shoulder before crossing to her door and flinging it open. “John Henry Holliday, I swear you are-”

It wasn’t Doc standing on her porch. Waverly Earp was standing in front of her instead, her expression as shocked as Nicole’s. 

“Oh.” Nicole said, her voice instantly softening. “Waverly.”

The brunette was wearing green fishing boots, a loose pair of blue overalls with holes in the knees, one of Nicole’s white t-shirts, her deep green work jacket, holding two fishing rods in her left hand, and her hair pulled into two cute twin buns on either side of her head.  _ When did she steal one of my shirts and god, it looks so much better on her.  _

Nicole blinked. After four full years, how could Waverly get even  _ more _ adorable. It took the older woman’s breath away. If Nicole hadn’t been scared mere moments before she might have accidentally reached forward and kissed the woman.

“Uhhh-” Waverly responded, reaching out her free hand to point at Nicole’s torso. “How can I convince you to wear that when we all move the herd on Wednesday?”

Nicole looked down and noticed she was braless, in her boxers, and wearing a tight white undershirt; her nipples slightly showing through the fabric due the cold of November morning. Nicole felt her face warm but the appreciative to downright filthy look on Waverly’s face kept her from covering herself.

“Though-” Waverly's voice was confident as she squeezed by Nicole, dragging her free hand across the redhead's stomach. “I’d probably fall off another horse with that kind of distraction.”

Nicole didn’t think she would breath ever again.

“Close the door, silly. You are going to catch a cold.” Waverly expressed brightly from inside. 

Nicole shook her head and closed the door, noticing that Waverly had leaned the poles against her boot rack and was now pouring them both coffee. Her small hands grabbing one of Nicole’s wooden spoons out of a drawer, dipping it into her sugar canister for the exact amount Nicole liked. She stepped to where her dresser was located by her bed, pulling out a rolled flannel and flinging it over her shoulders. Before Nicole could ask why her crush was standing in her cabin, Waverly began humming angelically.  _ God, she is trying to kill me. _

“‘Strawberry Wine’ by Deana Carter, right?” Nicole offered, trying to sound normal.

Waverly just turned her head and grinned coly but continued to hum.

Nicole crossed her arms over her chest before walking over to her small kitchen table, sinking down in a chair.

“Do you have almond milk?” Waverly queried, adding way too many scoops of sugar to her own coffee mug.

“Always.” Nicole leaned in her chair to her small fridge, pulling out the carton. “Here.”

Waverly rotated and sat down a cup in front of Nicole and then her own in front of the chair next to the redhead. She began humming again, pouring the milk until the mug was almost overflowing. The carton was stashed back in the fridge in a flash and Waverly was stirring her cup carefully. 

“Perfect!”

“That you are.” Nicole replied accidentally. “You do. You always make perfect coffee, I mean.”

There was no mistaking how Nicole's slip up made Waverly feel. The younger Earp had gone from humming confidently to shyly biting her lower lip and quickly plopping down into her own chair.  _ Just ask her. _

"Are you going fishing today?" 

"Nope." Waverly carefully pulled her mug to her lips, blowing softly before taking a sip. A small moan of satisfaction following. " _ We _ are going fishing."

Nicole snorted. "I have work to do."

"Hogwash. You have done more than enough this week. And it's November, silly, brown trout season!" 

"Waverly-" 

"Don't you dare!" Waverly warned, her right pointer finger backed up with a playful glare. "You promised you would catch a brown trout for me."

Nicole laughed, sipping from her own mug. "I never promised you anything of the sort. The last time I caught a fish was 2015. Everyone knows the true fisherman of Peacemaker Farms is you."

"You are damn right." Waverly pulled her shoulders up and sighed happily. "But I never catch anything good unless you are there playing your guitar."

"Alright." Nicole agreed. "I'll fix the light in the hay barn tomorrow instead. But if Wynonna gets sassy, you deal with it."

A gleeful yelp shot out of Waverly’s mouth before she began gulping down her coffee with gusto.

"Slow down there Gord Pyzer; you are going to choke." Nicole laid a hand on Waverly's forearm and gave it a squeeze before standing up. "Let me get dressed and then I'll get the horses saddled up."

"Boo." Waverly huffed. "I guess it's too cold for you to go like that huh?"

"How very crass of you Waverly Earp, objectifying your own employees." Nicole accused in mock shock, moving towards her dresser again.

"I do not objectify, I  _ appreciate _ ." Waverly responded innocently, pulling a chunk of her own homemade cornbread from Nicole's stash. "And Doc is getting the horses ready for us."

*****

Nicole adjusted her stetson on her head as she tugged at Lottie to follow Dandelion down the sloped path to the water's edge. The path was well-worn with the two women coming to their 'secret' fishing spot almost weekly for 3 years now. Waverly didn't have to guide Dandelion but the old mare Lottie was getting lazier with age and Nicole worried if she didn't pay attention, the horse would go off trail and step in a gopher hole. Before long, the trees around the trail receded and the Ghost River sat babbly and cold in front of them. Nicole couldn't help but grin at the beauty of it all as Waverly turned to look at her, popping her own wide smile.

"You love it here, don't you?" Waverly said after a long moment, guiding Dandelion to the low tree they always tied the horses off at.

"Nothing cleanses the soul quite like the old Ghost." Nicole sighed, watching Waverly jump down expertly and tie off her filly. "I could probably stare at it for hours."

"I know how you feel." Waverly responded but she was staring at Nicole. Nicole turned her head, giving Waverly a confused look before the words fully dawned on her.  _ You are very flirty today Miss Earp. _ "Well, come on silly, I wanna catch a trout before noon!"

Nicole laughed and followed suit, adjusting the guitar case strapped to her back. After her years of seeking the big high, the time she spent with Waverly by the river felt borrowed. Almost like Nicole had made a deal with the devil and one day he would sprout from the center of the river and request her soul; pulling her back to hell and away from Waverly forever.  _ Is Doc right? Am I wasting my time keeping Waverly at arms length? _

"The river is special." Nicole whispered to herself, petting Lottie softy. Then she turned to Waverly. She watched as the gorgeous woman focused on detangling her lure from her line, her tongue slightly out of her mouth with her brow furrowed in concentration. "But you mean so much more."

"What?" Waverly looked at her, fishing line tangled around her fingers.

"Nothing! Just talking to Lottie." Nicole replied, removing her guitar from her back as she carefully crossed the bank to the rock she always sat on.

"I guess you have to do that."

"Why?"

"Otherwise she might throw you into a ravine too!" Waverly joked, finally reeling in her untangled line. "Are you taking requests?"

"Sure!" Nicole responded, pulling her mahogany Gibson guitar into position. She let her calloused fingers run their way across the fret-board before beginning to tune each string. Nicole heard the whip and whir of Waverly’s first cast. "But if I don't know the song then I will play the beginning of 'Smoke on the Water' over and over again."

"Please don't. Wynonna hated me for weeks after I taught you that. And knowing her, she would hear you and ruin our alone time."

"Ok." Nicole chuckled as she tuned the final string. "Then pick something I know."

"'Meet in the Middle' by Diamond Rio?" Waverly asked, puppy dog eyes on full display.

Nicole didn't even respond as her fingers formed the G chord. Her eyes kept to the guitar as she played the intro but once she sang the first line, she tilted up to watch Waverly fish.

**"It was seven hundred fence posts from your place to ours**

**Neither one of us was old enough to drive a car**

**Sometimes it was raining, sometimes it would shine**

**We wore out that gravel road between your house and mine."**

Waverly was relaxed as she flung out her next cast. Her left hand was firm on the handle of the rod while her right latched the spool and lightly pulled on the rod, mimicking a quick movement of the small fish the spinner represented. Nicole drawled through the chorus, watching how expertly Waverly spun the reel, her foot tapping deliciously to Nicole's strums.

**"I'd start walking your way**

**You'd start walking mine**

**We'd meet in the middle**

**'Neath that old Georgia pine"**

Waverly’s beautiful voice joined in as Nicole hit the second half of the chorus.

**"We'd gain a lot of ground**

**'Cause we'd both give a little**

**And there ain't no road too long**

**When you meet in the middle"**

Nicole was enraptured by Waverly and forgot to come in on the second verse, forcing herself to play the chords again. Before she could right her error fully, Waverly spoke.

"Can I ask for something from you?"

Nicole kept playing but did not sing, instead feeling anxiety catch in her throat.  _ You already have my heart.  _ "Sure, of course Waverly."

"It's important you keep it a secret." Waverly cast again, the click of the reel forcing Nicole to swallow. "From Wynonna, Doc, Gus-"

"Sure, your secret is safe with me." Nicole stopped playing, trying to show Waverly that she had all of her attention.

Waverly shifted her weight from her right to her left then back to her right. She cast again. "Please keep playing."

Nicole instantly strummed, picking up the melody of the chorus. 

"I need you to promise no questions. No expectations." Waverly’s voice was wavering and it concerned to Nicole.

"You have my word Waverly."

Waverly stopped reeling and turned, her hazel eyes meeting Nicole’s browns.

"I need you to drive me to the Big-City on Tuesday. We will be gone all morning. I will let Wynonna and Doc know."

"What time do you need me to be ready?" Nicole kept strumming, so many questions floating around in her mind. 

"7:30am." 

Nicole nodded before repeating the interlude. She wanted to ask why but she crushed the question before it could escape her mouth; singing the 2nd verse instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Please share them with me. I love getting comments and I am going to try my best to respond to each and every one of them.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Medical talk in this chapter. All symptoms are from my own experience. If you feel like something is wrong with your body and are fiscally able, please see a doctor.

**November 17th, 2020**

"Hello Ms. Earp, my name is Dr. Placer. How are you doing this morning?"

Waverly so badly wanted to respond negatively. Instead she smiled weakly, scooching herself around uncomfortably on the medical examination bed, the sanitation paper scratching awkwardly. She took a moment to notice the trusting eyes of her long-time Gynecologist looking back at her, the woman's dark hair contrasting with the harsh fluorescent lighting. 

"It's nice to see you." The woman said pleasantly, sitting down on her rolling stool with Waverly's file in her hands.

"I'd return the sentiment but you know-" Waverly squeaked, leaning forward to shake the stirrups connected to the end of the table. 

Dr. Placer smiled professionally, dipping her head to the side. "Are you doing ok?"

Waverly shrugged, internally chastising herself for making this stupid appointment. 

"I checked your chart and I usually see you in the spring-time. And your birth control prescription doesn't end until 2022." 

"Yeah, I just love it here. So warm, so much fun." Waverly sounded more like Wynonna than she meant to, deciding to wave her hand in apology.

"It's ok, Waverly." Dr. Placer placed a hand on her knee. "What brings you in?"

Waverly swallowed and closed her eyes, trying to catalog all her concerns by date. The pain, the missed periods, the spotting; it was all jumbled in her anxiety addled brain.  _ Why didn't I write this down. You are a planner Waverly, you make the best lists. Why didn't I ask Nicole to sit in here with me. Right, because you really want her first sight of your lady bits to be chaperoned by Dr. Placer and the speculum.  _

"Don't be embarrassed, give me all the dirty details."

So Waverly talked while Dr. Placer took hand-written notes. Waverly's periods had been all over the place for the past couple months but she figured it was just because she had been stressed with the farm's expansion expenses. There was random spotting, constant thick clear discharge, and the cramping was far worse than it has ever been. The cherry on-top of her worry sundae was waking up every night in the last week in pain that would make her bowels react like she ate all the Chili at the '05 cook-off. She called her regular doctor in Purgatory and babbled her symptoms at him; he recommended that she see Dr. Placer. 

"I know he isn't a Gynecologist but he said something about inflammation. And I don't know, knowing me and my family it's probably something way worse. So I am super nervous. So nervous I asked Nicole, you don't know her but she's wonderful, to drive me because she is the only person in the world who grounds me and makes me feel safe. I could hold her hand and listen to her voice forever and know everything is fine but she's in the waiting room and I am in here with you and I love her, you know?"

"Well." Dr. Placer was grinning wider than Waverly had ever seen and it made her cover her mouth in embarrassment.  _ Why do I ramble when I'm nervous?  _ "I wrote a lot of that down. Except the declaration of love-- which brings me to my questions. Are you currently sexually active?"

"No."

Dr. Placer nodded her head knowingly. Waverly could tell she was going to ignore her Nicole babble.

"Is this the first time you've experienced unusual cycles and menstrual pain?"

"Weird cycles, yes. Pain, no. But this is worse?" Waverly responded.

"Where is the pain located?"

Waverly pointed to below her belly button and moved it around like she was stirring her own insides. She then watched the doctor flip through her file, humming to herself lightly. Uncomfortable tingles worked their way up Waverly’s back as she felt her pulse thump rigorously under the skin of her wrists.

"Ok, Waverly. I am not going to assume anything until I run a few tests. First I will do a pelvic exam with a Pap Smear in a few minutes. Then I am going to write you up a radiology and blood work order for the center down at the corner of Belt and 13th. It is a walk-in clinic so you can go there right after this appointment if you so choose."

"Ok." Waverly nodded, filing all the information into her mind.  _ I like plans. _

"I should get all your tests back before Thanksgiving and we will make a plan then. Any questions?" Dr. Placer placed her clipboard down.

"You don't think I am crazy do you?"

"No ma'am. I am glad you came in."

*****

Waverly loved watching Nicole drive. The redheaded woman always used both hands, her eyes constantly darting between mirrors and the road. Soft features situated in confident focus; it made Waverly feel like she was precious cargo. A much friendlier experience than the speed demon antics of Wynonna and Doc. 

"Corner of Belt and?" Nicole drawled.

"13th." Waverly responded. "Dr. Placer said there is free walk-in parking underneath the building if you turn down 12th and come around."

"I do love me some free parking." Nicole grinned, taking her eyes off the road briefly to gaze at Waverly with glinty browns. “And the jeep will be safer parked in a parking deck instead of on the street.”

If Waverly didn't know better she would have been fooled into thinking that Nicole wasn’t worried about these Doctor appointments. Nicole portrayed herself as calm and relaxed, almost like Waverly had asked her to go shopping. It was alluring to know Nicole was worried but was respecting her wish for regularity. It was exactly what Waverly wanted and she found herself leaning closer, wanting more of the easy stability her driver was providing. Waverly was intoxicated by it.

"We have to go to the 4th floor for one test and then the 6th for the other." Waverly stated before faltering, glancing at the time. "I am sorry, I didn't know we would be gone this long."

"No apologies. It's why I brought my book." Nicole's voice was light but Waverly could still pick out the hint of concern. “Besides, this is all I had planned today.”

Waverly glanced down at the console between them, a well-worn copy of " _ Crossfire Trail"  _ by Louis L'Amour sitting against her water bottle. Waverly smiled, she loved how much Nicole had leaned into Westerns after coming to work for her and Wynonna. It was comforting knowing her Dad’s old books were being used to distract Nicole.

The ranch hand turned the jeep into the underground parking garage and took a ticket from the machine. Pulling around the pillars, she parked it in a designated spot for radiology walk-ins. Waverly watched the older woman grab her book and open her door before she stopped and turned.

"Waverly, what is our cover story?"

"I thought I specified no questions." Waverly teased.

Nicole got out and slammed her door, temporarily hurting Waverly's feelings. But she watched her cross around the front and open her passenger door with a chivalrous wave of her hand.

"I was thinking we could say it was for 'Heroin Anonymous' meetings.” Nicole said seriously, her eyes looking deeply into Waverly's. “That you are my sponsor." 

"No, we can't do that." Waverly shook her head, stepping out of the jeep. "Wynonna might fire you if she thinks you relapsed."

Nicole didn't respond quick enough for Waverly's brain, and the brunette's eyes went wide.  _ Did Nicole relapse? _ She reached out and grabbed Nicole, pulling her in for a deep hug. 

"Waverly." Nicole softly spoke, her arms wrapping around Waverly's shoulders. "I didn't relapse."

"Oh?" Waverly was breathless, it was like Nicole had read her mind.

"Yep, still clean."

"I thought I was an inconsiderate ass, having you drive me all around town when you may have needed me to sponsor you is all." Waverly still clutched to the woman, cursing herself for making Nicole feel even a smidgen bad about her former addiction. This was something Waverly never held against Nicole and she didn't want to start now. 

"You aren't at all inconsiderate. Hell, you are super considerate. The most considerate." Nicole pulled back, russet eyes swimming with affection. Waverly wanted to kiss her,  _ again. _

"Then why use that as an excuse?" Waverly questioned. 

"Only thing I know that will take everyone's questions totally off of you." Nicole responded, her face sincere.

The gravity of the admission hit Waverly like a truck. Nicole was willing to risk being seen as having relapsed just so Waverly wouldn't be questioned.  _ She doesn't even know what these appointments are for. How does she know it’s serious? I don’t even know if it’s serious.  _ It dawned on Waverly that Nicole just knew it was serious to  _ her. _

Affection bloomed in Waverly's chest, pushing all her nerves for the day to the side. She grabbed onto the fabric of Nicole's flannel just below her shoulders and pulled lightly, bringing their bodies together with a light gasp escaping Nicole. Once they were flush, her left hand drifted to Nicole's cheek, caressing the soft skin between her nose and lips with the pad of her thumb. Nicole leaned into her hand instantly, her eyes closed while their heightened breathing mixed. Waverly felt like her body was being controlled by her heart; Nicole's reaction to her touch only spurred her hand to move to the nape of the woman's neck, feeling her ponty-tail brush lightly. Suddenly Waverly felt Nicole's strong fingers grasp onto her waist, a moan erupting from deep in her chest at the contact. A thumb was rubbing circles on her left hip-bone and Waverly forgot where they were.

Nicole's eyes were open suddenly and Waverly saw how they had darkened to a deep, rich brown; the want ever present as they darted down to look at her mouth. Waverly's body was on fire and her only urge was to pull her in and kiss her so deeply that Nicole would never leave her.

"May I-" Nicole asked gravelly, making Waverly’s knees feel weak.

Before Waverly could answer a loud honk echoed through the garage and the women shot apart. Nicole used the jeep for stability, pushing herself back to full height before letting out a shaky laugh. Waverly joined in, cursing the honk internally for ruining what was probably going to be the best kiss of her life.

“Big-City is loud, huh?” Waverly filled the space.

“Yeah.”

Nicole clicked the key fob, locking the jeep with a beep. "May I use that as an excuse? The HA meeting, I mean." Nicole gulped, looking at Waverly like she was caught doing something inappropriate.

"No, I can't let you take that risk. Just tell anyone who asks that I swore you to secrecy."

Waverly knew the moment was lost and Nicole's walls were back up. If she was being honest with herself, the moment was probably not right for either of them. The impending kiss though, the smaller woman knew it would have been electric. And now she had 100% confirmation that Nicole wanted her, wanted this. That gave her the energy to calm her nerves.

"I'm sorry." Nicole almost whispered.

Waverly smiled and stepped forward, pushing Nicole towards the elevator.

"I'm not."

*****

**September 3, 2016**

Nicole pulled her front door shut with her foot, leaning to her right to place her bowl of oatmeal and coffee on her porch table. She let out a deep, satisfying yawn before stretching her arms fully towards the frame allowing her fingers to graze the painted wood. Nicole loved this little cabin, it’s deep burgundy paint job had grown on her in the couple months she had lived in it. She let her arms drop and began buttoning her plain baby-blue short-sleeved work shirt before stuffing it down her dark levi’s. Doc had taken her shopping after she paid off her court fees and Nicole finally had a few meager outfits to her name. SHe grinned, her right hand drifting up to her white stetson at the thought of Doc Holliday. He had bought it for her as a thank you for working so hard during the August hay harvest. She didn’t think she’d ever forget the pride in his eyes after he had placed it on her head. The stupid mustache curing in appreciation as he told her she was a real ranch hand now. 

Nicole turned and sat in her chair, pushing it to sit next to the table instead of pointed towards it. She was waiting to see Waverly exit the homestead and go on her morning walk, an integral part to her morning routine on her days off. Waverly always left around 7am and would give Nicole the most breathtaking smile and wave without fail. An intense crush had formed in Nicole’s soul for the youngest Earp and while she knew she couldn’t act on it, it didn’t stop it from existing all the same. She grabbed her bowl and fork, beginning her struggle to shovel the oatmeal into her face.  _ I should have asked Waverly for some raisins.  _ The contract at Peacemaker Farms was generous as it provided food and lodging separate from the higher than average Ranch Hand pay. Nicole was unsure what she had done to the universe for giving her such a lucky break but she didn’t want to jinx it, so she worked as hard as possible to make up for her short-comings. 

Nicole heard a familiar slam coming from the back-side of the Homestead and her heart swelled.  _ Pavlov’s grinning in his grave, Haught _ . Before long, Waverly’s figure came bounding around the side of her home in brown and teal cowboy boots, tight jeans, and white blouse tied up into a crop top. Nicole’s mouth watered.  _ Pavlov indeed. _ Nicole kept shoveling in her breakfast, trying to sit still and seem unaffected. But when she looked back towards the woman their eyes made contact, an innocent grin spreading across the brunette’s features as she waved. Soft and friendly, so unlike any wave Nicole had ever experienced. Unlike before, Waverly turned and began walking toward Nicole instead of the trail.  _ God, you are so fucked. _

“Good morning, Ms. Haught.” Waverly’s voice sounded like sweet iced tea tastes.

“Hi, Ms. Earp.” Nicole stood, removing her hat. “It is a wonderful morning. Would you like to sit?”

“Please call me Waverly.” She leaned against Nicole’s porch rail, her hands clasped gently in front of her body. “No thank you, I like to stand in the morning to get the blood going. And please, eat your breakfast.”

“I can do that, Waverly.” Nicole placed her hat back on and returned to sit. “As long as you call me Nicole.”

“Nicole.”

_ Why does your name sound so much better in her voice? _

Nicole smiled dumbly before fumbling for her oatmeal bowl, beginning to shovel more into her mouth. Waverly watched with interest and Nicole saw a thousand different ideas float across her features. Nicole couldn’t pick out what Waverly was thinking so she offered up her own.

“Would you like some?”

“No, thank you. I am just amused watching you eat.” Waverly smiled again.

“Oh-” Nicole remembered her fork and felt a sudden need to explain. “I am sorry, eating with a fork is kind of neanderthal-ish. I just can’t use spoons because uh-- well--”

“It’s cute.” Waverly placed up a hand to signal Nicole to stop worrying. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I understand.”

Warm heat soared up Nicole’s body and hammered hard in the back of her skull. Nicole racked her brain of the previous two months she had spent on the farm. Not once had she discussed her issues with the woman.  _ She just knows and god, she doesn’t care. _ Waverly was not of this world.

“But what if I wanted to explain?”

Waverly pursed her lips in thought, her almost calm demeanor disarming Nicole.

“Then you’d explain. But unlike my sister, I don’t expect anything from you.”

Nicole blinked.

“Wow-”

A crash of wood and hooves pulled Nicole’s attention away before she could say anything stupid in response. Waverly herself tensed before she stepped forward quickly, grabbing Nicole’s arm in response. Their eyes met. 

“Sounded like the horse paddock.” Nicole offered, touching Waverly’s hand in an attempt to comfort the younger woman. 

“I should check, Doc and Wynonna left for town early this morning.”

“I can help.”

“Yeah.” Waverly’s eyes were blown out, fear etched.

“I’ll come with you.” Nicole reassured. 

Nicole stood to full height and turned, stepping into her brown boots by her door. She put her elbow out for Waverly, the small woman took it instantly and they made their way to the paddock as quickly as Nicole felt Waverly could manage. Once they were around the barn, Nicole noticed the mare Lottie was half over the broken fence with her back foot caught in the wire, pinning her awkwardly against the barn. Waverly gasped. 

“Damn it, Lottie.” Nicole groaned, letting go of Waverly and approaching the mare. “You know you can’t jump for shit.”

Once she was within 5ft, Lottie began to struggle and neigh in fear. Nicole felt her heart twist at the sight.

“Waverly, go to the tool barn and grab the wire shears. They are thick with yellow handles.”

Waverly didn’t move though, she was stuck to her spot in a mix of sadness and fear. 

“Waverly.” Nicole commanded.

“Got it.” 

Nicole put out her palms and crossed slowly towards Lottie, soothing “Hi old girl, it’s going to be ok.”

After a few tense moments Lottie stilled and Nicole reached out, petting her head and neck with her hands while her eyes surveyed her leg. The mare was definitely stuck but it didn’t look like the wire broke the skin yet. A soft gasp let Nicole know Waverly had returned so she placed a hand out behind her while still trying to comfort Lottie.

“Come slowly and place them in my hand.”

“I can’t.”

Nicole turned her head, noticing how badly Waverly was shaking.  _ She’s scared of horses?  _ This thought took Nicole by surprise since she saw all the blue award ribbons in the living room of the Homestead. Waverly Earp’s name graced them all.  _ Think Nicole.  _

“Horses can sleep both standing up and lying down.” Nicole offered, trying to break tension.

Waverly let out a shaky breath and Nicole chuckled lightly, looking back at the mare. But Waverly didn’t speak.

“Horses are herbivores.” Nicole could see the effect her simple horse facts were having on the woman. She just hoped Waverly wasn’t offended.

“Doc told me that horse hooves are made from the same stuff our fingernails are made of.”

Waverly giggled slightly.

“Lottie likes apples way better than carrots.” Nicole offered next. “You could get some?”

“No she prefers carrots. She just likes her carrots peeled and cut up.” Waverly’s voice was higher than normal but strong.

“What a drama queen. Uhhhh- Horses have almost 360 degree vision but they do have blind spots. If you come towards me from the right, Lottie won’t be about to see you.” 

“Ok.” Waverly returned as she tentatively stepped around and came up to Nicole from the right; the redhead adjusted her body to block Lottie from seeing Waverly’s advance. Soon Nicole felt the cool metal of the shears placed in her hand and she waited for sounds of Waverly backing away before she leaned. It took a few minutes of calm pets and quick snipping before Nicole freed Lottie’s leg. The ranch hand moved back up to the front of the horse, tugging at her head and mane until she finally got footing and freed herself from the fence.

“Whoa girl, whoa.” Nicole soothed, moving her body in and out of danger as Lottie tested her own footing. “I wish Doc would remember to put a bridle on when he lets the horses out in the morning, it would make doing this a lot easier.”

“I’m sorry.” Waverly returned, still standing off to the side.

“Why?”

“I was the one who used to take care of the horses.”

“Doesn’t mean the old man ain’t a slacker.” Nicole teased, looking over the mare as she walked. Nicole couldn’t see any issues but she mentally noted to ask Doc to take a look when he returned. She clicked at Lottie to follow her to the paddock gate, letting her back inside. Once the mare was safely in, she turned and closed the gate before crossing back to Waverly. “I will fix the fence before Wynonna gets back. She will be none the wiser.”

Waverly looked at Nicole expectantly but she just held her gaze, smiling in a way that she knew her dimples would show. Nicole just wanted Waverly to feel comfortable.

“No questions?” Waverly’s face was unreadable now.

“We all have secrets Waverly.” Nicole let herself get lost in Waverly’s sad hazels. “You are late for your walk. Don’t let me keep you.”

“Alright.” Waverly shook her head in agreement and began walking away as Nicole turned to the fence.

“Do you think you could tell me more horse facts later?”

“Sure.” Nicole agreed, secretly hoping she could get Doc to take her to the library later. If Waverly wanted horse facts, she would provide.

“Good.” Waverly began walking again. “I think it will help."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?
> 
> Please leave comments! They make me happy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song credit to "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift.

**October 25, 2016**

Waverly came bounding down the stairs of the homestead two at a time singing happily to herself. The music in her headphones drown out Wyonna’s greeting as she enthusiastically sings into one of her trophies like it's a microphone.

**“** **But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts**

**She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers**

**Dreamin' 'bout the day when you wake up and find**

**That what you're looking for has been here the whole time--”**

“WYNONNA!” Waverly screams as she crashes into a mane of brown and leather. She removes her headphones sheepishly while looking down at Wynonna’s dirty boots instead of her face. “You know I hate it when you wear those inside.”

“Well I hate T-Swizzle so we are even.” Wynonna scowls holding an empty bottle of cheap whiskey in her hand and the smell was already hitting Waverly’s nostrils. Her jaw tightened, it is never good if Wynonna is drunk by midday. “Did you even hear me? Wave?”

_Of course not. I was imagining red hair and saddle leather._ _Not my drunk sister on a warpath._

“Waverly?”

“What-” She snapped, rolling the trophy around in her hands before crossing to the kitchen table, slumping in a chair. A flash of guilt crosses her mind and she decides maybe she can play nice with drunk Wynonna. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

Wynonna glares at her steely then drops her gaze to the trophy. “I said, Doc told me you were going on a ride with Haught to the far fences.”

“Yeah, so.” She scoffed, playing absent-mindedly with the plastic gold cowboy hat perched on top of the figure of the trophy. “I finished the expenses, lunch was served, and I aced my online Latin exam. I think I can go to the far fences.”

“I’m not your mother babygirl, I don’t care about your chores. What I do care about is why you are going out  _ alone _ with-” Wynonna waved her hand back and forth as a stand in for what Waverly knew was Nicole’s name. Waverly felt a sudden anger at the implication. “-You know. And I am worried that may not be the best idea.”

“Excuse me, what?” Waverly fumed, slamming the trophy down and coming face to face with her sister. 

“You know. Don’t make me say it. I just need you to stick around here at the homestead instead. I’ll send Doc.” Wynonna tried to appease, stumbling backwards a tad.

Waverly wasn’t having any of this. She had been floating on cloud nine since Nicole had asked her if she wanted to patrol the far fences. Nicole was up front that if Waverly felt uncomfortable, that Doc would take her instead. The redhead practically had a nervous breakdown explaining that it would just be a test for all the work they had been doing to get Waverly back on a horse. Ever since the accident Waverly was too afraid to even look at Lottie and now, after weeks of gentle coaxing, Nicole had convinced her to climb onto Lottie’s back. What surprised her the most was that the redhead didn’t even know why she was scared, she just worked with her fears. Nicole would ramble off random horse facts as Waverly reacquainted herself with Lottie. Even though Waverly knew most of the information it had turned into her  _ thing  _ with Nicole. The whole thing was sweet; Nicole always checked Waverly’s comfort levels. Something that Wynonna never took into consideration. Her sister always tried to make it her way or the highway. Wonderful, strong, sweet, nice, gentle Nicole. Waverly had never trusted anyone so quickly.

“You are right, Wynonna.” Waverly set her eyes on her sister, refusing to step back.

“Good.” Wynonna huffed, her shoulders falling. “I knew you’d see it my way.”

“You aren’t my mother. You can’t tell me what to do so I will go to the far fences with Nicole if I want to.”

Wynonna groaned, pulling an unsteady finger up to Waverly’s nose, frustration in her eyes. “You don’t know her.”

“You hired her.”

“She’s good at the job.” Wynonna protested. “A great employee.”

“She is. She is also my-” Waverly breathed in, not quite knowing how to categorize her. “Friend.”

“No, she is our resident junkie who happens to be good at manual labor.” Wynonna yells. “I don’t think you should be  _ friends _ with her.”

Waverly feels her stomach sink at the cruelness of her sister's words. Tears and anger rise up in its place and Wynonna's eyes go wide as Waverly feels fire erupt from her throat.

"That is really rich coming from the resident alcoholic. Get sober for once, Wynonna. Then we'll talk."

Waverly didn't wait around for a response, she grabbed her boots and dashed out the front door beelining for the horse barn. About halfway there she stepped on a sharp rock and screamed out in frustration, dropping her boots to the ground before struggling to step into them.

"Miss Waverly?"

"Don't you dare talk to me John Henry Holliday." Waverly spat, looking up to see Doc standing with his hat in his hands. "And don't you dare let  _ her  _ follow me or I so swear to God-"

Doc rolled the brim of his hat anxiously, shaking his head like his life depended on it. Waverly finished getting on her boots with a huff and started off towards the barn again. With a violent fling, she opened the door and saw Nicole flipping a saddle up onto Percy, Doc's stallion. Waverly shut the barn door just as hard, flipping her hair out of her face and turning back towards the ranch hand.

"Wave?" Nicole asked tentatively, standing with her full attention on the brunette. Waverly assessed the woman's body language; Nicole looked surprised but stood tall, like she was ready to protect Waverly at a moment's notice. She didn't look dangerous.  _ How could Wynonna think this woman would hurt me?  _

Waverly couldn't stop her feet from crossing the barn and flinging her into Nicole with fervor. The tears began flowing freely now and the sob stuck in her chest erupted from her mouth as Nicole leaned into the hug. Waverly wanted to scream, to yell but one of Nicole’s hands went up into her hair and Waverly listened to Nicole console her with soft 'shhs' and 'its oks.' 

"Nicole-" Waverly didn't recognize her own voice, the strangled sadness of its timbre foreign to her. Normally when she cried, she cried alone.

"It's ok. I got you." Nicole cooed, her voice deep with concern. “What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Waverly leaned further into Nicole, pushing their bodies flush. She noticed how well her head fit underneath the redhead's chin, so she nuzzled in and breathed.  _ Vanilla and earth. _ The ranch hand began rubbing her back, a soothing gesture that had Waverly opening the grip her hands had on the back of Nicole's shirt. Suddenly her own palms were open, feeling the tension in the strong muscles of Nicole’s back. The feeling sent heat straight to her stomach and Waverly was left wondering how Nicole could be so comforting yet so sexy at the same time.

"Want to hear a horse fact?"

"Sure." Waverly giggled into Nicole's neck, causing the older woman to sigh.

"Horses don't have collar bones." Nicole said softly.

Waverly pulled back and looked up, instantly catching big brown eyes and soft dimples. "You have a collar bone."

Nicole laughed deeply and Waverly internally cursed herself.  _ Did you just try to flirt with her? _

"Well, duh. And now you are now well acquainted with it." Nicole nodded down to the small wet spot Waverly’s tears left at the crook of Nicole’s neck.

Waverly giggled, pushing Nicole slightly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Nicole replied, reaching forward and pushing a strand of hair behind Waverly’s ear. "Can I tell you something that my grandad used to tell me before he died?"

"Sure."

Nicole breathed in, "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok then it's not the end."

*****

Nicole’s torso still tingled from when Waverly had jumped her in the barn over an hour ago. It had thrown the ranch hand for a loop as mere minutes before Doc was telling her he was probably coming to the fences instead of Waverly and she had volunteered to get Doc's horse ready as a way to deal with the pain of changed plans. But now she was riding Percy a few paces behind Lottie, admiring the ease at which Waverly guided the old mare through the thicket of the pine barrens. Curiosity bit at the tendrils of Nicole's brain but respect kept it at bay.  _ Waverly will tell you what she wants, when she wants. No more, no less. _ Waverly was the most powerful thing in her life now and if Nicole was going to do better, she had to be the woman she had always wanted to be and not the one she had been. 

Waverly and Lottie suddenly turned left down a small rarely used trail and Nicole clicked to Percy to follow. About a half mile later, the women came to a clearing and a deep ravine; Nicole stood up in the saddle and saw huge rocks and a stream down below. Looking over at Waverly she tried her best not to ask but the questions sat intrusively on her tongue.

"This is where Lottie threw me."

"Oh." Nicole looked again, trying to figure out how deep it all was. 

"Momma left us when I was 4 years old. She told Daddy she was going into town for groceries and she never came back. Daddy- well- he decided drinking was a better venture than parenting so Willa raised Wynonna and I instead while my uncle Curtis and his best friend Shorty took care of the ranch. It was like Daddy kept drinking while Willa kept us sane. One day, when I was 14, I came home to find Daddy dead in the garden."

Nicole tilted on the reins, bringing Percy as close to Lottie as she could. Then she reached up and removed her hat, perching it on the saddle horn. Nicole tilted her head softly to urge Waverly to continue.

"All natural causes that were exasperated by his love for whiskey. Wynonna lost it and stopped following the ranch hands around like a curious puppy. She drank, she drugged, and she stole. And well, Willa lost custody of Wynonna. She was in and out of foster homes until she was an adult. So it was just Willa and I."

"I'm so sorry."

"Willa pushed me to follow in Momma's footsteps and try barrel racing. I had a knack for the sport and Lottie needed an outlet other than moving cattle. We were a dynamite team, taking first in most of the local and province competitions. I loved it and it was the only thing that Wynonna would come and watch me do. I think she missed Momma just as much as the rest of us." Waverly sighed and Nicole watched her hazels mist at the memory. 

"But life isn't fair when you are an Earp. When I was 17, Uncle Curtis died just as Wynonna left for Greece to 'find herself.'; leaving Gus, Willa, and I the cattle ranch. Instead of going to College, I stayed behind and became the ranch manager full time so that Willa and Gus could work with the ranch hands. I started doing online classes in order to make something of myself, all the while hoping that Wynonna would come home and we could all be a family again."

"That is a hard go of it." Nicole lamented, placing her hand onto Waverly's shoulder for comfort. She felt the tension release under her touch and it sent butterflies fluttering into her chest.

"On my 19th birthday Willa drove into town to get me a new lasso as a present. With everything going on she had forgotten it was my birthday and wanted to make up for it. She was speeding and lost control of her truck and flipped it. The Sheriff's department said she died on impact and didn’t feel a thing." Waverly broke down, her sobs filling the ravine with a soft echo. Nicole felt her heart reach out to the younger woman, only able to squeeze her hand again to let her know she was there. "Being an Earp-- it's like a curse, you know?"

“I can get that.” Nicole said softly. “What happened next?”

“Sheriff called Gus and I heard her wail from inside the house. Something snapped inside of me and I burst and climbed onto Lottie bareback, pushing her hard along this trail. Somehow, in my grief I guided her down this trail towards the ravine. It was dusk, the visibility was even worse with my tears that I didn’t see the drop off. Lottie noticed it at the last possible moment and threw me. I broke my right leg in three places.”

“How did they find you?” Nicole breathed.

“Doc found me. It was before Wynonna hired him as a ranch hand. He was contracted by Gus to curb the deer population and he just happened to be in the woods mapping out where to put tree stands. He said something drew him to look into the ravine. And boom, there I was.” Waverly laughed awkwardly, looking over at Nicole with puffy hazels. Nicole still felt her chest tighten as Waverly studied her face, the silence connecting the women in a way Nicole had never experienced.

“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that. It must have been hard for you to tell me.” 

Waverly’s sad smile broke and her features lit up with warmth very much like the first day she had met Nicole. She adjusted herself in her saddle. “I do, you know.”

“What?” Nicole asked.

“Trust you.”

It felt like the warmth Nicole just witnessed jumped from Waverly into her own body, heating up every joint with tingly happiness. It spread around, encompassing every muscle and crevice. Nicole’s entire body felt euphoric. The feeling was  _ too _ familiar and it scared Nicole, her head dropping down and her heart suddenly pounding. Waverly’s face changed, the younger woman noticing Nicole’s reaction.

“Did I say something wrong?”

Nicole considered lying but Waverly had just told her story, there was no way she could disrespect that trust. “No, I just-- I had a familiar feeling.”

Nicole heard Waverly adjust herself on her saddle again. “Do you feel comfortable enough to talk about it?”

_ Fuck it. _

“Sure.” Nicole leaned forward to rub Percy’s head for a little more confidence. “When you told me that you trusted me-- it uh-- sent a feeling through my body that reminded me of what it feels like right after I would shoot up.”

Nicole turned to Waverly, knowing she was going to see some sort of disgust. Instead she was met with a look of curiosity and... happiness? 

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

Nicole hadn’t thought of it; she was too focused on Waverly thinking she was only drug focused. She searched herself for any sign of the urge, the one she usually felt when she was alone in her cabin after a long day. It wasn’t there. Instead she only found an urge to hug Waverly. She honestly didn’t know which was scarier.

“I think it’s a good thing.”

“Good.” Waverly smiled softly. “I never want to cause you pain.”

“Then can I be honest with you again?” Nicole dared.

“Of course.”

“I am scared I might cause you pain.”

*****

**November 24, 2020**

“I think it’s pretty shitty of you to push me on this when you won’t even go drinking with Wynonna alone.”

“I already explained this to you, Haught.” Doc replied slowly. “Miss Waverly likes you back unlike Wynonna. Every person in Purgatory, hell Alberta, knows she already has a husband.”

Nicole snorted and stopped peeling the large russet potato in her hand. Waverly had kindly asked Nicole and Doc to peel all the potatoes for the large batch of mashed potatoes she was delivering to the Purgatory soup kitchen for Thanksgiving. The afternoon was not too cool so the pair set up shop next to the water pump by Nicole’s cabin as this allowed Doc to wash and Nicole to peel.

“Whiskey?”

“Whiskey.”

A small westerly breeze blew through as Nicole went back to her peeler, hoping that Doc would drop the subject of Waverly all together. She did not need his pressure on top of what she had experienced the prior week inside of the parking garage with the girl herself.  _ She actually wants you. _ The encounter has been living inside her mind for a week now, replaying it’s revealing beauty to her. But if Nicole was honest, really honest with herself, she knew Waverly wanted her all along.  _ But do you deserve her? _ Nicole grumbled at her insecurity as her mind drifted to the Gynecologist and Radiologists offices. She was trying her best not to dwell on why Waverly had wanted her to take her and keep it a secret. So many possibilities floated through her mind but it always drifted back to the feeling of Waverly’s hands gripped in her shirt as her hazel eyes dipped from her own to look sensually at her lips.

“Haught?” Doc interrupted. 

“Yeah?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

Nicole shook her head and gave her friend an apologetic smile.

“I asked why you and Miss Waverly went to town last week. Wynonna has been very keen to know.” 

Nicole grimaced,  _ Of course Wynonna wants to know. Miss ‘I don’t give a fuck’ unless its about Waverly then ‘I give a fuck’ Earp. _

“I kind of want to know as well. Especially if it is a surprise. I do hate surprises.” Doc chuckled, washing two potatoes at a time.

“I was sworn to secrecy.” Nicole said as nonchalantly as she could muster. 

“Ok. That works for me but I would avoid Wynonna. She has been calling all over town trying to figure out what you two were up to.”

“She has got to learn to trust Waverly.” Nicole spat, finding her annoyance with her boss bubbling up. 

“Nicole?”

Nicole jumped, Waverly was suddenly standing over her with tears flowing down her cheeks. She stood immediately and reached for her. “Oh my god, are you ok?”

Doc stood as well, pulling his hat from his head. “Miss Waverly?”

“Just Nicole.”

Doc went to protest but Nicole kicked him. 

“Take this all inside will you?” Nicole commanded. “And Doc?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell Wynonna.”

Doc nodded as Nicole grabbed onto Waverly, guiding her towards her cabin door. Suddenly the brunette stopped and pulled her towards the jeep instead. 

“I want to go to Shorty’s.”

Nicole wanted to protest but her soft fingers intertwined with her own and all rational thought flew away. 

“Whatever you need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Setting up the dominoes my friends!
> 
> Let me know what you think! I appreciate you all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three songs of mention and lyric in this chapter.
> 
> "Country Girl (Shake it for Me)" by Luke Bryan
> 
> "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash
> 
> "Dreams" Fleetwood Mac

**December 30, 2016**

Nicole thumbed the white Christmas lights adorning Shorty's bar as her other hand gripped her glass of water. New Year’s was around the corner and here Nicole sat, sober as a newborn.  _ Fuck I would give my left leg for a nickel-bag so bad.  _ The thought was intrusive so Nicole shook it off, sipping from her water and continuing to feel the soft burning of the light tip.

"You look like shit."

Nicole brought her head up and was met with the no nonsense browns of Gus McCready; Waverly's very protective aunt. And  _ I thought Wynonna was bad. _

"Sorry, Gus." Nicole decided to play it tender. No reason to get chippy.

"Your forehead is sweating."

"It's hot in here." Nicole deadpanned, finding it hard to be tender under the scrutiny of the elder woman.

"You still going to them meetings?" Gus leaned back, grabbing a glass and beginning to clean it. 

"Yes ma'am." Nicole gruffed. "Wynonna asks every week like Doc doesn't drive me there."

Nicole was getting tired and her urge to be high was building. She was scared of the holidays because she figured it would be when she relapsed next. The past couple of Christmases were blurs of couches and strung out naps. Her hand left the Christmas lights and went to the crook of her arm, feeling where she knew track marks laid. She pushed her pointer finger in, hoping it would help dull the ache for something sharper. Christmas wasn't Christmas if Neal wasn't alive; Neal wasn't Neal without a needle and peppermint schnapps. Nicole sighed and looked towards the pool table, sneaking a glance of Waverly leaned over it and lining up a shot. The glittery decorations on her Christmas sweater dancing in the bar lighting. The urge lessened a bit.

"I've got a mind to ask you to stop that." Gus interrupted, placing down an empty shot glass. 

"Stop what."

Gus glanced quickly to Waverly. "That."

Nicole shrugged then watched the older woman pour in some silver tequila before sliding it towards the ranch hand.

"While tequila does make my clothes come off, I am going to have to pass. I'm the DD tonight."

"And I know what will take the edge off. My nieces ain't leaving for a few more hours; one shot won't kill you." Gus scowled, taking another shot glass and filling it for herself.

Nicole weighed her options. On the one hand a drink would take away the urge to wander off into the back alley. On the other, Nicole knows her drinking went hand in hand with cooking. She used to shoot tequila while breathing in the scent of the water mixing with the dope. Nicole turned again, this time catching Waverly looking at her. The brunette smiled before giving her a nervous wave. Nicole returned it; feeling the power of the gesture in her bones.

"No thank you, Gus. I am doing just fine with this water." Nicole returned her eyes to the owner and watched Gus's face soften. 

_ It was a test.  _

"That wasn't what I think it was, was it?" Nicole set her jaw, pulling her arms to her chest.

"I don't think you'll ever be in a position to accuse me of anything, Nicole Haught." Gus bit back. "Tough love and tests go hand in hand."

"Careful Red, her version of tough love is an envelope full of cash and a bus ticket." 

"Wynonna." Gus forced a smile and walked down the length of the bar towards other patrons.

"Gus." 

Nicole sighed, glad to be done with the attention of the protective aunt. But now that Wynonna was here, it's like being dumped from the frying pan straight into the fire. Nicole swiveled and found her boss already sitting in the stool next to her. She surveyed the woman, finding playful eyes and pearly teeth on display.  _ Somewhere between tipsy and drunk. I can manage that. _

"I thought you were playing pool."

"Waverly kept winning sooo I had Doc take my place. Hope he wipes the floor with that nerd." Wynonna reaches forward and grabs the shot glass, tipping it back and swallowing with no reaction. "Did you know that pool is pretty much all math?"

"Waverly does like geometry."

"You would know that with all those long rides the two of you take." Wynonna's voice lost some of its play as she reached over the bar and grabbed the plastic bottle of rail whiskey. "Which reminds me… where did y'all go on Christmas?"

Nicole turned her eyes to Waverly again, taking in the way golden brown hair framed her face as she bumps into Doc playfully. Waverly wanted to go see the Christmas lights in the suburb close to the Big-City and had gone out of her way to invite Nicole along. According to her, she had asked Wynonna but the boss lady preferred eggnog and scrooge to twinkly lights. It was Wynonna's loss though as Nicole got to enjoy the utter beauty of Waverly as she gazed upon the fluttering red, green, blue, and whites. The smaller woman's mouth slightly hung open with authentic awe. The way she would squeal with glee and squeeze Nicole's wrist. It was the best Christmas present of her entire adult life.

"To see Christmas lights." 

"Really?" Wynonna tipped the bottle to her mouth and swigged, her eyes not leaving Nicole's. "Three hours of lights?"

"Yes." Nicole said exasperatedly. "I have no reason to lie to you, Wynonna. No need to grill me 24/7."

"I do employ you. So I will grill you if I want."

"You know Waverly loves Christmas."

"Yeah but looking at you now," Wynonna reached forward and swiped a finger across her brow. "I'd say you hate Christmas."

Nicole felt the urge again so she grabbed her glass and downed the water in one long gulp. Using mental tools from her meetings, she focused on the feeling of the cold liquid flowing down her throat and settling in her stomach. Once done she let out a theatrical 'ah' and slammed her glass back down.

"What do you want from me?"

"Keep my cows warm?" Wynonna chuckled, her mood was light again. It gave Nicole whiplash. "Stay out of my whiskey cabinet?"

"Cut the shit, Earp. What do  _ you  _ want from me?"

Now it was Wynonna's turn to look over at Waverly who was now walking excitedly in their direction, Doc just behind her telling a story with his hands. They both looked so happy and at ease; Nicole wanted that ease with everyone. But Wynonna made it difficult for her to relax with the constant questions and pressure; and maybe, just maybe Nicole deserved that.

"Prove to me you're worth it."

"You already told me that you thought I wouldn't let you down."

Wynonna quickly shrugged. "That was before. This is now."

Nicole felt the sting before standing up from her stool and beginning to back away towards the bathrooms.

"I guess that's the problem with being a former junkie, Earp. No matter what I do, you'll always be asking me to prove it."

*****

**November 24, 2020**

Gus dropped the plate of fries down between Nicole and Waverly with a grunt before slapping the bar with the cheap plastic ketchup squirt bottle. She looked expectantly at Nicole like the redhead deserved to pay her with something more than money. Gus was terribly unhappy when Waverly arrived with Nicole in tow. Gus knew Waverly was usually at the soup kitchen the night before Thanksgiving. And instead of asking Waverly why, she just visually seemed to be placing all the blame on Nicole.

"Mmmm." Waverly hummed, grabbing the bottle of ketchup and squirting a large amount on the corner of the plate. "Carbs."

Nicole grabbed a fry and dipped it in before bringing it to her mouth, avoiding Gus altogether as the woman leered at her.

"Thanks Gus." Waverly cooed, stuffing a couple fries in. 

Waverly stood up, pulling her legs in underneath her to sit cross-legged on the stool. This made Nicole smile, no one sat at a bar quite like Waverly. She always did what she wanted to, no matter how different it was from the norm. Nicole looked back at Gus and tried to give her best grin, hoping no  _ praying _ the woman would go bother someone else. 

"Looks like Champ needs another beer, Gus." Waverly was no longer being nice as she nodded towards the pool tables. 

Gus sighed and walked off. Nicole watched her go, rubbing the back of her head awkwardly.  _ Why does this family insist on being so difficult when it comes to Waverly? _

"Finally." Waverly leaned, placing her free hand onto Nicole's thigh. "Damn woman is like a hawk."

"Yeah and I am the mouse." Nicole watched Waverly toss back another finger of whiskey. Nicole knew the rules so she reached forward to the bottle, pouring more into the tumbler. 

"That's a funny thought. You look nothing like a mouse." Waverly mused, squeezing Nicole's thigh. The warmth radiated upwards and made Nicole feel slightly dizzy.

"What do I look like?"

"A dog."

Nicole gasped in mock horror. "You wound me Earp."

Waverly laughed and ate another handful of fries, chewing wildly in her drunken state. Nicole could still see the sadness behind the glaze and it hurt to watch Waverly drown it.

"No, no. Like a shepherd or a lab. Trusting brown eyes, loyal face. A constant companion."

Nicole felt dizzy again, the compliment filling her soul with confidence. 

"I like that. Much better than a mouse."

Waverly squeezed again and hummed happily. "Wanna do me a favor?" 

"Of course."

"If I hear 'country girl, shake it for me' one more time I will light this bar on fire." Waverly complained, downing her whiskey again. "Jukebox?"

"That would definitely be a felony." Nicole chuckled as she stood. "I'll go see what I can do."

Waverly reached forward and grabbed her flannel, pulling the redhead close. "My hero." She whispered before kissing Nicole's cheek and shoving her towards the jukebox.

Nicole felt like her feet were floating as she ran her fingers through her hair and made her way across the bar.  _ She is going to kill you. _ The ranch hand reached into her jeans, fumbling for the handful of quarters she had brought in from the cupholder in the jeep. Nicole knew better than to bring an Earp to Shorty's without a way to play her a song. 

"Hey, hey, hey cowgirl. Ain't seen you in awhile."

_ Champ Hardy. Typical. _

"Champ." Nicole gritted, flipping the song list.

"See you brought Waverly with you." Champ whistled. "She come here to sneak a peek at me again?"

"Doubtful. Didn't she leave your ass months ago?"

"Well, no one ever leaves Champ Hardy." He sneered. "And besides, we have been texting."

"Here's a quarter, call someone who cares." Nicole quipped, flicking a quarter his way. 

"Just making conversation. You don't need to be a bitch."

Nicole ignored the man and made her selections, allowing her mind to focus on the metallic sound of the quarters falling in the slot instead of her wish of punching Champ in his jaw. 

"I knew Waverly couldn't stay away. It's too bad she brought you along, I do hate watching a puppy get kicked while it's down." Champ flipped the quarter and began walking towards the bar and Waverly. 

The impulse to drag his rodeo ass outside was overwhelming. Nicole knew this was not the night for him to be bothering Waverly. _Hell, I don't even know what's bothering Waverly._ But she didn't want to impose; if Waverly wanted to hook up with Champ it wasn't any of her business. _It could be your business_ _if you got your head out of your ass._ The jukebox clicked over and the bar was filled with her first selection.

**"Love is a burning thing**

**And it makes a fiery ring**

**Bound by wild desire**

**I fell in to a ring of fire"**

Nicole watched Champ lean in and Waverly laugh; it felt like sticking her hands in scalding water. Champ laid one of his grimy hands on the small of Waverly’s back. Nicole's lip twitched.

**"I fell into a burning ring of fire**

**I went down down down**

**And the flames went higher**

**And it burns burns burns**

**The ring of fire**

**The ring of fire"**

_ Did Champ have anything to do with the appointments? They were texting? Holy fuck, is she pregnant? Was Waverly actually here to see him?  _ Before she could focus on it further, Waverly reached forward and grabbed the ketchup bottle off the bar. A quick motion and Champ's face was covered in its contents. Champ stumbled back a step, his face slack with confusion. Waverly just giggled grabbing a fry, dipping it on his face and eating it with a smug shrug. 

**"The taste of love is sweet**

**When hearts like ours meet**

**I fell for you like a child**

**Oh, but the fire went wild"**

"Fuck you, Johnny Cash." Nicole sighed as she watched Champ storm towards the bathroom. Waverly then turned towards her. Nicole licked her lips as she watched fire dance in the brunette's eyes. Waverly winked.

**"I fell into a burning ring of fire"**

Nicole swallowed and crossed back to her stool checking it for ketchup. Waverly giggled behind her, laying a small warm hand on her forearm.

"Did you see that, baby?"

Nicole froze at the pet name and her face felt warm. "Yeah. You sure that you should have eaten that ketchup? It kinda touched his face."

Waverly drunk laughed and slumped forward into Nicole, the redhead's hands reaching forward to steady the woman. 

"Fuck, you are right. His face is nasty."

"Well, you did kiss it for like- a year." Nicole straightened Waverly in her stool, sliding her own closer so she could keep her hands on Waverly.  _ For balance, of course. _

"Yeah well-- at least that is all I did." Waverly hiccuped. 

_ Wait, what?  _ Nicole's face furrowed in confusion which made Waverly giggle some more, almost falling backwards in the process.

"You thought I had sex with that dufus?"

"Waverly, you are an adult."

Waverly's eyes darkened and she leaned into Nicole, the smaller woman's lips mere inches from the shell of her ear.

"Why go out for a hamburger when there is steak at home." Waverly whispered languidly.

Nicole wished she was drunk. Her heart was hammering hard in her chest. Waverly pulled back, her hazels looking at Nicole's lips with the same desire Nicole remembered at the parking garage. Before she could form a decent protest, Waverly pulled back and grinned at the jukebox excitedly.

"God, I love this song."

_ Thank god she's drunk. I couldn't deal with this if we were sober. _

"I know. That's why I chose it."

Stevie Nicks' sultry tone filled the bar as Waverly hopped down, pulling on Nicole’s wrists.

**"Now here you go again**

**You say you want your freedom**

**Well, who am I to keep you down"**

"You are going to dance with me Nicole Haught."

**"It's only right that you should**

**Play the way you feel it**

**But listen carefully**

**To the sound of your loneliness"**

Nicole couldn't refuse. 

*****

Waverly felt a smidgen less drunk as the jeep pulled through the ranch arch. Her mind should be overflowing with fear and worry but it was just the image of a flat field. A breeze moving the golden hay around her seated form. In the distance was Lottie galloping towards her, flowing red cascading down under a white stetson. Even though she saw her desire, her chest felt empty.

"Ready to go inside?"

Nicole's voice was like honey and Waverly couldn't help but wonder if her lips tasted the same. But there was business to attend to.

"In a minute."

Nicole nodded, turning off the jeep and swiveling in her seat to look at Waverly. She saw the concern in Nicole's eyes and she wanted so badly to tell her everything but the words couldn't form properly on her alcohol laced tongue.  _ I might have cancer. I have to do an out-patient procedure to prove it. _

"I need you to take me to the Big-City again."

Nicole leaned her head back but nodded. "Same deal as before?"

"Yeah." Waverly responded ducking her head. "It's going to be at Ghost River General though. Out-patient."

Waverly glanced back up and found big, sad eyes staring back. The brown swirling with un-asked questions. Waverly blinked, the buzz of her alcohol haze making it difficult to focus on Nicole.

"Whatever you need."

"I need you." Waverly said before she could stop herself. 

Nicole's face softened but she didn't speak.

"I will-- I will tell you after the surgery. I promise."

Nicole leaned forward and cupped Waverly's face.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

Waverly closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of vanilla. The empty feeling drifting away.

"Let's get you inside." Nicole said sadly, letting go of Waverly’s face with an audible sigh. 

Waverly didn't open her eyes instead she listened to the jeep door open and close.  _ Open and close. _ A cold breeze entered from her right as a soft hand grabbed her arm and pulled.

"Be careful, I am starting to feel sick." Waverly cautioned as her stomach bubbled.

"Horses can't vomit." 

Waverly began giggling, stepping out and stumbling full into Nicole's chest. The redhead laughed herself, reaching by the smaller woman to shut the door. Waverly felt the world move a bit as she struggled to open her eyes.  _ God, Nicole is so beautiful. _

"Nicole."

"Yes?" Nicole responded, walking her towards the homestead.

"You are a vision."

Nicole chuckled. "You are drunk."

"Can horses get drunk?"

"I don't know but I will find out for you."

"Don't you dare."

"I am going to google it, Waverly. Not take Dandelion down to Shorty's for happy hour." Nicole drawled.

Waverly sighed, focusing on the steps of the homestead as she shuffled up. Once they reached the door Nicole turned to face Waverly, a small smile gracing her lips.  _ Oh, the regular thing. _ Waverly remembered, putting out her hand for Nicole to kiss. 

Nicole began shaking her head as she grabbed her hand and brought it to her lips, lightly kissing the knuckles before dropping it down but not letting go.

"You wanna come inside?" Waverly asked, unwilling to let go.

The homestead door swung open before Nicole could answer.

"Babygirl, where have you been?" Wynonna's voice cut the silence of the night.

"Out."

"Haught-sauce." Wynonna tipped an imaginary hat. 

Nicole didn't look at Wynonna instead Waverly felt a squeeze of her hand. "I'll see you tomorrow, Waverly."

And like that the redhead was gone. Her boots crunching across the stiff November grass and towards her small cabin. Waverly wished she could watch her go. 

The emptiness was back.

"You left me with a fear soaked cowboy and 8 bajillion cut potatoes." Wynonna whined, pulling at Waverly’s wrist. "The soup kitchen did not like the chunky mashed potatoes I made. I doubt they will ask you for help at Christmas." 

_ Will I even be able to make mashed potatoes at Christmas? _

"Tough shit." Waverly deadpanned, pulling her wrist away and walking into the house.

"You are acting weird as hell."

"I just needed a drink." Waverly said as she blew air out in frustration. "You of all people should understand that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *grins*
> 
> Let me know what you think down below.


	6. Chapter 6

**June 10, 2017**

Nicole hates province fairs. The lights, the rides, the smells, the people. Every sense in your body is assaulted from different directions; a giant 'pay attention to me' party. But Nicole likes Waverly Earp. And Waverly Earp  _ loves _ the fair. Tonight was her first time barrel racing since her accident and Nicole doubted that even an apocalypse could keep her away. So Nicole had put on her best jeans and took one on the chin. 

"I got you a foot-long with chili, mustard, ketchup, and extra onions!" Wynonna shouted into her ear suddenly, shoving a paper tray with a gigantic hotdog on to the picnic table Nicole was sitting at. "You will eat it and you will  _ love  _ it. Boss's orders."

_ For Waverly. For Waverly. For Waverly. _

"I don't think she likes hotdogs." Doc chuckled lightly, clapping Nicole on the shoulder. He sat down next to the redhead and placed a bottle of water in front of her. "She looks like she is about to barf."

"I know, I know. She is a taco kind of gal. But the hotdogs here are world famous!" Wynonna countered, placing a plate of nachos down in front of herself. 

"If they are world famous then why did you get nachos for yourself?" Nicole asked, picking up her food hesitantly.

"Because nachos are my favorite food. Duh. Don't you ever listen to me Haught-Dog?" There was a wink.

"So not world famous, just a prop for a shitty pun." Nicole bit down, the chili running down her chin. She grabbed a napkin from near Wynonna’s nachos and wiped away the greasy substance. “You are annoyingly consistent.”

“That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me!”

"What time is the race?" Doc asked, sipping his beer and checking out the crowd. 

"In like an hour. Still time to hit up the tilt-a-whirl." Wynonna crunched a chip. "You like death traps right, Red?"

"Yeah. I mean, I work with you don't I?"

Doc tilted forward in deep laughter, his mustache curled into an amusing shape. It brought a warmth of joy to Nicole’s chest; she was beginning to feel like an actual part of the family. Nicole and Wynonna's relationship had eased from constant questions about her addiction into spicy banter about each other. Nicole assumed it had something to do with a blow out fight between Waverly and Wynonna in March after her last bit of community service was completed. Neither sister talked to her for a week. This had left a deep mark on Nicole’s heart, not being able to even see Waverly but then one morning Wynonna pounded on her front door and screamed that she was sorry and that was that. 

"Laugh it up old man, see if I share any more of my Glenlivet 18." Wynonna glared. 

"You actually buy nice scotch?" Nicole took another bite and swallowed quickly. "I didn't even know you knew how to sip."

Doc was howling again and Wynonna stood and knocked his hat off his head in a quick motion. He scowled playfully, "I just had that dry cleaned."

Nicole smiled warmly and finished her hotdog, secretly glad Wynonna bought it for her as her stomach was filled with butterflies for Waverly's race. It was a shame the woman couldn't hang out with them beforehand but she liked to brush Lottie and 'get in the zone.' And who was Nicole to deny Waverly anything.

"Well of course you wouldn't know that. You just drink water." Wynonna grumbled. "What are you-- a fish?"

"No, I'm hydrated. Unlike you, Wynonna."

"I'll drink water when I'm dead."

Nicole shook her head and stood. "I need to walk. I am going to go check out the local vendors; maybe I can buy you a sense of humor."

Wynonna shook a limp hand in her direction as she stuffed another chip in her mouth.

"Want company?" Doc asked.

"No. It's ok, finish your beer." 

"We will meet at the bleachers in 45 Haught-ass, don't be late."

*****

**December 9, 2020**

Nicole dropped her duffle on her porch with a gentle thud, pulling her front door closed and locking it with her key. Her eyes burned with a lack of sleep as she glanced down at her wrist in the porch light. _5:47am._ _Let's do this._ The ranch hand began to shake her arms and head in a feeble attempt to rid herself of the exhaustion and psyche herself up for the day. She was going to stay calm and supportive for Waverly. Even if it killed her. 

_ For Waverly. For Waverly. For Waverly. _

Nicole breathed in deeply, holding it in longer than she knew she should, before letting it out again. She then kneeled and grabbed the duffel and turned to step off her porch. She walked slowly to Waverly’s Jeep, pulling open a back door and tossing in her bag before she heard the slam of the homestead front door.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

_ Fuck. Wynonna _ .

"I told you. I will tell you when I am ready to tell you." Waverly's voice was tense and Nicole could tell she was on the edge between pissed off and other-worldly anger. "So let me reiterate. I am going out of town for two days and two nights. I am taking Nicole with me. No, you cannot know the itinerary. No, you cannot threaten Nicole. And yes, you have to trust me."

"That's not enough!" Wynonna yelled desperately. 

Waverly didn't answer and Nicole watched her pick up her suitcase and hop down the steps. 

"Are you two fucking? Is that it? Because you know how I feel-"

Waverly swung around, "Don't you finish that sentence Wynonna Earp or I won't come back."

Nicole swallowed, unsure of everything in this moment. She knew they were going to be in a hotel for two days for Waverly's surgery. But all other details were trapped inside the tiny amazon woman currently threatening Wynonna. She could assume things but that only led to sleepless nights, like the one she just had. So she gritted her teeth and crossed the yard to Waverly to grab her case. 

"Let me."

"Thank you." Waverly responded, her voice even.

Nicole hurried back to the jeep and deposited it in the back before opening the passenger door, watching Waverly step inside. She looked up and saw Wynonna pacing on the porch, her hands in her hair. It was the first time she had ever felt truly sorry for her boss.  _ Why won't Waverly tell her? Why am I going instead of Wynonna? _

"Fuck." Waverly cursed from inside the jeep. "I forgot my bag of medications in the bathroom."

"I'll get them." Nicole said quickly. "Bathroom near your room?"

"Yes. Thank you."

Nicole nodded, handing her keys to the brunette before shutting her in the jeep. Adjusting her stetson, Nicole turned back to the homestead and shuffled quickly towards the door.

"Haught."

"Earp."

“Nicole.”

“Wynonna.”

The elder Earp stood in front of the door and Nicole was able to see the tears flowing down her face, the lines forming in yesterday’s foundation.  _ I don't smell any whiskey.  _ Nicole felt her heart squeeze in empathy for the woman. Jealousy crept up in her chest because if Nicole could cry right now, she would.

"I need to grab something for her."

"Please--" Wynonna's voice cracked as her head dropped. "I can't."

"I know as much as you do."

This caused Wynonna's head to snap up. "She gets up every night and vomits. Every. Single. Night. She has used more ibuprofen in the past month than she did when she broke her leg. She stays out every evening with you."

"What are you inferring?"

"She barely looks at me. She- she… she is all I have."

Nicole feels her eyes get hot. The emotion of it all getting to her.  _ Stay strong. Waverly can’t see you cry right now. She needs you _ . Nicole pushes her shoulders up taller.

_ For Waverly. For Waverly. For Waverly. _

"I know-" her voice cracks. "As much as you do."

"You love her as much as I do. I know you do, I see it in your eyes. We can fix this-- whatever you two are doing. Please just tell me."

Nicole grabs her boss's shoulders firmly and moves her out of the way. Pulling the door open, she feels a soft hand on her shoulder.

"I don't know if I trust you."

Nicole shrugs her hand off.

"Where are you taking her?"

A few steps inside the homestead Nicole stops and turns back to look into blue eyes.

"The only reason I am alive, sober, and happy is sitting inside that cherry red Jeep. Waverly is scared as all hell and won't tell any of us why. Including yours truly. And you, her sister, have the gall to question me even after all we have been through. To insinuate that not only am I  _ fucking _ your sister but that I might be taking her to nod off in a dark room with a syringe hanging out her arm-- It’s wrong Wynonna. You are an asshole."

"Nicole--" Wynonna leans heavily against the doorway, her head hanging low. 

"Don't deny it, Wynonna. I know I am broken. I know I am not good enough for her. You and Gus have reminded me of that every time y'all get a chance. But just so you know, again, I have  _ never _ crossed that boundary with her. No, instead, I just push her away and I keep her at arm's length." 

Nicole steps forward into Wynonna's space.

"If something bad happens to Waverly--" Nicole grabs Wynonna's shirt and pulls. "I will have wasted four fucking years sitting on what would have been the love of my life. So get your goddamn shit together, Earp. She needs to know we trust her."

Nicole pushes her back and turns away. 

Wynonna slumps to the floor and Nicole listens to her quietly sob as she climbs the stairs. 

*****

**June 10, 2017**

Nicole was pleased with herself. She knew that if she looked hard enough she would find the perfect gift to give to Waverly for finishing the race. The vendor was tucked in the way, way back by the shitty ring-toss but she found it.  _ Waverly is going to love it. _ Nicole gripped the small paper bag the vendor had wrapped it in, fingering the newspaper he used as a stand in for tissue paper, as she weaved through the crowd on her way to the bleachers. The man was so nice and listened to her patiently describe Waverly for a while before he pulled out the piece. The vendor even gave her a discount, telling her that some things are just meant to be. Nicole was flying high, eager to get to the arena. A glance at her watch let the redhead know she was still 30 minutes early to the competition.  _ Plenty of time to find Earp n’ ‘Stache and get a good seat. _

As she reached the entrance to the bleachers a strong hand gripped her shoulders. “Peppermint, how lovely to see you.”

Nicole froze, almost dropping Waverly’s present to the ground. She turned slowly and was met with the haggard gaze of Bobo Del Ray. He quickly flashed a grin before allowing his face to go stony again, dropping his hand.

“You look like shit.” Bobo mused, looking Nicole up and down. “You need a pick-me-up?’

“Get bent.” Nicole squared her shoulders, hoping the western style shirt she had worn today would show off some of her newly acquired muscle definition. 

“Come now, Peppermint. That is no way to treat an old friend. Especially one who could cash you in on a sweet heroic deal.” Bobo slowed the way he said heroic, punctuating the ‘c’ while fingering the edges of his fur coat.

“It’s June, Bobo. Aren’t you a little hot in that smelly thing?”

“You always liked this coat. Said it made me look--  _ powerful. _ ”

“Yeah, well, that is when all I wanted from you was a dime-bag.” Nicole turned away, glancing around for a sign of Wynonna or Doc. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

Bobo grabbed Nicole’s elbow roughly, pulling her back to him. Nicole felt fear shoot up from where he grabbed. Neal’s voice entered her head like a gunshot.  _ ‘Don’t fuck with Bobo.’  _

“I am offering you a sweet deal here, Peppermint--”

“Stop calling me--” Nicole pulled her arm away. “ _ Peppermint _ .”

“Neal always gave out shitty nicknames.” Bobo sighed. “Too bad he ain’t around to make more.”

“Keep my brother’s name out of your fucking mouth.” Nicole hissed.

Bobo just laughed as he reached forward and stuck his hand roughly through the newspaper lining the inside of the paper bag. “What do we have here?” 

“Stop-”

Bobo stood back; the small, long, rectangular blue cardboard box sitting in his hands. He opened one end carefully and looked inside before another grin graced his face. Nicole tried her best to keep her cool but her pulse was pounding hard in the back of her head. The urge to run overwhelming her senses.

“Boring.” He pouted, closing the box and stepping closer to Nicole. “This is what you spend your money on these days?”

“Bobo Del Ray.” The southern drawl of Doc Holliday entered Nicole’s nervous system bringing a flood of relief.

Bobo glanced over Nicole’s shoulder before dropping the blue box back into her bag. “Later,  _ Peppermint. _ ”

Bobo was gone in a flash and Nicole allowed the air she was holding in release out of her lungs in a wave.  _ Fucking asshole.  _ Panic begin to set in with the man’s exit and Nicole attempted to still it, to pull herself together.

“Nicole, are you alright?” 

Nicole turned and was met with Doc’s concerned eyes, his hat against his chest. Before she could ask him to hug her, she felt the paper bag being ripped from her hands. The redhead’s eyes darted to the side as she watched Wynonna ripping out all of the newspaper tossing it into every direction. The fear she had just been feeling was suddenly replaced by a keen numbness. She dropped to her knees and began picking up the discarded paper. The blue box hit her head with a thump before landing in the dirt.

“Oh.” Wynonna gasped.

Nicole’s jaw was trembling as she reached for the box. She twirled it in her hands, dusting off the prairie dirt before standing back up. The noise of the surrounding crowd dimmed out as Nicole felt the urge to go find Bobo. She slammed her eyes shut.  _ Waverly. _

“I-” Wynonna’s voice was small. “Bobo gave you a pen?”

Nicole opened her eyes and saw Waverly’s gift sitting delicately in Wynonna’s hands. “It’s a hand turned wooden fountain pen with angel wings engraved at the top. I bought it from a stall as a competition present for Waverly. I thought she’d like it since she writes out her Latin.”

The three of them stood there, all staring at the pen in Wynonna’s hands. The numbness began to trickle out as she finally understood the implication. She reached forward and snatched it out of Wynonna’s hand, slipping it back inside its box before wrapping it in a piece of newspaper. Before she could open her mouth, Doc’s growl hit her ears.

“Apologize.” He stepped into Wynonna’s space. “Now.”

Wynonna just turned and ran towards the parking lot. Doc kicked at the dirt before spinning around and pulling Nicole in for a strong hug. Every emotion known to Nicole bounced around in her head like a pinball machine. So she just leaned in, taking in the calming scent of tobacco. 

“She had no right.”

“She kind of did.” Was all Nicole could say.  _ Once an addict, always an addict. _

“Charlie’s death was not your fault.” Doc said into her ear. 

_ Charlie? _ A loud speaker announced the beginning of the barrel racing competition before Nicole had a chance to respond. She pulled back from Doc’s embrace and tried to give him her best smile.

“Thank you, Doc.”

“No need. Let us go in and find a seat-- before Miss Waverly’s turn.”

*****

**June 11, 2017**

“Come here you little shit, I need to look at your butt.”

Nicole was pulling on her long neoprene gloves while attempting to get close to one of this year’s calves. She had been wallowing inside her cabin all morning so she decided to come watch the calves play in the paddock before noticing a rather large, black mass on the butt end of one of the smaller ones. She knew she was supposed to tell Wyonna. But Nicole didn’t want to see her boss. Plus, Waverly had been quite pissy to find out that Wynonna wasn’t at the race; even though neither Doc nor Nicole ratted her out. So either she wakes up Doc from his midday nap or she takes initiative and figures it out on her own. 

Nicole stepped forward tentatively, knowing full well she could probably wrangle the little one on her own without using the cow catch. Her eyes darted around, looking to see where the Mommas were located. The gaggle of them were farther down the paddock, so Nicole crept forward with her eyes on her prize. Once she felt she was close enough she catapulted herself forward but the calf was too quick, scurrying off as Nicole landed with a heavy thud.

“Fuck me!”

“Sorry, no can do, straight as an arrow.”

_ Wynonna Earp. Great. _

Nicole decided to stay down, watching as the calf ran away. Before she could explain the black mass fell off the calf’s rear, breaking into tiny pieces. 

“Do I want to know?” Wynonna sounded less chipper than usual so Nicole pushed up, bringing her body back to full height.

“Was going to check that calf’s butt-- but it seems it was just caked on shit. Which is now all over me.” She brushed off her jeans, feeling the embarrassment rise up her neck.

“Funny how that is-- since I am the actual  _ shit. _ ” Wynonna grimaced before correcting. “And not the good kind. Like the asshole kind. Bad shit. Not  _ the  _ shit.”

Nicole just nodded, her hand flying to her neck. It was an anxious tic she had difficulty growing out of.

“I’m sorry, is what I mean to say.”

“Ok.”

“That’s it?” Wynonna blinked.

“Do you want a parade?” Nicole countered.

“I mean, I just thought you’d have more questions.”

“No. I mean you thought I was buying heroin. I was not buying heroin. You apologized for assuming I was buying heroin. What question is there?” 

Wynonna sighed, her hands coming together and twisting nervously. “Bobo Del Ray is on my shit list.”

“You are kind of preaching to the choir.” Nicole replied.

“No, no.” Wynonna stepped closer to Nicole, her face etched with seriousness. “No more jokes.”

“Ok.”

“Before I went to Greece-- I had a boyfriend. His name was Charlie.” Wynonna’s voice was timid. “Bobo was his Hero dealer.”

“Charlie Anderson?” Nicole asked hesitantly.

“Yeah. You know him?” 

“Charlie was Neal’s dealer--” 

“Bobo sold him the heroin cut with fentanyl that killed him. I just saw you there and I saw him drop something in your bag.” Wynonna looked off towards the pine barrens, her face unreadable.

“So you checked my bag.” Nicole added, the pieces beginning to fall together.  _ No wonder she doesn't like when you are around Waverly.  _ “You thought I was buying.”

“Charlie quit too, ya know.” Wynonna’s lips pulled tight. “But Bobo-- the only way you break away from Bobo is through death.”

“I forgive you.”

Wynonna huffed as she turned and walked back towards the homestead. Nicole watched her, studying the way the leather of her jacket moved with each forward motion. The place in Nicole’s heart that held resentment for Wynonna melted away with each step. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops?
> 
> Leave me a comment! I love hearing from y'all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> More medical talk and related things in this chapter. 
> 
> I remind you all of this is taken from my person experience and I am not a Doctor. Please seek medical help if you find yourself concerned for your own well-being.

**December 9, 2020**

_ Just grab her hand.  _ Waverly nervously gazed at the woman standing beside her as they waited for the elevator in the Hospital parking garage.  _ Kiss her. _ The brunette's hands balled and un-balled, her eyes unmoving from the stoic expression plastered on the ranch hand’s face. 

_ Don’t kiss her, idiot. She will just think you have a kink for parking garages. _

“Jesus, slowest fucking elevators  _ ever _ .” Nicole whined and leaned forward, jabbing the down button with annoyance.

“It’s ok, we are still twenty minutes early.” Waverly smiled but her voice sounded terrible, a reminder of all the arguing she had done with Wynonna. 

“Not at this rate. This hospital needs to fire their maintenance team.” Nicole turned to look at her and Waverly’s favorite brown eyes were filled with deep melancholy. “Elevators were invented to be quick.”

Nicole’s eyes reminded Waverly of the night the two women laid in the paddock from a few years prior. The emotion of that memory gripped Waverly’s heart, courage surging her forward to lace her right hand into Nicole’s left, gripping tightly. She watched Nicole’s apathetic face soften and the woman didn’t pull away. The air thickened with the weight of everything but Waverly felt grounded, safe. She wanted to pull Nicole in so she could breathe in her scent.

  
The elevator dinged and the doors crept open. Nicole pulled her inside and hit the ground button just once, her impatience seemingly dissipated at Waverly’s touch. Waverly used the motion of Nicole’s tug to swing herself into the taller woman’s arms.

“You smell nice.” Waverly mumbled into Nicole’s chest, enjoying the way the vanilla enveloped her.

“So do you.” Nicole responded, her voice a lower octave than normal. Waverly giggled, enjoying her effect over the taller woman.

“You smell like vanilla dipped doughnuts. They are my favorite.”

The elevator dinged and rolled open.

“Well, we can go grab some if you want?” Nicole asked, pulling Waverly into her side and walking her out of the elevator still partially holding her in her arms.

“I can’t eat. Surgery.”

“Right.” 

The women kept their arms around each other as they crossed the street and entered the sliding glass doors underneath a huge, white sign. Nicole glanced up at it and nodded her head almost like she knew something Waverly didn’t. It piqued her interest so she asked.

“What?” 

“Ghost River Women’s Hospital.” Nicole smiled warmly. “It’s really dandy.”

“Dandy?”

“Cool?”

Waverly chuckled lightly. 

“I just think that it’s nice they have an entire branch committed to women’s health. I find it refreshing to have our needs valued. Medically.” Nicole nodded firmly on the last word.

Admiration bloomed inside of Waverly at Nicole’s observation. She knew instantly that she made the right choice bringing Nicole along instead of Wynonna or Gus. A small part of her knew that keeping her family away from her illness was wrong and that at some point she would need them. But the Earps are cursed. And Waverly couldn’t bear to see their hearts break quite yet. Well, except for this morning.  _ Wynonna. _

“Out-patient surgery is a left then a right.” Waverly stopped, tentative. She then felt Nicole let go of her waist. Before Waverly could protest, the redhead grabbed her hand and led her down the hall towards their destination. 

Once they arrived, Nicole reached forward to hold the glass door open for Waverly and they entered a decent sized waiting room. Waverly glanced around the room, taking in the decor slowly. It was a long rectangle with tan walls, light green carpet, and tasteful non-descript decorations. The curved white reception desk was to the right of the front door, adorned with placards and leafy green plants. There were three tan pillars leading down the middle of the room, all of them had small TVs mounted playing repeats of home improvement shows. A much larger TV was hung on the back wall near the surgery entrance; it had a list of numbers and wait times. Forest green chairs and couches lined the walls and the pillars, creating little sections for guests to wait. Waverly heard Nicole shuffle, adjusting the day-bag Waverly had packed on her shoulder. 

“Waverly?”

Waverly nodded, pulling Nicole up to the reception desk where a very sweet looking receptionist gave the women a calm smile.

“Good morning. Name?”

“Earp. Uh- Waverly Earp. E-A-R-P.” Waverly babbled, allowing her hand to reach forward and touch one of the leaves of the Chinese Evergreen next to the sign in sheet. Her fingers began to curl the leaf at the end before Nicole’s free hand reached forward and pulled hers away.

“Hmmm.” The receptionist hummed, typing away. “Ah. Here. You are having a Dilation and Evacuation Abortion, correct?”

_ Do what? _

Waverly felt ice run down her spine before a gentle squeeze came from Nicole’s hand. Waverly slowly swiveled her head and found an understanding smile and nod waiting for her.  _ God, she thinks I am having an abortion. And she looks so supportive. Why did I think she would freak out about cancer as a possibility? _

“No, I’m sorry. You have it wrong. Wrong name or wrong procedure.” Waverly responded, still looking at Nicole. The redhead’s brow furrowed in confusion before Waverly turned back to the receptionist. “I am having a Dilation and Curettage with a Hysteroscopy, with Doctor Placer.”

Nicole suddenly let go of Waverly’s hand and reached forward, grabbing a pen from the container by the plant. Waverly ignored the reaction and instead breathed in a deep breath and watched the nurse type some more.

“I apologize, I was on the wrong page. Waverly Earp, D&C with hysteroscopy. Hmm.” There was a pause with more clicking. Nicole placed the pen back into the container before grabbing Waverly’s hand once more. “Dr. Placer had to push all her surgeries back an hour but I will get you all signed in and you can wait here with your guest.”

“Ok.” Waverly tried to smile.

“Identification?”

“Sure.” Waverly looked to Nicole and the taller woman smiled, pulling Waverly’s wallet from the day-bag. After a shuffle, she removed Waverly’s ID and handed it to the receptionist. 

Waverly watched Nicole rub the edges of her wallet while biting the skin on her lip; the redhead’s eyes watching the receptionist work. The brunette dropped her gaze to their held hands, trying to commit the feeling of it to memory for when she was called to the back. It was then that she noticed that Nicole had rolled up her left sleeve while her right one was still down and buttoned. Waverly tilted their held hands and saw her impending procedure written along the inside of Nicole’s forearm in pen. She wanted to be mad. She wanted to mention her rules. But all Waverly could think about was how comforting it was that Nicole wanted to know the procedure. The thought that Nicole would research it while Waverly was in surgery.  _ Did Nicole want to know what to expect?  _

“Right hand, please?” 

Waverly pulled her eyes back up and saw the receptionist was now standing and holding a white hospital wristband out. She let go of Nicole’s hand and reached out her wrist. The receptionist held the wristband out for Waverly to read.

“Please confirm your name and birthday are correct.”

“Yes.”

The wristband was then hooked on and Waverly pulled back, absentmindedly swiveling it on her wrist. 

“Last thing.” The receptionist handed a sheet of paper out towards Nicole. “Here is her number so you can watch the large TV. It will let you know when she is in prep, surgery, and recovery. We do numbers instead of names for patient privacy. A nurse will come obtain you after she wakes up so you can come back and see her.”

Nicole looked at Waverly to ask permission. It was so sincere. Waverly nodded, giving her consent.

“Thanks.” Nicole murmured, taking the paper and immediately placing it in her pocket.

“Let’s find a seat.” Waverly nodded towards the room.

“By the big TV.” Nicole responded, grabbing Waverly’s hand. “I want to make sure I can see it in case the room gets busy.”

Waverly’s heart soared at the thought of Nicole caring about her well-being. 

*****

**September 12, 2017**

Nicole wished Doc hadn’t asked her to go into town to get medicine for their sick breeding cow. Or at the very least, gone into town with her. In the year or so Nicole had been on the farm, Wynonna had not trusted her to go on her own. But ever since the province fair, her boss had given her a longer leash. At first it felt freeing but now Nicole regretted it. Farm and Feed was located by Smitty’s Gas and Tackle and Fish was always selling at Smitty’s.  _ Why did I buy this? _ Nicole’s hands thumbed the small nickel-bag in her hands as she felt tugged between the high and her year of sobriety. 

She was seated in the grass, listening to the final bugs of summer. Doc should have never stood up to Wynonna for her and she wouldn’t be in this situation. Nicole huffed and fell backwards, her head landing in the soft grass of the paddock. Nicole knew she had no one to blame but herself. And here she was, a full night by herself awake and alone. Nicole had volunteered to sit and watch the breeding cow, who was laying down 6 feet away from her. Wynonna was very protective of her breeders and wanted a 24 hour watch just in case they needed to rouse the town vet, Jeremy Chetri. Doc would be relieving her around 5am and it was barely 10pm.

_ It’s only a small amount. You can smoke it instead of shooting it. No needles, no spoons, no one will know. _

“Waverly would know.” Nicole sighed, looking at the stars. 

“Know what?” Waverly’s voice sounded heavenly to her ears as she plopped down next to Nicole.

Nicole froze, knowing well she was holding the little nickel-bag between her fingers on her chest. Fear and sickness washed through Nicole’s body at the idea of being caught by Waverly with drugs. Not even regular drugs but her  _ drug. _ Before she could attempt to hide it, it was plucked from her fingers by a set of warm ones.  _ Shit. _

“Fuck. I- God, Waverly. I--” Nicole stammered, attempting to sit up but a warm hand pushed her back to the ground. “What?”

“Sit back.” Waverly’s voice was soft as she laid down on the ground next to Nicole, scooching in close so their bodies were touching. 

“Waverly-”

“Shh.” Waverly hummed. “Look at the stars.”

Nicole’s heart was pounding out of her chest and she honestly believed the guilt of it all was going to kill her.  _ Why did I buy it? I ruin everything.  _ The women laid next to each other for a long while, Nicole’s body wrecked with anxiety and a deep-seated disappointment in herself. 

“Do you see that funky triangle?” Waverly leaned her head closer to Nicole’s before reaching and pointing in the sky. Nicole watched as the woman outlined it with her finger.

“Yeah.”

“Summer triangle. Only seen in the early night during September and October. Greeks referred to it as Capricornus or the sea-goat.” 

“Cool.” Nicole gulped. “Waverly, I need--”

“It has its roots in Sumerian culture as a half-fish, half-goat hybrid. But the Greeks associate it with their God of Nature, Pan. In Greek Mythology Pan was a forest guardian that Zues placed in the sky for coming to the other Gods’ rescue on numerous occasions. But he got the sea-goat association in a different way.”

“How is that?” Nicole turned now looking at Waverly’s soft features.

“Well Typhon, a fire-breathing monster, attacked and wanted to eat Pan. In an attempt to get away, Pan jumped into a river and tried to turn himself into a fish. The fear of the ordeal messed with Pan’s powers and he turned himself into a half-goat, half-fish instead. In other words, Pan pan-icked.” Waverly turned and smiled widely at Nicole.

Nicole looked deeply into her eyes, trying to read what Waverly was thinking about. The importance of the story. All she saw was the same warmth and devotion that was always there, the look that made her want to lean forward and kiss the woman with every part of her soul. Nicole couldn’t hold her emotions back and her eyes became misty as she breathed a ragged breath.  _ You are never going to do Heroin ever again. _

“You panicked.” Waverly whispered. “Just like Pan did.”

“Yeah. I bought it when I got the medicine. I don’t know why.” Nicole felt hot tears fall as she continued to hold Waverly’s hazels. “It just happened.”

“Pan may have panicked and turned himself into a monster, but he was still a God. Zeus made him one and commemorated him in the stars. And he got away from Typhon.” Waverly spoke so gently.

Nicole swallowed loudly.

“You are still a human, Nicole. You are a trusted and valued employee here at Peacemaker Farms.” Waverly stopped, biting her lip before continuing. “And-- I trust you beyond your responsibilities to my farm. And you are going to bury this Heroin in the pine barrens.”

Nicole couldn’t stop herself from leaning forward, bringing her and Waverly’s foreheads together. “Thank you, Waverly. This means more to me than you will ever know.”

“Nicole?”

Nicole pulled away finding a pair of twinkly hazels boring into her. The woman began to lean in before turning her head back to the sky with a contented sigh. She felt Waverly’s hand slip into hers, the small nickel-bag placed back into her palm. The trust of the act flickering up her arm like fire licks the wall it is burning down.

“You are more than your past. So much more.”

Nicole didn’t respond, she just let the flames burn her body to ash.

*****

**December 9, 2020**

“I spy something brown.” Waverly stated, closing her eyes as she felt Nicole’s finger brush lightly through her hair.

She was currently sprawled out on the waiting room couch with her head sitting comfortably in Nicole’s lap. Nicole had been carefully running her fingers through her golden brown hair as they played a relaxing game of ‘I Spy.’ 

“Hmm.” Nicole hummed. “Are the walls brown?”

“No!” Waverly giggled. “They are a beige.”

“So, light brown?” 

“No!” 

Nicole laughed deep enough for Waverly to feel it in the woman’s legs. She adjusted herself so that her head connected at the crook of Nicole’s thigh and stomach; the vanilla scent overwhelmed her. The feeling of Nicole’s toned abs against her face was welcome and she felt her desire for the woman grow.

“Beige is brown.” Nicole grazed her forehead lightly with her fingertips bringing forth a full body shiver in Waverly.

“Beige is beige. I said brown so try again, dum-dum.”

“Alright.” Nicole’s fingers dropped to outline the shell of Waverly’s ear. Waverly’s breath caught in her throat. “The surgery entrance door?”

Waverly squeaked and shook her head as a response because Nicole’s fingers had rubbed the soft area under her earlobe.

“Damn.” The redhead cursed. Waverly watched Nicole’s head swivel before a smile crept to her lips. “The box of muffins over there?”

“Bingo!” Waverly yelled a little too loudly before covering her mouth with her hand. 

“You’re really hungry, huh?”

“Yeah but it’s ok.” Waverly nuzzled in. “I have you here distracting me.”

“More like you are distracting me.” Nicole said under her breath.

“Waverly Earp?”

Waverly pulled her head from Nicole’s lap and saw the surgery door was open and a nurse standing in the doorway with a clipboard. Her anxiety was back as she turned to look at Nicole, the woman’s eyes filled with a deep-seated worry.

“You’re up, Wave.”

“Ok, I will see you in recovery?” Waverly asked tentatively. 

“Of course you will.”

*****

Waverly sat on the edge of the bed in her hospital gown rocking her legs back and forth in an attempt to comfort herself. She had spent most of the past week reading up on D & C’s with very little success in planning out how this would go. Before she could remember all the steps, the curtain was pulled back and a scrubbed up Dr. Placer and another taller man appeared at her bedside.

“Waverly, it is wonderful to see you.” Dr. Placer smiled, crossing to the computer next to the bed.

The man looked down a chart before asking roughly, “Full name and birthday?”

“Waverly Earp, September 8th, 1995. Virgo. Hair for days. Not allergic to anything.” She rambles, her voice high with nerves.

“Everything is going to be fine, Waverly. This is a surgery I do all the time.” Dr. Placer’s smooth voice calms her legs. “This is Dr. Woods, your anesthesiologist.”

“Hi.” Waverly tries her classic smile and wave.

“Have you been put under before?”

“No. First time.”

“Ok.” He writes something on her chart. “Please lean back and get under the covers. I want to hook your IV up now.”

Waverly does as she is told. The gruff man moves forward and gets everything connected, his demeanor almost boorish. It puts Waverly off and she wishes she had just asked if Nicole could come back for this part.

“Alright Waverly.” Dr. Placer turned, pushing Dr. Woods to the side. “I know we talked on the phone but I want to explain everything again in simple terms so I can make sure we are on the same page. Your hormones in your bloodwork came back abnormal and your ultrasounds showed a mass inside of your uterus. Normally I would have just done a simple biopsy or even diagnosed you with Endometriosis because of your age. But your hormone levels are very off for someone on birth control so I decided this D & C would allow me to scrape tissue off of the mass and then use the scope to get a really good look inside your uterus.”

“Right. Straight to the lookin’.” Waverly said awkwardly, displaying a few finger guns.

“We talked about what it could be but I cannot confirm if the mass is cancerous or benign until the tests come back in a few days. Especially since your Pap Smear was inconclusive.” 

“What will happen?” Waverly asked.

“Well, we are about to wheel you to the operating room and Dr. Woods will place you under. I will use tools and medicine to dilate your cervix so I can go it with the scope and curette. Once the procedure is done, we will wheel you back out here so you can wake up in the recovery room. Do you have a guest?” Dr. Placer asks warmly, placing a hand on Waverly’s knee.

“Yes, Nicole. Nicole Haught. Red hair, brown eyes, stetson.” Waverly bite her lip. “Can you just have them bring her back here? I will tell her how everything went.”

“Of course. Any questions?”

“No.”

“Ok, let’s wheel you back.” Dr. Placer nods to Dr. Woods and he goes into the hall to get a nurse.

Waverly breathes in and out deeply as the crew of medical professionals wheel her down the hallway towards the operating room. She wants to talk. She wants to tell them anything that will allow her to feel better connected to them. A deep, honest human connection that she can hold on to while she goes under. Instead she closes her eyes and remembers the feeling of Nicole’s body pressed against her in the parking garage. How her hands caressed her hair.  _ I should have told her that I love her. God, I’m an idiot.  _ Waverly’s nerves hit her like a mack truck and she began looking between Dr. Placer and Dr. Woods in a panic. The OR lights slightly blind her as the bed wheels to a stop, the brakes being engaged with a sharp creak.

“Time to transfer you to the table.”

Waverly is tugged onto the table, her eyes wide with fear. “I can’t do this.”

“Everything is going to be fine.” The nurse coos, covering Waverly with a blanket.

“We are going to strap you down now, Ms. Earp.” Dr. Woods barks, his voice snapping Waverly’s head in his direction. “Give me your arm.”

“The safe-word is banana!” Waverly yells awkwardly as she tries to control her breathing, flinging her arms outwards. 

Dr. Placer chuckled, strapping down the arm closest to her. “Relax, Waverly.”

Dr. Woods finished with his arm and he began messing with her IV. “Close your eyes.”

An oxygen mask was placed onto her face as she whispered “Banana” before losing consciousness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment if you can! I love hearing from you guys.
> 
> My receptionist also thought I was in for an abortion. My mom had a mini-heart attack where I am pretty sure she felt excitement at the prospect I was pregnant. No Mom, not straight. My wife was un-bothered. 
> 
> Also, I totally screamed a safe-word at my doctor before I went under for the same procedure.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Medical stuff... probably not all accurate but that's ok.
> 
> "You Look So Good In Love" by George Straight makes an appearance.

**December 9, 2020**

WebMD was definitely not the website Nicole needed to be reading right now. She glanced down at her arm and re-read her scribbled penmanship once more:  _ Dilation and Curettage with a Hysteroscopy.  _ After googling it several times she found there were multiple reasons to have this procedure performed. They all jumbled around in her brain like alphabet soup. Nicole clicked off her phone and leaned back into the couch cushion.  _ Not an abortion or miscarriage. She made that clear with the receptionist.  _ Nicole pulled her stetson off her head and plopped it on her lap, memorizing how the sun had aged the leather band.  _ Fibroids? Polyps?  _ Then it clicked.

_ Cancer. She has cancer. _

All the moments, the secrecy, the drinking, the vomiting that Wynonna mentioned; it all came together like placing the final piece into a puzzle. Waverly wasn’t ashamed about having an abortion. Waverly was insecure about people knowing she was ill, that she might have cancer. Nicole pulled in a rough breath as her heartbeat accelerated. She shoved her hand quickly into her pocket and pulled out the sheet of paper with Waverly’s name and patient number written in loopy cursive.  _ 56955\.  _ Her eyes darted up to the screen to see that her number was in the ‘recovery’ column.  _ Recovery.  _ Nicole’s eyes shot to the surgery door and she felt an overwhelming need to run to Waverly’s side; to apologize for being a coward.

_ If you had just told her how you felt she would have never tried to deal with this alone.  _

Nicole swallowed harshly, crumpling the paper in her hand. The thought of Waverly slowly becoming ill and maybe dying made her sick. The guilt of not pushing Waverly to tell her; to seek comfort in her. Not to mention keeping this all from Wynonna and Gus. Nicole just wanted to do right by Waverly’s wishes; for all the times Waverly had done right by her. But she missed out. All those times Waverly had initiated the beginning of something more and she had always figured out a way to let her down. To stop the forward movement without words; delay the dream of more. Nicole missed out on a chance to be more than just Waverly’s employee, friend, driver, or secret keeper. All because she was too scared that she would mess it up. That Waverly would figure out she was just a former junkie; nothing more than a has been. 

_ She doesn’t even know you love her. _

“You let her go back there alone.” Nicole whispered to herself. “You let her think you don’t love her in that way.”

A beep and two buzzes made Nicole jump slightly. She glanced down at her phone and found a text from Doc staring up at her.

Doc Holliday:  _ Everything here is under control.  _

Nicole swiped the text and opened the message thread fully.

Doc Holliday:  _ I will deal with Wynonna and Gus. You just need to be with Waverly. Keep choosing Waverly. _

Ding and a buzz. 

Doc Holliday:  _ Wynonna approves. _

Nicole knew in that moment that she was going to tell Waverly how she actually felt about her. To put herself out there like she never had before. And if Waverly rejected her, she’d still offer herself up to help. And if she wanted Nicole to go, she would go. Her life for the past four years had always been for Waverly but finally, finally she wanted a little bit for herself.

“Guest of 56955?”

“Yes?” Nicole placed her hat on her head and stood, uncrumpling the paper and smoothing out its edges to recheck the numbers. “That’s me.”

The nurse nodded, walking up to her with a plastic bag. “Here.”

Nicole took the bag and looked inside. Waverly’s sweat pants and unicorn t-shirt were staring up at her. Nicole glanced back at the nurse waiting for instruction.

“Here are her things.”

“Isn’t she cold?” Nicole replied dumbly. 

“No, she has a blanket. A lot of blankets, actually. Please follow me.” 

Nicole did as she was told, watching the nurse scan her badge and swing open the surgery door. The redhead gripped the day-bag and the plastic in one hand, rolling her shoulders in an attempt to look strong for Waverly. 

“She is quick off the anesthesia. Dr. Placer has already been in to see her.” The nurse informed as she guided Nicole down a hallway through a series of double doors. “She immediately asked for you.”

Nicole felt her body warm as the nurse walked up to a corner room closed with just a curtain. The nurse knocked on the wall.

“Come in.” Waverly’s voice sounded gravelly and thick. The nurse nodded at her before walking away.

Nicole entered and took in the details of Waverly in her recovery room. She was laying in a standard hospital bed with what looked like three thick, white hospital blankets pulled up to her chin. Waverly’s eyes were glazed, face pulled into a timid smile, and her hair was splayed around the pillow like a halo. 

“You look beautiful.” Nicole gasped.

“Don’t lie to me, Nicole. I was drugged to sleep and they just had a camera up my hoo-ha. I probably look like New Year’s Day 2012.” 

Nicole laughed deeply, turning to close the curtain and place the bags by the chair against the wall. “I’ve never lied to you so you will just have to trust me.”

Waverly hummed in response as Nicole sat down in the chair. She fingered the paper in her hands as she tried to work out what she wanted to say to Waverly. She folded it into a tiny paper airplane, creasing each edge with purpose. Alas, Nicole could not bring herself to throw it. So she stuffed it back into her pocket with a slight sigh, still unable to speak.

“That won’t do.”

“What won’t?” Nicole queried, wiping her sweaty palms on her pants. 

“You’re too far away.”

Nicole stood and removed her stetson, placing it in the seat before crossing to the bed. Waverly slowly moved the blankets down, freeing her right arm to reach out towards Nicole. Nicole laced their fingers together, so thankful for the recent comfort in doing so. Her hand felt empty without Waverly’s.

“That’s more like it.” 

“How long do you have to stay?” Nicole asked, turning Waverly’s arm and noticing they had already removed the IV and replaced it with cotton and tape.

“They said like an hour or so. They want to make sure the anesthesia wears off properly before you take me to the hotel.” Waverly squeezed, her eyes still glazy but full of affection. “It didn’t take very long.”

“WebMD says the actual procedure only takes like 15 minutes but you were gone for about two hours.” Nicole blurted out before grimacing.  _ Shit. _

"You weren't supposed to know that yet."Waverly chuckled. “That receptionist violated PIPEDA bigtime.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I-- I liked it.” Waverly whispered. “I like that you care.”

“Well in that case, I just spent two hours researching the entire procedure and recovery. I probably could perform the whole thing myself.” Nicole grinned and reached up to push a strand of Waverly’s hair behind her ear. “Maybe I should change careers?”

“No, no.” Waverly bit her lip and pushed herself up in the bed. “Not really how I want you to see my lady bits for the first time.”

Nicole felt her face go hot as Waverly’s words set in.

“I love doing that.”

“What?” Nicole gulped knowingly.

“Seeing how much my words affect you. I am kind of add--” Waverly stops herself. 

“Addicted to it?” Nicole finishes her sentence, sitting down on the bed and pulling Waverly’s hand into her lap. “Me too.”

The air grew dense as Nicole drew circles on the back of Waverly’s hand with her thumb. Slow, deliberate, soft circles.  _ How do I tell her I don't care if she's sick. I just want to make her happy. _

"Where did you go?" Waverly asked, her voice soft.

"How long have we been dancing around this?" Nicole didn't even recognize her own voice.

"I told you a few weeks ago--"

"No." Nicole sandwiched Waverly's hand between both of hers. " _ This. _ "

Waverly face softened into a knowing, almost affectionate look before she gritted her teeth and looked away. "We can't."

Nicole's stomach filled with rocks, pulling her navel to the floor. It wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for but she didn't want to run. She would never run from Waverly Earp.

"Ok." Nicole said firmly, squeezing Waverly's hand. “I can do that.”

Waverly turned back to her, her face a mix of confusion and sadness. But her hazels beckoned, drawing in Nicole’s heart far quicker than her words broke it. "No, that-- that isn't what I mean at all."

The redhead tilted her head and decided to wait for Waverly to explain.

"We can't do that until I tell you why I am here. What might be happening to me in the future."

"Cancer."

Waverly shifted forward, her mouth hanging open in shock.

"I guessed today." Nicole scooted closer, cupping Waverly's face with one of her hands. "I don't care, Waverly."

"But--"

Nicole leaned in and felt Waverly's breath hit her cheek as she laid her forehead against the smaller woman's. She adjusted her hips to get closer, placing all her weight on her left hand and off of Waverly's body, moving her right through the golden brown waves. The two women had been here before, so close but so far from what they both wanted. Nicole was done waiting.

"I'm  _ so _ angry, Waverly." She whispered, their noses lightly touching.

"Why?" 

“It took cancer to push me to do this. To tell you this.”

“What?” Was all Waverly could muster. Nicole flicked her eyes down and watched the brunette lick her lips in anticipation. The room was filled with heavy emotion and Nicole knew that once she entered into this new place with Waverly, she was never going to leave.

“I love you, Waverly Earp.” Nicole proclaimed, pulling her head back to look deeply into Waverly’s eyes. “I have loved you for so long. I don’t want to put more pressure on you than you need right now but I can’t let another day go by without you knowing.”

Waverly smiled as her eyes darted back and forth between Nicole’s. “I’m scared, Nicole.”

“Me too.”

“This isn’t going to be easy.” Waverly brought up her hand to cup Nicole’s face. “I mean, I don’t even know if it’s actually cancer. And if it is there are so many terrible possibilities and I just can’t do that to you. What kind of person would I be--” 

“Shh.”

Waverly stopped rambling and Nicole heard the woman’s breath hitch as she laid her forehead against hers again. “Where you go, I go.” 

Waverly leaned forward and brushed her lips lightly against Nicole’s causing her eyes to flutter closed at the softness of the action. Nicole couldn’t stand it any longer. 

“May I kiss you?”

Waverly didn’t respond. Instead the smaller woman cupped both of Nicole’s cheeks and brought their lips together again, firmer than before but just as slow and soft. The kiss was beyond what Nicole had dreamed; it was everything. Electricity bloomed on the back of Nicole’s head and shot down her spine as their lips moved together languidly, the slowness of creating a new memory they both could cherish. Nicole scooted forward and placed a hand on either side of Waverly’s hips to support her own weight and allow the woman to set the pace as their mouths became acquainted. The shift brought their bodies closer together and caused Waverly to moan, spurring Nicole to open her mouth wider on the next pass, deepening the kiss as it became more desperate. It was messy, deep, and filled with pent up desire. She felt Waverly’s hands go to her shirt and tug, pulling Nicole’s lips in deeper as she dragged her tongue across the redhead’s lower lip with wanton earnest.  _ She’s going to kill you. _ Before it became too much to handle, Nicole leaned back her breath haggard and quick.

“Holy shit.” Waverly gasped, sucking in air. “You are good at that.”

“So are you.” Nicole grinned, leaning her head back against Waverly’s to feel the connection. “I can’t believe I sat on this for four years.”

“I want to hit you for it, honestly.” Waverly pulled her in for a quick peck. “But then I’d be a hypocrite. I’ve waited just as long.”

“Well I guess that makes us both stupid.” Nicole laughed, kissing the tip of Waverly’s nose. Waverly lets out a tiny squeal of joyous approval that just worms its way into Nicole’s chest. Nicole closes her eyes and lets the worm crystalize and bloom, fluttering around as a newly born butterfly. “God, I love you.”

“I love you too, stupid.” 

Nicole felt like she was the butterfly, finally free.

*****

“I have returned!”

“Thank god, I thought you had left me here to starve.”

Nicole chuckled before pushing the door to the hotel room shut and locking it. Once she was sure they were safe, she turned to the rolling cart in the room’s hallway. Grabbing the handle and pushing it into the room fully, Nicole took in the sight of a tired Waverly looking over the room service cart with confusion. 

“Ta-da!” Nicole yelled, picking her stetson off of her head and bowing theatrically. “Your dinner is served.” 

Waverly’s slow clapping entered her ears as she pulled herself to full height. 

“What do you think?”

Nicole had left Waverly in their hotel room, a spacious double queen room with fluffy beds and tasteful decor. The brunette had taken her prescription Tylenol and allowed Nicole to prop her up with as many pillows as possible before leaving to grab dinner. And now she had returned to the delight of Waverly. The smaller woman placed a bookmark into her book before laying it down on the nightstand.

“Is that room service? Did you leave me here alone for over an hour to get  _ room service _ ?” Waverly asked sternly but Nicole could hear the playfulness in her voice.

Nicole glanced at the cart: a square metal contraption with a large domed cloche, two smaller domed cloches, an ice bucket, and two champagne flutes sitting on top of a neat white table cloth. Below the cloth sat all the fixings Nicole was unable to fit under the cloches.

“May I serve you dinner, my lady?” Nicole tried her best waiter voice.

Waverly smiled. “You may.”

Nicole reached under the cloth and pulled out a dinner tray, flipping out the legs before moving to Waverly. She placed it gingerly over the woman’s thighs before leaning in for a quick kiss on her lips. She received a hum of approval at the gesture.

“Not terribly professional but I will allow it.” Waverly responded as Nicole moved back to the cart.

“May I show the lady her main course?”

“You may.”

Nicole lifted the cloche, revealing a familiar red and white cardboard box filled with Kentucky Fried Chicken. Waverly smirked.

“Colonel Sanders’ most exquisite fried chicken made with 11 secret herbs and spices. It won him a Michelin Star.” Nicole draweled before removing the two smaller cloches. “And his world famous re-constructed coleslaw and puree-ed mashed potatoes with sawmill gravy.”

Waverly 'oohed’ and ‘awed’ at the reveal, her smile bright and strong. Nicole grabbed a plate and began filling it with the food making sure to only put drumsticks as she knew Waverly preferred them. Once finished she grabbed plastic silverware and strolled forward, laying it onto Waverly’s tray.

“Is the lady thirsty?” Nicole asks lowly, still leaning over the brunette.

“She is.” Waverly growls. “But she must abstain and ask for a drink to go with dinner instead.”

Nicole turned back to the cart and pulled a gallon sized container of sweet tea out from below the tablecloth. With a quick motion, she pours the tea into a champagne flute with bartender accuracy. A quick plop and one fancy ball shaped ice cube was dropped in over the liquid.

“Sweet tea, my lady.” Nicole bows, placing the glass onto her tray with ease. “A vintage. Very expensive.”

Nicole watches as Waverly breaks, unable to hold back her laughter. The redhead grabs the tray and stills it, watching Waverly come undone. She blinks like she is a camera turning on record mode, hoping her brain will memorize every little part of this moment. The curve of Waverly’s mouth, her laugh lines grazing her closed eyes, the utter joy plaster across her features.  _ I could survive on this moment alone. _

“How?” Waverly questions, her hands clutching at her stomach and her face grimacing in slight pain at her motions. “How in the hell did you get that cart?”

“I flashed these bad boys.” Nicole grins widely, popping her dimples and then sits on the bed by Waverly’s knees. “The lady at reception was a goner. She gathered all of this for me.”

“You should be in politics with those things.” Waverly gazed lovingly.

“Nah. I only use them for good.”

Their eyes meet and they slowly stare, enjoying the moment of bliss. But then Waverly sighs, reaching forward for a chicken leg, bringing it to her mouth and biting down. A moan of appreciation leaves her mouth. “Fuck, I’m hungry.”

Before Nicole can reply, Waverly’s phone rings. Waverly looks at her instead of her phone so Nicole stands and picks it up.

“It’s Wynonna.”

“I don’t want to talk to her.” Waverly says softly, no malice present. “But you can if you want.”

“Hello?” Nicole answers. “Of course Waverly is alive.”

*****

**April 27, 2019**

“I don’t really care what you do.”

“Does that mean you will stop sulking on your patio every night I come from a date with Champ?” Waverly hissed as she stood in the pitch black on Nicole’s deck. 

To say Waverly was mad was an understatement. The woman she desired more than anything in the world had been sitting on her porch every time she returned from a date with Champ for the last few months. Waverly felt like Nicole was waiting, sulking, pining.  _ If you want me that bady just fucking tell me, Nicole. _ It was infuriating to see Nicole obviously interested but never acting on it. 

“I’m just playing my guitar.” Nicole said calmly. “I can’t sleep.”

_ Sure you are. Looks like you are torturing yourself instead. _

Sure, Waverly didn’t actually like Champ. And sure, Champ was a handsy asshole who had yet to do anything nice for her other than attempt to buy his way into her pants. And sure, if Waverly was honest with herself she was only dating Champ to get a rise out of Nicole and by God, the woman just wouldn’t give it to her. The only thing she consistently did was sit on this goddamn porch and play goddamn country music. It was always just loud enough for Champ and Waverly to hear from the Homestead’s porch.  _ Maybe tell her? Initiate?  _

“You could be doing more than playing your guitar, Nicole.” Waverly bit, her frustrations mounting. But she couldn’t do it. “I go out with Champ. I am sure you can find a nice, sweet girl in town to go on dates with.”

Nicole didn’t respond. Waverly bit her lip in frustration as she listened to the silence of the night around them. 

“Nicole!”

Nicole didn’t respond again and Waverly heard the tell-tale twang of Nicole dragging her fingers up the neck of her guitar. A quick strum of G and Nicole’s voice filled the night.

**“** **Oh, how you sparkle**

**And oh, how you shine**

**That flush on your cheeks is more than the wine**

**And he must do something that I didn't do**

**Whatever he's doing**

**It looks good on you”**

“Dammit, Nicole.” Waverly whined before turning and power walking off the porch. Nicole’s voice followed her all the way to the door of the homestead.

**“You look so good in love**

**You want him**

**That's easy to see**

**You look so good in love**

**And I wish you still wanted me”**

_ But I do, you idiot.  _ Waverly thought as she flung the Homestead door open. Nicole’s voice drowned out as she stormed through the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Whoosh*
> 
> I am a few chapters ahead in this fic and I decided to edit this one today so I could publish for all y'all. Your comments are giving me life. Thank you so much for all the support. I know my fic does not follow a normal story pattern but I do what I want.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Little Sadie" by Crooked Still is present in this here fic.

**February 14, 2018**

Blood was rushing so quickly through Nicole’s ears, she was unable to hear the classic jingle or Johnny Gilbert’s world renowned ‘This is Jeopardy!’ She was too busy trying to ignore the searing reality that Waverly Earp was currently perched on her lap, excitedly squealing at Gilbert’s contestant introductions. This was not how her Valentine’s Day was supposed to go. Nicole had a long day completing construction updates in the tool barn so that they could be better prepared for the planned Homestead renovations. All she wanted was a long shower, Garth Brooks’ “The Ultimate Hits” record, and a cold can of coke. But Waverly had been waiting on her porch with her dinner, grinning devilishly, and sporting the sweetest hazel eyes. She told Nicole that she had planned a farm Galentines where they were all going to watch a movie while eating cupcakes. She even made sure to mention that she had already ordained Doc as an honorary gal, so it was officially a party. Nicole couldn’t refuse.

So now she was seated on the Earp sister’s small living room loveseat. Wynonna was seated shoulder to shoulder with her, clutching a bottle of whiskey with a donut shoved down the neck. Doc was on the floor, his back leaned against the couch between Wynonna’s legs and a pink frosted cupcake gingerly held in his hands. Waverly had been seated in the armchair off to the right of the television but she had complained that she couldn’t see before crossing and plopping down onto Nicole’s lap unceremoniously. It had sent Nicole’s brain into overdrive, the gears and bearings whirring and popping with fury.

Nicole would probably never forget the way Waverly had asked for permission; her head had been turned, cocked to the side, her breath on Nicole’s cheek, the most charming ghost of a smile.

_ Do you mind? _

Nicole didn’t mind. But it didn’t stop the current flow of blood through her head down to her core. Waverly sat perfectly in the crook between the arm of the couch and Nicole’s thigh, pinning her right arm around the brunette’s waist. Waverly’s back pressed deliciously up Nicole’s front and her head sharing the throw pillow the redhead was using to prop up her neck. 

Nicole wondered if it was ok to die.

“What is ‘Beat It?”

Nicole blinked and gulped, her nerves washing away enough for her to hear Alex Trebek’s voice confirm Waverly correct.  _ Micheal Jackson song, just a Micheal Jackson song.  _

“Yes!”

“Babygirl?” Wynonna’s bored voice made Nicole turn in her direction, hoping her face wouldn’t give her away. “Why are we watching this smart people shit? You promised us 'gals' the ever romantic, Blade Runner 2049.”

“Who is Virginia Woolf?” Waverly answers quickly. “It’s not on demand. We gotta wait thirty minutes so I thought we could watch Jeopardy while we wait.”

“Do we all have to watch this outdated show?” Wynonna took a swig. “Because like, I ain’t getting any smarter and Alex Trebec is definitely a vampire.”

“We can vote?” Doc offered. “Though, I must admit that I do not mind at all. That smart dressed fella at the end has been on a three-week streak.”

Nicole gulped down a moan as Waverly adjusted her butt closer to her pelvis, grinding slightly. The movement sent a shockwave between her legs and she tried to focus her will on the next question.

_ “This television phenomenon premiered June 11, 2002 and changed the pop music and reality tv scene forever.” _

“American Idol!” Nicole yelled loudly, her pitch high and off tune. Waverly jumped slightly at her exclamation so Nicole wrapped her right arm around the woman tighter to steady her. “Sorry.”

Waverly only blushed in response.  _ Shit. _

“Nice one, Haught-Wheels.” Wynonna nibbled at her donut, unaware, before taking a long swig. “I guess that is three-to-one. I’ll just get smashed instead.”

Nicole heard a small groan of disapproval coming from Waverly at Wynonna’s admission. Wynonna’s drinking was a sore subject for everyone and Nicole knew better than to acknowledge Waverly’s disdain. It would only generate a spat between the Earps and Nicole couldn't deal with that right now. Not when she was just trying to breathe like a normal human being.

“Why don’t you try to answer one out of the Greece column?” Waverly tried, craning her neck behind Nicole’s head to look at her sister.

“Who is the tanned-sexy-fisherman-with-defined-muscles-and-a-talented-tongue?”

Nicole groaned and leaned her head back while Doc snickered lightly. 

“Wynonna!”

“What? I may not remember his name but I will remember that night forever.” Wynonna shrugged. “Haught knows what I mean.”

“I definitely do not know what you mean.” Nicole replied, attempting to turn her focus back on the show.

“Not the receiving part but the giving. I heard from a little birdie that you’ve got mad skills.”

Waverly stiffened in Nicole’s arms and a wave of pleasured curiosity washed over the redhead.  _ Was Waverly reacting to the crassness or-- _

_ “Born April 21, 1816; Died March 31, 1855. This author and poet is known for ‘The Professor’ and ‘Jane Eyre.’” _

“Who is Currer Bell?” Waverly shot forward a bit, rolling Nicole’s thigh under her weight. “Fuck! No, I mean--”

“Is it not Charlotte Bronte?” Doc asked quizzically, obviously confused by Waverly getting the question wrong. 

“You ok there, Nerdly?” Wynonna’s voice was no longer even, a hint of play was now involved. “Doc should not be getting answers right over you.”

Nicole didn’t dare to look over as she adjusted herself under Waverly, placing the smaller woman’s body in a more comfortable position.

“I mean--” Waverly shook her head. “Currer Bell was her male pen name.”

“Surrrrr-eeee.” Wynonna mocked. “But for reals. I heard from Peter, who heard from Carl, who heard from Chrissy, who heard from Shae that our resident fire crotch is talented with other ladies’ crotches.”

Nicole felt her face get warm.

“If you know what I mean.” Wynonna teased, throwing an elbow into Nicole’s ribs. “And judging by how red she is right now, I’m right.”

“I will neither confirm nor deny.” Nicole responded as dryly as she could muster.

She then saw Waverly bite her lip out of the corner of her eye and the blood rushed back, her hearing useless once more.

*****

Nicole had been trying to watch the movie to the best of her ability but all she had collected was that it starred Harrison Ford and featured time travel. The scent of wildflowers tickled her nostrils and the deep set breathing of the sleeping woman in her arms kept her from comprehending much else. She watched Ford and the young dude character get out of some car and walk slowly in a snowy landscape before she tilted her head, noticing Doc was laid out across the floor with his black stetson covering his face. It brought a hint of smile across her own.

"Can you understand any of this shit?" Wynonna grumbled. “Like they are the same dude but I could give less than two shits. We would have been better off watching the Baywatch remake. The Rock  _ rocks _ .”

Nicole tilted her eyes to her boss, the woman leaned forward on Waverly's legs, an amused look on her face.

"Nope." Nicole responded, turning back. "Was never a big Sci-Fi fan."

"Sorry about Waverly."

“No worries.”  _ I’m not at all sorry about Waverly. _

“Like, it’s been three hours. You should have just dumped her ass on the floor.”

Nicole looked down at the woman curled into her chest, sleeping soundly. Her right leg felt tingly from Waverly's weight but overall it was the most comfortable the ranch hand had felt in years.

"No big. She weighs like-- nothing." Nicole responded as evenly as possible. "But y'all still might need to add a bigger couch to the Reno budget."

Wynonna chuckled, leaning back on the couch.”Yeah, probably.”

Nicole turned back to the movie.

"She has never really had a proper Valentine's Day. At least when I was around, anyway. Her high school boyfriends always invited her over to watch them play Call of Duty and shit like that. And I was always out at the bar or with a dude."

"Ew. Men."

“They can be useful.” Wynonna burped. "Or she would drag Willa to get mani-pedis. Guess she figured I wouldn't want to do that. She came up with this elaborate Galentine's day and somehow you both got roped into this."

Nicole thought about how terrible it was that Waverly had never been cherished by past beaus. It made her muscles twitch, like she was going to leap forward and fight.

"Doc  _ needs _ a pedicure."

Wynonna snorted. “I think he actually gets manicures.”

"But honestly, I don't mind. We have a light day tomorrow and it's nice to have some company."

"Is that all you don't mind?" Wynonna turned with an eyebrow uplifted. 

Nicole looked into blue considering her options.

"The cupcakes aren't half bad either."

A grin spread slowly across Wynonna's face before she leaned forward and grabbed the remote. "I'm gonna turn this off. Wake up Waverly so she can drag her cuddly ass to bed and get off my employees. You both need sleep; the animals don't feed themselves, ya know?"

"No need." Nicole slid her arms underneath Waverly and pulled her in closer. "I'll just carry her up and put her in bed."

Wynonna just shrugged in response so Nicole lifted and stood up, Waverly's weight not an issue for her ranch hardened muscles. She slowly crossed to the stairs and carefully climbed, taking care to not knock Waverly into the wall. Once she reached the upper landing she found only two doors and saw a soft night light coming from the left door.  _ Left it is. _

Waverly's room was sophisticated but homey. Blues, whites, and purples. Fur throw pillows, tasteful decor, and barrel racing trophies lined surfaces. Nicole frowned when she noticed a knitted afgan covering a nasty bit of water damage from the roof in the corner of the bedroom. She instantly knew her next big project and she made a mental note to talk about logistics with Doc in the morning.

Waverly mumbled something into her shirt so she crossed the space to her queen sized bed and shifted Waverly in her arms so she could pull down the covers. Once complete, she laid Waverly down softly and manipulated her body under the covers the best she could without being too creepy. Nicole took a second to take in Waverly’s soft beauty under the light of the night light. She wished she could crawl into bed with the woman, pull her close, fall asleep to the rhythmic breathing she had enjoyed for the past hour.

_ I should be happy just to know her. _

"Nicole." Waverly groaned gravelly as she pulled at the covers and rolled over. 

Her name being said in such a low voice did dirty things to Nicole's body so she stepped back and quickly left the room, only stopping to close the door. Once on the landing she sighed deeply before going back down into the Earp living room.  _ It’s not what you think. _

Wynonna was missing but Doc was still flat out on his back, his breathing deep. Nicole chuckled before stepping forward to grab her stetson and plop it on her head. 

"Leave him." Wynonna's voice came from behind the curtain to her room. "He's a bear to wake up."

"Alright but if he's an asshole in the morning, it's on you." 

Nicole crossed to the front door and opened it, the cool February air chilling her overheated body. She pulled her jacket off the hook and slugged it on.

"I appreciate you coming-- for Waverly." Wynonna’s head was sticking out of the little window to her room. The wild brunette’s voice sounded different, almost motherly. “You are-- you are great for-- you are a great employee.”

_ I want to be more. _

"Yeah." Nicole replied, stepping out and closing the door.

_ For Waverly. _

*****

**December 11, 2020**

  
  


**“Went out one night to make a little round**

**I met Little Sadie and I shot her down**

**Went back home, jumped into bed**

**44 pistol under my head”**

The thumping strings of the cello filled Nicole’s head as she tapped her fingers on the wheel of the jeep. She then heard Waverly begin to hum as the violin and banjo joined in; the raucous folk tune filling every crevice with it’s healing power. Nicole felt like the song was hyping her up for whatever was waiting for them at the homestead. It was very possible Wynonna might shoot her. At the very least point a gun at her. But she had kissed Waverly and Waverly kissed her back.  _ Who gives a fuck if I die, I am going to die happy.  _ Before Nicole could sing along, Waverly reached forward and turned off the radio.

“I guess we need to make a plan?” She asked nervously, grabbing onto Nicole’s right wrist and bringing it over the console into her lap.

“That would be wise.” 

“Want to just say fuck it and keep driving?”

It was endearing and Nicole squeezed Waverly’s thigh in approval. The idea that they could just keep driving and leave everything behind was beyond tempting. “What would we do?”

“I am decent at barrel racing.”

“We don’t have a horse.” Nicole tilted and grinned.

“You could be a troubadour. Tall, dark, broody. I can play rhythm to your salacious guitar picking and we can follow the rodeo circuit. Playing Tyler Childers, Crooked Still, and Brandi Carlile tunes to our hearts content.” Waverly said matter-of-factly. “Once we get enough money we can send a master thief to Peacemaker Farms to steal Dandelion.”

Nicole laughed deeply, slowing the jeep down to take the turn-off that would lead them to the Homestead.

“I’m sure if you ask Doc nicely, he’d steal Dandelion for you.”

“Ok. Fun ruiner.” Waverly sighed. “Pull over for a second.”

Nicole glanced over and saw Waverly’s face slack and stern; unlike the smile she was just sporting. She slowed the jeep and pulled over to park in a hay-field pull off but kept the engine running.

“Everything ok?”

Waverly turned, sliding her hand up Nicole’s arm until it reached her face, cupping it lightly before moving it into her hair. She hummed at the touch, allowing Waverly to pull her over the console for a deep kiss. The brunette tasted like peppermint chapstick and Nicole slowly moved her lips over Waverly’s lower lip, before kissing down her face and onto her neck.

“I just needed--” Waverly lost her though as Nicole lightly sucked on her pulsepoint. “To do this.”

Nicole murmured her agreement, un-willing to stop the exploration. Waverly’s hands played lightly with the hairs on the back of her neck before trailing down her chest and gripping at her shirt.

“Alright, maybe not the best idea.” Waverly moaned, pulling her up for a chaste kiss before pushing Nicole back in her seat. “I totally want to do more of that but we do really need to talk.”

“Alright.” Nicole gave her best dimpled smile.

“I don’t want to tell anyone.” 

“About what?” Nicole questioned. “I mean, I am of course, ok with that but a few things have happened. Really nice things.”

A blush crept it’s way up Waverly’s neck and Nicole’s heart soared.  _ You are the cause of that _ .

“I will tell them once the results come in. As far as you and I--” Waverly’s voice trailed off. “I am unsure.”

Nicole felt a knot form in her stomach but she pushed through. Waverly had the world on top of her right now and Nicole’s lack of courage in telling the woman her feelings was her own mistake. 

“We can be whatever you want us to be. I just want to be there for you.” Nicole said firmly. “No expectations.”

Nicole watched her love’s eyelashes flitter as her head shook slightly, un-believing. 

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Be everything I need when I need it.” Waverly softly cooed, leaning in.

_ You taught me that. _

“I learned it from the best.” Nicole responded, closing the distance and kissing her once more.

*****

Waverly gripped onto Nicole’s hand as the redhead parked the jeep next to Wynonna’s truck. She glanced towards the barn, noticing the dark outline of Doc’s hat next to Gus’s Mustang. Waverly craned her neck and noticed he was washing it.  _ Great. Gus and Wynonna.  _

“You got this.” Nicole said firmly. “I’ll be wherever you need me to be. Just let me know.”

Waverly nodded as her anxiety bubbled up from her stomach into her chest. _Thank god your uterus decided to stop aching this morning. Just walk in there, say hi, and get working on those slaughterhouse requisitions._ She nodded her head firmly three more times before letting go of Nicole’s hand. The redhead got out of the jeep and she watched her push back her hair before slipping on her stetson. _God, why is it so much hotter now?_ _Probably because you’ve felt her on-top of you, dingus._

Before she could expand on that thought, her passenger door was open and dimples were beckoning her out.

“Why is Doc washing Gus’s mustang in December?” Nicole snorted. “It’s not like she drives it very often.”

Waverly just shrugged, her nerves keeping her from a decent response.

“Miss Waverly!” Doc called, waving. 

Waverly climbed out and waved back, standing off to the side so Nicole could grab their bags.

“I will go throw my duffle on my porch then meet you at the homestead with yours?” Nicole asked.

Waverly nodded in response before turning towards the homestead and noticing her aunt leaning over the railing, Waverly’s favorite mug steaming in her hand. She breathed in deeply and began walking up to the house, pulling her coat tighter around her body.

“Waverly.”

“Hi, aunt Gus. It’s good to see you.” 

The homestead door flung open and Waverly jumped, her face suddenly covered in brown hair and leather. 

“You both have cell phones, would it kill either of you to use them?” Wynonna shouted into her neck and wrapped her arms tightly around her. Waverly immediately noticed the lack of a whiskey smell.  _ What the-- Nevermind. _

“I wrote our return date and time on the calendar on the fridge.” Waverly responded softly, letting her hands stay at her sides. She wasn’t quite sure she was ready to hug her quite yet.

“Let your sister loose. She looks to be standing--” Gus stood up and crossed closer. “Got all her limbs.”

“Sorry for giving a shit.” Wynonna let go, rubbing Waverly’s shoulders. “Where is Nicole?”

Waverly turned towards the redhead’s cabin and saw the taller woman holding her case and staring back. She nodded her head towards the homestead and Nicole began walking towards them.

“Did you take her to a doggy training course?” Wynonna sassed before Gus hit her. “What, she didn’t always come on command.”

A dirty thought crossed Waverly’s mind and she shook it free, turning back to her family and setting her face.

“No.” Waverly replied dryly. “She was my driver. No questions, remember?”

“Right.”

“Tell her, Wynonna.” Gus interjected as Nicole arrived at the bottom of the step, placing Waverly’s case on the landing.

Wynonna’s face shifted uncomfortably as a hand reached behind her head to scratch. Waverly decided to play it cool, not wanting to break her poker face. The awkwardness of everything was jumbling up her insides. Wynonna let silence hang too long.

“Well?” Waverly huffed. “Tell me. I have slaughterhouse reqs to complete.”

“I took care of that.” Gus inserted. “And payroll.”

_ What? _

“We are all going to Shorty’s tonight.”

Waverly blinked as her eyebrows scrunched.

“That’s your big reveal?” Nicole’s voice came in and the three women on the porch all turned to glare. “Whoops, sorry.”

“Yes.” Wynonna confirmed. “Gus is closing it tonight for a family bonding-- experience?”

“An intervention.” Gus supplied.

“What?” Waverly felt a surge of anger. “From what?”

“No, no, no.” Wynonna grabbed her shoulders, glaring at Gus. “A discussion. Discussions. Round table one on ones.”

“Why?” Nicole piped in. 

“We are a family.” Gus replied sharply.

“Doc is coming too, Haught-to-Trot. You ain’t an Earp just yet.”

Gus hissed at that before crossing down and past Nicole. “Everybody get ready and be there at five.”

  
Waverly felt her eyes roll in her head.  _ Great. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love a good round table.
> 
> Please leave comments! I love responding and hearing from you all.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to New54321 and their wonderful fic "Painted Walls and Hardwood Floors" I have an obsession with Nicole Haught as a firefighter. Please excuse my shittier version and go read that fic instead.
> 
> Also, thanks for reading this chapter. It's confusing and honestly not normal. But I had a vision early on when I brainstormed this story and I refuse to drop my vision.

**October 31, 2017**

Waverly pulled her arms through the white straps and tugged, adjusting the fit of her angel wings while looking in her bedroom mirror. She smiled, enjoying the way they looked before glancing down at her simple white sundress, thin gold belt, skin-colored tights, and white boots. Her costume was comfortable, pretty, and not the usual overly sexualized look she went for around Halloween.  _ I hope Nicole likes it. _ Waverly pursed her lips and blushed at the intrusive thought. She had been having a lot of them lately and they always revolved around the redheaded ranch hand. Waverly wished the woman would just make a move.

As she placed her halo headband on top of her head, Waverly’s bedroom door flung open and Wynonna sauntered in.

“Well I’ll be.” Wynonna whistled. “Someone is going to be touched by an angel tonight.”

Waverly took in her sister’s costume with slight confusion. She was wearing brown sandals that strapped up to her knees, a tight brown mini-skirt, metal plated belt with fur trim, a brown fur bodice, painted on blue stripes across her bare shoulders and down her chest, and her hair pulled back in an intricate braid.  _ Is that heavy eyeliner? _

“Guess.” Wynonna grinned, twirling to show off the full outfit.

“Sexy mesopotamia?” Was Waverly’s only response.

“Noooo.” Wynonna whined. “Sexy Khal Drogo. Jeremy helped me with the idea so I could impress Dolls. Supposedly he is  _ very  _ into Game of Thrones.”

“Xavier Dolls?” Waverly questioned. “Jeremy’s new vet assistant?”

“Yep. He came out when they put the cow down last month and I’ve been meeting up with him at Shorty’s.” 

“Are you sure sexy Drogo is his thing?” Waverly giggled. “I would have probably done Daenerys.”

“I look like shit as a blonde-- and besides, Drogo is sexy.” Wynonna stepped forward and adjusted Waverly’s halo. “So, you look very pretty. Trying to impress anyone special?”

Waverly thought of Nicole’s eyes when she saw her in her blue polka dotted sundress in July. They had darkened to a deep brown and looked upon her with a longing that made her heart beat fast and her mouth go dry. This sundress was the same cut and Waverly was hoping to have the same effect.

“So, I take those ‘fuck me’ eyes as a yes?”

“Wynonna!”

“Come on little sis, we better go grab dumb and dumber and get to Shorty’s. Doc told me they are wearing matching outfits!” Wynonna sneered, grabbing her wrist and pulling her down the stairs.

Waverly felt the cool air of the evening hit her as her feet hit the porch.  _ Shit, I need a jacket. _ Before she could go back inside, Wynonna was locking the door and then pushing her towards the Jeep.

“Holy hell.” Wynonna almost yelled, stilling their forward movement with a jolt. Waverly looked up and felt air leave her chest. 

Nicole was a  _ fucking  _ firefighter. Rubber boots, tan and yellow canvas pants and coat, with the matching helmet. Waverly saw wisps of red peeking out from under the helmet and quickly wondered if the outfit was as  _ authentic  _ underneath.  _ Fuck me. _

"John Henry is that your hose or are you just happy to see me?" Wynonna quirked, pushing past her to gawk at Doc closer.

Sure, Waverly noticed his costume matched but he was not nearly as sexy. There was something about the way that Nicole stood, her fingers looped under her jacket and on her belt. The confidence was oozing and Waverly thought it was downright filthy. A cough emanated from Nicole as Waverly noticed that she was still looking hungrily over the ranch hand's body. Waverly's eyes drifted up to Nicole's and she found that same deep brown she was hoping for when she had chosen her own costume.  _ At least I am not the only one. _

"Here." Nicole said softly while removing her jacket. "You look cold."

Nicole's torso was covered in a tight, thick white long-john shirt. It was hugging all her muscles in a way that made Waverly squeeze her legs tighter. Red suspenders led up and over her breasts and Waverly had to ball her hands at her sides to keep from letting them wander up to give them a snap. It was all too much and not enough. Nicole’s scent enveloped Waverly as she placed the coat over her shoulders.

"You look absolutely beautiful." 

Waverly no longer felt cold. She instead felt brave.

"I want to climb you like a tree."

_ Too brave. _

Nicole smirked and tilted her head. Before the woman could respond, the jeep's engine was started, breaking their mutual concentration.

"Sorry." Waverly said quickly.

"Alright, time to go." Wynonna grabbed onto Waverly's arm and pulled. "Shorty's is on fire."

_ Not just Shorty's.  _ Waverly was a goner.

*****

Nicole had to physically grip the bar to keep herself from punching Champ Hardy in his stupid face.  _ Who calls a woman their angel? You don't own her.  _ The audacity of it all had aggravated Nicole and ruined a perfectly good game of pool with Waverly. And she had invited her over to get a drink but Waverly was too sweet and she was now standing by the jukebox with the rodeo rider, laughing at whatever stupid shit he must of been saying. It was cruel of the universe to have her fall in love with the nicest woman in Purgatory. To make matters worse, Waverly was still wearing her jacket and Nicole almost regretted giving it to her. It felt like a possessive move; especially when Champ fingered the edge and glared at her with a jealous sneer.

"He's a good man."

Nicole brought her water up to her lips and took a small sip before bringing the glass back down to the bar. Her eyes flicked up to Gus's as she rolled up her long sleeves. Suddenly hot and grumpy.

"He's a pig."

"You're one to talk."

"I've never been arrested for kidnapping a teenage girl." Nicole spat, turning to glare at him again.

"Charges were dropped. It was just football players trying to scare the head cheerleader." Gus placed two beers onto a tray for an employee to pick up. "Just boys being boys."

"So I guess boys can earn forgiveness then." Nicole cut, her anger over Champ loosening her lips around Gus. 

"Well. He didn't smash my window and take my .38." 

"I returned that." Nicole sighed. 

"My dead husband gave me that gun."

Nicole felt guilt run down her back. It had taken her months to buy that gun back from Purgatory Pawn. Pete made her promise to pay him almost four times its worth for him to hold it while she collected the money. With court, legal, and therapy fees; Nicole barely scraped by with it under their agreed upon time limit. When she returned it to Gus, the woman just pointed it at her. It felt deserved. Another reminder of the karma she had built chasing her high.

Nicole shrugged and sipped her water again.

"Stay out of Champ's way."

"Ok."

"Waverly needs someone to take care of her. She's had a difficult life and she doesn't have time to coddle you."

"I've never asked that."

"But she does it, does she not?"

Nicole bit her tongue as she glanced back towards Waverly. The woman's lips turned up in a smile and she waved.

Nicole didn't wave back.

*********

**December 11, 2020**

This was not at all what Nicole expected. But then the ranch hand remembered the whole thing was planned by Wynonna and Gus-- so, it was probably exactly what she should have expected. Wynonna was quirky and Gus was kind of a bitch; put together that combination and this is exactly the kind of bullshit they would pull.  _ Waverly is going to flip. _

Nicole removed her stetson as her eyes darted around Shorty's; her mouth slack as she took in the decorations and libations. There was a large cattle blanket hung across the back stairs with 'Congratulations' painted across it in black letters. Pink, blue, and black streamers were strung across most of the lights. The pool table was pressed against the wall and most of the tables were stacked up in the nook close to the front doors. The bar itself was covered in snacks, finger sandwiches, and what looked like pink and blue jello shots. There were random two person tables and chairs smattered about the main space. In the center of the room hung a piñata shaped like a penis. It was like a baby shower and bachelorette party had an evil child that proceeded to throw up all over Shorty's. 

Nicole turned to look at Doc, who she was forced to ride with in the truck by Wynonna, and gave him her best 'what the fuck' look.

"I did not know." Doc responded in confused wonder, patting her back before he stepped down towards the bar.

"Sure cowboy."

"Honest."

Nicole felt her chest tighten and the urge to run through the room and rip everything down overwhelmed her. This wasn't what Waverly needed right now. Why was it so difficult for her family to just respect her wishes. She wants to be left alone and tell you all on her own time. Before she could act on the urge, Gus filtered in from the back room.

"Haught." 

Nicole stepped down the stairs towards the bar slowly, placing her hat back on her head. She tried to control her anger by rolling her shoulders back and gripping a stool. "What the hell, Gus?"

"It's an intervention." Gus gruffed back. "Your seat is over here."

Gus crossed to a two seater table by the jukebox, a creaky chair on either side.  _ Are you sure it's not an interrogation? _

"We got to take everything down--" Nicole began. "Before Waverly sees it." 

"No." Gus shook her head. "You will come and sit."

Before Nicole could argue further, the front door opened and Waverly was being dragged in by Wynonna. She turned and felt time slow as she watched Waverly’s eyes take in the sight before her. To Nicole, it felt like watching a car crash. The furrowed lines across the brunette's face like the twisted metal of a car's frame. The confusion and loud gasp sounded like the sickening crunch. Her heart pulled. She couldn't watch this.

Nicole rushed up and pulled Waverly in as tightly as she could. "We can leave." She whispered, unsure. "I can take you home."

"No." Waverly responded quietly. "I received a--"

"Congratulations!" Wynonna wrapped her own arms around the couple.

Nicole shot her a fiery glare. 

Waverly pulled back from Nicole and sighed, bringing fingers to the bridge of her nose. "Wynonna, explain."

"It's a discussion party." Wynonna grinned and threw her arms out in display. "You've been secretive and we are pretty sure we know about what. So, we put together our brains and came up with this."

Nicole watched Waverly's eyes dart around Shorty's again but the shock she saw previously was gone. The woman's face was slack and void of any emotion. It made her want to hold her again.

"How does it work?" Waverly's voice was even.

"Well, you sit there." Wynonna points towards the corner booth near the bar. "And Haught over by the jukebox. Doc, Gus, and I will take turns reading our pre-written letters to each of you. And then you both can respond and we will all hug like one big family. Oh, and then we eat!"

Waverly turned to Gus. "This gonna be like the intervention we did before you put Wynonna in foster care?"

Gus shrugged.

"Pretty much." Wynonna huffed. "Gus came up with that part. I made the decorations. I have something important to tell you and hopefully, you'll share your secret with me."

"You don't have to do this." Nicole warned, still very uneasy.

"Whatever." Waverly replied and crossed to the booth.

Nicole felt her heart break a little as she watched her go.

*****

"Nicole Haught." Doc coughed, fiddling with his paper.

"John Henry Holliday."

"I have written this letter at the request of Gus and Wynonna concerning your secrecy with Waverly. As an employed part of this family--"

Nicole watched the Doc's mustache twitch.  _ This is bullshit. _ She knew how Doc felt about her and she sure as hell did not need an intervention letter.

"Sorry. I did not write that part." Doc grumbled, letting the letter drop to the table. "This is like your HA meetings but worse."

"Heroin Anonymous is useful, therapeutic even. This is ridiculous." Nicole growled angrily. "And you told me everything was going to be fine."

"It was fine. They asked me to write you each a letter about how your actions made me feel." Doc shrugged. "I thought we would just give them to you. Not sit in Shorty's, surrounded by baby shower decorations."

"Speaking of that-- what the fuck."

"It's not what you think--"

"It's not?" Nicole slammed her fist on the table. "She's not fucking pregnant."

Doc slammed his eyes shut and winced.

"Wynonna decorated. She really likes the way it all looks."

"Well, I don't."

"Well it's not about you."

"But it's about Waverly." Nicole groaned. "And that means it concerns me."

"You told her." Doc's eyes brightened. "By diggity dog, you devil woman. You finally told her."

_ Shit, Waverly is going to be pissed. _

*****

"Wynonna."

Nicole wanted to run. Her eyes darted to the booth where Waverly sat, arms folded, listening to Gus read from a spiral notebook. She willed the universe to get the woman to turn, she needed to see hazel if she was going to deal with this night sober. 

"Haught-Pants."

Wynonna sniffled.  _ What the fuck. _

"Are you crying?"

"When I first met you, I thought that you would steal Waverly's jeep for dope money." Wynonna read off of her phone, her lip trembling. "You were well known in town for having stolen from parked cars; one of which was owned by my aunt Gus Gibson."

_ Never going to live that one down. _

"I don't know why I didn't tell Doc to take you back to town, back to Nedley. And now, as I feel so uncertain it is difficult for me to continue to treat you like a criminal. I've watched you treat my sister with the utmost respect, even when she lies to me. I've decided to ask you to stay."

Nicole was dumbstruck. "Excuse me?"

"You didn't steal Waverly's jeep. You stole Waverly's heart. And I let my dumb, overprotective, alcoholic ass make you think you didn't deserve to love her. But now that my life has changed-- her life has changed-- you have my blessing to make her happy." 

This was not what Nicole expected.

*****

"I'm sorry Gus, I can't tell you yet."

Gus slammed her balled hands down on her spiral notebook with frustration. Waverly wanted to reach forward but she was numb, numb to having any feelings for them when she knew they didn't respect her own.

"But you'll tell--" Gus turned her head to look at Nicole. Waverly followed her eyes and saw the woman hugging Wynonna.  _ What the--  _ "her."

"Nicole has never done anything to intentionally hurt me. And you, you've done everything to sabotage and hurt her. Hurt us."

"I trust her." Waverly set her jaw. "I love her."

Waverly watched those words hit Gus like a mack truck. The older woman's face was no longer the hardened western woman she grew up with; it was the same heart broken scowl she sported when Willa died. 

"You can trust me."

"Can I, though?" Waverly shrugged smugly. "You helped Wynonna put together an intervention party. The same type of party you convinced Willa and I to do when I was a child. You said it would help Wynonna stay. Do you know how bad I felt when my letter to Wynonna made her cry?"

Gus turned to look over at Nicole and Wynonna again.

"And she still left. And I thought it was because of my letter."

"Waverly…"

"You don't get to play these same games. And you don't get to convince Wynonna to agree to them."

Waverly stood as the numbness in her body began to ease away. Anger easily pushing forward to take its place.

"Why did you do this? Why can't you just let me make my own decisions?"

"We are just concerned for you--"

"No, you think I'm fucking pregnant." Waverly threw her hands into the air.

Before Gus could respond Wynonna was pulling Waverly into a hug. She wanted to push her away. She wanted to shake Gus and scream all the things that have weighed her down. Family is supposed to be there for one another. Not force interventions and treat each other like dirt. But then she felt the wet tears on her. 

"Wynonna?"

Waverly's eyes darted up and she saw Nicole looking at her with a half smile, concern in her eyes. Like the woman knew something she didn't.

"Wynonna, what's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry." 

Doc stepped forward and she noticed his hat was missing, his mustache twitching. The man laid a hand on Wynonna's shoulder.

"Why are you sorry?" She asked, unsure of what was happening.

"I'm pregnant."

The relief rushed over Waverly's body.

"Wait-- the decorations are for you?"

"I wanted to tell you sooner." Wynonna pulled back, her eyes still filled. "But you had your own thing and I thought maybe you were pregnant too. But, obviously I ruined it."

"No, it’s my fault." Gus mumbled from the booth.

Waverly glanced at Nicole and saw supportive browns looking back.

"I have cancer."

Four sets of eyes burned into Waverly's. 

"Doctor called on the way over."

"Oh." Someone said but Waverly didn't hear it. She was still looking at Nicole.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me! Interventions are terribly awkward so I intentionally made this one awkward too. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts in the comments.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the little break... I may of become obsessed with The Haunting of Bly Manor and my brain short circuited.
> 
> This chapter contains the beautiful country classics.
> 
> "It's A Little Too Late" by Mark Chesnutt
> 
> "Don't Take Her She's All I Got" by Tracy Bird

**June 7th, 2019**

Champ offered Waverly his hand after opening the door of his lifted Ford King Ranch. Another exhaustive date at Shorty’s had come to a close and Waverly wondered whether she would actually form feelings for the man. At first she was hoping Champ would cause jealousy in Nicole; push the woman to let go of her insecurities and tell Waverly her feelings. But Nicole hadn’t. The ranch hand was stoic and respectful, never crossing any boundary with Waverly no matter how much she flirted. So Waverly gave up, or at least tried to give up, and really put effort into the dates with Champ. The only thing it reaffirmed so far was that she still hoped Nicole would change her mind.

“What a game,” Champ slammed the truck door. “Right, babe?”

Waverly didn’t know what game Champ was talking about so she just nodded and breathed in the cooler night air. Champ slid his arm around her, letting it touch her back vertically and resting his hand up near her neck. Waverly rolled her shoulders in an attempt to move his hand somewhere less controlling. It felt like ownership more than love.

“Wynonna’s truck is missing.” Champ sneered as he pushed Waverly towards the porch. “And I ain’t seen Doc at Shorty’s.”

“Doc and Wynonna went to an expo for the weekend.” Waverly commented unenthusiastically. 

“Did they take Red too?”

Waverly glanced towards Nicole’s cabin. No guitar strumming, no lights.  _ I thought she was going to stay behind. _ Waverly’s arm hairs stood on end and she suddenly felt worried, unsafe. “I’m not sure.”

Champ pulled Waverly in for a hug once they made it in front of her door; it was hard, possessive, and his hand moved down her back roughly to knead at her butt. 

“You’re so fucking hot, darling.”

Waverly felt a tad sick and she just wanted Champ to leave.

“I have a headache.”

“Waverly.” Champ whined as he moved her into the wall next to the door. Her back hit it with a thud, one that rang in her chest rather than between her legs. She felt trapped. “I have been waiting for a long time and like, there ain’t no one here. Whole house to ourselves.”

His lips attached to her neck and he sloppily kissed and sucked. It felt like dog kisses rather than ones of a lover. Waverly pulled her hands up to his chest and pushed but he kept himself firm, unyielding.

“No, Champ.” Waverly said softly but he didn’t respond. “I said no.”

Waverly saw a light flip on out of the corner of her eye. Champ kissed her lips hard but she tried to turn her head and look at the light, refusing to respond to his kiss. She then heard the quick strumming of Nicole’s Gibson fill the air.

**“** **Well, early this morning it dawned on me**

**The kind of man she needed me to be**

**She made a list and laid it there beside me on the bed**

**Now what I should'a done keep's runnin' through my head”**

Champ groaned into Waverly’s neck before his fist hit the wall next to her head. She jumped in surprise and pushed again, Champ yielding this time.

“My head really does hurt, Champ.”

**“Oh, I should'a done this and I should'a done that**

**I should'a been there, then she'd a never left**

**I should'a been hangin' on every word she ever had to say”**

“But when, Waverly.”

“Soon.”

**“It's a little too late, she's a little too gone**

**She's a little too right, I'm a little too wrong**

**Now would be the time to change but it's a little too late”**

“I am holding you to that.”

“Ok, Champ.”

Waverly felt him kiss her deeply before pulling back and skipping down the porch.

**“Last night I came home at a quarter till three**

**And to my surprise she wasn't mad at me**

**I thought she finally realized not to worry I'd be home**

**Then I realized this mornin' she was gone”**

Waverly glanced towards Nicole’s porch as she listened to Champ’s truck start up and begin to pull away. The porch light mixed with Champ’s headlights illuminated Nicole just enough for Waverly to notice she was in her pajamas, not her work clothes like she usually was. She hadn’t been waiting on the porch.  _ Then how did she know? _

**“Oh, I should'a done this and I should'a done that**

**I should'a been there, then she'd a never left**

**I should'a been hangin' on every word she ever had to say**

**But it's a little too late, she's a little too gone**

**She's a little too right, I'm a little too wrong**

**Now would be the time to change but it's a little too late”**

*****

**December 14, 2020**

The only thing Waverly could feel was Nicole’s hand in her own; everything else was dull and void of emotion. She stared forward dumbly, Dr. Placer typing away at her desk computer. They had been sitting in the waiting room for only a few minutes before Dr. Placer’s nurse retrieved them, placing the pair inside her office. Nicole had originally stayed seated outside but Waverly pulled her up and with her; the woman was her grounding rod. She was no longer going to leave her outside. Waverly was no longer going to leave her anywhere.

“Waverly?”

She blinked. “Yes?”

“Are you ok with Nicole being here for this? I will be going over your medical history and the plan I have proposed for you.” Dr. Placer asked sweetly.

“Yes.” Waverly nodded. “She’s allowed to know everything now.”

Dr. Placer turned and nodded at Nicole knowingly before glancing back at her computer. 

“The biopsy results of the procedure from last week and the images from your ultrasound confirmed my assumption that you have cancer of your endometrial lining. This is extremely rare in any woman under the age of 55.”

This is the part in the movie where people fall forward and scream. Arms holding wailing bodies, shrieking, convulsing. The doctor sits stoically in her chair, only the twitching of her eyes and lips letting the audience know how it actually affects her. Waverly had seen those movies. She had felt her heart break, her eyes brimming with tears for the person whose life was irrevocably changed. But now, as she sits hearing her diagnosis, she feels nothing. Nothing urging her forward. Nothing watching Dr. Placer’s face contorted in confusion. 

Nothing until Nicole squeezes her hand lightly, reminding Waverly she was still there. And only there. Not forcing a response but just a reminder that she is still tethered. Connected to this room and to this tumor inside of herself. Connected to this woman.

“Ok.”

“I cannot officially give you a full diagnosis, only a Gynecological Oncologist can. And I’ve already called one for you, if that is ok? We were friends at University and she is one of the best in her field. I wanted to get ahead of this for you so you can have the best outcome.”

“Ok.”

Dr. Placer nodded. “Her name is Dr. Andrea Taylor. She is usually fully booked but I told her your story and she specializes in younger patients diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer. We talked about your results this morning and she wants you to call her office and set up an appointment so she can go over everything with you in person after she looks over all the tests.”

“Ok.”

Waverly sat. She waited for Dr. Placer to continue but the woman just looked at her reverently and cocked her head to the side. She couldn’t move her head to look at Nicole so she just stared at her Doctor, hoping she would continue and release her from this numbness.

“Any questions?” Dr. Placer asked.

Waverly felt her hand being squeezed again.

“Waverly?” Nicole’s voice entered her chest. “May I ask a question?”

Waverly turned and saw confident brown eyes and a questioning smile. “Yes.”

“Where is Dr. Taylor’s office?” Nicole asked.

“In the same medical building I sent you both for the ultrasound.” 

“Corner of Belt and 13th?” Nicole confirmed. “We will go over there after this and make sure we can get that appointment scheduled.”

_ She remembered the building. She remembered that address. She remembers everything. _

“A wonderful plan. I will have my assistant send all of your medical records so she can go over everything.” Dr. Placer smiled before writing down the information and handing it to Nicole. “I want this to be the easiest process for you, Waverly.”

Waverly nodded.

“We appreciate everything, Dr. Placer.” Nicole stood and shook the woman’s hand before turning to Waverly. Their hands never disconnected.

She found her eyes traveling up Nicole’s form, resting on an affectionate face staring back at her. She wanted to move but she felt like she was floating in the Ghost River’s cold current, allowing it to swallow everything that was her.

She couldn’t be bothered to make more appointments.  _ Would it even matter?  _ Nothing seemed to be as important as it used to be.

“Horses can’t see red.”

Waverly felt warmth where her hand connected to Nicole’s. The phrase brought her back.

“What do they see instead of red?” Waverly asked, standing up.

“Green.” Nicole grinned. “Thank you again, Dr. Placer.”

*****

**October 19, 2019**

“But it’s my birthday!”

“We need to talk, Champ.” Waverly responded while looking out his truck’s window, Nicole’s porch light flickering in the dark.

“What you mean?”

Champ’s voice irritated Waverly. She never had any intention to sleep with the man but she had drug this relationship on for far too long. It was her fault. She was being cruel and even though it was Champ’s birthday, she needed to break it off with him. Waverly considered the things that kept her in it for as long as she had. Champ was a decent pool player. The man could open a door, slide out a chair, and he let Waverly pay for her own meals without a fuss. He made Nicole jealous and Waverly had been feeling pretty annoyed about the woman’s lack of initiative. Champ had plenty of initiative and if she was super honest, he could of pushed the sex a lot harder than he had. 

But then she remembered why she didn’t like him. Champ was jealous of everything that moved; especially of Nicole. He never took her anywhere other than Shorty’s or The Diner. He was possessive. Pushy. Champ never asked her about her own interests but she knew everything there was to know about bull riding and tractor pulls. He saw Waverly as a status symbol, a pretty thing to ride around on his arm. And Waverly knew he didn’t really love her, he loved the idea of her and it worked just fine for her. It was part of why she kept him around.

But it was wrong. Champ was never what she wanted and maybe she was trying too hard to make him what she wanted because she couldn’t have her first choice. Her first choice was clutching a guitar under the flickering light, waiting to play a petty country music song. Which Waverly loved. It was her favorite part of date night. 

And maybe that is why she had dated Champ for so long. For the chance to hear Nicole sing her siren song that pulled her in and pushed him away.

“Waverly-- I ain’t got all night.”

Waverly turned to see the up-turned lip of Champ.

“This isn’t going anywhere, Champ. I really tried to like you-- to love you. But I can’t have sex with you knowing I am not into it.” Waverly tried her best to sound earnest and sincere. “So, I think we should break up. I want you to be with a woman who wants all of you.”

“Fucking hell.” Champ spat, slamming his hands on his wheel. “Carl was right. You are just an ice queen.”

“Yep.” Waverly rolled her eyes. “That’s me.”

“I’ll go back to Shorty’s, I think Stephanie was giving me the eyes.” Champ looked at her deeply, like he was hoping the comment would get a rise out of her.

Waverly just pursed her lips and shrugged.

She then opened her door and grabbed her purse. Before she could exit fully, Champ grabbed her arm.

“Don’t come crying back to me when Red gets you on the smack.” Champ nodded towards her cabin. 

“Let go, Champ.”

The man let go and started up his truck. Waverly barely had the door closed before he pulled away, kicking gravel and dirt everywhere.  _ Should breaking up with someone make you feel this relieved? _ She sighed and shrugged, turning her feet towards Nicole’s cabin. Nicole’s voice hit her ears as she climbed the first step.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah.” Waverly glanced at Nicole lounging in her normal work clothes, top three buttons undone, and her guitar leaned carefully in her hands. “Broke up with Champ.”

“Oh,” Nicole straightened up. “Are you sure you are ok?”

“Yeah.” Waverly sat in the chair opposite, slinging her purse onto the table. “What was tonight’s planned tune?”

“Planned tune?” Nicole scoffed.

“Don’t play stupid.” Waverly sighed. “Just play me the song.”

Nicole looked at her with deep concern before looking down at her guitar, forming the first note with ease. Waverly knew she had something ready. She always did.

**“Well I said, friend**

**Don't take her, she's all I've got**

**Please don't take her love away from me**

**I'm beggin' you, friend**

**Don't take her, she's all I've got**

**She's everything in life I'll ever need.”**

*****

**December 14, 2020**

Nicole pulled the jeep into the parking garage and felt her heartbeat raise. She began tapping her thumbs on the wheel as she waited for her chance to pull a ticket. Waverly hadn’t said a word since Dr. Placer’s office and Nicole was worried she wasn’t going to be able to go in.  _ Will the office let me make an appointment for her? _ She pulled forward and rolled her window down and grabbed it. While she rolled the window back up, a small warm hand pulled the ticket away from her.

“I’ll hold on to it.”

“You don’t trust me?” Nicole joked, pulling the jeep forward and following the signs for Ghost River Gynecological Oncology. “I’ll have you know, I used to be  _ very _ un-trustworthy. But hard-labor has turned me around!”

“You lost the ticket last time.” Waverly said softly, looking out the window. “We had to pull the jeep apart looking for it. And we never did find that sucker.”

“I found it.” 

“Really?” Waverly turned to look at her, curious browns on a flat face. “Where?”

“In the dryer lint catch.” Nicole pulled in a spot and put the jeep in park, popping her dimples big.

Waverly scoffed and lightly pushed her arm. “You owe me the ten dollar replacement fee!”

“I’ll give you whatever you want.” Nicole laughed in return.

But as Nicole turned off the jeep and removed the keys, the air changed. It was like Waverly breathed in all the relaxed teasing and replaced it with cold stiffness. Nicole turned her head and saw sadness blanched across her love’s features.

“Whatever I want?”

“Yeah.”

“What if I don’t want to hurt you?” Waverly asked, sliding her hands between her legs and looking down.

Nicole had a lot of answers for this question. They all swirled together in her mind as she memorized Waverly’s forlorn features, the way she looked so broken. Nicole wanted nothing but to make Waverly feel loved, supported, and happy. She leaned over the console and grabbed Waverly’s face, tilting it towards her own. With a quick movement she gently kissed the brunette, allowing the gentle gesture to say everything she didn’t want to put into words. Not until she really needed to. Nicole pulled back slowly before turning to open her door.

“I got my parking garage kiss.” 

Nicole smirked. “You sure did.”

“You are an amazing kisser.”

“Come on Wave, let’s go get this appointment taken care of. Once we do I will take you for Fro-Yo.”

“Bubblegum flavored?” Waverly piped up, her voice far more excited than Nicole had recently remembered it being.

“I thought you learned your lesson from the saki?” Nicole returned back, shutting her door and walking towards Waverly’s. The smaller woman was outside the jeep before she could get there.

“I like to live on the edge.”

“I know.”

Waverly took Nicole’s hand and they moved into the double doors. Nicole breathed in deeply as they walked down the long hall; Dr. Taylor’s office was in the main suite by the front of the building. She had googled the directory before driving the pair over, as to not inconvenience Waverly too much. Once they turned the corner the pair found themselves in front of two large royal purple doors with ‘Ghost River Gynecological Oncology’ written above.

“Ready?” She asked.

“Sure.” Waverly returned, reaching forward and opening a door.

The waiting room was huge, filled from corner to corner with lush purple chairs and couches. The walls an off-white with purple waves of trim. A long royal purple carpet leads from the door to the reception desk, where two women sat both wearing purple scrubs and large smiles.

“I think there is a theme.” Nicole snickered, looking down at Waverly.

The smaller woman didn’t react so Nicole squeezed her hand lightly and began moving them to the desk.

“Hi! Do you have an appointment?”

Nicole looked down and Waverly again was just standing there, no response to be given. She didn’t want to speak for Waverly so she just grinned at the receptionist, trying to seem as warm as possible.

“Ma’am?”

“Sorry.” Waverly finally said. “We were in the neighborhood and uhh-”

Waverly looked to her like she was unsure what to say. Nicole just nodded, attempting to give her the confidence she needed.

“I need to make an appointment.”

“We are not currently taking new patients, I’m sorry.” The receptionist responded.

“I was told-- I just--” 

“Next!” The woman called and Nicole turned, not seeing anyone behind her. Waverly began to turn to leave but Nicole stopped her. 

“Hold on a second,” Nicole stepped closer to the desk, feeling anger rise up. “You didn’t let her finish. Can’t you tell she’s nervous?”

“We are booked solid--”

“I heard that.” Nicole looked at Waverly. “She heard that. But, she has more to say.”

The receptionist sighed and looked to Waverly.

“My name is Waverly Earp. Dr. Placer called Dr. Taylor about my case. And we were told we could make an appointment.”

The receptionist looked to her co-worker before going on to her computer and clicking around. The silence lasted longer than Nicole preferred but she was too agitated at the woman’s attitude.  _ People with cancer come here, jesus.  _

“Ah,” She responded. “Here, I see the note from Dr. Taylor. Earliest she can see you is at 5:00pm on December 24th.”

“Really?” Nicole leaned forward but Waverly’s hand touched her shoulder. “You can’t possibly fit her in earlier?”

“Please place me in for that date.” Waverly asked sweetly. “I appreciate you looking.”

“December 24th it is.”

“Waverly--”

Waverly shook her head. “Thank you.”

“Merry Christmas to us.” Nicole grumbled as she felt Waverly’s elbow hit her ribs lightly. “What?”

“Cram it.” Waverly pulled on her hand. “You owe me Fro-Yo.”

  
And just like that Nicole’s anger faded away as she let Waverly pull her out of the office.  _ Don’t take her, she’s all I got. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> My brain and this story work in mysterious ways.


	12. Chapter 12

**July 12, 2019**

"I just think hiring him would be a bad idea--"

"Because you are the queen of bad ideas?" Wynonna shot back before leaning back in her office chair.

Nicole was frustrated. Today was supposed to be a happy day. Three years sober.  _ Three years _ . Nicole had planned to ride with Doc into town to Shorty's for a big ole cheeseburger, onion rings, and a Shirley Temple. Instead, she was standing in Wynonna and Waverly's office holding her stetson in her hand, trying to reason with Wynonna over their end of summer hire.

"I know Levi." Nicole responded as evenly as she could. "And obviously I know people can change-- but, he is a part of Bobo's inner circle. And Bobo has…"

Nicole wanted to finish that sentence. She knew how to finish that sentence. She chose a different route.

" _ Interests _ at Peacemaker Farms."

"Interests?" Wynonna leaned forward. "Wanna share with the class?"

Nicole looked around the empty office.

"The class is me, dummy. And I thought if anyone was going to be excited for hiring Levi, it would be you."

"It ain't like that." Nicole huffed, the frustration mounting.

"Then what are Bobo’s interests? Other than selling drugs; which surely there isn't anyone at Peacemaker who is buying?" Wynonna tilted her head, her right blue eye almost twinkling. "Unless there is?"

"Waverly--"

"Waverly is not buying smack.”

“I know that Wynonna but Levi will be here and he will poke around. And he will learn things.”

“And now I am bored." Wynonna leaned further back into her chair, cocking her head to the side in thought. "I am hiring Levi."

"Alright. You’re the boss."

"He starts Monday. Once he arrives, show him how to muck, sweep, and hay." Wynonna turned around. "Have a good night, Haught."

"Yep, you too."

Nicole turned, shoving her stetson on her head quickly as she let her feet carrying her through the homestead into the kitchen. 

"Nicole! You are just in time for soup."

Nicole ignored Waverly, pushing a chair in at the table so she could easily get to the door. Embarrassed fury climbing under her eyes, threatening to become tears. 

"Nicole?"

That was all she heard before she let the door slam behind her.

*****

**December 18, 2020**

"You gotta stir the sauce, Wynonna." Nicole leaned over her boss with a kitchen spoon in her hand. "Otherwise it will burn."

" _ Otherwise it will burn. _ " Wynonna sarcastically imitated before butt bumping Nicole backwards. “I got this. I am an expert chef.”

_ So help me God. _

“Tell that to the soup kitchen.”

“Mashed potatoes are hard.” 

Nicole leaned forward again, peering quizzically into the large boiling pot of spaghetti. She grabbed the tongs out of the container near the stovetop and dunked them in, pulling a few noodle strands up so she could study their doneness. 

"I heard you should throw it at the wall."

Nicole looked over at Wynonna with a confused look. "Why the hell would I do that?"

Wynonna shrugged, grabbing a strand and flinging it at the front of the fridge, sending drops of hot water all over Nicole. She gasped in pain.

"What the fuck, Wynonna."

"It stuck." Wynonna grinned. "It's done. My Nonna used to do that."

"You aren’t Italian."

"You don't know that."

"I think I have to taste it." Nicole posed, grabbing the other strand and sinking her front teeth in it. "Slightly tough is al dente, right?"

"Do I look like Giada De Laurentiis to you?"

Nicole thought for a second before glancing down at Wynonna’s butt and back up to blue eyes with an affirming grin. "Well…"

Wynonna leaned back and placed her hand to her chest in mock appreciation. "You are so very right. We both have amazing asses."

"Top shelf." Nicole agreed, pulling the colander down and placing it in the sink.

"Don't let Waverly hear that though. She'll book a flight to Italy just to fight her."

Nicole grinned big at the remark and let her eyes drift up towards Waverly's bedroom. The woman was taking an afternoon nap since she hasn't been sleeping well. Nicole wished she was brave enough to ask to sleep in the house with Waverly but she had kept Nicole at arms length since the appointment. The ranch hand knew why; it didn't hurt her feelings. Well not all the way. Waverly was scared and a new relationship was not in the cards when you only just learned you have cancer. Nicole had waited four years, what’s a few more?

"Earth to Haught-Cakes?"

"What?" Nicole turned to see Wynonna holding the large pot. She moved out of the way. "Oh."

"Don't think about her too hard or I'll mistake you for a tomato and you'll end up in my sauce." Wynonna drained the pasta while Nicole opened the oven to check on the garlic bread.

"Yeah, yeah."

"So," the wild haired brunette shrugged. "What kind of arrangement do y'all have going on?"

"A cowboy doesn't kiss and tell."

"Oh, so you do kiss."

"Wait--"

Before Nicole could finish, a flash of baby blue entered her peripheral vision and she turned. Waverly was standing in her pjs, hands on her hips, with the most livid look her tired face could muster. _No one should be allowed to look that good after they wake up._ _Fuck._

"Oh. You're awake." Wynonna pulled the garlic bread from the oven, touching Nicole's back with the pan.

"Fuck, dude." Nicole jumped forward, her hands shooting to her back. “The pan is hot.”

"What are you two doing?" Waverly's voice was low and angry. 

Wynonna was still flopping the hot pan around, trying to find a place to put it down. "Making spaghetti and garlic bread." 

The pan came around again but this time against Nicole's forearm. A searing pain shot up her arm and she almost punched her boss in her face. "Holy shit, Wynonna put the garlic bread down!"

Nicole grabbed Wynonna's shoulders and flipped her boss so the pan was over the oven, sending a few pieces of garlic bread flying into the sauce.

"Soldiers down!"

“Put the pan down before I dunk you in the sauce!”

"I can make dinner." Waverly's voice was low and unsteady and Nicole turned to see her balling her fists tightly. “I am supposed to make dinner.”

"I know that, baby." Nicole started.

" _ Baby _ ?" Wynonna's voice was incredulous.

"Don't you baby me. I am not an invalid."

Waverly was crossing the kitchen before Nicole could blink and she felt herself being thrown aside with strong fury. Wynonna's body hit her next and the two women stumbled into the wall. Nicole righted her footing on Wynonna's shoulders and peered at her love, watching Waverly expertly taste and begin to season the sauce.

"I can cook, ok?" Waverly tugged the piece of garlic bread out of the sauce and placed it on the spoon rest. "Cooking is my job around here. I cook for everyone who works here and I have been doing a fine job. A great job even. The  _ best _ job."

Waverly grabbed the colander from the sink and slammed it on the stove with a loud clang. Nicole felt Wynonna jump. The small woman jerked the tongs from next to the stove, unhooked the end, and clacked them together with force. 

"Just because I have fucking cancer does not give you two the right to take away my job." 

Wynonna began backing up asNicole started to step forward. "No one said you couldn't cook, love."

"Feels like it." Tongs were now twirling noodles into the sauce. "You both think you are so cool, making me go to sleep. Telling me it was ok to take a nap. Just so you could come in here and do my fucking job."

Nicole felt her hands go up, palms forward. "You were tired, Wave. We just thought--"

Waverly's eyes turned, tears streaming down her face. "You thought  _ wrong _ ."

"Ok, ok." She dropped her arms and just watched Waverly sniffle back the tears as she furiously fixed the mess she and Wynonna had created.

Nicole didn't know what was the right choice here so she stayed frozen as Waverly grabbed down plates and began filling them with the dinner. She turned and saw Wynonna was seated in her usual spot, wide blue eyes, hands flat on the table top. Nicole motioned towards Waverly but her boss just shook her head furiously, like if she said a word the house might blow up.

"Why are you wearing that?" Waverly tried to scowl but it came out more like a sob. 

Nicole glanced down at herself and was reminded of the apron she was wearing. Large, red and had 'Kiss the Cook' embroidered across the chest. She had no idea who it belonged to but made her laugh.

"Kiss the cook?" Nicole shrugged before opening her arms in a warm gesture. 

Waverly suddenly shot forward and pulled her in for a deep kiss. Nicole was taken off guard so she just grabbed at her hip bones and hung on for the ride.The room faded away while electricity popped and fizzled inside Nicole's head. Before long Waverly made a small moan in her mouth and she felt herself melt.

"Really?" Wynonna cracked. “Right in front of the food?”

Waverly only pulled Nicole in closer, straddling her thigh slightly, their kissing becoming more heated with a small roll of Waverly’s hips. Nicole felt like she might pass out from the whiplash. 

"What in tarnation?" 

Doc's voice broke Nicole out of her lust-filled daze and she pushed Waverly away, giving her a quick kiss on the nose to tell her the display was more than ok. Waverly’s face was still sullen but her deep hazels told a different story.

"Sit down Doc." Waverly breathed. "We are having spaghetti. With a side of The L-Word."

Nicole heard Doc sit down heavily next to Wynonna. His voice almost whispered. "What's in that sauce?"

"You didn't need a special sauce to get my sister pregnant."

Nicole almost dropped Doc's plate as she turned to place it in front of him. She watched as he looked at Wynonna, mouth agape. Waverly shoved a plate in front of Wynonna then in front of her own chair. 

"Grab silverware please." Waverly's eyes were now glaring at her, eyebrows raised. 

"Am I being punk'd?" Wynonna asked no one in particular. “I’m being punk’d.”

"You told your sister?" Doc sounded like a kicked puppy. "I thought we'd tell everyone together."

“Where is Ashton Kutcher?”

"You two are loud." Waverly said as she placed down the last plate for Nicole. "It wasn’t a difficult guess."

"This is why we should have used my cabin."

"Then I would have known." Nicole dropped a pile of silverware in the center of the table. "I'd never have let you live it down."

"Big news at Peacemaker Farms." Wynonna whined. "Earps are fucking the hired help. Whoopity-doo."

"I am not fucking Nicole." Waverly shot back. "I mean, I have tried but--"

“You tried?” Nicole asked softly. 

"What I just witnessed says otherwise. But hey, not like you listen to me anyway."

Nicole wanted to slip away but instead she just grabbed her garlic bread and stuffed it into her mouth, keeping her eyes away from everyone.

"What is your problem?"

"My problem is you keeping it from me. We are sisters and business partners and you-" she waved her fork in Nicole's direction. "Hide away your relationship with her like you are ashamed or something."

Waverly's hand slams down on the table. "I am not ashamed of being in love with Nicole. And we--"

Nicole turned and saw Waverly's hazels filled with regret. It tugged and pulled at her soul.

"We aren't even a thing yet. I want us to be a thing but it's… complicated."

"But the kissing--"

"Stay out of this John Henry!" Waverly warned.

"What do you want, babygirl? An apology for caring about your well-being?" 

"How about a funeral." Waverly stood, her fork clanging on the plate. "For your obsession with Nicole's past. Maybe we would have already been together if you could just drop it."

"Sounds like your problem is more than her past." Wynonna bit back.

Waverly was out the kitchen door before anyone could react. It slammed hard into the frame before popping back open with a lurch. Nicole felt the sound reverberate in her chest.

"Real helpful there, Haught-shot." Wynonna said regretfully as she stared at the open door. 

"You were doing just fine." Nicole sighed. “Except the part where you refuse to mention her--”

“Don’t say the C word.”

Doc removed his hat.

"No, you let me drown! You know I approve of you two." Wynonna changed the subject, rolling her butt in her seat.

"Now." Doc added as he leaned away from her chair, expecting a slap. "Let's not lie."

"It's not a damn lie. I just am mad you both didn't tell me you were girlfriends. And that has nothing to do with--" Wynonna waved her hands in the air. 

"We aren't." Nicole shrugged. "We were just honest about our feelings."

"Oh. Well, I’m pregnant. And moody. So There.”

"It's not my job to tell Waverly how your feelings have changed." Nicole placed her napkin and stood. "That's on you."

"Have a seat, I'll go talk to her."

Wynonna pulled herself to her feet and Nicole watched her stroll out.  _ Earps. _

*****

Nicole let her cabin door shut with a thump before elbowing the light switch on. Her fingers traveled up her button up as she diligently unbuttoned each button with a slip of her thumb. Her shoulders and back silently screamed and she wanted to just drop onto the bed, dirty clothes and all.  _ What a long fucking day. _

"How can I help her better?" She muttered to herself, finishing unbuttoning her shirt and pulling it from her pants. 

Nicole draped the article over a chair before crossing to her bathroom to check out her burn.  _ Wynonna.  _ Clumsy, careless, thoughtless Wynonna. Nicole knew how much she actually cared deep down but the woman could do better at showing it to Waverly. But she lets Waverly hurt her feelings. It’s like the Earp women pass a shovel back and forth to dig each other’s graves. Nicole would be lying to herself if she wasn't hurt by Waverly’s outburst; she only wanted to help her, not make her feel like a invalid. But sometimes people just need to vent and be upset and have no one challenge them on it. And tonight that was Waverly.

She held her elbow up to the mirror and looked at the angry, puffy white line leading across the bottom of her forearm. The redness and heat let her know she needed to put burn cream on it. Before she could fiddle with her cabinet, Nicole heard her front door open. Her first instinct was to grab her knife but a sweet voice wafted in.

"Nicole?"

"In the bathroom."

She watched Waverly's small form appear in the mirror behind Nicole, nervously leaning against the frame of the door. Her small hands wringing as she chewed nervously at her lower lip. She was swimming inside Nicole's work jacket. Nicole smiled and turned to face her.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry." Waverly blurted as she pulled a plastic bag and what looked like white bandage wrap out of her jacket pockets. "I brought sorry products for your arm."

"You didn't even burn my arm?" But Nicole beckoned her in anyway. 

Waverly smiled slightly as she shrugged her way out of Nicole’s jacket, still in her matching baby blue pajamas. "You also left your coat."

"You look better in it anyway." Nicole lifted herself up onto her counter and spread her legs. Waverly sighed and stepped between them, depositing the items in the sink.

"Charmer."

Nicole watched soft hands open the plastic bag and pull out a tiny tube of burn cream. Waverly removed the cap and squeezed a dime-sized amount on top of her pointer finger.

"Arm."

Nicole complied, raising her arm up as the brunette's warm hand steadied it. With a delicate touch, Waverly spread the burn cream across the affected area and Nicole felt the coolness mix with the warmth. She hummed at the feeling, knowing full well she enjoyed Waverly’s careful touches.

"Does it hurt?"

"No." Nicole smiled, closing her legs a tad so they butted up against Waverly's hips. "This ok?"

"Mmhmm." She smiled, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. Nicole gulped as she watched, comforted by their easy closeness. "I'm sorry for getting upset about dinner."

"It's fine."

"It's not." Waverly recapped the cream and placed it back in the bag before pulling out a large gauze pad. "It was sweet of you both to start everything for me. I really did need to sleep."

“You still need to sleep.”

“Don’t push it.”

"Thank you for apologizing." Nicole leaned forward and kissed her on the head, letting herself linger to catch a deeper whiff of wildflowers. "What about the other things?"

Waverly tilted her head slightly as she placed the gauze on her arm and began wrapping the bandage. "What other things?"

"This." Nicole leaned forward again placing a chaste kiss on Waverly's lips. "Us. What are we?"

Waverly kept wrapping. "What can we be?"

"What do you mean?"

"I just--" She stopped, letting her hands rub around the unaffected parts of Nicole’s arms. "What if I get too sick."

Nicole considered the statement. "Then I will take care of you."

"But you will have needs." Waverly’s voice was small as she fished for the bandage tape. "I'll be too sick."

"Relationships are more than sex."

“Yeah.” Waverly nodded. “But other needs like my support and stuff.”

“You can have cancer and make dinner. Why can’t you have cancer and be a good girlfriend?”

Nicole watched a tiny smirk cross Waverly’s lips.

"But I do want to have sex. With you. A lot." Waverly excitedly rubbed over the bandage and Nicole grimaced. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

“It’s ok.” Nicole just kissed her again. "I do too, idiot. But I am not an animal. I won’t write down the amount and hold you to a quota."

Waverly giggled.

"You make this whole cancer thing a lot easier than I expected." Waverly finished taping and held up her work. "Good as new."

Her hands let go of her arm before falling to the tops of Nicole’s thighs and the two women stared deeply into each other's eyes. Nicole wanted to say something, anything that would bring Waverly on board but she knew whose pace they were working at.

"I don't want to start something up just to hurt you." Waverly looked serious, lightly squeezing her thighs.”But-- what do you want?”

"I want to be girlfriends." Nicole replied, bringing her hands up to cup her face. "I don't want to miss out on one more day."

"Can I think about it?"

"As long as you need to."

Waverly leaned forward and connected their lips in a sensual slowness that caught Nicole off guard. It felt like acceptance. No, it felt like gratitude. It started a deep fire within Nicole that she was unsure she would be able to put out.

“Stay here tonight?” Nicole asked. “Not for that-- I just want you to be in my arms.”

“That all?” Waverly said into her lips.

“Whatever you want, I want.”

“How are you even real?”

Nicole didn’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
> 
> Also, still obsessed with Bly Manor. I am trying my best to keep that from muddling my brain. Check it out, it's not as scary as people say it is.


	13. Chapter 13

**July 15, 2019**

Waverly tied her blouse tightly above her belly button before slipping her feet into her cowboy boots. The air conditioning in the Homestead had stopped working and she needed to find a certain redhead to see if she could get it back up and running.  _ Air conditioning. She used to repair HVAC, right?  _ The brunette wiped the sweat from her brow and opened the door, the afternoon sun temporarily blinding her as she made her way to the haybarn. Nicole was working with the new hire Levi on how best to stack the newly baled hay for winter storage. Watching Nicole stack hay was a hobby of Waverly’s. The woman had a way of grabbing and tossing the bales that just did something for Waverly’s libido. Plus, no air conditioning was the best excuse Waverly had ever been granted so she didn't want to waste it.

“Thank you, Lord.” Waverly mumbled before looking up to the sky with a coy grin.

As she rounded the barn, she heard Nicole's heavy voice coming out of one of the open windows. "If you stack the bales in the stair pattern, you will get more bales in the back without having to toss them. It will be better on the hay and even better on your back."

"I ain't used to this kinda work." Levi whined. "And god, does my stomach hurt."

"Yeah, it's going to be that for a few more days probably." Nicole replied sympathetically. "I threw up for ages after I quit." 

"It sucks."

"Yeah, I totally get it. After we finish here we can go to my cabin and I'll make you this lemon water stuff that helped with the nausea. Added bonus, it will keep you hydrated for when we muck the horse stalls."

Levi coughed and wretched. "That's nice of ya. I heard you wasn't nice."

"Who told you that?"

Waverly knew she shouldn't be eavesdropping but the way Nicole’s voice had changed had her feet rooted to her spot.

"Bobo said you ain't  _ really  _ quit and like, you been--” The smaller man hacked and coughed. “You been buying from my boy Fish. And I heard about what you did to Charlie--"

Waverly heard a loud thump and a yelp. She placed her hand over her mouth to muffle her own yelp at the sound.

"Bobo is a liar." Nicole's voice was thick and filled with hate unlike anything Waverly had heard from the woman before. Waverly was unfamiliar with this Nicole. 

"But Fish ain't." 

"Why are you here Levi?" Nicole graveled.

"I needed a job like you-- I just thought to myself: ‘Levi, Nicole is a junkie and has a job. Wynonna hired her.’ So I figured she'd hire me."

"That's all you needed?" Nicole's voice was seething and Waverly wondered if she should interrupt. "A job? Or are you here doing Bobo’s dirty work?"

"I ain't working for Bobo!"

"But you are with Fish and he works for Bobo."

"Look, I just wanna try and quit and save up some money so I can get out from under Bobo. I figure Fish and I can move out near Vancouver and get real jobs."

"Then keep my name out of your mouth when it comes to Bobo. I left that life behind me, Levi. And don't you dare bring any of that shit here to this farm. This is all I have and I won't have you ruin it for me."

"Ok, ok."

_ Now or never. _

"Nicole?" Waverly moved as she yelled her name, making sure to come around the front of the barn slowly. “Nicole?”

When she entered, all she saw was Nicole throwing bales as Fish brushed off his front up against the barn wall. Waverly tried her best to keep a straight face.

"Miss Earp." Levi bowed slightly before grabbing a bale himself.

"Can I help you, Waverly?" Nicole asked, her face void of any emotion Waverly had just heard.

"AC is out in the house, can you come take a look?" Waverly asked sweetly.

"Of course." Nicole looked at Levi. "Make sure all these bales get stacked then sweep up. We will keep talking about this later."

Waverly smiled as Nicole clapped the man on the back. 

“Lead the way.” The red headed woman’s face was now soft, sweet; more like the Nicole Waverly was familiar with. “What happened?”

“Well I was doing expenses when I noticed that I was sweating--” The women passed the barn and now were in the open space of the drive. Waverly figured they were out of earshot of Levi. “Everything ok?”

“Of course.” Nicole smiled. “Levi and I were just having a heated discussion, no worries.”

“Alright-- but I heard--” Waverly started.

“Doesn’t Champ work for Purgatory Cooling and Heating?” Nicole cut her off, pulling her hat from her head and wiping her brow a little  _ too _ sensually. Waverly couldn’t help but blink slowly.

“Yeah, but, I’d rather you look at it.”

Nicole licked her lips and rolled her eyes before placing her hat back on her head. “Earps.” 

Waverly smiled as Nicole chuckled.  _ What is she hiding? _

*****

**December 23, 2020**

"Stupid!" Nicole slammed the axe down, splitting the log perfectly in half. She jerked up a new log and adjusted it on the stump.

"Fucking!" Axe comes down again, the redhead grunting as pain shoots through her lower back. But it didn't stop her from throwing a new piece up. Adjusting it with frustrated groaning.

"Levi!" This time Nicole missed the log entirely. The shockwave of hitting the stump rattled her arms and brought her to her knees. “Jesus fucking Christ!”

"Nedley just left." Doc's voice is a calm drawl. 

Nicole wants to ignore him but she has never learned that skill. She just lifts her head in his direction, his face only illuminated by his favorite creaky, oil lantern. This was a clue for how long Nicole had been punishing herself in the wood pile. _At least two hours since that damn Sheriff was here._ Her discussion with him was in the afternoon and it was pitch black now; Nicole had missed Waverly's dinner. _I think she said it was going to be_ _Italian wedding soup? Damn, I love her soups._ Her eyes focused on Doc again, his mustache pursed in relaxed silence.

"You look like an old timey cowboy ghost." 

"I feel-" he moved forward and sat on the stump, pushing the log to the side. "Like an old timey cowboy ghost."

Nicole let herself fall forward and swivel, her back now leaned up against the stump while her shoulder touched Doc's knee lightly. She wanted to get up and keep chopping but she knew he sat there for a reason.  _ To stop me from overdoing it.  _ Instead she glanced towards the homestead, making out the distant figures of Wynonna and Waverly on the porch swing. Both women were looking towards the wood pile but it was too far for Nicole to make out their expressions.

"Waverly was very impressed with your form." Doc read her mind. "But she is also kind of mad. You are going to hurt your back again."

Nicole just scoffed in response, unable to give a proper shit.  _ Two men are dead and it's my fault. _

"How is that going?" Doc mused before Nicole heard the click of his lighter. "By the way."

"Fine." Nicole responded. "I am letting her set the pace."

"That's good. You are good for her." 

“You’ve said as much.”

“I have meant as much.”

"How long have you been lying to me about Wynonna?" Nicole looked up at Doc, watching him take a long drag. “Because if you got her pregnant first try, well.”

"Almost three years." He smiled coyly. "Didn't mean to get her pregnant though."

"I'm happy for you. Both of you. And as for the baby-- you both may get on my last nerve but you will be wonderful parents."

"You are going to be a great aunt." Doc grabbed her shoulder and squeezed. 

"I am even allowed around the baby?"

"Of course." Doc said incredulously. “Why would you not be?”

Nicole felt her eyes well up again at Doc's easy words. Her older sister had three kids that she was forbidden from seeing. And maybe she just assumed that transferred to all kids.

“Maybe I need to be easier on myself.”

“That,” Doc took a long drag. “Is the smartest thing you have ever said, Haught.”

She marinated in his words as she leaned into him further. The storm inside her mind was still raging but the older man always had been a lighthouse. Strong, bright, and true. And maybe her ship should be sailing towards it instead of just taking on the storm alone. Nicole knew she needed to seek him out more but she had always felt a little more at home on the rocky seas. With her new found openness with Waverly she had felt healed but the news from the sheriff; it sent her back into the storm. And Nicole’s ship was battered enough.

"You tried your best, you know?" Doc's words were followed by the smell of his tobacco. 

"It’s not good enough."

"Bullshit. You could have had Wynonna and Gus's approval a long time ago. You would have felt deserving of Waverly. All you had to do was tell them what you knew." Doc shook his head and took another drag. “Tell them what you know.”

"I don't snitch." Nicole pushed herself forward and stood, her right hand shooting toward her back. “Besides, it’s not my story to tell.”

"Your pride, Nicole. It’s going to be the death of you.”

“Probably.”

“I know what you did though." Doc stood beside her. "And now Nedley does too."

Nicole turned, her mouth slightly slack.

"And Wynonna. And Gus."

"Waverly?"

Doc made a few steps forward and waved towards the porch. 

"She already knew."

Before Nicole could respond, she watched him tip his hat and make his way back towards the homestead. Nicole watched him leave, his lantern swinging lightly. Her eyes caught a familiar form stop Doc for a few seconds, distant words and a deep hug, before they split away. Nicole felt that familiar feeling.  _ Run. _

"That's a lot of wood."

_ You can’t. _

Nicole chuckled at the innuendo as she watched a slow smile spread across Waverly's beautiful features. The storm began to slow inside her head and fatigue seeped forward. Her love had a way of doing that; disarming her with just a sentence.

"You must be tired.” Waverly leaned up and kissed her lightly. “Come along then."

Waverly's soft fingers threaded with Nicole's calloused ones and gently pulled her in the direction of her cabin. Nicole could only follow.

"Sorry about missing dinner." Nicole replied, knowing how important that time of day was to Waverly. “I’ll do my best to not do it again.”

"It's ok. I asked Santa to bring you coal for Christmas as payback." The brunette's voice was smooth and playful. “But the weirdest thing happened.”

“What?”

"He just gave me cancer instead."

Nicole tripped at the shock of the dark joke but caught herself on her porch post just in time. "Damn, Waverly! Warn a girl."

"What fun would that be?" She grinned, leaning forward and kissing Nicole on the nose before hopping up the porch and opening the door with practiced ease. “Besides, you need to get used to these jokes.”

Nicole felt drawn in behind her. If Doc was a lighthouse, Waverly was a siren. Nicole would crash her ship on the rocks for no one else. Waverly shuffled across her cabin and turned on her bedside lamp. Nicole just pulled off her hat and turned, feeling the burn of her muscles as she hung it up.

"You look exhausted." Waverly commented, now perched against her table. Her jacket was already off leaving the younger Earp clad only in her flannel pajamas. 

Nicole took in her love's visage; she looked about how Nicole felt. Baggy eyes, exhaustion lines, and frazzled pulled back hair. But there was a calmness there that was unusual. The past few weeks were full of nervous energy; non-stop cancer research and worries. But now Waverly just looked content. Nicole pulled off her own jacket and let it drop hapless to the floor.

"You look exhausted too. Are you ok? Tomorrow is a big day."

"No talking about me." Waverly waved her hand, beckoning Nicole to her. The taller woman obliged and crossed, pulling Waverly into herself for a hug. "How are you?"

_ Be honest. _

"I feel like a graveyard."

"Explain." Waverly mumbled into the crook of her neck.

"When you get hooked on heroin, you make a lot of friends. Sure, the cost of the high is immense so you are never ever getting high in the same places. But since you share a common goal, your friends are always around you getting high."

"Mmmhmm." Waverly confirms, pushing Nicole back a little and begins unbuttoning her shirt, slowly. Nicole raises an eyebrow, her breath hitching a little at the intimacy. "Keep going, I am just getting you ready for bed."

"I was kind of the rock of the group. I always had a stable place to shoot up in, one way or another, so everyone gravitated towards me. Kevin died first. He OD-ed in his car outside Neal and I's hotel room. I remember holding his hand as the ambulance appeared-- I was arrested for the trace bag in my jeans."

Waverly's hands popped out the last button and then slowly slid her fingers up Nicole's abdomen, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Warmth followed as they lightly grazed the sides of her breasts before pushing the shirt off her shoulders. It was intoxicating. Waverly then grabbed her hand and pulled her towards her bed, gently nodding for her to continue.

"Debbie was next. The woman was smart, sassy, and she always rocked ‘Before He Cheats’ at karaoke night. She had quit but didn’t tell us about it so when she came to the hotel, Neal handed her her normal. When she convulsed, everyone else left but I stayed and watched as the paramedics tried to revive her.”

Waverly’s hands were lightly rubbing up and down her forearms for comfort. But Nicole was unsure who was being comforted.

“Then Charlie-- God, Charlie."

"You don't have to."

Nicole nodded as Waverly un-latched her belt buckle. It wasn’t sexual in nature. The intimacy of it all made Nicole feel closer to Waverly-- wanting to tell her everything.

"I bought a decent ‘big-bag’ from Fish and brought it back for Neal and I. Of course when I returned to the Motel, Charlie was there bitching to Neal about needing a fix. I remember asking him why he was in such a hurry. Charlie-- Charlie was always cool and relaxed." Nicole shrugged off her jeans as Waverly sat on the bed, pulling her down beside her.

"I remember. He used to just sit and grin while Wynonna and I bickered." Waverly sighed. "Come on, let's get under the covers."

Nicole complied, a tangle of limbs and giggles before the two were finally comfortable. Waverly was curled into her side with her head in the crook of her neck.

"Charlie told me his girlfriend called from overseas and broke up with him. Something about the distance or his neediness. I didn’t even know it was Wynonna he was talking about until I came to work here. Anyway, he needed a hit to get through it so Neal sold him the bag I just bought to get him out of his hair. I--" Nicole took in a large breath. "I killed Charlie."

Waverly snuggled in closer. "You and I both know that isn't true."

"If I had shot that bag-- Charlie would be alive. Maybe Wynonna--"

"Don't finish that sentence."

Nicole just pulled her in closer, a light kiss to her forehead.

"Then there was Neal."

Nicole let out a long breath, her chest tight as it ever had been.  _ I don’t think I will ever be able to talk about Neal. _

"Now Levi and Fish." Waverly finished.

"I am a graveyard. I bring people to me. And then they die."

Waverly didn't respond right away, she just pushed herself up over Nicole and turned off the bedside lamp before snuggling back in. Nicole felt her hand snake up under her tank, warm fingers splayed across her abs. Almost like Waverley was attempting to keep Nicole there.

"I will try my best not to add my gravestone to your graveyard any time soon." Waverly whispered. “But if I do, I like sunflowers.”

*****

**July 23, 2019**

"I got you, I got you." Nicole clutched at Levi's back as she lowered his dead weight to the ground. One moment he was watching Nicole dig a post hole, the next he was falling into her.

"Ughh." He responded, his eyes flickering open and closed rapidly. "I feel dizzy."

"Doc!" Nicole yelled but they were along the fence line and Doc was back at the truck, grabbing the extra post hole digger. "Fucking Doc."

"No, no, no." Levi cried as his hands reached up to his face. "Don’t tell him. No, no, uhh. Tell him I got bit."

"By what you dumbass? You fainted. You won’t have a bite mark." She reached for his head, finding it too clammy for the morning temperature. "When did you shoot?"

"I didn't."

Nicole turned and glanced behind her, no one else was around and she grunted in frustration. She slapped him across his face, his eyes now steely and focused on her face.

"When did you shoot last? You were fine this weekend and you said you quit two weeks ago." Nicole snarled as she grabbed the water canteen and twisted off the cap. "You need to drink some of this."

"Saturday with Fish." He grabbed Nicole's hand and she pulled him up to drink, his gulps small and shaky. "Please don't tell Doc… please, I won't go back and see Fish. I promise. I need this job, Nicole. Please."

"Holy hell, Levi." Nicole muttered, furious.

_ This is why you don't get attached to anyone. _

"Please, Nicole."

"Well I'll be hog wallered, what happened to Levi?" Doc shouted, Nicole turned and saw him cresting the hill with the post hole digger.

Nicole turned back to Levi and saw desperate eyes peering back. They reminded her of Neal, after he karate kicked a hole in her childhood bedroom. She was grounded for weeks.

"I swung my elbow out too far and clobbered him in the nose." Nicole yelled back before touching her fingers to Levi's nose. The man caught on and jumped back a bit, like it actually hurt.

Doc chuckled as he made it to the pair, leaning down on one knee. The man surveyed the ranch hand’s nose over his mustache before a grin rippled out from underneath. "Don't get too close to Haught, Levi. She is stronger than she looks."

"Don't remind me." Levi smiled back. “I’m feeling pretty dizzy.”

"I'll take him back. Miss Waverly 'ought to have an ice pack or too. May keep it from bruising too bad." Doc mused, reaching out and pulling Levi to his feet. “Get to your feet, boy.”

"I'll finish the fence."

"I can send Wynonna--"

"I got it." Nicole nodded as she watched Levi look at her with reverence. “No big deal.”

  
Nicole watched the men hobble back towards the truck as she gritted her teeth.  _ Was this going to be the lie that un-did it all?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D :D :D
> 
> Any and all comments appreciated! I love hearing from you all. Thanks for reading.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the tiny wait! My wife and I took a weekend to ourselves.
> 
> This fic features "It's Always Been You" by Katie Pruitt.

**December 24, 2020**

_ Eggs. It's only eggs. Just sneak in through the kitchen door and grab the top carton. Wynonna sleeps like a log, anyway.  _

_ Wynonna sleeps like a log when she’s drunk. _

_ Wynonna sleeps like a log when she’s pregnant? _

Nicole crept across the crunchy morning snow, bundled tightly in her work jacket, sweatpants, and boots. She pulled her beanie further down on her head and pushed out a ragged breath, watching the condensation flitter skyward under the limited amount of light. It was beyond difficult to pull herself out from under Waverly's warm body but it was six am, and she wanted to wake the woman up to the sound of sizzling french toast. Waverly had wanted Nicole to wake her at seven to get some work done before the appointment this afternoon. She didn’t want to disappoint her.

Nicole chastised herself for eating hard boiled eggs everyday this week as she walked slowly around the Homestead, making her way to the kitchen door. She pulled on the door and padded into the dark room as quietly as her boots would allow and let her eyes adjust. A thin figure sat at one of the kitchen chairs and Nicole jumped.

"Mornin'."

"Hell!" Nicole whisper-yelled as she stumbled back towards the door, scrambling to flip on the light. 

Once the kitchen was illuminated, Nicole found a pajama clad Gus sitting at the table sipping coffee from a hot pink mug.  _ Fuck, I hate that mug. _

"Jesus, Gus." Nicole sighed, her heart firmly throbbing in her throat. "Do you always drink coffee in the dark?"

"Do you always sneak into your employer's house in the morning?"

"I technically live here." Nicole grumbled back as she crossed the kitchen and pulled down her favorite mug. It depicted cats floating around space as astronauts, with cute cat head shaped helmets; Waverly had bought it for her during a thrift shop trip they had taken years ago. Nicole had seen the way Waverly looked at the mug and decided to leave it in the homestead; a grand excuse to come over and drink coffee with the brunette instead of at home.

"Technically you live in a cabin with a kitchenette." Gus sipped loudly. "But I didn't come here to argue with you, kid."

Nicole pulled the carafe from the coffee maker and poured, her other hand pulling the sugar canister forward. "But my food is provided by the Earps. And I am out of eggs."

Gus just hummed in response before taking another loud sip. 

"When did you get here?" Nicole turned, pulling out the chair opposite of Gus before sitting down. 

"A few hours ago. This is my fourth cup."

Nicole didn't respond and instead let a heavy silence fill the room. There had been many a day that she wished she had some alone time with Gus Gibson. Time with which she could explain every action, reaction, and non-action. All the times the woman had seen or heard something and jumped to the worst conclusion. But now that it was here, she was here, the urge to get Gus on her side was non-existent. Instead, she glanced up from her mug and took in the older woman’s features. Disheveled hair, downturned lines, dark circles, and rolled in shoulders. Classic signs of guilt and grief. A moon away from the usual confident and judgemental woman Nicole was accustomed to.

Nicole reminded herself that cancer has a way of affecting everyone differently. Nicole could choose to let Gus suffer just as Gus had always chosen to be a part of her suffering. Or she could do better. 

Be  _ better _ .

"Are you ok?" Nicole asked, her voice had more sincerity than she thought she could muster. "And before you say something crass, I know you aren't but I am trying to be polite."

"No. I’m not." Gus pursed her lips. "And thank you."

Nicole hummed.

"For asking. Uh." Gus shifted, her chair creaking. "Are you ok?"

"I am struggling. But-- if Waverly asks, I am exceptional. The best I have ever been."

"Good."

A new, calmer silence took over the kitchen. Everything that had been said was all Nicole figured would be said so she stood. Gus’s eyes burned holes into her back as she crossed to the sink, pouring out the mug and slowly washing it, leaning to place it in the dishrack with a quick motion. Her mission pushed forward in her mind, so she walked to the fridge and pulled out the half carton of eggs, a light slam as she let the door close on its own. Nicole turned to find Gus standing, her arms wrapped around herself in an awkward hug. It tugged a bit at Nicole's chest.  _ You really have gone soft. _

"Gus?" 

Gus's browns lifted to meet her own. "Waverly in your bed?"

Nicole didn't look away, instead she clutched the carton closer to herself. 

"Yes."

"Good." Gus's face twitched. "She likes french toast."

Nicole couldn't help the small smile that creeped across her face.

“I know.”

*****

**August 9th, 2019**

"I keep finding needles, Fish!"

"My boy has a wee sweet tooth." Fish grins. "I got some for you too, if you're interested?"

Nicole felt her hands grip tighter around Fish's collar as she slammed him into the wall behind Shorty's. The few weeks she had spent with Levi had made her protective of the man and when she saw Fish drinking inside Shorty's, something inside her head snapped. She had propositioned a sale to get him alone in the alley while the Earp sisters had another round of pool.

"Don't you love him?" Nicole growled. Her entire body buzzed with anger. "You are selling the black death to your boyfriend!"

"Selling?" Fish laughs heartily but Nicole sees the facade begin to fade. "I don't sell to Levi. I sell to other needy cats so Bobo leaves us alone. Like how I thought I was about to sell to you-- but you ain't bought in a long time Peppermint. And Bobo has noticed."

Nicole felt her grip relax slightly at the mention of his name. 

"Look." Fish's face falls, the bravado melting away as he looks around the alley. "You can't beat Bobo at his own game. And I-- well, I just give Levi a little bit of smack at a time so he won't drop off. I don't want him to go into a panic and shoot up some dirty."

The memory of Charlie flies forward in Nicole's mind, searing and hot. She slams Fish into the wall again, the backdoor of Shorty's shaking. "But you sold me a dirty bag."

"Look, I didn't know." Fish begins to tremble, looking around again. "Bobo doesn't tell us what is or is not clean. But I test little bits that I give to Levi. His doses are clean, I promise."

"What are you talking about?"

"Levi ain't like you, Peppermint. He can't quit cold turkey and actually stay away. I give him little bits to keep him afloat  _ because  _ I love him. You wouldn't understand; you just love her from afar."

Nicole slams him again for even mentioning the idea of Waverly.

"Don't you dare bring her into any of this."

"But Bobo will." Fish gulped his eyes darting around. "Bobo wants his little angel and I don’t know if you can stop him."

Nicole's fist connects with Fish's jaw with a hard crack, her opposite hand keeping the man upright against the wall. 

"No more talking about her."

"Alright, Peppermint. Fuck." 

"Why does Bobo randomly cut his supply with Fentanyl? Doesn't that kind of kill the customer base?"

Fish pushes Nicole off with such force that she finds herself flat against the trash bin. She feels the pain of his throw deep inside her back.

"Don't." His voice is low and angry. 

Nicole rights herself as she watches Fish pull up his backpack and fiddle around in the pocket. Before she can reassert herself, a small white and pink cardboard box is tossed her way.

"Just in case." He then spits and begins to walk down the alley.

The back door to Shorty's flings open and Gus is standing in the doorway, the .38 gleaming in her hand. Nicole lets her hand with the box drop to her side.

"Haught." Gus says dryly. "What the fuck you doing behind my bar. Thought someone was fighting."

Nicole steps towards her and shrugs. "Had some rats that needed shoo-ing."

Gus stepped to the side as Nicole flooded past, hoping that she could just b-line back to Waverly’s side. Her hand still palming the box she was unable to discern due to Gus’s interruption .

"Stop." 

Nicole stopped right before the swinging door.

"What's that." Gus gruffed, Nicole turned to find the gun still in the older woman’s hand.

Nicole looked down and read the box.  _ Narcan. What the fuck? _

"Narcan." Nicole said as evenly as she could. "Found it outside. Was gonna take it to Nedley… maybe the volunteer ambulance can use some. I know how bad the streets of Purgatory are right now."

Gus's face twitched. 

Nicole swallowed as she heard Waverly laugh and a loud crack of a cue ball.

"How much?"

Nicole blinked. "I don't know much about Narcan--"

"How much can I pay you to leave my girls ranch and move the fuck on." Gus's hands trembled.

Nicole watched the woman click the hammer back on the gun. 

"I'm not leaving."

*****

**December 24, 2020**

Waverly heard sizzling. She groaned and rolled over as her ears adjusted and picked up a soft piano accompanied by a sweet, unfamiliar voice. Her eyes fluttered open, attempting to pull herself from her grogginess. The next sense to wake her up was the smell, butter and cinnamon goodness that made her mouth water. Then vanilla and earth; the pillowcase in front of her.  _ Nicole.  _ She had stayed at Nicole's overnight. And now the wonderful woman was making her french toast. 

**You came wandering into my life without warning**

**We stayed up talking, before I knew, it was morning**

Nicole was singing along to a song that Waverly had never heard. She rubbed her eyes and pulled herself up, looking towards the kitchen. 

**At a house party just down the street**

**My band was playing and you came to see**

**Oh, we both had way too much to drink**

**We made out all night on some strange balcony**

**I swear I never wanted to leave**

**And neither did you**

Waverly saw Nicole barefoot, boxer shorts, and tank top. Her back was turned to Waverly, a hint of a spatula in the woman's hand as steam rose up from her cooking endeavors. Waverly grinned. Nicole was undeniably sexy when she sang but even more so when she sang and cooked. The mundane intimacy was so alluring for Waverly and she refused to speak, instead just taking in the wonder of it all. The music filled the space; allowing herself to imagine what it would be like to wake up to copper hair and french toast regularly. 

But there was a wall between them.  _ Cancer.  _ Just as her nerves crept up, Nicole sang along louder, her voice entering Waverly's soul.

**It was perfect, as if God himself wrote it**

**I'd be fine dying, if my life were only this moment**

Waverly remembered her discussion with Nicole after the spaghetti breakdown. Nicole wanted to be together. To not let the cancer take away another day from their love. Waverly had decided to tell Nicole that they were going to stay friends and friends only. She wasn't going to let Nicole be her girlfriend only to die slowly in front of her. Especially not after learning what Nicole had done for Levi and Fish. Waverly knew what would happen to Nicole if she gave her everything and died. 

Waverly didn’t want to risk Nicole’s sobriety. Nicole’s future.

Nicole’s life.

But now that the sun was up and Nicole was softly singing; Waverly didn't want anything else but her. Her body yearned for her, to give her everything now so that they both could enjoy simple moments like this. Sizzling pan, soft music, and boring tasks.

And maybe, just maybe, these kinds of memories would be able to hold Nicole if she could not.

**In my bedroom when I was a child**

**I imagined that same exact smile**

**In my dreams, oh, you drove me half wild**

**I thought for sure it was all in my mind**

**You could never exist in real life**

**Yet somehow you do**

It was now all or nothing. And Waverly let herself feel the overwhelming attraction she felt for the red-headed ranch hand fully, deeply. Unlike she ever had before. Nothing was held back.

**There must have been angels**

**Singing sweetly above me**

**Oh, do you love me?**

Waverly jumped out of the bed moving quickly towards Nicole. The woman turned, a happy grin forming on her face as Waverly closed in. Before Nicole could say anything, she pulled the spatula from her hand and tossed it while simultaneously using her other hand to turn off the stove.

"Waverly?" Nicole’s eyes were wide with confusion.

"Kiss me." Waverly blurted as she pulled Nicole's hands around her middle. "Please."

**There's nobody who**

**Makes me feel like you do**

**I know that it's always been you**

The record player scratched and the album ended as Nicole searched her eyes, like the woman needed more consent then she was just given. The air got impossibly thick before Nicole finally pulled her in, kissing her deeper than she had ever before. Waverly moaned into the kiss and rubbed her hands up Nicole's chest, lightly grazing her nipples, until one cupped her cheek and the other flowed into her hair. She tugged as their movements became more desperate, grounding herself in everything that was Nicole. Her taste was incredible and Waverly pushed her body into Nicole’s, pinning her to the cabinets in a swift move of her hips. Before Waverly could let her hands travel back down, Nicole broke the kiss with haggered breath and a coy smile.

"Good morning." She chuckled, cupping Waverly's face with her right hand. "I made you breakfast."

Waverly was not having it. The warmth between her legs was pulling at her brain, pushing her hips forward again causing Nicole to gasp lightly. She no longer wanted to wait. Waverly wanted Nicole. 

All of Nicole.

"It can wait." Waverly's voice was deep, sultry. She watched Nicole lick her lips and blink rapidly, like Waverly's words sent her mind into overdrive.

"What?" Nicole gripped at her hips, the fingers lightly moving like they were waiting patiently for a stoplight to turn green.

"I want you." Waverly gasped, pulling Nicole back towards the bed. She jerked her face down, sealing her words with another deep kiss, her feet still pulling the women towards the bed. 

"Waverly, wait--" Nicole grunted as she fell on top of the smaller woman, Waverly’s legs wrapping around her middle. "Are you sure?"

"I am." Waverly ground her hips upward, drawing a moan from Nicole's mouth. "If you are?"

“I am, very much so.”

Brown eyes bore down into hazel as Waverly inched her body up further on the bed, out from under Nicole’s. She leaned forward slowly, holding eye contact as her hands fluttered down to the hem of her pajama shirt. Nicole’s mouth went slack as she pulled up, revealing soft skin and her bare breasts in one movement. 

“Fuck.” Nicole whispered and the curse sent a surge of wetness to Waverly’s core.

Waverly leaned forward and grabbed onto Nicole’s tank, pulling the woman towards her. Nicole just took her lead, bracketing her hands on either side of Waverly’s head as her hips slowly leaned down into hers. The pressure was delicious but Nicole’s stiff movements were not and Waverly found herself wondering how to get Nicole’s engine fully moving.

“Baby.” Waverly kissed her lightly before peppering more along her jaw. “You are allowed to touch me.”

“Is this a dream?” Her love huffed out, groaning slightly as Waverly nipped at her earlobe. “This has to be a dream.”

“It would be a dream if you touched me.” She wrapped her legs around Nicole’s middle, grinding her hips upward. Waverly did not know what was possessing her right now but she didn’t want to stop, she just wanted Nicole. 

“Waverly.” Nicole cupped her cheek and kissed her, her tongue asking for immediate entrance. But just as she began to grind down into Waverly, she pulled back again and slumped into her shoulder, like she was torn. “I-- should we talk?”

Waverly grabbed her face and brought it back up so their eyes could meet. “I was going to get up this morning and tell you that I wanted to stay friends. I thought if I turned you down that I could keep you safe; just like how you’ve always kept me safe.”

A flash of fear coursed through her deep browns but Waverly gently kissed it away.

“But there you were-- radiantly gorgeous. Just singing softly and making food like there was no cancer, like you never were addicted. To tell you no would mean we would continue to miss out. On that.” Waverly grabbed her shirt and pulled her close. “On this. I think I realized we no longer need to keep each other safe through distance. I want all of you or none at all.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Nicole kissed Waverly, hard, stealing away any doubts. One of her hands now moved, lightly tracing down Waverly’s bare side and she felt nothing but elation. But the taller woman pulled back again and her face softened. “Waverly Earp. Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes.” She exclaimed as Nicole pulled her into a hug, eliciting a giggle. “And as much as I love this sappiness. Do you still want to?”

Fire burned in brown eyes as they surveyed their way down Waverly’s front. 

“Hell yes.” Nicole agreed, leaning back and removing her tank top and tossing it behind her. 

“Then please take these pants off of me and fuck me.” 

Nicole growled deep and long as her strong hands went to the hem of Waverly’s pants. The woman then leaned down and began kissing her chest, Waverly squirming as the room’s temperature seemed to rise all at once. Fingers dipped below the hem as Nicole peppered more soft kisses along her sternum and over to her right breast. Before Waverly could ask, Nicole’s mouth enveloped her nipple and teeth were lightly dragging it into a peak.

“Jesus.”

Nicole hummed her approval as she released it with a pop and moved her way to the other breast for the same attention. But Waverly wanted more, four years of more, and her hips tried to move up to where fingers played lightly with the top of her pants.  _ Please God. _

“Patience.” Nicole hummed. “Is a virtue.”

“I’ve waited four fucking years Nicole Haught.” Waverly whined. "Don't tell me to be patient."

The redhead laughed deeply into her stomach as she continued her exploration of Waverly’s body. Everything tingled and she flexed her toes in preparation for whatever Nicole had planned. But the woman was just lazily kissing along, not at all paying attention to her ever growing need. So she took matters into her own hands and let her hands slip down, scratching lightly into Nicole’s scalp before one slipped by her head and under her pajamas in a quick movement. She found delicious wet heat and moaned as she rolled two fingers over her own clit.

“Waverly--” Nicole groaned and her eyes shot open to see the wanton gaze of her love as she watched her hidden hand roll in wonderful circles. The lust of it all shot through her veins and pushed her past the point of no return.

“I told you,” Waverly moaned as she dipped her fingers toward her own entrance. “I’ve waited a long time.”

It was a flash and Waverly’s pants were being ripped down and tossed. Before she could comment her hand was tugged away from herself and the fingers she was using were brought up and into Nicole’s mouth. The look Nicole gave Waverly as she sucked her fingers was downright filthy and she felt herself getting wetter. Nicole then placed her own hand at Waverly’s apex and her eyes flung shut as she felt long, strong fingers roll her clit in the same motion as she was just moments before.

“God. You are so fucking wet.”

Waverly cried out, the coil of her heat beginning to wind as she grabbed at Nicole’s shoulders. “Please, please.”

It seemed like Nicole had finally got the desperation in her voice as she began rolling her fingers faster and pulling Waverly into oblivion.

“Nicole. Nic. Fuck.” Waverly moaned and gulped for air, her hips rolling under the pleasure.

Nicole leaned down, covering her body with her own and bringing their lips together in a fiery kiss, never once slowing down her pace. She pulled back and kissed her way to Waverly’s ear. “What do you want, my love?”

“Inside.” 

The pace slowed and Waverly felt one long finger work it’s way slowly into her center as Nicole’s thumb came back up to roll her clit. Once it was fully inside, Nicole stopped to give her time to adjust. Waverly’s eyes fluttered open to see deep brown’s looking down at her with unfiltered lust mixed with loving adoration. Waverly almost came on the spot. Before she could talk, a second finger was added and the fullness made her moan out in pleasure.

“God, you feel good.” Nicole groaned as she began to pump her fingers in and out. “Look at me, baby.”

Waverly felt the movement push the coil deeper, her breathing became more ragged as she looked into Nicole’s eyes. This woman was making her feel more loved than she had ever felt in her entire life. It was intoxicating and Waverly felt herself slipping away, drowning in the pleasure of Nicole’s pumping fingers and her blown out eyes. 

“Come for me, baby.” Nicole cooed. Her fingers curled inside after a deep thrust and it sent Waverly over the edge, lights popping behind Nicole’s head as she clutched to the woman who was continuing to move inside of her, pulling every last bit of the orgasm from her body. Her eyes pulled shut and the pleasure shot through her body like a wave crashing on the shore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!
> 
> I was gutted today to find out about the passing of TheGaySmurf. While I did not know her personally, I have been a huge fan. My heart and soul go out to her wife, family, friends, and any and all of those who were touched by her craft in some way.
> 
> This chapter was supposed to go differently but I changed around some of the scenes, including the song Waverly plays, so that I could have an 80s song featured in memory of TheGaySmurf.
> 
> Keep blessing those rains.

**December 24, 2020**

Nicole knew a lot of things about Waverly Earp. She was independent, intelligent; the first person to either know the answer to a problem or volunteer to figure it out. Waverly was as witty and smart-mouthed as her older sister; but her responses were more smooth and calculated. A life led being perceived as dumb, innocent, and frail molded her to always have the upper hand. If she couldn't get through to you, she would out-smart you. She was also just so positive and bubbly; a woman who knew how to bring a smile to everyone's face. She could be strong, smart, and kind without losing her vulnerability. It was what attracted Nicole to Waverly, well that, and she was drop-dead gorgeous. 

What Nicole didn't expect was how all that strength and vulnerability would transfer over to sex. Most likely because Nicole had never dreamed she would be here, naked, open, and in love. That they'd be spending hours committing each other's body to memory. But the careful, soft trail of kisses the brunette was peppering across her stomach were living proof. Waverly Earp had the upper hand and Nicole was more than willing to let her have everything.

"God," Nicole squirmed as Waverly gently kissed the wet curls over her sex. "You are driving me insane."

Waverly hummed in response as Nicole could only roll her hips upward, the burning in her core begging for more contact.

"May I?" Waverly asked, her eyes deepened with lust as she looked up into Nicole's. 

"Yes-- God." Nicole gasped, she felt an immediate response as Waverly’s tongue slowly licked up the full length of her wetness. Nicole looked skyward as her body bloomed in response to Waverly’s movements. She felt Waverly lift her legs over her shoulders, garnering deeper access for her exploring tongue as she learned everything that Nicole was.

Nicole’s vision began to blur at the edges so she willed her eyes shut and balled up her fists around the sheets of her bed. Waverly was slow, languidly so, a much different pace to their earlier frenzied exploration. Their first time was all about the pent up sexual emotion; a frenzied need to be pushed over the edge. It was sexy and far less clumsy as Nicole would have imagined. But then Nicole and Waverly were always like that. In tune with each other right out of the gate. And the thought of it turned Nicole on even more as she brought a hand around to Waverly’s head; not to guide but to be grounded. To touch her love while she broke her into pleasured pieces. 

“Waves--”

And as if Waverly could read Nicole's mind through that touch, her tongue began to press and swirl at her clit with a steady rhythm. Intoxicating strokes mixed with Waverly’s hummed approval pulled Nicole forward as she clinched her muscles and let her own moans fill the space. The peak was closing in.

"I'm gonna--"

Waverly latched her lips over Nicole's bud and she cried out, the orgasm ripping through her. Waverly kept slowly lapping as she came down, her body feeling the immediate exhaustion that she’d not quite experienced with any other lover. This woman was an exception; the most enjoyable kind. Waverly laid her head against Nicole's thigh, her face lit with a knowing smirk.

"Holy shit." Nicole chuckled, letting her hands fumble at Waverly’s shoulders and pulling her up her body.

"Holy shit indeed." Waverly agreed, pulling the covers with her before deeply kissing Nicole, allowing the older woman to taste herself. She moaned at the intimacy of it all as she pulled Waverly into herself, caccooning their love under all the blankets. The weight of Waverly at her side felt like placing in the last puzzle piece.

"Explain to me again why we waited four years?"

"Because," Waverly kissed her neck lightly. "You are a big ole tease."

"Me?!" 

"Yes you! Galavanting around my farm all sweaty in tight jeans and a stetson. Grunting while tossing hay bales. Whispering sweet things to calves while they are being vaccinated. I am surprised I haven't attacked you behind the barn."

Nicole could only grin in response as she snuggled in. "Maybe you should have?"

"Wouldn't have worked." Waverly said firmly. "You would have done something chivalrous and went to hide somewhere with your guitar."

“Don’t call me out like that!” Nicole hugged her close and kissed her forehead lightly, eliciting a small giggle from the smaller woman. She then tilted toward the nightstand and grabbed her phone. 

"Jesus, it's already 12:45pm." Nicole sighed. "Not much time before we need to get up."

"Then get back over here and cuddle me."

"But then I won't want to get up."

"Then we won't."

*****

**March 3, 2018**

"For an old geezer," Nicole exclaimed proudly. "You can make a damn good bonfire."

"I ain't that old." Doc replied, flinging some more small logs around the edges of the burning planks. “But you are right, I can make a killer fire.”

Nicole and Doc spent the last few days removing all the old, badly damaged untreated wood flooring from Waverly’s bedroom. The elder ranch hand had wanted to restore it but it was too much of a task for the two of them, especially with how much work spring brought with the cattle. Now that they had installed the new flooring, Wynonna had suggested a bonfire for the old stuff. You would have thought she told Doc he’d won a spot on the North American Poker Tour.

Doc looked at Nicole before back at the homestead in the distance, his mustache slightly twitching. "Our bosses are grabbing some of Willa's stuff."

"Why?" Nicole looked at her friend, crunching her face.

"Seems Waverly found a lot when she moved her stuff from the upstairs. I think they want to have a little memorial, say a few words, burn a few things. Just thought you might want to be prepared."

"Thanks." Nicole replied, looking back into the fire.

"Holy hell, it's like burning man out here!" Wynonna yelled from behind the two, causing Nicole to turn. “But way less drugs. Like the opposite of drugs. Sobriety.”

Nicole rolled her eyes.

Both Earps were trotting up to the fire; Wynonna dragging some camp chairs while Nicole tried to make out what Waverly was pulling.  _ Trash bag? _

"Haught-Damn!" Wynonna quipped. "Grab these chairs and set em' up while I help babygirl with her bag of memories."

"I can get it, Wynonna." Waverly's smooth voice replied. Even so, Nicole could hear a hint of strain. “I’m very strong.”

Nicole smiled and grabbed at the chairs, pulling them from their bags and flinging them out in a semi-circle. Not too close but not too far away from the flames.

"Fuck." Wynonna hissed. "Something poked me in there."

Waverly laughed and Nicole turned to see not a trash bag but a huge duffle and soft guitar case. "It was probably the guitar string, 'Nonna. Willa never cut her strings close."

"Lazy ass…" the older Earp grumbled. "Hey Doc, wanna come back to the house and help me lug out the booze?"

Nicole turned to see his blue eyes light up as he shook his head in agreement before tipping his hat at Waverly.

"Keep an eye on the fire, Haught."

"You got it." Nicole nodded as she watched them walk away. A sudden zipper noise brought her back to the present. Waverly was pulling a pink guitar from the case and Nicole's nerves began to shimmer behind her stomach as she realized they were alone. "Willa played guitar?"

"Yes. She was really good at it, actually." Waverly smiled before nodding at the chairs. "I can play decently as well."

Nicole found herself intrigued as the pair sat down. She swallowed hard watching nimble fingers glide up the neck and strum. The sound emitted was ugly and twangy; Waverly clicked her tongue as she began to tune, her lips curled in concentration. Warm tingles spread over Nicole's neck as she watched, ignorant of much else going on. 

"I haven't played since she died." Waverly admitted, her voice wavering a bit. "But I bet it's just like riding a bike."

"I've always wanted to learn."

"Really?" Hazel eyes flicked to her browns; a hint of joyous glee in them as Nicole listened to Waverly tune. The repeated flicking of the strings and groan of changing notes. "I could uh--"

Waverly stopped playing and wiggled her chair so she was now facing Nicole better. Nicole adjusted her own chair then leaned in closer, the smell of wildflowers and dust entering her senses. 

"Teach you."

"I'd really like that. I kind of need a hobby."

Waverly hummed in agreement and kept tuning. 

"I usually just listen to records but it would be pretty nice to learn to play a few of my favorites. Especially since I need to keep my mind occupied."

The fire crackled and popped as a few of the boards slid down. Nicole studied it to make sure nothing was poking outside of the circle Doc had made, once she was satisfied she looked back just as Waverly began strumming all the strings at once.

"About as good as it is going to sound with old strings." Her eyes flicked up. "What should I play?"

"I don't know. What kind of music do you normally play?"

Waverly pursed her lips before strumming out a chord. Nicole could barely focus on the sounds and instead just absorbed how breathtaking Waverly was leaning over the guitar, fire lighting her features. The concentration as she tried out different cords, her tongue poking out between soft lips. Nicole was suddenly upset that she even asked Waverly to teach her. If she could barely pay attention now, who knows how she would do trying to actually learn.

"How about--" 

Waverly strummed out the first two chords, achingly familiar to Nicole. Before she could call out the song, the angelic voice that followed made her jaw go slightly slack and she lost her words.

**She's a good girl, loves her mama**

**Loves Jesus and America, too**

**She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis**

**Loves horses and her boyfriend, too**

Waverly kept her eyes on the frets, focusing all her power in remembering the chords. Nicole was blown away, her heart pulled in by the magic of it all.

**And it's a long day livin' in Reseda**

**There's a freeway runnin' through the yard**

**And I'm a bad boy, 'cause I don't even miss her**

**I'm a bad boy for breakin' her heart**

Before Waverly could, Wynonna was stumbling back into the circle, her arms in the air clutching whiskey bottles by the necks.

"And I'm freeeee" She crooned off tune. "Free fallin'!"

The cold Alberta air was filled with deep laughter as Wynonna rolled around on the ground, continuing to repeat the lines. “Free fallin’!”

"You sounded mighty beautiful." Nicole removed her stetson, nodding at the guitar.

"Yes, Miss Waverly. Tom Petty would be proud."

Waverly blushed, strumming out the intro again. "Thanks guys."

"How fast do you think that old thing will go up in flames?" Wynonna asked, making a poof sound and exploding her hands. “Oh, I wanna watch the guitar strings snap!”

"No!" Waverly clutched it to her chest.

"Why? It's ugly as sin."

"Because--"

"You hated that thing growing up. You said it was a nasty color." Wynonna glared, grabbing it from Waverly with an assured quickness. Something clicked inside of Nicole.

“Stop!” Nicole yelled, far louder and meaner than she meant. 

Wynonna was frozen, guitar held out in front of her like it might bite.

"Waverly is going to teach me." Nicole blurted as she jumped to cross to Wynonna. She grabbed the neck possessively. "So we are keeping the guitar. I uh-- happen to like pink."

Nicole pulled it to herself and walked to the case, slipping it inside with care.

“You really like pink.” Wynonna scoffed. “Never seen you so touchy.”

“Now, Wynonna--” Doc started.

Nicole felt her cheeks flush and embarrassment bloom as Waverly stared at her with an indistinguishable face. “Leave her alone, Wynonna. She is really excited about learning, is all.”

"Ok, but-- If you like pink than I am fucking Bobo."

"Wynonna!"

Nicole just shook her head, zipping open the large duffle. "How about we drop it and begin burning some of this?"

"Yeah." Waverly agreed quickly. "I grabbed plenty of her stuff to burn. I am sure there is something in here that will feed your inner pyro, Wynonna."

"But you liked Willa." Wynonna groaned. "So that is probably a big fat lie."

Nicole fiddled inside, moving around a few stuffed animals before she found a small bag full of wooden figurines. "Lots of wood statues in here-- they all look kind of crude."

_ Carved animals? _

She pulled the bag out and crossed to Waverly, laying them gently on her lap.

"Oh, her secret gifts."

"Secret gifts?" Doc asked from his place near the fire, his cigarette a tiny beacon in the dark. 

"Yeah, she had some secret admirer or something." Wynonna scowled reaching inside the bag and pulling out a crudely carved dove. "Most of em' were birds. Daddy hated them, said he was going to find the man and rip him a new one. I honestly agree, it was super creepy."

Waverly dumped the bag out onto the ground, leading Nicole to kneel and sort through them with her. One in particular caught her eye, the white paint on it stood out amongst the plain wood of all the rest. Nicole picked it up and studied it.

"Hmm, weird." Waverly noted, Nicole noticing her attention was focused on her hands. "A swan. It's actually painted."

"Yeah." Nicole fingered it, noticing the attempt at actual detail. She flipped it and saw letters carved into the base, a sinking feeling enveloping her stomach. "Can I keep this one?"

"Sure."

*****

**December 24, 2020**

"I think I am going to name it."

Waverly sighed, turning to Nicole to see her reaction. The older woman was seated stiffly next to her, fingering her stetson and biting her lip. Nicole looked stressed, far more so than Waverly was used to at doctor’s appointments. After a few moments she noticed Waverly's staring and looked sheepish.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

_ Cutie. _

"Yeah, but-- are you ok?"

"It's almost five forty-five." Nicole groaned, peering around Waverly to glare at the receptionist again. "The office closes at six. Is this doctor even going to see you?”

“Well,” Waverly cooed, leaning over to rub Nicole’s thigh affectionately. “She was at her patient limit when we made this appointment, so she is probably just finishing up with them.”

Nicole looked like she wanted to say something smart but she just nodded and covered Wavery’s hand with her own. “Sorry.”

“No need.” 

“What did you say before though?”

“Oh.” Waverly grinned. “I wanna name my cancerous tumor.” 

If Waverly thought sheepish Nicole was cute, horrified Nicole was just plain adorable. Slightly slack lips, wide brown eyes, and high flying eyebrows. It brought a small amount of glee to a very nervous Waverly.

“Alright, alright.” Nicole righted her ship, pursed lips of acceptance. “What did you want to name it?”

“Chloe.” Waverly said happily.

“Why?”

“Because. That bitch Chloe.”

Nicole could only chuckle and Waverly found herself enjoying the way it sounded on her lips.  _ That bitch Chloe gonna catch these hands. _

“I mean come on Nicole, have you ever met a nice Chloe?” 

The redhead leaned her head back in thought, her face crinkling in pure concentration. “Can’t say I have.”

“So there we go. She is now that bitch Chloe.” Waverly smirked, wiggling happily in her seat.

“It will definitely help out Wynonna.” Nicole agreed.

“How?”

“Damn woman can’t even say the word cancer. But I am pretty sure she has beat up a few Chloes in her life. So this ‘ought to bring her around.”

“You are a genius.” Waverly laughed before leaning in. “I am dating a genius.”

“But you came up with it baby and we all know who is the smartest woman around.”

The two kissed delicately before the door to the waiting room suddenly opened. “Waverly Earp.”

“I’m going to go in alone, ok?”

“Of course.” Nicole smiled. “No expectations.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Go learn more about that bitch Chloe. Knowledge is power.” Nicole smiled before giving her a quick kiss.

Waverly then stood and followed the smiling nurse back. The nerves flowed in as she turned to see the last glimpse of red before the door shut behind them.

“Stand over here for me, love.” The nurse pointed at the scale and Waverly climbed on.

“Hmm.” She hummed. “Alright, now take a seat so I can take your blood pressure.”

“Ok.” Waverly squeaked as she slid down into the folding chair. The nurse slid the heart rate monitor on to her finger before turning to the machinery.

“No need to be scared. I am a pro at this.” The woman grinned, shaking the blood pressure cuff. 

“Sorry, I am not good at being a doctor. I mean, being at the doctor.”

“I understand.” The cuff was gently placed on and the nurse began the machine. “By the way, you and your wife are really cute.”

_ Wife?  _ Waverly felt her heart rate increase.

“How cute.” The nurse chuckled. “Guess I can’t mention her; your heart rate increased a lot.”

Waverly’s face became warm. “Sorry.”

“No need, I will let it even out.” The blood pressure machine was done and the nurse jotted all the information down on her clipboard. “Ok, all done Miss Earp. Follow me.”

Waverly nodded and stood, her brain still malfunctioning.  _ Why didn’t you correct her about Nicole? _

“Anyway, sorry for the wait. Dr. Taylor likes to answer any and all questions of her patients so sometimes she gets a little behind.”

“No worries, I am just--” Waverly breathed in, trying to remain calm. “Just glad she could fit me in.”

“She is wonderful like that.” The nurse stepped up to a gray door emblazoned with a large ‘3’. “Here we are.”

Waverly stepped in and found herself in an examination room very much like the one at Dr. Placer’s office. She awkwardly stood in the middle of the room as the nurse crossed by her to sit at the computer. 

“So, Dr. Taylor has gone over your chart, results, and medical history. She is going to do her own physical exam first then come up with a plan. Sound good?”

“Yes.”

“Awesome, take everything off from the waist down and use this to cover yourself. Dr. Taylor will be in soon.” The nurse smiled and handed her a disposal cover. “Wonderful to meet you, Waverly.”

“You too.”

*****

“Well Waverly,” Dr. Taylor said in her deadpan, emotionless voice before accentuating it with a snap of her gloves coming off. “All done with the exam, you can sit up. Time to talk about specifics.”

Waverly just nodded, tugging at the cover as she sat up fully. Dr. Andrea Taylor was unlike any doctor she had ever met. Warm ice blue eyes, short cropped blonde hair, and a thin, tall frame. She was about the same height as Nicole but ganglier, a tautness about her stance told Waverly the woman was all business. But she just knew how to make Waverly feel at ease, even if her voice and face were void of any emotion.

“Would you like me to go get your--” The woman tilted her head towards the door.

“No, no. It’s ok. I will tell her later.”

“Ok. Then I am going to leave real quick so you can get dressed, then we will talk.” The woman was gone in an instant, before Waverly could protest.

_ Just tell me.  _ She thought angrily as she stood, wiping herself clean of the lubricant used during the exam. She disposed of the cloth and washed her hands in the sink, her mind thinking over the Doctor wanting to grab Nicole.  _ It’s terminal.  _

She slugged on her underwear.  _ Can endometrial cancer even be terminal? _

Her sweats were pulled up and she leaned to grab her socks and shoes.  _ Obviously you aren’t going to have children. _

She felt her chest tighten as she slipped on her socks.  _ Does chemo hurt?  _

_ Will I still look good bald? _

Before she could dig herself a bigger hole, a heavy knock hit her door. “Are you decent?”

“Come in.” Waverly hated how scared her voice was.

“I’m back.” Dr. Taylor nodded, crossing the room quickly to grab the swivel stool and pull it and a pile of papers in front of where Waverly sat.  _ Show time _ .

“I will get right into it, Waverly. But understand that I will answer as many of your questions as you need, no matter how long it keeps us here.” 

“Don’t you have to go home?”

“My wife is a very patient woman.” Dr. Taylor replied. Waverly was intrigued by just how even-keeled this woman was. A far cry different than Dr. Placer’s soft, cheerful demeanor. However, Waverly still felt safe. 

Understood.

“Rip off the band-aid.” Waverly sighed. 

“Gotcha. I looked over everything and I can definitely diagnose you with late stage two Adenocarcinoma. It is the most common type of endometrial cancer and as far as I can tell from your scans and hysteroscopy, it should only be grade two.”

“What does that mean?” Waverly swallowed, picking her brain about what each stage could mean.

“Stage one denotes cancer is only in your uterus. Stage two denotes that your cancer is contained inside of your uterus but has spread around or on your cervix. Stage three means it has entered other tissues that surround your uterus.”

“Ok.” Was all Waverly could muster. “What’s the plan?”

“I like a planner. And I do have a plan but it really depends on you, since you are still very young.”

“How so?”

“If you were planning on children, we could try an intense chemotherapy and radiation therapy treatment but due to your stage, I am afraid I cannot promise a good outcome.”

“What would you recommend then?” Waverly tried to smile.

My recommendation is--” The woman pulled a pen quickly from her pocket and a sheet of paper from the stack on her lap. The paper showed a medically drawn female reproductive system. “A radical hysterectomy with a partial bilateral salpingo oophorectomy. I would perform the surgery myself using tools; three small cuts would be made in your abdomen and the offending organs would be removed vaginally.” 

The doctor drew three lines across the picture for emphasis.

Waverly’s eyes widened at the big words.  _ I should have grabbed Nicole. _

“The radical hysterectomy means I would remove the uterus and cervix.” The doctor used her pen to draw a wide ‘X’ over both organs.

“The partial bilateral salpingo oophorectomy means I would grab your fallopian tubes,” More ‘Xs’ drawn in proper areas. “And then I would assess your ovaries. If I can leave them I will, if not, I will remove them. I will also look at your lymph nodes and clean out the cavity. I would then stitch the end of your vaginal cavity back up.”

“Ok.”

“Any questions?”

“Nope, the picture was very helpful.” Waverly swallowed, her mind swimming.

‘You sure you don’t want me to grab her?” The doctor put down the paper and cocked her head to the side. “My staff all went home.”

“Could you?”

Before she knew it the woman was up and gone.  _ How does her wife keep up with her?  _ Waverly barely got to reach forward and grab the paper the doctor was drawing on before she heard Nicole’s light chuckle coming down the hallway.

“I have obtained your person.”

_ My person. _

Nicole smiled down at Waverly and sat next to her. 

“May I tell her?”

“Of course.” Waverly nodded, feeling Nicole’s warm and strong hand slip into hers. It wasn’t until now that Waverly figured out she was shaking.

She considered the options. _Children are nice but are they something worth struggling for?_ _Surgery is so final. But maybe that is what I need, finality. This is so confusing but also not?_

Nicole, as usual, read her mind.

“If Waverly chooses to not do the surgery, is there a chance the cancer may continue to spread?”

“Yes.” Dr. Taylor confirmed in her matter-of-fact voice. “Surgery is your best chance at a full recovery. If you choose the first options, you will have to deal with a very difficult chemo and radiation schedule. If you choose surgery, I will probably only do a few post recovery radiation appointments to give you the best chance at staying cancer free. Especially if I decide to keep your ovaries.”

Nicole looked down at Waverly, her eyes softly laying the ball in her court.

“I will fight tooth and nail for either option.” Dr. Taylor confirmed.

“Surgery.” Waverly nodded. “Let’s do that.”

A gentle squeeze of Waverly’s hand was followed by a kiss to her forehead. 

Waverly felt overwhelmed. Loved but overwhelmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song featured is "Free Fallin'" by Tom Petty.
> 
> I appreciate all comments and love.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to the fanfiction where Nicole Haught roughs up every dealer in town.
> 
> Happy Halloween!

**December 31, 2020**

Waverly’s heart was not in the books today. If she was honest with herself, the cancer had ripped away her drive to do anything other than hang out with Nicole. And while Nicole would definitely humor her, she was an integral part to the ranch’s upkeep and Waverly had kept her from her job a lot lately. So she stretched her hands and looked back down at her computer’s keyboard, willing herself to focus on the task at hand. _Tax prep._ _You got this._

Waverly began compiling all the digital documents she would need to file for Peacemaker Farms. The mouse and keyboard being the only tune filling her office as she reclaimed her focus. Well until she noticed Wynonna had forgot to send her all the real estate paperwork from when they bought the new 850 acres.  _ Weird. She is usually better at that. _ Before Waverly could send her sister an email, her office door had three hard raps beat against it.

“Come in.”

“Morning kid.”

“Gus.” Waverly sighed and turned in her chair. “Can I help you?”

Gus didn’t move, the older woman just stood in the doorway holding two cups of coffee while her lip twitched, nervousness apparent. This was not the Gus Gibson Waverly was used to and she was taken aback. 

“May I come in?” Gus asked, her voice timid.

“Sure.” Waverly said lightly, nodding towards the armchair close to her desk. “Have a seat.”

Gus closed the door slowly and crossed, placing both cups down on coasters. “I made you an eggnog lottie.”

“Latte?”

“Whatever.” She grumbled before sitting down. “I just wanted--”

Waverly watched as a few expressions flicked over her aunt’s face, each one distinctly different than the other. Gus had been haunting the homestead for the past few weeks. Coming and going at all hours, speaking quietly with Wynonna or Doc, and avoiding eye contact with Waverly entirely. Nicole had assured Waverly that Gus was being kind to her but she doubted it; Nicole was always cordial about her family, no matter how terribly she was treated by them. Waverly was feeling less than charitable after the intervention, the lack of trust given by Gus and Wynonna proved apparent. She finally had a glimpse into Nicole’s world and it brought her nothing but frustration and bitterness.

Gus couldn’t finish her sentence so she just sighed, placing her head in her hands.

“Can’t apologize?” Waverly groaned as the frustration mounted. 

Her hands began to grip the sides of her desk so she leaned down and ripped open her lower drawer. If Gus couldn’t act like an adult, Waverly could by focusing on finding those real estate contracts. The brunette flipped through her organization tabs, knowing damn well Wynonna was ignorant to her filing system and would just slot the paperwork in anywhere she felt like it. The process of flipping through the papers was calming her even as she felt her aunt’s eyes burn holes in her side. Her fingers pulled open the ‘Requisitions’ tab and boom, a thick stack from their realtor was shoved in at an odd angle. Waverly hummed in approval and pulled it out, laying it on the desk. The brunette flipped her hair over her shoulder before flipping through the pages, confirming it was the correct document.

“It’s hard.” Gus finally whispered, causing Waverly’s hands to still. “You know?”

“Which part?” 

The silence returns, thicker than before.

“Treating Nicole like a criminal?” Waverly pulled herself back up. “Ignoring any attempt Nicole makes at proving she has changed?”

Gus shifts in her seat as her lips pull into a grimaced line.

“Using Wynonna’s insecurities against her so you could manipulate her into helping you with an intervention? Encouraging my ex-boyfriend Champ by lying to him about my feelings?”

“Waverly--”

“Being unable to apologize or come to terms with your actions until you figure out that I have cancer?” Waverly scoffed. “Is that what’s hard?”

Gus folds her hands against her chest and then takes a large breath in before releasing it slowly, her eyes focused on the floor. “I’ll just go then.”

“Why are you like this?”

Gus stands and begins towards the door before the brunette stands herself.

“Stop!” Waverly calls out. “Stop walking away from me, Gus.”

The older woman follows her directions and turns, the guilt written plainly across her features.

“Do you remember what you told me after Willa died? After I told you I thought our family was cursed?”

Gus eyes pull from the floor and make contact with Waverly’s.

“You told me there was no Earp family curse, that we are all just given the amount of pain God believes we can handle.” Waverly walks closer to Gus, her lip trembling. “I told you that you were wrong, there is no way God thought I could handle this. There couldn’t be a God who would allow his people to feel such immeasurable pain and suffering. Then you said the first thing that made sense to me since Momma had left. You said: But you--”

“But you can--” Gus finishes for Waverly. “You can deal with anything when you have a family like ours.”

“What happened to my family, then? Because I am struggling.” Waverly reaches forward and grabs Gus’s hand, squeezing home her words. “I need my family.”

“I-- I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Not to me, at least.”

“Then, what do you need from me?”

“Be better.”

*****

**June 12, 2018**

“What color shingles did Miss Waverly want us to get?”

“I don’t know.”

“But your notebook does.” Doc chuckled.

Nicole shrugged, curling the edge of her notebook nervously as her eyes darted to the open roll-up door of the hardware store. Red was standing there, his face pulled into a deeply creepy smile. A smile Nicole could feel in her bones.

“Nicole?” Doc asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You ok?”

Nicole didn’t answer him, instead she just looked at Red and considered how she could get away from Doc and go talk to him.  _ Ditch Doc for the bathroom but then pull Red out back. You can ask him without buying-- but he may need you to buy something in exchange for the information. It’s fine, it’s fine. Just get rid of the shit once you buy it. It’ll work.  _

“Haught!” Doc shook her and she turned, her eyes wide at his raised voice. “What’s wrong, kid?”

“Sorry Doc, I just-- the guy over there.”

Doc looked past her and she watched his eyes narrow at the sight of Red. “Do you know that man?”

“One of Bobo’s dealers. I uh-- he was friends with Neal.” Nicole coughed, turning her attention back on the notebook in her hands but the words just blurred on the page. 

_ Doc just had to fuel up at Smitty’s. You just had to have a Yoo-Hoo. You just had to ask Fish about the damn swan. Idiot. _

“He bothering you?” Doc asked, his eyes taking in her expression as her thoughts rattled around in her skull. 

“No but--” Nicole looked up, catching Doc’s blues.  _ Give him an excuse. _ “He has something of Neal’s that I want, do you think I can go talk to him?”

Doc tilted his head to the side and considered her question carefully. Nicole knew this was risky but if anyone trusted her, it was Doc.

“Ok.” He confirmed. “But make it quick; Wynonna and Waverly are down looking at tile.”

“Thanks.” Nicole smiled and began to walk before Doc grabbed her arm, causing her to hold her breath.

“One more thing,” He nodded down at her notebook. “What color shingles?”

Nicole released out her tension through her nose and glanced down. “Graphite.”

“Cool, five minutes Haught.”

Nicole flung the book down on the flat cart and turned, quickly crossing towards the open rollup that led to the back of the store. Red’s grin somehow got wider and he backed up, hiding his body behind a lumber stack.

“Good morning, Peppermint!”

“Cut the shit, Red.” Nicole bit back as she looked back once more before following him behind the pile. “I have a question for you.”

“Looking to score, honey? Prices are steep right now but for you,” He looked her up and down before grabbing his crotch and jerking it in her direction. “I could be persuaded.”

“I don’t want your powder or your sad excuse for a dick. I want to talk about Bobo and Willa.” Nicole pulled out her phone and began flipping through her pictures before showing him the initials carved into the bottom of the swan from the bonfire a few months back. Red’s body language changed instantly and he began looking around, like Bobo could see everything through his eyes. 

“Now, now. You know I ain’t nothing but a dealer.”

“Sure.” Nicole slid her phone back into her pocket. “And I’m a nun.”

Before he could respond Nicole shot forward and grabbed the man by his greasy t-shirt, pulling it down by the collar as she slammed him up against the lumber. His chest now exposed, Nicole saw the letters “REV” tattooed in gang-style font. 

“As I thought.” Nicole sneered as she flipped out a pocket knife and laid it against the script, the point making a slight divot in his skin. “Now, why is your gang’s tag written on a gift for a teenage girl? One that grew up and then died?”

Red swallowed as his eyes darted down to the knife. “Bobo ain’t gonna like you poking around in his affairs.”

“Well, I don’t like finding parts of him weaved in the Earp’s affairs. Willa. Charlie.” Nicole’s eyes narrow, her mind focusing on her discussion with Fish at the gas station. “Convincing Nedley to push for Wynonna and Doc to hire me.”

Red’s eyes dropped to the knife again, realization washing over his features. Nicole felt elation, knowing just how close she was.

“Bobo wants Waverly.” 

Anger rushed over Nicole like a wave. “For what?”

“I don’t know.” Nicole pushes the knife in, blood begins to drip down slightly at the pressure. “I don’t, honest. All I know is that he’s wanted her since she was a small thing. He calls her his little angel.”

“Why give gifts to Willa?”

“Willa was his other angel.” Red laughed. “The only Earp he didn’t fuck with was Wynonna.”

_ Interesting. _

“Haught!” Doc calls from the store and Nicole pulls her knife away, wiping it off on Red’s shirt.

“Thanks Red.”

“That information was free of charge, Peppermint.” Red sneers as he adjusts his shirt. “Don’t go chasing anything else though-- unless you want something like what happened to Willa to happen to Waverly.”

Ice dripped down Nicole’s spine as she made her way back into the hardware store, Doc hovering over a full flat cart of shingles. She stepped up next to him before wiping her sweaty hands on her pants. 

“Did he have it?” Doc asked.

“No.” Nicole forced a smile. “He sold it. You know how it is.”

“I do. Uh-- let’s get back to the Earps.”

_ Let’s _ . 

*****

**December 31, 2020**

The discussion with Gus was long, painful, and exhausting. The older woman had left her at just past 4:30pm, without a lick of work done. Doc and Nicole would be in soon, tired and ready for dinner. But all Waverly wanted to do when that time came was knock Doc to the ground and drag Nicole by her hair to the cabin before forcing her to lay on top, like a human weighted blanket. Maybe that would help her feel more human.

_ Nicole will not be fond of that option. Well, I don’t know, maybe she likes hair pulling? I should ask. _

"Babygirl." Wynonna kicked open her office door, the slam shaking her mug of cold coffee from Gus. "Good news coming your way."

"The cure for cancer?" She deadpanned.

"Uh-- err... well--" 

Waverly turned to see Wynonna struggling, her face stuck in shock. It pulled at her chest a bit so she stood and crossed to her sister, pulling her in for a hug.

"It was a joke, Wynonna. You know, your favorite hobby."

" _ That _ is not a joking matter." Wynonna responded, her voice tinted with sadness. “Don’t use that word.”

"It is too." Waverly gripped hard. “Cancer.”

“Stop.”

“Cancer.”

“Waverly, I swear--”

“Chloe.” Nicole’s voice suddenly joined the fray and it immediately sent warmth into Waverly’s chest.

“Who?” Wynonna shot back, swiveling to see the redhead standing in the hall. 

“Chloe.” Nicole shrugged.

“Holy shit, Waverly-- are you the other woman.” Wynonna pushed her body back, mock shock replacing the awkwardness of before.

“No Wy.” Waverly grinned, looking at Nicole standing behind her sister, her thumbs resting in her belt loops. “Chloe is what I named my cancer.”

Wynonna’s eyes became big before her lips followed them, opening into a wide smile. “That bitch, Chloe!”

Waverly could only scream out in glee as she grabbed her sister, her legs pushing her to hop in joy. It must have been infectious as Wynonna began hopping too. The stress of her earlier conversation falling off of her with every leap they made. Who knew that a simple stupid joke could free up a little joy to be shared between Waverly and Wynonna. 

“Earps.” Nicole laughed, removing her stetson and stepping forward.

“Hi, baby!” Waverly giggled, stopping her hopping and pushing Wynonna out of the way. “You look beautiful.”

“She looks dirty.” Wynonna clicked, already offended at her loss of Waverly’s attention. “And I didn’t get to tell you the good news!”

Nicole smiled before leaning down and capturing Waverly’s lips on her own. The kiss was instantly open-mouthed, warm, and downright sexy.  _ Fuck, it will never get old. _

“Did you find the cure for cancer?” Nicole responded to Wynonna but pulled Waverly into herself, the brunette giggling at her response. 

“I hate both of you.”

“What is your news?” Waverly kissed Nicole once more before turning in her body, placing her attention back on her sister.

“I figured since Gus had you locked in here all day--”

Waverly felt Nicole stiffen at her aunt’s name so she reached around, pulling Nicole’s arms around her and placing her hands on her stomach.

“Yeah,” Waverly interrupted. “It was like I was having a root canal in the middle of the DMV.”

“And well with--” Wynonna looked at Waverly’s belly while clutching her own. “Chloe running amuck. You might not wanna cook.”

“Hey now--”

“I made an executive decision and ordered Chinese.” Wynonna grinned, flinging her arms out like she was waiting for Waverly to jump into them. 

The couple just stared at Wyonna, waiting on the punchline.

“Come on? No reaction?”

“Pregnancy craving?” Nicole asked, her voice deep and knowing.

“Fuck you, Haught-Mail.” Wynonna whined. “You ruined my grand gesture with your--”

“Truth?”

“Lies!” Wynonna growled. “I ordered Chinese for your sick girlfriend.”

“What did you order for her then?” Nicole smiled.

“Her favorite. Sweet and Sour soup and veggie spring rolls.” 

“And for yourself?”

“Cheeseburger eggrolls, House special fried rice, beef skewers, and pork bao buns.”

“Hmm.” Nicole hummed as she tried to keep a straight face. “That’s a lot for one person, Earp.”

Waverly giggled as Wynonna shot forward, attempting to get at Nicole. She felt herself being turned into Nicole’s body before being lifted, her girlfriend’s arms supporting her thighs as her feet latched around her back. She clung onto her, like a Koala hangs onto a tree as the taller woman moved down the hallway, laughter reverberating off the Homestead’s walls. Nicole began using her like a shield as Wynonna darted back and forth attempting to jab her hand in to get at Nicole. Suddenly, Waverly was reminded of all the moments like this she has forgotten over the years. Small blips of joy that your brain erases in order to fill in with more important memories. 

“Don’t you dare use my sister as a shield!” Wynonna jabs again, hitting Waverly’s back lightly.

“Waverly is protecting me.” Nicole’s voice was playful and Waverly hung on as she darted around the furniture of the living room, expertly avoiding falling over. “Right babe?”

“Right!” She laughed, slipping her head into the crook of Nicole’s neck and breathing in.

Would her brain overwrite this moment? Because now that Waverly’s life has changed, she is unable to comprehend how she could ever forget this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little break from medical jargon as we unravel what lengths Nicole goes to in order to protect Waverly.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed! Let me know down below.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Jump" by Van Halen hurts.  
> "Halo" by Beyonce heals.
> 
> Both are mentioned.
> 
> Enjoy!

**October 1, 2018**

Nicole loved driving Waverly Earp into Purgatory. The almost thirty minute jaunt was normally a chore for the ranch hand as she was usually accompanied by either Doc or Wynonna. Doc always wanted to talk about work or the Property Brothers while Wynonna blew out her eardrums with Van Halen. Nicole would describe herself as a lover of all music but there were only so many times she could listen to “ _ Jump _ ” before she began to fantasize about strangling her boss with her leather jacket. Waverly, however, would just slide on her sunglasses and give Nicole an option between two artists. 

The Lumineers or Tracey Chapman?

CCR or Fleetwood Mac?

George Strait or Chris Stapleton?

Beyonce or Rhianna?

Nicole would choose her flavor and Waverly would connect her aux cord. The music was always at a comfortable volume, allowing the women to idly chat or sing along. Waverly would lean against the arm rest and grin; her presence had an intense calming effect on Nicole. It was like heaven on earth and totally had nothing to do with her being in love. Nothing at all.

And now as Nicole bobs her head to Beyonce’s “ _ Halo” _ , she sneaks a tiny peek at the passenger seat and glimpses Waverly lightly singing along, the morning sun highlighting her features.  _ Heaven indeed. _

**“You're everything I need and more**

**It's written all over your face**

**Baby, I can feel your halo**

**Pray it won't fade away”**

As Nicole listens to Waverly sing, she wishes she wasn’t driving so she could give the beautiful woman her full attention. The jeep comes to a stop sign and Nicole can’t help herself, she turns to fully take in Waverly singing the next few verses. Her body gently sways as her fingers caress her neck, her eyes focused on the flat and brown Alberta scenery. It’s the third “ _ I can see your halo _ ” before Waverly notices they haven’t moved.

“Nicole?” Waverly turns her head, her eyes filled with confusion. “You ok?”

_ Fuck. _

“Sorry, got to thinking about-- uhh and-- and forgot I was stopped.” Nicole tried to smile before checking both ways and crossing the road to continue on to their destination. “Uhhh-- What is on the agenda for this morning, Waverly?” 

Nicole hoped she sounded convincing but the tingles of being caught gawking were rolling down her neck in waves and probably producing a red color over her features, letting Waverly know she was uselessly in love.

“Your face is red, are you feeling ok?” Waverly hums in concern, reaching over and pulling Nicole’s stetson from her head. Her soft hand clamps lightly over Nicole’s forehead and she swallows harshly. “But, you don’t feel feverish. Weird.”

“Yeah, weird um. I’m fine. I guess I just uhhh--” Nicole turns and tries to grin warmly as Waverly plops the hat back down and pulls her hand back. “Didn’t sleep well last night?”

Waverly chuckles. “You don’t know if you slept well or not?”

“It’s not always a given.” Nicole wanted to sink deeper into her seat. “Um, anyway, where are we going?” 

“Post office.” Waverly saved her embarrassment, clapping her hands together in excitement. “I have to send off a butt load of invitations for the Winter Solstice!”

Nicole blinked a few times before turning at the next stop sign, adjusting her course towards the town’s only post office.

“The Winter whats-it?” 

“The Winter Solstice. It’s the new town dance! Some of the girls from my High School graduating class are putting it on to bring a little more community based fun to Purgatory. My friend Chrissy tasked me with creating the invitations, which--” Waverly paused, reaching into the back and shaking the overfilled milk crate situated in the backseat. “I have already finished! Two weeks early, I might add.”

“Waverly Earp!” Nicole crooned, flicking her eyes and dimples towards her companion. “You overachiever, you.”

She caught Waverly blush right before she giggled and Nicole felt herself swoon at the display.

“It wasn’t  _ that _ difficult.”

“I’m sure it was, you are just being humble.” Nicole laughed as she turned on to the main street then immediately into the post office parking lot. “We are here.”

“Oh look!” Waverly gasped, causing Nicole to turn her head. “The burrito truck is back!”

Waverly was the best kind of correct, the beat up metal food truck was parked just on the curb outside of the post office. Nicole leaned forward and squinted, noticing a blackboard leaned up against the truck offering ‘Breakfast Burritos.’

“Oh my god, their food is delicious.” Waverly sighed as she opened the jeep door.

“How about this, you go and mail off those invitations and I will grab us both bacon burritos and we can meet back here in ten?” Nicole offered, watching Waverly’s eyes light up.

“Yes! I knew I asked you to hang out with me for a reason!” Waverly squealed, jumping out with fervor.

Nicole jumped out as well and stretched her arms to the sky before crossing around to close Waverly’s door as the brunette heaved up the milk crate onto her hip. “You sure it wasn’t just for my good looks?”

The flirt came out before Nicole could stop it and she felt her face begin to warm immediately.

“Nope!” Waverly chirped before turning and crossing to the front door. “That is just the cherry on top!”

Nicole watched her go, her heart fluttering and brain buzzing. Just when Nicole thought her unrequited love had reached its limit, Waverly moved the bar.

_ I am going to ask you to the Winter Solstice, Waverly Earp _ .

“Pick your jaw up off the ground, cowgirl. A hot woman like that don’t fall for junkies like you.”

“Fuck off, Hardy. Don’t you have some files to file?” Nicole felt herself straighten up. She didn’t even turn to look at the man, instead making her way to the small line in front of the truck.

“I am a Purgatory Sheriff’s Deputy.” Champ sneered, hot on Nicole’s heels. “I thought a common criminal like you would be able to recognize that.”

Nicole rolled her eyes and turned, taking in Champ Hardy’s state of being. Sure, he had the boots, khakis, dark blue button up, shoulder patches, and name tag. But Nicole Haught had never seen a duty belt grace the boy’s waist and she had let him know it every time he bothered her in lock-up. Plus, everyone knew he only worked for Nedley part time when the Ghost River rodeo was on break. He was a nuisance when she shot up but now that she was clean, Nicole was unsure why he suddenly felt the need to peacock so hard.

“Then where’s your gun, Chump?” She nodded her head down at his lack of equipment. “And don’t deputies get a stetson?”

Champ only growled in response, his eyes darting around Nicole to see if anyone had heard. Nicole only had one person in front of her so she decided to pull her wallet and be done with the rodeo clown’s flapping ego. Before Nicole could turn her attention away, she watched his face morph from embarrassment to something more sinister and the hair on her arms stood up.

“I ain’t here on Purgatory business.”

“Well, then you may want to lose the official get-up then.” Nicole turned her back on the man. “I’m just here for some burritos.”

Champ stepped into her personal space, his voice low in her ear. “Bobo is angry with you. He knows that you know.”

Nicole froze and her mouth went dry.

“What can I get ya?”

“Three bacon burritos, extra mild sauce on the side. For Champ, thanks babycakes.” Champ responded for her, placing cash up on the truck and pulling on Nicole’s elbow so they were away from the rest of the patrons.

“Don’t touch me.”

Nicole pulled away as adrenaline began pumping loudly inside her skull.  _ Since when did Champ answer to Bobo? What does Bobo know? _

“Good morning!” 

_ Fuck. _

Waverly was now standing in front of them, milk crate empty in her hands and a curious smile on her face. “No line in the post office.”

“Morning Waves. You are looking mighty fine today.” Champ winked. “Oh, and I bought you fine ladies some burritos.”

“How sweet of you, Champ!” Waverly smiled. Nicole rolled her eyes.

“I know.” He puffed his chest out while Nicole just tried to get control of herself, her head still reeling from his open-ended threat. “So, what brings you to the post office.”

“Winter Solstice invitations.” Waverly shrugged before looking at Nicole, her eyes taking in the woman’s obvious state of terror. “Nicole, you ok?”

“Yeah still uhh-”

“That the dance everyone is talking about?” Champ cut her off, knocking shoulders. “Sounds like a great time.”

“It will be.”

“I was wondering if you might want to--” Champ walked forward, reaching out for Waverly’s hand. Nicole felt her fear turn into jealousy as she forced herself not to reach forward and slap his hand down. When Waverly took a half-step back, Nicole felt a tinge of relief. 

“Order for Champ!” 

“I’ll grab it!” Waverly trotted to the window of the truck.

“Like I said-- Bobo’s unhappy.” Champ didn’t miss a beat, slipping an envelope into the back of Nicole’s jeans before strutting towards Waverly. “Catch ya later, cowgirl.”

Nicole couldn’t wait, she ripped the envelope out of her back pocket and opened it. It contained a crude drawing of an angel and a photo. The photo was a zoomed in shot of her buying heroin from Fish last year. Her stomach sank as she folded it back up and slid it back down into her jeans.

“One bacon burrito!” Waverly shouted gleefully as she placed the food into Nicole’s hands. “And Champ is so sweet, he remembered that I like extra mild sauce.”

“That’s cool.”

Nicole no longer was hungry.

*****

**January 11, 2021**

Today was a wonderful day for the youngest Earp. Waverly was productive, Nicole finished chores early and watched her make lunch, and even Wynonna’s pregnancy mood was in an upward swing. For the first time since the diagnosis, she had totally forgotten about the cancer. The brunette was blissfully unaware until she pulled her roast beef on rye up to her lips and her phone goes off; the number on the face unrecognizable. Like a flip of a switch, everything came crashing back down and she was reminded of her body’s cruel attempt at getting rid of her early. 

Nicole’s eyes were on her in an instant, soft and reassuring. “Want me to grab it?”

Waverly let it ring and she pulled her eyes over to her sister who was now shoving potato chips into her mouth at a breakneck speed.  _ At least Wynonna is better at dealing with it all.  _ The elder Earp choked. _ Well, kind of. _

“No, I got it.” She replaced her sandwich with her phone and answered. “Waverly Earp, Peacemaker Farms.”

_ “Happy mid-day to you Ms. Earp! Colleen Walters from Ghost River Gynecological Oncology calling to schedule your procedure with Dr. Taylor. Do you have time to speak with me?” _

“I do.” Waverly stood, reaching a hand out to push Nicole back into her chair. She palmed her love's cheek and took confidence from the way she leaned into it, Nicole’s eyes fluttering closed. “How are you today?”

_ “Doing just fine Ms. Earp, just fine. Are you near somewhere where you can take some notes? I plan to send this all to an email address but it can be nice to write it down as well.” _

Waverly turned and pulled the pen and notepad off of the fridge and leaned over the counter. “I am.”

_ “Alright, let’s verify that I am speaking with the correct Waverly Earp. What procedure are you having and what is the last three digits of your SIN?” _

“Laparoscopic radical hysterectomy with a partial bilateral salpingo oophorectomy,” Waverly took a breath. “And 692.”

“What the fuckity fuck is that?” Wynonna whispered loudly behind her. A loud thump followed. “That hurt, Haught!”

_ “Wow, I’ve never heard a patient pronounce it so well.” _

“I like to research.” Waverly said back meekly.

_ “Thank you for verifying. Now, Dr. Taylor was booked solid for three months but an opening came in just this morning for the 20th of January at 10am. Dr. Taylor really wants to see you for this appointment. Can you swing that?” _

Nerves shot through Waverly at the closeness of the date.  _ Nine days? _ Waverly turned and locked eyes with Nicole. “The 20th of January at 10am?”

_ “Yes Ma’am.” _

Nicole instantly was on track and pulled her phone’s calendar, reading it then nodding, her smile warm. Wynonna looked like a deer in headlights but she just nodded as well, trying her best by putting a thumbs up. 

“Pencil me in.” Waverly joked before regretting the implication. “I mean, sorry, yes-- I can do the 20th.”

_ “Amazing. I will email you a confirmation. Now, there are quite a few things you will need to do before the surgery including another CT scan. I will email everything you will need to make those appointments before the surgery. Most are walk-in so just go over the paperwork very carefully. To help you with this process, I have included a checklist.” _

“Ok.”

_ “I have also included your instructions for the 24 hours prior to surgery. Please look over that as well. A nurse will call you the week of the surgery and go over it with you again to make sure you understand everything. Any questions?” _

“Um-- you have my email?” Waverly leaned against the fridge, her whole body wanting to run to her office and stare at her email screen until it pops up. Waverly wanted, no  _ needed _ , to be prepared. 

_ “waverly.earp@peacemakerfarms.com?” _

“Yes. W-A-V-E-R-L-Y…”

_ “E-A-R-P. Got it. You are in good hands, Ms. Earp. Dr. Taylor is the best in Alberta.” _

“Ok, uh, thank you.”

_ “I just sent the email. Have a wonderful day and good luck.” _

The click of Colleen hanging up reminded Waverly of the gunshot that would always catapult Lottie out of the gate and on to the first barrel. Just like Lottie, her feet were off and Nicole had to fling herself into the kitchen door to move out of her girlfriend’s way in time. Waverly flew through the living room before sliding into her office on her fuzzy socks, flipping her laptop up in record time.  _ Come on, come on, come on. _

“What’s the tea, babygirl?”

Waverly ignored her sister, instead placing all her energy into swiveling her mouse around. Wynonna has calmed her down more than a handful of times in her entire life but nothing calmed Waverly’s nerves like knowledge. And everything she needed to know about her intimidating surgery was being held in an email waiting for her in her mailbox.  _ Why the fuck do I turn my computer off after I am done using it! It takes forever to load on start-up. _

“Babygirl?”

“Fuck off, Wynonna!” Waverly snapped. “I need space, Jesus.”

Waverly did not hear a response, she instead saw a flash of red in her peripheral vision and focused her energy back on the task at hand.  _ Turn the printer on while you wait, doofus. _

*****

“We sure she ain’t pregnant?” Wynonna grumbled, pulling her arm from Nicole’s. “I thought I was supposed to be the moody one.”

Nicole sighed and patted her boss on the back.  _ Emotional range of a teaspoon. _

“You gotta get better at reading a room, boss.” 

“Maybe I would do better if I wasn’t related to the room.” Wynonna lamented, sitting back down at the kitchen table and picking up another chip. “Trying to talk to Waverly is like playing Russian Roulette.”

“You don’t even like roulette.”

“Poker, all the way baby.”

Nicole sat down as well but took another bite of her sandwich, chewing quickly before swallowing. She was as worried as Wynonna but she was sure as hell was not going to let it show. Wynonna blew out a sad sigh before crumbling up the chip in her hand.

“Talk to me boss.”

“I don’t know how to help.”

“Maybe,” Nicole popped an eyebrow and leaned to catch Wynonna’s eyes. “You don’t need to do anything but be there for her.”

The scoff to exit the wild brunette was immediate and powerful. “Like I know how to do that.”

“You could try.”

“I want to throw a party instead.”

This time it was Nicole’s turn to scoff. “Like that helped you the last time. I thought Waverly was going to light Shorty’s on fire.”

“You lie! She loved the discussion party.”

“She did not.”

“She did!” Wynonna whined, her fingers crumbling another chip into dust. “Doc told me so.”

“Doc would tell you anything you wanted to hear. He is very sweet on you.”

“Damn right.” Wynonna’s lips finally pulled into a smile. “The baby pinata was cool. But for real, Nicole-- I want to have a party. Something that will make Waverly feel loved but will also excuse me from having to have some icky heart to heart about Chloe and shit.”

Nicole hummed and let the idea swirl around in her mind. The first thought was those ugly streamers, Gus’s judgemental eyes, and Waverly blurting out cancer in the exact opposite way she had planned. It was a horrendous mess but it was  _ their _ horrendous mess. The more Nicole mulled it over, the more she agreed that party might be exactly what Waverly needs. This could definitely take off the edge while also having her feel loved in a more positive atmosphere.

“Ok, a party it is.”

“Wait, what?” Wynonna slammed her palms flat on the table, her mouth hanging open. “Did Haught-Shot just agree with Wynonna Earp?”

“Don’t let it go to your head, quite yet.” Nicole chuckled. “What did you have in mind?”

“I was thinking of calling it ‘The Chloe-ing Away Party.’” Wynonna’s hand crossed in front of her in a diagonal pattern as she announced her pun of a party name. “The last hurrah of Chloe before we evict that bitch. No one tries to kill my sister through forced occupation, that’s for damn sure.”

Nicole watched the love bloom in Wynonna’s steely blue eyes as she continued to describe all her ideas for the party. It was weird to think that just a month ago, Nicole was willing to throttle this woman for not supporting Waverly. And now she wanted to pull her in for one long, emotion filled hug. 

“I’m proud of you dude.” Nicole interrupted, leaning across the table to grab one of Wynonna’s hands.

The women stared at each other. The moment was so much more fulfilling because of the silence they were sharing.

“This is the gayest thing I have ever done.”

Nicole could only laugh. What else could she do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments below! I am also very close to a final chapter count so look out for that soon.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No idea if this chapter is good because election... but it's what I planned and I wrote and re-wrote it in an anxiety haze because of the election.
> 
> Sooo if you don't like it, blame Trump.

**August 17, 2019**

“Waverly’s lemonade is famous so you better drink up.”

“Alright.” Levi answered, his hand shaking as he sipped from the cup Nicole had handed him. 

Nicole and Levi had spent most of the day cutting and baling hay; Nicole telling Levi she had requested a late lunch so that they could pull bales in the afternoon on fuller stomachs. She knew he’d go along with it because he would only be driving the truck, letting Nicole and Doc fling the bales into the cab. Once lunch time had come, Nicole drove off to the homestead and brought the food back to the tractors and now the ranch hands were seated next to each other, leaned against the big tire and out of the sun. Nicole felt her nerves buzz as she garnered the courage to ask. 

“I have a proposition for you, Levi.” Nicole began cooly as she pulled a fork filled with pasta salad up to her lips.  _ Keep your cool, Haught. _

Levi turned to look at her, his face twitching in sudden nervousness.  _ Or is it still withdrawals? _ His silence hung as Nicole piled in another mouthful of food, her chewing far louder than normal.

“I think we have a mutual problem that can be fixed if, and only if,” Nicole turned and glared at the man with her focused browns. “we work together.”

He picked small pieces out of his homemade sweet roll as Nicole watched Levi’s foot twitch back and forth. She knew that he knew.  _ Well maybe not everything but he knows enough. _

“What are you talkin’ ‘bout?” He asked shyly, still picking at his food.

Ever since Waverly and Champ officially became an item in February, Nicole had begun surveillance on Bobo’s operation. When she was a junkie, the heroin blinded her, it made her revere Bobo as some sort of Godfather. An untouchable gang boss who owned every dealer and every grain of the white stuff in the entire Ghost River Triangle. Now that she had used her precious free time sneaking into Purgatory and the Big-City, Nicole learned that Bobo was nothing more than a greedy small time dealer with a degree in blackmail and intimidation. Nicole could sit on this information and do what she had always done, self-preservation. But Bobo was a threat to Waverly. So Nicole had to act. 

Crushing his operation was the only way Nicole believed she could keep Waverly safe, especially after learning what her boyfriend was up to.  _ Boyfriend. Champ Hardy. What the fuck.  _ Nicole would never go against Waverly's choice to date that sad excuse of a man. But she could go against Bobo. Take care of that threat, once and for all. 

“I am talking about freedom.” Nicole sipped her lemonade, the sweetness lingering on her tongue as she pursed her lips. “Freedom from Bobo, from purgatory, and maybe even from the Beast.”

“I thought you ain’t wanna talk about that shit.”

Nicole chuckled. “I didn’t. I don't. But Waverly--” She was unsure if she should show her hand but she knew she had a golden ticket and she didn’t want to waste it. “I am in love with her.”

Levi shook his head and kicked the dirt. The sweet roll was suddenly shoved in his mouth with force and Nicole watched him chew as he looked out over the field. Nicole tried to keep her face straight. She was still playing poker and she needed to keep her hand close to her chest.  _ Only show it when you think you have his loyalty. _

“Ain’t the sky blue?” Levi said after a while. “Everyone knows that, Peppermint. I mean, even the woman’s pea-brained boyfriend knows.”

“Right. Well, I want to protect her.”

“From the Beast?”

“From Bobo.” Nicole drew in a deep breath and released. “And you want to get away from Bobo too, am I right?”

“I mean yeah but--” Levi’s shoulders crept up his neck. “Fish.”

“Exactly my point, Levi. I am in love with Waverly and you are in love with Fish. Bobo has a hold on us both, in one way or another. I want to propose a solution.”

“Alright.” Levi turned, his face set but Nicole could see the eagerness there; the golden glint of loyalty if Nicole could produce a plan.  _ He took the bait _ . 

Nicole laid down her proverbial full house.

“Big-City is the Heroin capital of Alberta and we all were led to believe that Bobo runs that conglomerate with an iron fist. But actually, Bobo is only a small operation that feeds off of very small shipments from a kingpin in the Big-City. The kingpin, Bulshar, couldn’t give two shits about Purgatory but Bobo’s money is still clean so he lets him have full reign down here. Bobo has always been too big for his britches so he started the Revenants; even gets you fools tatted up like a real gang. In actuality though, he only has maybe five actual heroin dealers from Monument to the edges of Big-City but the money he brings in makes it seem like he controls the whole triangle.”

Nicole pulls her phone out, preparing her proof for Levi’s eventual question.

“Bullshit. He’s got tons of dealers in the Big-City. He told us Bulshar works for him.” 

“You’re right about dealers in B-C… but they don’t deal smack.” Nicole grins and shows him a few photos on her phone. His eyes light up in realization. “I’ve been busy.”

“Holy shit. Narcan?”

“Yeah. And fentanyl. Bobo has dealers selling to clinic doctors, volunteers, HA sponsors, EMTs, and addicts themselves. Narcan is hard to get in the Big-City except from Bobo’s sources. So he has people pay to keep Narcan on the streets. Dead addicts mean Bulshar would be in his business here in Purgatory. The fentanyl is just to get rid of people who he doesn’t need anymore and keep up the interest in the Narcan.”

"Can't people just buy it from a pharmacy?"

"He sells the shit at way less… and a lot of his legitimate customers are just charging addicts and pocketing the difference."

“Fuck. Where does he get it from?” Levi asks, sliding forward to get closer to the redhead. 

“No idea but…” Nicole lets her eyes twinkle and dimples pop. “I know where he stores it. It’s here in Purgatory and I want you and Fish to burn down his safehouse after he gets his next shipment.”

“What about Sheriff Nedley?”

“Nedley ain’t Bobo’s. Champ is.” Nicole answered, her fist balling involuntarily. “Champ convinced Nedley to have me hired here because Bobo thought I could keep an eye on Waverly. I think he was going to recruit me to spy on her and the farm’s dealings.”

“Guess he didn’t figure you’d fall in love.”

“Guess not.” Nicole swallowed harshly before adding, “Bobo has an unnatural obsession with Waverly. And the safehouse is located on Hardy senior’s land, on the north border of Peacemaker Farms. So obviously Champ was asked to do some snooping since his senile father has been looking to sell to Wynonna for years. And maybe, if Waverly takes to him, some permanent protection for his supply house.”

“He know ‘bout the deal?”

“Naw,” Nicole grinned. “Waverly hasn’t let him in the Homestead.”

“You thought Bobo planted me.” Levi’s face pulled, almost hurt in a way. “Didn’t you?”

“Yeah but-- then I saw what you wanted.  _ Really _ wanted.”

“What we gonna do then? Burn the safe house?” Levi asked.

“Yep, well you and Fish will. But only after you bring some false info to Bobo.”

Levi nodded, processing the information.

“And you gotta get fired from here to sell it.” Nicole added, twisting her hands together. “Which brings me to payment. I’ve saved about five thousand dollars of my pay to give you and Fish. To move to Vancouver, uhh, not to burn the supply house. I um-- I know how hard starting from the bottom is.”

“You--” Levi says incredulously as he leans in catching her eyes. “You’d do that?”

“For you. For Fish.” Nicole bit her lip and smiled softly. “For Waverly… If we bust that safe house, we bust his fake clinics and stuff. And I’ll send some  _ choice _ information the kingpin’s way.”

Levi shuffles to stand, his hands rubbing over his scalp in uneasy energy. “This changes everything Nicole-- we-- we could actually leave.”

“Yeah, y'all could. Think you could get Fish in without tipping off Bobo?”

“Yeah…” Levi smiled. “And if not, I’ll do it myself.”

The plan is set.

_ For Waverly. _

*****

**January 18, 2021**

"Scans, bloodwork, EKG, and the call with the nurse are done." Waverly says confidently, marking off the items on her list. "Just need the hibiclens and two ten ounce bottles of magnesium citrate. To the pharmacy, my love!"

Nicole laughed heartily, making Waverly turn her head and take in her girlfriend, her mouth pulled in a smug grin. "What's so funny, baby?"

"Sorry," Nicole tries. "I've just never seen someone so happy to shit their brains out."

"Oh, yeah-- well I'm more excited about completing this checklist than the magnesium citrate." Waverly shrugs, while fighting off her own stupid grin. “Sorry.”

"Don’t be. It's cute."

"Let's see if you feel that way tomorrow." Waverly wagged her eyebrows. “I’ll be so sexy on the toilet all night.”

"Oh, no Wynonna is on poop patrol with you." Nicole teases. "I have a date with--"

"Oh my God, are you cheating on me?" Waverly cuts her off, knowing full well she was going to say something farm related. "I  _ have _ cancer."

"Baby--"

"At least wait until the radiation treatments. I will be sleeping most of the time then anyway."

Nicole looked equally horrified and amused. "You're terrible."

They pulled into Purgatory Pharmacy and Nicole put the jeep in park, trying her best to continue to look grumpy with the joke. She was failing miserably but Waverly didn’t care; Nicole was the cutest when she was playful like this. The only care in the world was how to make each other laugh.  _ Perfect _ .

“You look so proud of yourself.”

Waverly didn't comment, she just grinned while watching her pull on her gloves before adjusting her long copper hair under her stetson.  _ Beautiful _ . Nicole looked over and bit her lip, making Waverly sigh.  _ The most beautiful. _

"You're so pretty."

"Not as pretty as you." Nicole grinned. "I'll go grab your stuff so you can sit here in the warmth. Want anything else?"

"Aww, thanks baby. And no, that's it."

"Alright, be right back." Nicole leaned over the console and kissed Waverly deeply. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And Nicole was gone with a slam, her tall frame skipping through the snow towards the pharmacy. Once the flash of red was inside the store, the anxiety about the surgery crept up from where the cancer was located. It was like Waverly’s body only remembered the pain inside her uterus when she was alone. She took in a deep breath and pulled out her checklist again, mentally checking off each task with thoughtful accuracy.  _ Only things left are what Nicole is getting and then we can go to Shorty’s for my celebratory-- _ Waverly frowned.  _ Shirley Temple. _ Her eyes flipped back to the prep list and she saw the glaring request she abstain from alcohol. 

“Drat.” Waverly grumbled. “Going to be like a pregnant Wynonna. Not whiskey soaked but still reckless.”

Waverly grinned, she loved talking with herself. It really helped with the overall sense of dread. Maybe not as much as Nicole did but just enough to make it palatable. There was only one thing that could really take the stress away, decent discussion with her sister. Before she could consider when she was going to corner Wynonna, the top of her vision picked up the skipping vision of Nicole. Waverly brought her eyes up as quickly as she could and took in her girlfriend’s grinning face, holding up a plastic bag. The jeep door was soon open and gifting the brunette a gust of cold and her love, all in a few seconds.

“I got you--” Nicole started excitedly, closing the door and pushing a bottle in her space. “An orange crush!”

“Thanks, baby.” Waverly could only smile dumbly, thankful for her thoughtfulness as she was thirsty.

“I knew you’d be thirsty.”

_ God, you’re so cute. _

“I was.” Waverly kissed her deeply. “Where to now?”

“The party at Shorty’s--” Nicole stopped, her eyes go wide. “Fuck.”

“What?” 

“Wynonna is going to kill me.”

Anger began bubbling up at the idea of another party at Shorty’s and before she could express it, Nicole’s long arms were wrapped around her. The intervention was the single worst thing that had happened since the cancer saga had begun. And while she had tried to let it go, she was still finding it difficult.

“It won’t be anything like the intervention, I promise.”  _ It’s like she can read my mind. _

The intervention was terrible. But Nicole was warm, her words reassuring. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

_ Nicole better be right. _

*****

“Why does the sign say, ‘A Chloe-ing Away Party: Get Gone Bitch’?”

Waverly could only giggle and take a long sip of her Shirley Temple before answering. “It’s Wynonna, Chrissy. Who knows.”

_ But Waverly knew. And it made Waverly happy. _

“Well, it’s odd.” Chrissy leaned forward in the booth and grabbed Waverly’s hand. “I wanted to come talk to you alone because I am sure you are struggling so hard right now. I am so sorry, by the way.”

Waverly just shrugged, her eyes floating around the Shorty’s. Gus was standing behind the bar with her arms folded over her chest, a slight grin on her face. Doc was on a chair in front of her, his hands telling an extravagant story about who knows what. The two were wearing matching peach colored t-shirts with black block letters that read, “EVICT CHLOE.” It made Waverly chuckle and Chrissy reacted, squeezing her hand.

“You ok? Oh my god-- I read that laughter is a sign of shock. Did I trigger--” Chrissy’s voice was high and grating on Waverly’s ears.

“No, no.” She interrupted. “I’m not triggered, I was laughing at the shirts.”

“Oh.” Chrissy pulled her hand away and pushed some hair behind her ears. “I get the color but like, the Chloe thing is still getting away from me.”

Waverly was gone again as she found a similarly clad Dolls and Jeremy holding hands, talking pleasantly with Nedley who was in his usual uniform. A normal occurrence except for the fact Nedley was clutching a plush uterus complete with tubes and ovaries to his chest. Waverly felt like giggling some more but then she remembered Chrissy.

“The color?” Waverly blinked.

“Yes!” Chrissy squealed. “The color of the shirts was my idea. I did very important research when Wynonna reached out about the catering and told me--” 

Chrissy lowered her voice and leaned in. “That you had cancer.”

“Chrissy, it’s cancer not nuclear warhead passcodes.” Waverly sighed, her eyes darting up to see Nicole crossing towards their booth. “You don’t need to whisper it.”

She was now also wearing the ‘EVICT CHLOE’ shirt but hers was skin tight, showing off her impressive muscle definition. Waverly found her mind drifting to her girlfriend's stomach, biting her lip in intense thought.

Chrissy didn’t notice and instead smiled before continuing, her hands going to her coat to un-button it. “Peach is the  _ Warrior _ color of Endometrial--” Chrissy lowered her voice again. “Cancer.”

Chrissy then pulled open her jacket quickly, flashing her chest in proud exclamation. Waverly saw Nicole stumble a bit, her face pulled in confusion before her eyes were brought back to her High School friend’s open jacket. The sweet woman was wearing a modest white sweater with a tiny peach ribbon pinned to it. Waverly’s mind picked up on what Nicole had seen and it brought her great delight. Nicole rolled up faster now, taking in Chrissy’s front before letting out a sigh of relief. Waverly reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her into the booth against her body; her laughter loud and full as Chrissy closed her jacket in confusion.

“What’s so funny now?” Chrissy asks.

“I thought there were special cancer benefits but uh--” Nicole answered, Waverly laughing harder. “I was wrong.”

“Huh?” Chrissy looked between the laughing couple. “It’s just a peach ribbon--”

“I know, I know.” Waverly stilled herself, attempting to regain control. “It’s super sweet Chrissy, thank you.”

Chrissy was still confused as Wynonna’s voice entered the space, loud and boisterous.

“Who wants to bob for apples but instead of apples they are cervixes?”

Nicole looked down at Waverly and bobbed her eyebrows. “Bet I can pull more cervixes than you.”

“Oh, you’re on.”

_ Nicole was right, this was good.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like it, I did it.
> 
> If you don't, Trump did.
> 
> Let me know either way in the comments below.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have finally decided on 25 chapters! Yay!
> 
> Little trigger warning for this chapter, there is depictions of an overdose at the end. It is not graphically described and is written more as a blur of light descriptions but it's there.

**January 20, 2021**

Waverly was already wide-awake when her 4:00 am alarm went off. She had no idea how long she had been awake just that she was. Her mind had been running rapidly as she watched the dull shadow of Nicole’s outline move with every deep breath. The brunette scooted closer to her girlfriend, pulling herself flush to her back and breathing in the scent of vanilla and earth. This was Waverly’s favorite scent; the scent that calmed her. Except right now on surgery day, she was struggling to do anything other than worry. Waverly had been waiting to cuddle her for a long time; hungry and nervous. It didn't lessen the urge her body had to hold onto Nicole, she just hadn’t wanted to disturb her sleep as well. But today Waverly was not the only person who was going to be nervous and she was deeply grateful Nicole was able to sleep. Nicole’s breathing became more shallow and she began to move, pulling Waverly forward slightly as she grabbed her phone and turned off the alarm. One of Nicole’s hands laced into Waverly’s while the other flicked on the bedside lamp.

“Goodmorning, baby.” Nicole crooned, her half-awake voice gravely and deep. 

“Goodmorning.” 

Her girlfriend didn’t ask, she just read Waverly’s mind. Nicole turned herself towards her and pulled her in as close as she could, their faces pressed against each other intimately. Waverly didn’t say anything, she was wired too tightly with nervous energy to speak. She just let Nicole hold her. She breathed in the woman’s air. She felt the softness of her cheek and nose as it pressed into her own. Their lips barely touching. Waverly didn’t want to think negatively but it was like her mind was on auto-pilot as those thoughts flew in on their own accord. 

_ What if it’s spread beyond my uterus and they didn’t pick it up on scans? _

_ What if the surgery goes horribly wrong? _

_ What if this is the last time I wake up with her? _

Tears began to flow on their own accord and Waverly choked up, unable to voice her darkest fears out loud. Worried that it would bring them to fruition. Nicole however, didn’t miss a beat. 

“A horse’s heart is about the size of a basketball.”

Waverly exhaled a mix between a sob and a chuckle before intertwining her legs with Nicole’s even further.

“I know what you are thinking.” Nicole kissed her lightly on the lips. “I also am thinking that.”

Nicole then moved delicately to kiss a tear away. “Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.” 

“I love you.” Another kiss on her lips. “Your family loves you.” Nicole then moved to the opposite side of her face, kissing away a tear there. “One step at a time, ok?”

Waverly breathed in, her body shaking from her nerves and gratitude. Swirled together in a cocktail of trembling energy. “Ok, ok, ok, ok.”

“What does your list say is first?”

Waverly wanted to pull away to grab her list from the bedside table but that would mean breaking her tether, something she was unwilling to do until it was absolutely necessary. But her mind let her know what was first; it had memorized the preparation list the day she received it. 

“Take a shower without soap and use just the hibiclens on the surgery site. I took a full shower with soap and everything last night, like the preparation instructions asked.”

“Awesome.” Nicole kissed her lips lightly again and Waverly shuddered, her lips bringing her the comfort she so desperately needed. “Can you get up and do that alone or do you need help?”

Waverly hadn’t considered help. Her face scrunched as she thought about the offer. “I don’t need help but can-- can you sit in there with me?”

“Of course.” Nicole smiled. “Are you ready?”

Waverly wasn’t but Nicole wasn’t here to pressure her and that somehow gave her confidence.

“Not really. But I'm willing.” 

Nicole kissed her again, deeper this time, and Waverly felt her heart tug in affection. She pulled away and they stared deeply into each other's eyes for a few moments, taking in the quiet before family. Before the hospital. Before the doctors and nurses. Before the surgery. Just the two of them in Waverly’s bed.

“Willing is good enough for me.” Nicole grinned.

*****

“Can you ride with me, Babygirl?”

Waverly was pulling on her gloves when Wynonna was suddenly beside her, her voice deeply even; not a single hint of sarcasm or playfulness. Waverly didn’t think now was the time that Wynonna was going to talk with her. Especially since she had a joke bet with Nicole that Wynonna would wait until she was on her deathbed, either now or when she was old, to finally have a heart to heart about everything. But as usual, Wynonna transcends expectation. So Waverly turned, making eye contact with Nicole who was placing her stetson on her head. Nicole just smiled, placing the ball back into Waverly’s court.

“Sure.” 

“Thank you.” Wynonna turned to look at Doc who was handing Gus her boots. “Y’all are riding with Haught-Topic in the jeep. Good luck getting there before they discharge Waves in a few days.”

“Hey now,” Nicole warned. “At least we will get there in one piece.”

“But if I ride with Wynonna there is a good chance I won’t get there--” Waverly began.

Doc cut her off. “Don’t, Miss Waverly. It is too early for your dark jokes.”

Waverly looked at Nicole and the two laughed, Wynonna scoffing in the background.

“Doc is right, Babygirl. You can pick up the dark jokes later. Now grab your bag.”

“I can’t.” Waverly set-up, finding joy in watching everyone turn to her with concern. “I have cancer.”

Waverly watched horror turn to annoyance on each and every face. It brought joy to her own heart.

“It’s my fault.” Gus groaned looking around at the crowd before grabbing Waverly’s bag and pushing them out of the homestead. “I ain’t raised her right.”

“Thank you for finally admitting that.” Wynonna mocked, giving Waverly her best appreciative smile. “I will be sure to send my old therapist from the mental hospital an update.”

“There wasn’t hope for you, Wy.” Gus didn’t miss a beat, locking the door behind the group.

“Nice burn.” Nicole added.

Wynonna just coughed, grabbing Waverly’s arm and tugging her towards the truck.

“Let’s meet outside the surgery center.” Nicole yelled after the sisters.

Wynonna threw a middle finger in the air in response and flung open Waverly’s door, shoving her inside. Her sister stomped around and entered the driver’s side, the truck flinging out the drive before Waverly had a chance to get fully buckled in. 

_ Now what do I say to her? _

“I don’t know what you see in that woman.” Wynonna began. “But-- I’ll admit I was wrong about her.”

Waverly’s mouth popped open.  _ She wasted no time. _ Wynonna gave her a quick glance after the long pause, her mouth twitching into a semi-smile. 

“I didn’t think it’d be that easy to make you speechless, Waverly. You were always the firecracker of the Earp sisters.”

“Was not. You and Willa bit back with the best of them.”

“But you--” Wynonna smiled larger but a sadness pulled across her face. “You always know the right thing to say.”

“I just--” Waverly blinked, her eyes trying to focus on the dark road. “You’ve only ever approved of Nicole once and that’s when I was dating Champ. And you changed your mind so quickly--”

“Yeah, well, I just thought a junkie ranch hand was better than a skeevy rodeo clown.”

“I wish you’d stop referring to her as a junkie.” Waverly said as softly as she could, not wanting this to become a fight. “She hasn’t used since right before she started at Peacemaker.”

The truck was silent for a bit and it caused Waverly to turn, taking in her sister’s face moving as she thought of her response.

“I thought she used several times while working for us.” Wynonna grunted. “I even thought she worked for Bobo.”

“Why?”

“I was sent a picture of her buying heroin from Fish. But, like, I know now that was probably some newfangled photoshop shit. Especially knowing how all that ended.”

Waverly sighed.

“I got that picture too and it wasn’t photoshopped. Nicole went into town alone for the first time and had a moment of weakness. She only bought a tiny little baggie of heroin. It was kind of cute, to be honest.”

“Cute?” Wynonna’s head shot between the road and Waverly multiple times. “Wait, what? You knew?”

“Yeah. I found her with it the night she bought it.” Waverly was happy she was having this conversation but mad at herself for not bringing the topic up with Wynonna before. Waverly had only ever wanted to keep Nicole’s affairs private but obviously, it all hurt the woman either way. 

“You didn’t tell me?”

“You would have fired her. Besides, she didn’t use it. She buried it in the pine barrens.” 

“I-- I mean--” Wynonna breathed in deeply, unable to finish her sentence.

“Addiction isn’t a one and done thing. It’s a life-long struggle between what your body wants and what your brain tells you is wrong. You of all people should know that.” 

“Yeah. You’re right.”

“Nicole is far more than heroin. Just like you are far more than alcohol.”

Wynonna breathed in raggedly again.

“And you are far more than cancer.”

Wynonna said it. She said the word.  _ Cancer.  _ It was Waverly’s turn to take a large breath in, her eyes burning with renewed emotions.  _ She said cancer. _

“I’m sorry, Babygirl. I made everything so difficult-- I just love you so much. You mean the world to me and it took me a lot longer than I would like to admit to see Nicole as good enough for you.” Wynonna’s hand grabbed onto Waverly’s thigh and squeezed. “But she is and hell, you are good for her too.”

Wynonna stopped at a stop sign. “But if she hurts you, I will bury her in the pine barrens.”

“Yeah.” Waverly smiled. “And I’m sorry for leaving you out of everything. For ignoring signs that you were pregnant. I could have communicated better too.”

“No, you did everything right. I just needed to pull my head out of my ass.”

The weight on Waverly’s chest was slightly lifted. “We both can fuck up, Wy.”

“Yeah but I’m not the one whose body is literally attacking itself. I’m just growing a demon spawn who will eat all of our profits from the expansion.” Wynonna smiled. “You can be in the right just this once. Plus, Chloe is getting evicted today.”

Waverly put her hand over Wynonna’s while her sister squeezed again. 

_ You can deal with anything when you have a family like ours. _

*****

Nicole did not expect to have beaten the Earps to the surgery center at the Women’s Hospital. The shock of it had her flipping her phone in her fingers, debating whether to text Waverly or not.  _ Are they ok? Did they crash? You need to call Waverly and make sure that they are ok. No, don’t do that, she’ll see you as clingy.  _ Nicole moaned in frustration but before she could decide, Doc’s hand was on her shoulder.

“Stand down, Haught. They’ll be here soon.”

“Right.” Nicole affirmed, her eyes glancing at Gus. 

The older woman was holding her lobby coffee close to her chest and staring at the floor, her mouth pulled into a thin line. Nicole had always wondered what it would be like to see Gus speechless. It was many a night that Nicole held her tongue around her girlfriend’s aunt but Waverly developing cancer was not at all how she wrote it up. Her heart tugged at the pitiful sight of a woman who has lost so much trying not to lose some more.

“Goddamn it Gus, she ain’t dead yet.”

Wynonna’s voice was light and Nicole felt her nerves lessen, knowing the talk in the truck must have gone well. The small arms that wrapped around her middle confirmed it. 

“Hi, baby.” Waverly said into her jacket. “I missed you.”

Nicole pulled her back and then leaned down to kiss her lightly. “I missed you more.”

“Pack it in, Juliet and Juliet. Y’all can be all lovey dovey if she lives.” Wynonna steps forward and begins pushing the couple towards the surgery waiting room door. Her head turns and looks Doc up and down. “But hello there Cowboy, you can kiss me later.”

Wynonna winks and Doc grins.

“Wow, someone joined the dark joke train.” Nicole commented. “What did you do to her, Baby?”

“Nothing.” Waverly responded, a playfulness in her voice that Nicole didn’t expect.  _ It went really well. _

“It’s a damn shame.” Gus grunted but she followed her niece all the same. “Someone around here needs to take this seriously.”

“I think that is what you are here for.” Doc replied then quickly added with a tilt of his hat. “Ma’am.”

Waverly just grabbed Nicole’s hand and pulled her towards the desk, pointing the rest of the group towards the same couches that Nicole waited at the last time they were here. 

The receptionist doesn’t scream Waverly’s procedure from the rooftops and Nicole watches with rapt attention as the hospital id bracelet is snapped on her wrist.  _ But this time she stays in the hospital. I hope I get to stay with her.  _ The slip of paper with her patient number is handed to Nicole and she slips it into her front pocket for safe keeping.

“Thank you.” Waverly replies to the man before grabbing Nicole’s hand and leading her back towards the group. “Guess we will actually have to talk instead of playing I Spy, huh?”

Nicole grinned at the memory of Waverly’s head in her lap and the ease of it all. This trip didn’t feel as easy but she was happy to be here and support Waverly all the same. Especially now that they were finally together.

“Guess so. It’s unfortunate though, I was looking forward to beating you again.”

Waverly gasped in mock horror as she pulled Nicole down onto one of the couches next to Wynonna and across from Gus and Doc. “You didn’t win last time. How dare you!”

“Win what?” Doc asks as he brings his eyes up from a well-worn copy of National Geographic.

“I-spy.” Nicole shrugs. “We played it last time we waited for Waverly to get called back.”

“Last time?” Gus tilted her head ever so slightly.

_ She doesn’t know? _

“Yeah, when we thought they were out doing the white stuff.” Wynonna clicked her tongue, her own eyes sticking to a copy of Cosmopolitan. 

“Wynonna!” Waverly complained but Nicole just shrugged. “I asked you to stop saying stuff like that.”

“So you both were here? Getting a biopsy?” Gus ignored Wynonna.

“Kind of, yeah. It was a similar procedure.” Waverly rescinded. “To figure out if the mass from my other appointments was cancerous. We stayed in a hotel afterwards so I could recover-- I just wasn't ready to talk about it yet.”

“Oh. Ok.”

Doc patted Gus’s leg. “No worries there Gus, I thought they were vacationing together.”

“Better than drugs.” Waverly grumbled.

“Is it though?” Nicole mused, her face kept taut as she could. Gus, Doc, and Waverly gave her confused expressions. “Whoa, just kidding guys!”

“Don’t joke with them, Haught. They only like it when I do it.” Wynonna flipped a page before shouting with glee. “Haught-Damn, Cosmo did it again. ‘20 Tips to Get Your Man Hard Without Touching Him.’”

Doc stiffened and glanced off towards a TV, obvious to his status as honorary man.

“Don’t.” Gus warned.

“Waverly Earp?”

_ Holy fuck that was fast. _

“Yes?” Waverly grabbed her hand, obviously also shocked by how fast her name was being called. “Uhh- can I bring--”

“Yes ma’am. You may bring one guest during prep.”

Nicole watched Waverly awkwardly look around but before she could speak, Gus piped up.

“Go on in with Nicole. We will see you in your hospital room later.”

“You sure?” Waverly looked between Gus and Wynonna.

Both women nodded and Waverly grabbed Nicole’s hand.

“Come on, love.”

And Nicole was led through the door and towards a prep room with Gus smiling at her. Nicole wondered if it was the first time ever.

*****

**August 20, 2019**

Nicole placed the needles that Levi provided into the salt box and snapped a quick picture on her cellphone. She looks at them, the pit of her stomach cavernous as she thinks about lying to Doc and Wynonna to get Levi fired. She even considers how the action might get her fired. Wynonna was always an unknown variable, a quality Nicole had grown to love about the woman as much as she despised it.  _ Ready or not. _ Nicole nodded and climbed back onto Lottie, pulling the horse in the direction of the homestead, hoping that Levi was doing a decent job of acting like he was nodding off in the hay barn. 

Lottie proved a quick steed, as was her specialty, and Nicole made good time as she pulled up to the homestead.  _ Please let Waverly be busy in her office.  _ Nicole was very fond of the woman’s bleeding heart but now was not the time for it.

“Doc? Wynonna?”

Doc popped his head out from around the tool shed. “Haught? I thought you were doing salt with Levi?”

“I haven’t seen Levi all day. And, yeah I was. I just--” Nicole removed her hat but stayed on Lottie. “I found something.”

Doc shuffled for a second before popping out and trotting towards the redhead. He grabbed onto Lottie’s halter and pulled them towards the horse barn, away from the tool shed.

“I told Levi to salt with you.” Doc had a serious voice but his mustache looked rather ruffled. Nicole was too nervous to dwell on it. “What did you find?”

Nicole shakily passed him her phone, the picture of the needles front and center.

“Damn.” Doc stopped, halting Lottie in the process. “I had suspicions but damn.”

“You had what now?” Wynonna was now joining them, her t-shirt being shoved into her tight jeans. “I got horse shit on my shirt, Haught. I went in to change. Don’t freak out.”

“I just found--” Nicole tried to grab her phone but Doc pulled away, showing Wynonna the photo himself. 

“Fuck.” Wynonna twirled, her hands coming up to her eyes. “I trusted that little shit.”

“Me too.” Doc grumbled.

“Honestly, me too.”

“Where did you last see him?” Wynonna asked Doc, ignoring Nicole.

“Hay barn.”

Nicole breathed a sigh of relief that Levi had done what she asked and stayed in the barn.  _ Maybe Levi can follow directions enough to burn down a building.  _ She dismounted and pulled Lottie towards the barn.

“Let’s go see, shall we?”

“Oh, I will see.” Wynonna pushed by her and flung open one of the large doors. “Levi!”

The trio stepped in and Nicole looked around, knowing they’d agree for him to stay on the ground level. She glanced around before calling out, “Levi!”

Doc slapped her upper chest with the back of his hand, pointed towards a dark back corner with his finger. Wynonna was looking too. A groan came from the corner and Nicole recognized the noise immediately.  _ He actually nodded out.  _ She broke out into a run and found Levi drooped against a wall, needle still inserted, twitching slightly as his head was bobbing around.

“Fuck. He’s OD-ing.”

Like lighting, Nicole runs toward her cabin for the narcan Fish gave her. 

Nicole doesn’t remember getting it, she only remembers losing her stetson on the way.

Nicole grabs the box, flinging the cardboard into her cabin’s open space before darting back out as fast as her boots allowed.

Nicole flies back into the barn, falling to her knees in front of Levi and pulling his legs so he is flat on his back.

Nicole ignores Wynonna and Doc. She closes one nostril and administers the narcan to the other.

Nicole begins mouth to mouth.

_ You stupid son of a bitch. _

Levi gasps and comes too, grabbing onto Nicole’s ears with both of his hands.

“Holy shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments below!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains the Garth Brooks cover of "To Make You Feel My Love."
> 
> Enjoy!

**January 25, 2019**

Waverly smoothed her hands over the front of her baby-pink sweater with small white polka dots, turning herself slightly in the mirror to check her butt in her tight blue jeans.  _ You look good. But not, ‘I fuck on the second date’ good. _ This was an important distinction as Waverly only wanted to go on dates with Champ to irritate Nicole; not actually sleep with the man. After the Winter Solstice dance, where she had gone with Champ as his date, Waverly had seen the way Nicole looked at the pair. Jealous eyes, gritted teeth, balled fists. And frankly, it pissed Waverly off. Because she had wanted to go with Nicole, so badly in fact that she had asked her. It was only a few days after the ride to the post office, Waverly had worked herself into a nervous fever before finally asking. And the woman had the gall to remove that white stetson and say, ‘Sorry, I can’t. You deserve someone better.’

So here Waverly was, putting on the final touches of her mascara. Trying to woo ‘someone better.’ Too bad she didn’t try to find someone  _ actually _ better. So she had chosen the easy route and woo-ed the easiest man in Purgatory.  _ Hope it doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass. _

“You look beautiful, Babygirl.”

Waverly turned to see her sister leaned against her door frame, clutching the neck of a Varmint Whiskey bottle. 

“You look drunk.”

“Where are ya headed?” Wynonna ignored Waverly’s retort, instead walking towards the bed and sitting at the foot of it. 

“On a date.” Waverly nodded her head, recapping her mascara. She said the next few words as nonchalantly as she could. “With Champ.”

Her sister snorted. “Weird choice but ok.” 

Wynonna took a long swig.

“What, why?” Waverly groaned and sat down next to her sister, their arms lightly touching.

“He’s kind of the worst.”

“I know Champ isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but it's Purgatory, Wynonna. I don’t have many options.”

_ At least willing options. _

Her sister took another long swig, her face unreadable as she turned her steely blue eyes on Waverly’s browns. “I know of at least one option that is  _ marginally _ better.”

“Do you now,” Waverly pulled the bottle from Wynonna’s hand. “Who’s that?”

“What about Nicole?”

Waverly shouldn’t have taken a swig before Wynonna’s answer. It would have saved the hours cleaning the small brown spots off of her white, fuzzy carpet. Her coughing and the residual alcohol burning in her nose was definitely why her face and cheeks were red.  _ Right?  _

“I don’t know,” Waverly coughed again, handing the bottle back to the expert. “What you mean.”

“Bullshit. I’m probably overstepping something here but I am your sister so I’ll say it anyway. I saw you dance with Champ at the Solstice. The way you looked at him, it reminded me of that look you get when we get pineapple on a pizza. You don’t hate it but you definitely aren’t going to eat it as leftovers the next day.” Wynonna stood, crossing to Waverly’s dresser and picking up her most recent barrel racing trophy from the fair of the previous summer. “But I’ve seen you watch Nicole shovel shit with a face that screams, ‘I’d eat that shit if she asked me too.’”

Waverly felt her heart in her throat and her nerves buzz. She didn’t think it was that obvious. Wynonna knowing could be totally helpful or not, depending on how Nicole actually felt. And Waverly wasn’t sure if it was jealousy or just plain ole disgust at her choice of Champ that had Nicole all grumpy at the Solstice. But now that her feelings have been seen, by the most unaware woman she knows, Waverly was worried.  _ If Wynonna knows-- does Nicole? _

“I--”

“Don’t deny it. I ain’t stupid. And I'm not even sure Nicole is good for you. But, I see how you look at her and I just don’t want to see you wasting time with Champ unnecessarily.”

“She doesn’t like me like that.” Was all Waverly could say as she stood and began towards the door. “I should go wait for Champ.”

“Wait. Follow me.” Wynonna strode towards the doorway and down the steps, making Waverly pause. “Come on Babygirl, your knight in assless chaps will be here soon and I want you to hear this before he gets here. That stupid truck is loud.”

Waverly breathed in and tried to shake off the nerves that Wynonna had just created. Turning off her room light, she padded down the stairs to see Wyonna standing in the doorway to her room with the lights off. 

“Come on.” Wynonna tilted her head and faded into the dark.

Waverly followed and as her eyes adjusted she saw her sister opening her window. Before she could speak, she heard the sound of a slow, twangy guitar. The sound beckoned her forward as her sister half sat on the sill and looked out.

“She’s been practicing this damn song ever since the Solstice.” Wynonna tilted the head of the bottle out the window before tilting it back. “Supposedly you’ve taught her everything you know and now she’s got her final exam. That’s what Doc said, at least.”

“Yeah, she wanted to learn a song on her own and she was going to sing it for me.”

“Well, she’s done it.”

Waverly looked out and saw Nicole’s cabin in the near distance, her cabin light illuminating the woman on her porch with her focus entirely on the guitar in her hand. The notes that drift her way show the hours of practice Nicole must have done without Waverly. Nicole stopped strumming and was saying something to herself that Waverly couldn’t hear and she looked to Wynonna. “What song?”

“Wait for it.”

Waverly waited. Then it happened; the air was filled with a G chord that led into a D, F, C. Nicole’s voice came in and Waverly had heard Nicole half sing before but this was the first time she heard her tone. It was strong and true, loud enough to be heard clearly at the homestead.  Nicole’s voice was definitely a gravelly alto, much lower than her speaking voice was. Waverly was enchanted. 

**When the rain is blowing in your face**

**And the whole world is on your case**

**I would offer you a warm embrace**

**To make you feel my love**

Waverly’s phone dinged in her pocket and she pulled it up, noticing a cancellation text from Champ. She could care less as she leaned against the wall and listened. Her heart growing with every line.

**When the evening shadows and the stars appear**

**And there is no one to dry your tears**

**I could hold you for a million years**

**To make you feel my love**

**I know you haven't made your mind up yet**

**But I would never do you wrong**

**I've known it from the moment that we met**

**There's no doubt in my mind where you belong**

“Don’t sound like she’s not interested.”

*****

**January 20, 2021**

“I can look away if you want.”

Waverly rolled her eyes as she pulled off her hoodie and tossed it towards Nicole’s smug face. She knew the woman was just trying to make her feel comfortable but she couldn’t give in that easy.  _ It will go to her head _ .

“You’ve seen me naked, Nicole.” Waverly popped her bra and pulled it off in one fell swoop. “I think you doth protest too much right now.”

Nicole had pulled down the hoodie and was swallowing thickly, her eyes on Waverly’s chest. Waverly couldn’t help but smile; even pre-surgery nerves couldn’t wipe the appreciation off of her girlfriend's face. Waverly kicked off her slides and pulled off her socks. 

“See, I told you. There are perks.”

Nicole nodded as Waverly pulled her underwear and sweatpants down in one movement, “Yeah, I see it your way now.”

Waverly just grinned as she handed her the clothes and grabbed the hospital gown, throwing it on and tying the top one only, like the nurse had asked. She then plopped on the bed and reached for the socks, her eyes catching Nicole neatly folding her clothes. It was sweet. 

_ What if you die? _

The thought was intrusive, like all the others, and she breathed in deeply as she opened the plastic around the socks.

“I love those things.”

“Really?” Waverly pulled on one. “You’ve been hospitalized?”

Nicole tilted her head incredulously.

“Sorry!” Waverly gasped after her brain remembered who she was talking to and she grimaced, her face feeling hot with embarrassment.  _ Be more tactful! _

“I don’t know why you get so upset.” Nicole laughed before stuffing her clothes in the duffle bag near her feet. “I love that you always forget.”

Waverly bit her lip and slid on the other sock. “The socks are really nice--”A knocking came from the other side of the current and it made the brunette jump. “Come in.”

The curtain pulled back and revealed a short, stocky woman with a huge friendly grin. “Hello! My name is Helen and I am here to put in your IV.”

“Hi-- Sorry,” Waverly was instantly nervous, shuffling herself to be under the covers and upright in the hospital bed. “I was talking too much.”

Helen pulled her cart up next to the right side of her bed, her smile still large and inviting. “No need to be sorry, baby. Let me pull up your chart and we can get started.”

Waverly nodded quickly and felt her breath quicken as she flung out her right arm for the nurse, eliciting a chuckle from Nicole. Waverly shot her a glare and Nicole clammed up, standing and moving to stand next to her. Helen hummed and read off the computer on her cart before turning her focus back on to Waverly.

“Can you tell me your name and birthday please.”

“Waverly Earp. September 8th, 1995.” 

“Thank you Miss Earp, now I am going to feel your veins and see what’s juiciest.” Helen grinned and began feeling the crook of Waverly’s elbow. “Ah, here we are. Easy peasy vein right where I want it.”

“That’s reassuring.” Waverly nods before looking at Nicole. “Right, Nicole?”

“Very much so, babe.” Nicole winks.

“How long have you two been married?”

Waverly freezes but Nicole doesn’t miss a beat.

“We aren’t yet.”

_ Yet?  _ Wavery’s eyes grew as wide as saucers and Helen looked at her curiously. 

“You two are cute.” Helen points between them after she pulls on her gloves and gathers her materials. “Now Waverly, grab onto your cowboy-- I’m going in.”

Nicole slid her hand into Waverly’s and leaned down to kiss her forehead. Waverly felt herself calm as she gripped onto Nicole’s hand. A prick and some tape, Helen was done. 

“Alright, we are finished. Have a good surgery my dear.” Helen began pulling her cart out. “And you should get married soon-- I have a good feeling about you both.”

And with that Helen was gone and the curtain was pulled shut, leaving Nicole and Waverly alone again. Waverly was feeling more nervous now, knowing any minute the anesthesiologist and Dr. Taylor would be here to take her to the OR. Nicole began to snicker and Waverly looked up at her, seeing a mix of emotion in the woman’s browns.

“She called me a cowboy.”

“Really?” Waverly sighed. “Of all the things Helen said-- that was the funniest to you?”

“Well the marriage thing was a given.” Nicole said smugly, leaning down to kiss Waverly deeply. She felt her nerves ease a bit as they kissed slowly. But Nicole remembered where they were and pulled back. Waverly grabbed onto her shirt, pulling her back in for a hug. “I’ll be here you know.”

“What?”

“I’ll be in your hospital room; after you wake up. Waiting for you.”

Another knock and Dr. Taylor’s voice entered their space as Waverly still hung on. “Waverly?”

_ She will be there when you wake up. _

*****

**August 20, 2019**

Nicole sat with her hat in her hands, the rhythmic beeping of the hospital equipment was the only noise present. Nicole hated hospitals and she had unfortunately seen her fair share after she became a user. And while she wasn’t best friends with Levi, she still felt drawn to him; drawn to protect him. Maybe even drawn to help him live a life like hers, where something else mattered besides the high. But here she was, back in the hospital. Back under the gaze of the mess heroin makes in its wake. Levi’s figure reminded her of Neal’s. Of Neal’s final moments.

Nicole was just unsure how many of these moments she was going to have in her life. She was tired. Tired of the antiseptic smell. Tired of the IV pump whirring. Tired of the beeping. Tired of the white bed. Tired of the blue gown. Tired of seeing people she cared about handcuffed to the bed.

_ I’m so fucking tired. _

“Are ya mad at me?” Levi’s voice was scratchy and thick.

“I’m not happy with you.” She responded, lifting her head to meet his eyes. “How do you feel? You tried to choke me after you came too. Doc has a mean right hook.”

“Is that why my face feels like shit?”

“I may have kicked it while you were down.” Nicole gave a small grin. “Thought it would help you look better.”

Levi laughed quietly before adjusting himself in the bed, his eyes drifting down to the handcuffs. “I’d say sorry but--”

“Junkies never mean it?” Nicole scoffed. “I don’t care if you mean it. I still want to hear it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Good. You almost died.” Nicole stood and put her stetson on. “Call me when you’re free. We are still going to do this.”

Levi nodded and then looked around Nicole, his eyes focused on the door. “I think your ride is here.”

Nicole turned and saw Waverly standing in the doorway, her sundress a pale green. Nicole wanted to be happy to see the woman, the woman she was so madly in love with that she had created a plan to take down a small town drug boss. But the day's events only made her sad. 

“Goodnight, Levi.”

Nicole reached the door and tipped her hat at Waverly, crossing by her and making her way down the hall. The smaller woman caught up quickly and walked beside her in silence as the two made their way out of the hospital and towards the jeep. Once the double doors whooshed open and the August night air hit Nicole’s lungs, Waverly spoke.

“It must be hard.”

Nicole nodded and swallowed, her mind still focused on Neal’s figure inside the hospital bed. His brain was already gone before the paramedics could revive him. It had been just his body breathing. The words she had told him when he was twitching. The fear in his eyes when he realized it was too much. Something was wrong. Tears began to flow as Nicole’s feet stopped forward movement and Waverly had come around, her hand being filled by the smaller woman’s.

“Nicole?”

“It feels never-ending…”

“What does?”

“This. I’ll never be free of hospitals. Of dead junkies. Of not dead junkies.” Nicole blew out the thick air clogging her lungs. “Of Neal’s last words.”

Waverly nodded and pulled her in for a hug.

“I’m sorry, Peppermint.” Nicole recounted into Waverly’s hair. “He called me that because I used to love those little peppermint dinner mints; the soft ones, ya know? He would always steal me a to-go bag from our Grandmother’s house after Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

“That’s sweet.”

“And I told him I'd see him at the hospital. I’d be there when he woke up.” Nicole let a sob out. “And he just kept saying ‘I’m sorry, Peppermint.”

Waverly held her as she cried. _I'm sorry too, Neal. I'm so sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, Peppermint.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts down below!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!
> 
> This chapter mentions "To Make You Feel My Love" cover by Garth Brooks.  
> This chapter features "That Wasn't Me" by the illustrious Brandi Carlile.
> 
> Happy reading!

**January 20, 2021**

The nurse hit the door open button for Nicole and she pulled the duffle up to her chest and walked slowly back into the waiting room. Doc was leaning against the far wall, his hat sitting low, spinning his small tin cigarillo box around between his thumb and forefinger. Nicole turned her attention to Wynonna as she tossed her duffle down; her boss was sprawled out over the couch asleep, her mouth wide open and her right hand protectively clutching her stomach. The redhead removed her stetson, tossing it on her duffle and sunk down in the chair next to Gus. The older woman didn’t look up when she entered so she jumped, startled by Nicole's return.

"Jesus Red, you about gave me a heart attack."

Nicole's exhaustion and melancholia were now in full swing so she just shrugged and returned, "At least we are in the proper place for it."

"I ain't figuring on dying right now." Gus grumbled back before adjusting herself. 

Nicole breathed out forcefully and slumped in the chair; Waverly's patient number was burning a hole in her pocket but there was no obvious use in checking quite yet. She was only just wheeled back. Dr. Taylor estimated two hours for the surgery and one to two hours for Waverly to wake up in recovery.

It was a lot easier to be strong when her girlfriend was present since Waverly was a source of strength for her. But Waverly was in surgery and Nicole was here. And she hated the hospital. So Nicole found herself urging instead, thumbing the crook of her elbow for a bit of mimicked relief. It was a poor coping technique but she couldn’t help it, there were too many variables flying through her mind. Gus moved in her peripheral and before Nicole could react, a rough hand was pulling hers from her arm, laying it gently on her thigh.

“You’re stressed out.” Gus’s voice was small and Nicole tried to discern anything from the older woman’s blank stare at the waiting room carpet. “You should read or something.”

“I didn’t bring a book.”

“They got magazines.”

“I’m not a fan.”

Memories of different coping techniques flashed through her mind like a slideshow; the urge pressing strongly against her gut. Reminding her of it's relaxing properties. How easy it would be. How she could just excuse herself for an hour.  _ It will only take an hour. _

_ Stop. _

“I should have picked up Tootsie Roll pops.” Nicole replied quickly, finding herself confused at her own admission. It was a blurt and she honestly did it to silence her urge but she had never really done it around the older woman.  _ Am I becoming comfortable around Gus? _

“Huh?” Gus turned to meet Nicole’s eyes, her own face as confused.

"It's an addict thing-- uhh--” Nicole saw Gus nod, her eyes interested so she continued. “When Debbie quit using she bought a huge box of Tootsie Roll pops online. She said she saw it on an old episode of Oprah-- or maybe it was Ellen-- it supposedly helps some people stop smoking and she thought it might help her stop using. Every time she would get the urge, she’d unwrap a pop and suck on it instead.”

“Did it help?”

“I mean,” Nicole chuckled at the memory of her old friend but the sadness crept in around the edges, tearing away any happiness she might have had at remembering her old friend. “She always had one in her mouth but uhh-- she died." 

Nicole hung her head. "I guess it didn’t.”

“I see.” Gus replied and wrung her hands as she turned herself towards Nicole, almost like she had a question. The ranch hand let the silence hang, wanting Gus to keep the conversation going. She couldn’t be bothered to pick apart the woman’s intentions and she had learned over these four years to let Gus come to her. Finally, the older woman sighed and said, “What did you pick up? To help with your-- I mean--”

Nicole felt herself automatically smile and she met Gus’s eyes. “Waverly.”

Gus’s face crunched and Nicole patted her leg, letting her know it was ok to feel whatever she wanted to from that answer. “How does that work?”

“I’ve never told anyone this-- but, when I feel the urge to use I remember the first memory I have of Waverly. I had just started working at the farm and Waverly cooked everyone dinner and invited us all to sit in the Homestead to eat. I was embarrassed because of the withdrawals so I excused myself to eat on my porch. The shakes were so bad I just assumed everyone would just stare at me.”

“Mmm.” 

“I gripped my glass of sweet tea too hard and it shattered in my hand. It was a bloody mess and I was too sick to really care but-- before I knew it Waverly was there. She led me into the homestead, sat me down on the toilet and picked the glass out of my hand. I couldn’t speak to her but she didn’t care-- she just helped me. I looked into her hazel eyes as she worked and I don’t know if you’ve noticed but they sometimes have these little golden flecks in them.”

“I have. She gets those from her mother.” Gus sighed, nodding for Nicole to continue. “And that bleeding heart.”

“When I feel the urge to use, I close my eyes and I count those flecks in my memory.” Nicole wraps her arms around herself and closes her eyes, picturing Waverly kneeling over her wounded hand. “That’s how I resist. That's how I am four years sober. She saved me.”

Nicole breathes in deeply, imagining those hazel eyes gleaming; Waverly's coy smile tugging at the edge of her heart. The motion of the tweezers as they delicately picked out the small pieces of glass. The wrapping motion of the bandage.

“She still saves me.” 

Silence falls again and Nicole watches Doc tip up his hat, a clear grin present under his thick mustache. The man then nods at Nicole and pushes away from the wall, walking towards the exit. She feels warm and secure from his small gesture. An approval of sorts, like Nicole had finally cracked the code to the Earp family secrets. She was definitely less nervous and scared than when she returned to the waiting room. And while Nicole was not fond of Gus, telling her that memory felt extremely cathartic. Like the planets were finally aligning in her favor and she could be herself. All of herself. 

“I’m sorry.” Gus says suddenly, her voice strong but soft. “I’ve been so cruel to you, Nicole. And before you answer-- I-- I don’t think you deserved it.”

Nicole feels her eyes begin to well up and she sniffles and swallows, trying to hold back the emotion Gus’s words bring. If telling her the memory was cathartic, this was  _ redemptive _ . Every single thing she had ever done to get clean and stay clean was suddenly justified. It’s terrible how wonderful this makes her feel when Waverly is literally being operated on to save her life. Or maybe, maybe the cancer was the tipping point. The way the universe works to remind you what’s important. 

“Wow.” Was all Nicole could choke out as her knee bobbed. “I-- just wow.”

“I should have told you sooner but us Gibsons-- we have too much pride.” Gus laid her hand on Nicole’s thigh. “But you knew that-- you work under Wynonna.”

“Thanks Gus.” Nicole turned her head and smiled at the woman the best she could. “It means a lot to hear you apologize.”

“No, thank you. For taking care of my Waverly.”

_ No, Waverly definitely takes care of me. _

*****

**September 12, 2019**

“Boss?” Nicole pulled Lottie up beside Tanner, slowing her down to a slow trot to match Wynonna’s horse. “Can I ask a business question?”

Wynonna pulled Tanner to a stop and pushed her black oilskin cowboy hat up and away from her eyes; the same blues that were piercing questionly through Nicole’s browns. “Depends, how much time do you need? I want to get the cattle moved before dinner.”

_ Is she for real? _

“I understand that but we just pushed them into the right field and--” Nicole looks out over the bovine and nods her head, her lips pushed out smugly. “We got at least two hours before Waverly even starts dinner.”

“Who said anything--” Wynonna pulls out a bottle of whiskey from one of Tanner’s saddlebags. “About Babygirl’s dinner?” Wynonna’s mouth was open, her face playful.

“You gotta lay off the hooch, Earp.” Nicole grimaced at the display. Addicts know addicts and Nicole always felt her stomach drop at the sight of a whiskey bottle.

“When I’m dead. And besides, you wanted to talk business and ranch owners like myself always talk business over whiskey.” Wynonna tipped the neck towards Nicole.

“I’m good on the whiskey but I wanted to know about the expansion.” Nicole tried to keep her voice even, using the saddle horn to adjust herself on top of Lottie. “Heard Doc talking about it with Champ.”

Wynonna took a long swig, shaking her head in agreement of sorts. “Yep. The lower side of the Hardy property. It touches most of the north side of Peacemaker. A huge amount of acreage just sitting there under ole James senior and he ain't done shit with it.”

“I heard he offered it to you.”

“He did.” Wynonna removed her hat and placed it on her saddle horn. “But it’s way too expensive; I don’t want to remortgage the farm just to expand. Too many variables, ya know?”

“Sure, sure.”

“Why do you ask?”

“I just-- I think I can get you a partner in it.” Nicole turns and catches Wynonna’s eyes again. "Someone who could post the money now and then you can repay back with a competitive interest rate later."

“You?” Wynonna chuckles. “I know I pay you well but I don’t pay you that  _ well _ .”

“Not me, Wynonna. My Father, Neal Haught.” 

Wynonna scowled instantly and Nicole felt the anxiety creep up her spine. "Senior."

“Fuck you.”

“What?” Nicole was confused at Wynonna’s extreme turn of mood. Sure, she was offering an odd deal but it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. “Doc was saying you may need a partner--”

“Doc doesn’t know his ass from his mustache--” Wynonna pointed her finger at Nicole’s face as her voice rose, venom clearly present. “And you don’t get to weasel your way into Waverly’s life and  _ my _ ranch through your rich ass father’s money."

“Whoa-- wait a second--”

“Naw, I’m good Haught.” Wynonna grabbed her hat and slammed it onto her scalp,  _ hard _ . “You can take that deal and shove it.”

“You didn’t even hear--”

Wynonna turned Tanner and rode off, the dust picking up behind the hooves in a fury. Nicole was left in a confused and anxious daze, wondering what set off Wynonna in this way.  _ This puts a wrench in the plan. _

“Holy shit, that didn’t go well.” Nicole sighed, leaning down to pet Lottie. “Guess we'll just add trespassing to the list of crimes."

Lottie blew air and stomped slightly in response.

*****

**January 20, 2021**

"Guest of 32457?"

Nicole stood fumbling forward to grab her hat off of her duffle bag, Gus reached forward to keep the redhead from falling. Nicole smiled back at her before bringing her eyes up, meeting the cool, calm, and collected face of Dr. Taylor.

"Oh hi, Dr. Taylor."

"It's so wonderful to see you again Nicole, can you follow me? The surgery went well and Waverly is mostly awake now. She wants you to be there when I talk with her." Dr. Taylor's voice was calm, professional and she definitely did not look like she had just performed a two hour surgery.

"Sure, uhh--" Nicole looked back at Waverly’s aunt and then over at a still sleeping Wynonna. "I will text the room number to Wynonna, Gus."

"Sounds good to me. I’ll work on getting her awake and we will probably go grab some lunch."

"I got that." Doc appeared, leaning down next to Wynonna. "Tell Miss Waverly we love her."

Nicole nodded and looked back at Dr. Taylor who was now sporting a softer look, one filled with genuine appreciation. It gave her hope. "Lead the way, Doctor."

The door was opened with a quick swipe of the woman's badge and Nicole sped up her feet to keep up with Dr. Taylor.  _ The surgery went well, the surgery went well, the surgery went well. _

"She will be very happy to see you, Nicole." Dr. Taylor opened the double doors to Recovery. "She is pretty loopy so if she says anything weird, it is the anesthesia."

"Really? She did so well after the D & C."

"Well, we needed her under longer this time and sometimes patients react differently every time they go under." Dr. Taylor turned and gave her a curt nod before taking a tight right down a hallway of curtains. 

Nicole heard Waverly’s voice before she saw her. 

"Who the  _ fudge _ decided Christie of Premium Plus could make the dryest crackers in the entire world? Like these things made my mouth into the Sahara desert-- and like, Judy-- I haven’t even  _ been _ to the Sahara."

“Then how would you know that?” An amused voice replies.

“Because I do-- I was the Valedictorian you know-- and head cheerleader.”

Nicole smirked as Dr. Taylor shook her head lightly and knocked. "Ms. Earp, it's Dr. Taylor and I brought you your person, Nicole."

_ Her person.  _ Every time Dr. Taylor said it, the urge for forever exploded in Nicole's chest.

"Nicole!?" Waverly's voice sounded blurry and excited. "My best baby!"

The pair entered and found a smirking nurse taking Waverly's vitals while an extremely pale Waverly sat holding a small packet of saltines, the crumbs already strewn across her chest. Nicole held back a gasp at her love's pale visage and instead walked to her side.

"You look beautiful."

"You look like a tall drink of water." Waverly smacked her lips and wiggled her eyebrows, obviously out of it. "My best baby."

"How are you feeling, Ms. Earp?" Dr. Taylor interjected as Nicole reached forward and dusted the crumbs off of Waverly’s chest. Her girlfriend giggled and nabbed one of Nicole’s hands.

"Like I got kicked in the stomach but this nice lady Judy--" Waverly's head rolled across her pillow to look at the nurse. "Judy right?"

Judy nods.

"Is gonna make allllllll the pain go away.  _ Poof _ . Also, Dr. Taylor, I would like to file a formal complaint about Chritine's dry ass crackers." Nicole watched as Waverly tossed them in the direction of a tall trash can behind her. "The worst crackers I have ever eaten in my life-- butttttt-- the Canada Dry is pretty darn good."

Nicole chuckled as she pulled away to pick up the crackers and put them in the trash properly. 

"Nooo don't leave my love."

"You seem quite passionate about this so I will make sure to send your review upwards." Dr. Taylor responds in a far more professional voice than Nicole believes she would have been able to manage. "Now may I go over how your surgery went?"

"Yes please!" Waverly exclaimed as she grabbed at Nicole who had returned from the trash can. "Remember all this baby because I'm definitely not going to."

"The surgery went extremely well. I was able to remove your uterus, fallopian tubes, and cervix. Thankfully the cancer did not spread beyond your uterus and the backside of your cervix, so I left your ovaries."

"Jim and Tim." Waverly nodded and Nicole's face pulled in confusion.

"Yes. I remember, Waverly. Jim and Tim are good but I removed Chloe. And inspected your lymph nodes, which also looked good, before flushing out the cavity."

"What's her prognosis?" Nicole asks, ignoring the fact that Waverly must have named her ovaries too on the walk back to the OR.

"Very good. I will monitor her for a few days here in the hospital and then she has about 6 weeks of recovery at home. Once she has fully healed, I only expect about 2-4 rounds of radiation as a solid backup. Then we will monitor her for five or so years with tri-yearly checkups and scans." Dr. Taylor looks down to check her watch before clapping her hands together. "With that, I have to go but I will come visit you upstairs once they get you to your room, sound good?"

"I didn't die." Waverly responds and Nicole turns her head, finding hazel eyes looking up at her instead of Dr. Taylor.

"No," Nicole gasps, holding back her emotion of finding out such a good prognosis. "No you did not."

*****

**February 14, 2019**

"Hey, uhh, Waverly?"

Waverly looked up from her desk, her brain still full of the month's finances; numbers, commas, and dollar signs bouncing around in her skull. She hadn't expected to see Nicole in the middle of the morning; on Valentine's day to boot. Then her eyes worked their way over Nicole's body and it was like tetris pieces were falling down into place inside her brain.

_ Oh no. _

Nicole was clad in her usual stetson but her hair was down and looked soft, brushed. She was wearing a nice red button up flannel, tight un-stained blue jeans, and the black boots she wore when they went to Shorty's. Willa's pink guitar held tightly in her right hand. 

"Hi." Was all Waverly could say.

Nicole smiled nervously. "Happy Valentine's Day."

_ This is it, she's going to tell you.  _ And Waverly really did believe this was the moment. The one she had been waiting for. Her CSIS Agent will be so happy when she stops listening to "To Make You Feel My Love" on repeat. Waverly turns in her chair and smiles her best smile, waiting for whatever Nicole has planned. But instead of a declaration of love, she watches Nicole's face go white and slack with fear.

"I mean Happy Galentine's Day-- yeah, uh, I'm sure you already have a Valentine, I just uhh-- well I finished learning my song. Well, it's not my song but I uh, worked hard and Wynonna gave me today off and uh…"

The rambling was hard to watch but instead of giving Nicole comfort, Waverly's mind short circuited and she smiled and pointed at the chair next to her desk. "Have a seat, no worries you just startled me is all."

"Ok, cool." Nicole crossed and sat down, pulling Willa's guitar onto her lap and immediately beginning to tune it.

"You finished the song you learned on your own?" Waverly filled the awkward air. "That's awesome."

_ Make her feel comfortable you idiot. Don’t just repeat the shit she says back to her. _

"I'm excited for what it is." Waverly reached forward and laid a hand on Nicole’s bobbing knee. She felt electricity run up her forearm and her heart begin to beat faster.

"Yeah, I uhh--" Nicole strummed the first few notes of 'To Make You Feel My Love' "I wanted to learn to play something specific for you. A song that really encapsulates how I feel--"

Waverly's phone rang and interrupted Nicole. The redhead stopped strumming, her eyes darting to the desk where Waverly's phone was sitting. Waverly turned her attention on it as well and her heart dropped. Both women saw who's name was on the caller id. 

_ Champ. _

"Go ahead and get it." Nicole's voice was small and her eyes were back on the neck of the guitar. “I’ll wait.”

_ Don't answer it. _

But Waverly did answer it and she had no idea why.

"Hello?"

Waverly listened to the man speak as she watched Nicole form the G chord with her fingers on the frets.

"Yeah, no worries."

Nicole pushed her fingers from G to D to F to C and then back again; it was the intro that Waverly had spent the last few weeks memorizing. The beginning of the song Wynonna had secretly shown Nicole practicing.  _ Focus Waverly, get Champ off the phone. _

"Sure, seven-thirty is just fine. Yeah, I'll see you then. Ok, bye."

Once the words left her mouth, Waverly knew she messed up. She saw when Nicole's fingers stopped miming the intro and grabbed onto the neck, her knuckles going white.  _ Fuck. _

"Sorry." Was all Waverly could say as she noticed the grimace on Nicole’s face. The well of emotion ready to run out of her russet eyes and down the ranch hand’s face.

"No worries." Nicole looked up at her with a twitchy smile. "Can I play it?"

“Of course.” Waverly's eyes dropped back to the frets and saw Nicole's fingers were now in the shape of the A chord. This wasn’t going to be the same song.

_ Fuck. _

**Hang on, just hang on for a minute**

**I've got something to say**

**I'm not asking you to move on or forget it**

**But these are better days**

**To be wrong all along and admit is not amazing grace**

**But to be loved like a song you remember**

**Even when you've changed**

Waverly was stunned. This wasn't what she expected and her heart had moved into her throat. 

_ Tell her. Don't let it fall away. _

But Waverly was unable to move or even speak. She just watched Nicole play and sing, her voice strained and tears running down her face. 

**Tell me did I go on a tangent?**

**Did I lie through my teeth?**

**Did I cause you to stumble on your feet?**

**Did I bring shame on my family?**

**Did it show when I was weak?**

**Whatever you see, that wasn't me**

**That wasn't me, that wasn't me**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting close to the end but I still want your thoughts!
> 
> Let me know below.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!
> 
> This chapter has the Doug Stone classic "I'd Be Better Off (In a Pine Box)"

**July 13, 2020**

Nicole un-rolled and re-rolled the short sleeve of her white t-shirt as she leaned against the wall of the ever smoky Glory Hole. The back room of this seedy warehouse bar was Doc’s favorite place for what he called, “City-Boy” poker. Over the years she had known the man, Nicole had always considered Doc a classic wild west rancher. Strong, quiet, workaholic, and soft hearted. This was true unless poker was involved, then Doc went out of his way to places, like the Glory Hole, in order to hustle lots of money from unknowing city boys. And damn, was he good at it. 

Nicole was standing only a few feet behind him as he played poker with four terribly questionable gentlemen at a large fold out table. Thankfully no one had said anything to her and she had kept the brim of her hat low in order to keep it that way. Nicole, however, hadn’t rode with her friend all the way to the Big-City to watch him swindle at five card draw. Nope, Nicole was here for the trashy convenience store with the Western Union. The one  _ not _ manned by Purgatory blabbermouth Stephanie Jones’s boyfriend, Frank. The money she needed to send was burning a big hole in her boot and she was itching to find a way to excuse herself.

“Haught!” Doc yelled suddenly as Nicole watched the men around him count their chips and talk, the electronic music from the main space muffled by the pallets shoved up against the walls.

Nicole leaned forward and Doc leaned back in his metal folding chair, “Yes, Holliday?”

“Put this cigarette in your mouth. You look green.” Doc whispered then grinned, placing a rolled cigarette into her t-shirt pocket. “The boys think you’re a Narc.”

Nicole could only chuckle. “That’s really rich.”

“I know,” Doc pulled a drag from his cigarette as Nicole took the one he gave her out of her pocket and stuffed it in the band of his hat. “I told them you killed a man.”

Nicole didn’t give that comment a proper response and instead made her excuse to exit, “I need a breather. I’m going to walk down to the Kwik Stop-- Need more smokes?”

“Sure. And just show the door guy this,” Doc handed her a golden chip. “to get back in. I got about ten more rounds in me before I’ll be ready to skedaddle.”

“Sounds good, Cowboy.” Nicole slapped her hands down hard on his shoulders and pushed him back up to the table. “You boys take all his money while I’m gone, ya’ hear?”

The men around the table chuckled and nodded as Nicole adjusted her hat and made her way to the back fire exit door she knew wasn’t armed. The warm July air hit her bare arms as Nicole made her way up the alley. She was hoping there wouldn’t be anyone she knew to avoid on her way to the store, wanting to get rid of the last of the money and be free of the events she had put into motion. She popped out at the end of the alley and saw the bright red and white lights of the Kwik Stop across the street. Nicole looked both ways before jogging across, dodging around a parked car and up to the lit doorway. A woosh and she was in, her eyes adjusting the fluorescent glow.

“Ma’am.” The cashier acknowledged her as she strolled by his counter to get in line behind a few men getting snacks. 

She bent down to grab a tin of wintergreen flavored mints and pulled the roll of 2,500 dollars out of her boot in the same motion, slipping it in her palm until she reached the register. The men were taking forever, of course, to pick out lottery tickets.  _ Typical. Always when I am in a hurry. _ Nicole darted her eyes around, always aware of her surroundings. She noticed a pack of Doc’s favorite cigarillos and squinted to memorize the name for her turn.

The men gathered their items and made their way out of the store, the woosh of the sliding door denoting their exit. Nicole stepped up and tipped her brim. “Evening, may I send money through Western Union?” 

“Sure can,” The cashier bent over and pulled up a card and pen from below the counter. “You done it before?”

“Yeah.” Nicole began the process, her eyes darting around as she passed the money to the man. She pulled her wallet out of her back pocket and pulled out the cash to cover the fee and laid it on the counter before turning her attention to filling out the card.

The two worked in almost silence, the only noises were the shuffling of the money being counted and the hum of the drink coolers. The cashier tapped on the screen of a computer and the drawer popped out, allowing him to safely place the money inside. Just as he slammed the drawer, the woosh alerted Nicole of someone’s entrance. She slid the filled out card and her ID across the counter to the cashier and willed herself not to look.

“Ambrose Fish Dickensen?” The cashier looked at her, his eyebrow raised.

“It’s his God given name-- who am I to judge his Momma?” Nicole gave a quick grin and heard the drink cooler open and close behind her. “Here is the fee.” Nicole pushed the cash on the counter forward, closer to the cashier’s hand. 

“Alrighty,” He finished typing and the drawer popped open again and he slid the fee and the card inside before closing. “Let the receipt print and you are good to go.”

“Cool, uh, I wanna buy this and a pack of Swishers Sweets originals.” Nicole laid down the mints and went to open her wallet again.

“I do not like the originals much anymore.” Doc’s voice had ice water running down Nicole’s spine. “Get me the greens, Haught.”

_ Fuck.  _

“Greens then. Two packs.” Nicole choked out to the cashier as he handed her the receipt and she shoved it in her front shirt pocket. She turned and found a stoic Doc holding two bottles of Orange Crush. “And I’ll pay for his drinks too.”

“Thank ya, kindly.” He responded, placing them on the counter. “I’m done with poker tonight. Let’s get to the truck.”

Nicole nodded and felt her body begin to shake involuntarily. The cashier bagged the items and handed her the receipt.

“Y'all be safe now.”

And after a quick nod, Nicole felt Doc’s arm on the crook of her elbow and he was leading her out of the convenience store and down the sidewalk at a brisk pace. After a few minutes, the truck came into view and Doc shoved her into the side of the bed a bit harder than she is used to being handled by the man.

“What the hell, Doc!”

“Why are you sending--” Doc pulled the receipt from her shirt and his eyes darted over the information rapidly. “2,500 dollars to Fish in-- wait-- Vancouver?”

“Charity.” Nicole responded cooly, pulling the receipt back from her friend. 

“Charity? To Fish Dickensen?” Doc was a tad incredulous. “The same Fish I watched you threaten after Levi OD-ed?”

“Yep.”

“Nicole…”

“I promise it’s for a good reason.” Nicole slapped the truck in frustration. “I know I ask you to trust me a lot but I really need you to trust me on this one. It’s in the Earps best interest you do.”

Doc made a sour noise and stepped back, a grimace crossing his face as he looked at the ground in frustrative contemplation.

“Do you trust me, Doc?” Nicole put her hand on his shoulder, lowering her head to look into his eyes. “I need you to trust me.”

“I do.” Doc nodded, his blues darting between her browns.

“Good.” Nicole was quick to answer, crossing to get inside the driver’s seat of the truck. She felt herself still shaking slightly as she unlocked it, hoping that Doc would leave it alone. “Now get in, Cowboy.”

“Just because I trust you-- does not mean you are not doing something stuipid.”

Nicole turned but Doc was already power walking around the truck.

_ You are on the right track, my friend. _

*****

**February 23, 2019**

It had been just over a week since Valentine’s Day and Nicole had tried her best to treat Waverly the same as she always had. But the knowledge that one of Bobo’s snakes was now dating her; well, it just tore her heart in two. She had practiced for weeks to get that Garth Brooks song just right; regretting that she had declined Waverly’s offer to the Winter Solstice. She had considered the performance her last chance at pushing through her nerves and telling Waverly how she felt but it went exactly like she had fear. Champ had won. Nicole had wallowed about it for a few days before she decided that respecting Waverly’s wishes was the best way to keep her relationship with Waverly. Even if it wasn’t the relationship she wanted, Nicole couldn’t see herself living a life that Waverly wasn’t in.

“You’ll be alright.” She told herself as she reached for Willa’s guitar and pulled it on to her lap, adjusting herself on her porch chair. The cold would normally keep her inside but she found its mid-afternoon bite therapeutic, so Nicole stayed outside. 

Nicole formed the G chord and strummed, her focus on keeping a steady strum going as she played out the intro. Sadness and the urge were great motivators to learning new songs and Nicole had spent the entirety of the Friday night learning this one.

**I said the night you left me**

**Nothin' worse could ever happen**

**But seeing you with someone else proved that I was wrong**

“I love Doug Stone.” 

Nicole stopped and looked up, Waverly was standing just off her porch and holding a large black guitar case. Nicole’s forehead furrowed in confusion as she saw the smaller woman wave shyly. “Waverly?”

“I noticed you’ve been practicing a lot.” Waverly walked up onto her porch, her eyes bright but her face nervous as she pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth before she spoke. “And I had planned on giving this to you in July--for well-- for your three years but--”

Waverly shook her head and just placed the case on the table and began un-zipping it.

“You deserve a better guitar than Willa’s.”

Nicole watched as the smaller woman pulled a beautiful mahogany Gibson out of the case and held it toward her. “Waverly, I can’t possibly--”

“You will. If it helps, think of it as a late birthday gift instead. I just-- after--” Waverly sighed and pushed the guitar forward again. “I want you to have it.”

Nicole couldn’t deny Waverly for very long so she gently set down Willa’s guitar and grabbed the Gibson, her hands immediately feeling the difference. Her mouth popped open as she put it into position, checking the tune with a strum.  _ And she tuned it, God. _

“This is too much.”

Waverly chuckled lightly and grabbed the other chair, sitting quickly. “It is so not. You deserve more, to be honest.”

Nicole saw love in Waverly’s eyes and immediately looked down to the frets. She felt her heart grip, so in order to keep from making a fool of herself, she began playing right where she left off.

**And when your eyes met mine**

**I knew that you were gone forever**

**Along with all the reasons, I had for hanging on**

**I'd be better off in a pine box**

**On a slow train back to Georgia**

Nicole looked up and saw the way Waverly was watching her; the love and affection still present. And there was something else there, something Nicole had never seen before and understanding bloomed in her chest.

They were both in the exact same place: terribly in love and terribly bad at acting on it.

**Or in the grey walls of a prison doing time**

**I think I'd rather die**

**And go to hell and face the devil**

**Than to lie here with you and him together on my mind**

Nicole didn’t know how to fix it.

*****

**January 20, 2021**

“This is Jeopardy! Today’s contestants are--”

Waverly heard the beginning of the classic trivia show as her mind shifted back into consciousness but the pain deep in her gut drew her attention quicker. She adjusted herself, her neck also stiff from sleeping in the upright hospital bed, and let out a long groan as she opened her eyes. The pain was intense.

“I knew your dumb trivia show would wake you up.” Wynonna said softly and Waverly felt the left side of her bed dip a bit as her left hand was now being scooped up.

“Hey sis.” Waverly’s voice was hoarse and she blinked, taking in the hospital room around her. The space was white, sterile, and not much to look at. There was a TV on the wall across from her bed, a small blue couch, and a weird looking pleather reclining chair in the corner. Waverly also saw a large dry erase board with her nurse’s name and her medicine schedule on the wall next to what looked like her own personal bathroom.  _ Sweet, my own room. _ “What time is it?”

“A little after seven, dum dum. That’s when Jeopardy comes on.” Wynonna chuckled, squeezing her hand. “I thought you were a genius?”

Something felt off to Waverly and she scrunched her forehead, trying to push away the fog and the deep pain she felt in her pelvis. She looked around again and figured out it was just her and Wynonna. “Where’s Nicole?”

“The cafeteria. She has been by your side since you got out of surgery hours ago. I thought I’d give her a break and let her go eat. Doc and Gus left an hour or two ago to get on home; I’ll probably leave after Nicole gets back and let her stay the night with you.” Wynonna reached forward and brushed some hair out of her eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” Waverly replied, touching her stomach and noticing the pull of the IV. “I don’t remember much after the surgery-- just that it went well.”

“Yep, they took out Chloe and her house but left your girl nads. You’ll make a full recovery, which I will tell you what Babygirl, I am hella relieved.”

“You are?” Waverly blinked.

“Of course I am! I cannot be the last Earp sister.” Wynonna tried to smile but even a pained Waverly could see the sadness mixed with relief. “Think about me trying to pass on our family legacy alone.”

“But you do look better in black.”

Wynonna’s smile widened and Waverly saw a touch of glimmer in her eyes. “Touche, Babygirl.”

Before Waverly could respond, a knock emanated from around the corner and Wynonna stood. 

“Come in.” Waverly spoke up and she saw the light from the hall as the door opened.

“I have a gift for a-- Waverly Earp?” A woman said as she came around the corner to the foot of the bed.

“My name is Waverly.”

“Awesome,” the woman smiled and dropped a light pink paper bag with white tissue paper on the bed. “Just sign here.”

As Waverly signed the release she saw a flash of red enter in her peripheral and her body warmed in response, knowing it was her girlfriend returning from the cafeteria. “Here you are, thank you Ma’am!”

The woman nodded and strolled away.

“Hi, baby!”

Nicole looked breathtaking to Waverly, standing at the foot of her bed with her long red hair down and her stetson in her hand. Nicole’s russets were on her hazels and she felt herself being drawn to the taller woman, wanting to stand and be pulled into her arms. But she was in a hospital bed after a major surgery, so she just sighed appreciatively instead. The door soon was closed and Waverly waved at her love.

“You’re awake.” Nicole came around the right side of the bed, laying a small paper bag onto the bedside tray. “I brought you a vanilla dipped donut.”

“You really know how to treat a girl, Nicole Haught.” Waverly reached for her and Nicole complied, leaning down for a quick but deep kiss. “I missed you.”

“I missed you more. How are you feeling?”

“Much better now that you’re here.” Waverly pulled her in for another kiss, savoring Nicole’s slight moan at the contact.

Wynonna gagged off to the left, “Y’all are too much.”

“Shut it, Wynonna. I almost died.” 

“Sure, right.” Her sister mocked before reaching for the pink bag that was just delivered. “But you didn’t and I am dying to know who got you a gift.”

Waverly was handed the bag as Nicole sat down, placing her hand on Waverly’s thigh as she watched her girlfriend pull the tissue paper out from the bag. She reached her hand inside and felt thick plastic and pulled, revealing a large bag of individually wrapped hard peppermint candies. Nicole gasped beside her.

“What the fuck.” Her girlfriend’s voice had dropped a few octaves as she grabbed the pink bag and dumped it upside down, a small envelope dropping onto Waverly’s lap. “Waverly--”

She didn’t know why someone would give her a bag of hard candies; especially ones she didn’t like. She grabbed the envelope and began opening it.

“Who gives a sick woman shitty candy.” Wynonna grabbed the bag, inspecting it. “Like, people normally send flowers or a bear.”

The envelope was dropped and Waverly opened a small, white folding card before reading it outloud.

_ “Peppermint, _

_ 6 weeks of recovery. 6 weeks of freedom. 6 weeks until you turn yourself in. _

_ Or she ends up like them. _

_ Swan” _

Nicole stood, her face pulled in a shocked expression, and her eyes staring holes into the card. Waverly felt a sick feeling roll over the pain in her gut. Another part of her told her to run. 

Wynonna pulled the card and read it, mouthing the words as she did. “What in the hell?”

“Nicole?” Waverly asked, knowing her girlfriend knew what the note meant.

“Can you stay and uh-- help order dinner for-- I mean-- with Waverly?” Nicole’s voice was thick and she tried to focus on it as the redhead glanced around the room nervously wringing her hands. 

“Nicole?” Waverly tried to reach for her but she stepped back. “What’s this about?”

“I’ll tell you-- uh-- I just gotta make a call first.” Nicole nodded at Wynonna before turning and leaving quickly.  _ What the fuck? _

“Peppermint.” Wynonna mused, flicking the card against the bed. “Isn’t that what Bobo calls Nicole?”

“Yeah, it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, Peppermint.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!
> 
> I've had a great Sunday so I decided to post the next chapter!

**January 23, 2021**

Nicole put her key into the cabin’s lock and turned, her heart beating just a bit faster than it normally would. Ever since Waverly had received the warning, Nicole had been on edge.  _ Bobo knows what we did and he’s given you six weeks to get your affairs in order. Your affairs-- like you can just leave her. _ She sighed at her thought. To say Nicole didn’t expect this outcome would be wrong. She knew it would come to this. She just didn’t know Waverly and her would be together when it happened. Nicole’s stomach felt sick as she pattered into her living room, laying their duffle bag down by the end of the bed before eyeing her surroundings; making sure there were no surprises. Nicole walked around the small area and checked all the nooks and crannies. The cabin looked the same as she left it and Nicole let out a small sigh of relief before crossing back to the door.

“All good, Haught?” Doc yelled from the truck as he backed it up to the cabin porch.

“As far as I can tell.” Nicole chirped back, checking the patio thoroughly before letting down the truck’s tailgate from her porch. She climbed into the bed and began working the straps that were holding down a reclining loveseat, her ears picking up on Doc slamming his door. “I’m glad we found this loveseat on such short notice.”

“Yeah, carrying Miss Waverly up and down the stairs in the homestead would not have been ideal.” Doc murmured back, working the back straps. “Heard anything else from Bobo?”

Nicole felt her chest tighten. “No and I still have to talk to Waverly about it.”

Doc hummed in response before asking, “She getting discharged tonight?”

“Yeah. Thank god the meds keep her questions at a minimum. I’m hoping she is still out of it when we get back to the hospital.” Nicole pulled the tarp off of the light brown microfiber loveseat, tossing the cover off the side of the truck before pulling the piece of furniture to the edge of the bed. Doc hopped the side of the truck bed and situated himself behind the other end of the loveseat as Nicole got onto the porch and cradled her side. She looked up to make sure he was ready and found the man standing full height, his arms crossed over his chest.

“What?”

“Why won’t you let me take care of it?”

“Because you can’t carry this loveseat on your own.”

“Not the damn furniture, Haught. Your predicament.”

Nicole sighed, “Because I need to turn myself in. I did break the law, Doc.”

The man’s mustache twitched, his eyes slightly icier. ‘Like Bobo is going to stop coming for Miss Waverly just because your stubborn ass is sitting in prison.”

“You ready to grab your end?” She adjusted her hat under his gaze, her chest still tight.

“I talked to Wynonna-- she agrees that you should be here and not in the Purgatory jail. She is willing to work with you on fixing this.” Doc’s voice was thick with emotion and Nicole wondered if this is what it felt like to have a family who supported you unconditionally. Too bad they couldn’t actually fix this problem.

“I will wait as long as I can but if Waverly is being threatened-- I will do whatever is needed to keep her safe.” Nicole gave her friend her most determined look before grabbing her end of the loveseat. “Now let’s get this thing inside-- I want Waverly to be comfortable when we bring her home.”

Doc grabbed his end and the two began moving the piece into the house together, the air thick with more things left unsaid. “She’d be the most comfortable if you were here with her.”

Nicole tilted the loveseat, angling it so the two could fit it through the door. “I made a choice, Doc. And if I learned anything from these past four years-- consequences are best faced with your head held high.”

“Levi and Fish overdosed, Nicole.” Doc grunted as he righted the loveseat once they were both over the threshold. “That was not because of you or even Bobo’s doing. Heroin addiction is a nasty beast.”

“Doesn’t matter. I need to face the music.”

“Even if that means losing Waverly?”

The pair sat the piece of furniture down in the only free space Nicole had, at the foot of her bed. She stood to full height and looked at Doc directly, her heart set on the only goal it’s known since it arrived at Peacemaker Farms.  _ For Waverly. _

“I accepted years ago that losing her was probably going to be the consequence of protecting her.” Nicole breathed in deeply and closed her eyes, the past few months flashing through her mind’s eye. ”And just-- just God Doc-- it was  _ fucking _ worth it.”

Doc’s mustache twitched as he blew out the air in his lungs, silence returning between them.

*****

**October 20, 2019**

Nicole led Lottie up through the trees, the trail long gone for at least fifteen minutes now. Her mind was racing as she navigated the mare around the thick underbrush, making sure to keep her from any holes. It wouldn’t be long before the pair reached the clearing that was butted right up against the north fence. The clearing she had asked Levi to meet her at. The clearing where she had stashed the materials they would need. The clearing that would lead them to the Hardy Farm.

_ Why am I doing this? _

No matter how many times Nicole went over the plan and the reasoning inside her head; she couldn’t help but to question herself. She had been to jail; Nicole knew what it was like to end up on the other side of the bars lacking basic freedom as a consequence for your own actions. But that was because of what she had done to herself, not to someone else, even if the victim was going to be someone as horrible as Bobo Del Ray. She grimaced and sighed as she saw the clearing up ahead. 

Then Nicole remembered the previous night. Waverly had broken up with Champ and stayed up until three am, listening to her play songs between long conversations about nothing and everything. Nicole hadn’t felt the kind of open joy with Waverly in months. It was addictive. Nicole felt the excitement rise up her back at the memory and she tightened her grip on the reins as Lottie brought her out into the clearing.

_ For Waverly. _

Nicole turned her mare to the left and followed the line of the trees as they jutted out to meet Peacemaker Farm’s fence line. At the thickest part, Nicole’s eyes caught the outline of a man leaning against a tree. The redhead recognized the oversized dark blue jacket and unkempt mop of hair anywhere.  _ Levi. _ She pushed Lottie on, making sure to keep to the treeline, just in case there were any hunters poaching in the pine barrens that might see her. As Lottie trotted up, Levi nodded at Nicole, his face looked far more confident than Nicole felt.

“Weird seeing ya without the stetson.” 

Nicole’s hand involuntarily went up to her head and fingered the edge of her black beanie; she had french braided her locks and pulled her beanie low, making sure to hide how garish the red was. “I stick out like a sore thumb with it and my hair.”

“Tell me about it.”

Nicole dismounted and pulled Lottie to a low branch, tying her off and running her hands down the horse’s neck in appreciation before accessing her saddlebags for the black shirt she had packed. “So, no Fish I presume?”

“Naw,” Levi came around Lottie and stepped closer to Nicole. “Bobo is having a meeting. Seems your girl cut off his eyes and ears on the farm.”

A smirked smile crossed Nicole’s lips as she began unbuttoning her flannel, pulling it off from over her undershirt.  _ Damn right she did. _

“Looks like you are back in the running, Peppermint.” 

“Naw, Champ is just out of it.” Nicole pulled the dark long sleeve over her head before tossing Levi a beanie. “Got you a hat.”

“Thanks. I already pulled the backpack out of the brush.” 

“Awesome. I drove by the Hardy ranch earlier and it seems Champ isn’t home so we won’t have to worry about him interrupting us.” Nicole cocked her head and grinned. “Though I guess you did just say he is at Bobo’s meeting getting chewed out.”

“And ol’ James Senior is at Shorty’s every Sunday-- shootin’ his shot with Gus.”

“You’d think after years of trying he’d get a hint.” Nicole grumbled, crossing to the backpack and throwing it over her shoulder. “Ready?”

“Hell yeah.”

Nicole nodded and stood by the closest fence post and interlaced her fingers, squatting slightly. Levi put his hands on her shoulders and his boot into her hands, Nicole pushed up and he jumped the fence with ease. She used the post and the middle wire as leverage and scaled it without much difficulty, plopping down next to Levi with a thud. Levi clapped slightly and she looked over at him, the addict’s face was soft and his smile genuine. Nicole studied him for a few seconds, attempting to discern the emotion that was cast across his features. Then it hit her.  _ Hope. _

“Let’s follow the fence line then crest the slight ridge over there. The safehouse is just beyond that.”

“Got it.”

The two set off and Nicole kept her eyes on the open space, her gut urging her to keep a low profile. The backpack’s weight was a constant reminder of the task at hand and the consequences should they get caught.  _ For Waverly. _

“I’m so excited.” Levi suddenly piped up, his voice low as if he knew Nicole wouldn’t answer him otherwise.

“About arson?” 

“No. Vancouver-- with Fish.” Levi made a small noise that sounded almost like glee. “We are going to get a fresh start. No Bobo, no dealin’, no more Hero.”

Nicole couldn’t help the burn that formed in her sinuses as she felt the sad happiness grip her. She remembered what it felt like to have a way out. It was almost as delicious as the drug that had held them back. “I really am happy for you, Levi. I-- I don’t want you to think I am just using you for this job.”

Levi didn’t immediately respond and Nicole focused her energy on keeping their movements below the ridge.

“That’s the rub of it all, Peppermint. I’ve always felt like I could trust you-- even when we were both just nodding at Fish’s.” Levi quickened his pace so he was now beside Nicole. “You are an honest to God good person. And sure, we are currently on our way to burn down a building but you found the option that does the least amount of damage.”

Nicole looked down at the man as he clapped her on the back with the palm of his hand. “But there is still a risk, Levi.”

“You saved my life. You are offering my man and I a way out. You are protecting the woman you love. All while taking shit on the chin from Wynonna, Gus… Hell, the whole fucking town.” Levi chuckled as the pair saw the safehouse in the distance. “If there was a picture in the dictionary beside ‘selfless love’, your redheaded gourd would be there.”

Nicole felt herself well up, the emotion of the task and Levi’s words affecting her in a profound way.

“That’s the most poetic shit you’ve ever said.”

“The world might have decided we’re just addicts but even if that’s true, you’d be the best of us all.”

*****

**January 23, 2021**

“I got you, babe.” Nicole cooed in Waverly’s ear, her arm wrapped tightly around the upper portion of her body as she helped her climb the small amount of steps on the cabin’s porch. Waverly felt a dull tug of the stitch located near her left incision with each step and she grimaced in response. She was focused on getting inside the house though; Nicole owed her a big explanation and she wanted to get it before the pain medication she took in the truck kicked in.

“Gonna let Icy-Haught get you all situated, Babygirl.” Wynonna said from behind the pair. “Doc and I will be in the homestead if you need us.”

“Ok.” Waverly replied, still focusing on the pain emanating from her gut as Nicole walked her through the open door. “Bet she’s glad I am staying with you, huh?”

Nicole chuckled in response and stopped the pair, reaching behind herself to close the door. “You know it, I know it, and Doc really  _ knows _ it-- and whew, it’s chilly in here.”

Waverly looked up from the floor and immediately noticed the new loveseat situated in the free space in front of Nicole’s bed. It was covered in the quilt she had made for Nicole last Christmas, the pillows from Nicole’s bed, and her homestead bed’s comforter was folded and hanging over the right arm. “When the hell did you get that?”

“Oh, it’s your recovery bed for the next month!” Nicole brightened and began helping Waverly towards it. “I bought it this morning from craiglist-- it was one of those loveseats that sits in a family’s third living room. So it was only used like twice a year, a real bargain.”

Waverly nodded, still confused about why she was going to be perched on a loveseat instead of inside of Nicole’s bed. Her girlfriend led her to the left side and she noticed Nicole’s bedside table was jutted up against the arm, her reusable water cup already on a coaster. 

“You gotta go to the bathroom before I help you sit?” Nicole asked, looking at her crunched face before leaning down to catch Waverly’s eyes.

“No, no. I’m just still wondering why.”

Nicole lightly turned her body and Waverly felt the pain tug at the motion and she gasped as she held onto her love’s arms as she was lowered down onto the loveseat. The ninety degree angle of her body pushed into her sensitive middle and she wanted to pull her legs up and stretch out. Nicole must have seen the pain on her face because she leaned in, pushing her hand between the arm of the loveseat and Waverly’s leg.

“Hold on, I’ll show you why.” Nicole smiled and Waverly heard a loud click and her side of the loveseat reclined, giving her the sweet relief she craved. Waverly sighed and blew out air in relief, leaning the seat back more and feeling it cradle her body. “This bad boy reclines at different angles which Dr. Taylor said it would be good for your recovery. She recommended you not sleep in a regular bed as it would pull at the stitches in your gut and be very painful. Plus, it will help make it easy for you to get up when you need to.”

“You’re a genius, baby.” Waverly moaned, her middle vibrating as the positioning alleviated most of her pain. “Damn, I’m tired.”

“I bet.” Nicole shuffled and leaned down, capturing Waverly’s lips for a quick kiss. “Let me take care of everything, love.”

The kiss and the kindness of the loveseat instantly comforted Waverly’s nerves. Ever since she had received the bag of peppermints, Waverly knew Nicole was avoiding something big and now that she was in recovery mode, the smaller woman was going to figure it all out.  _ But damn, this loveseat is so comfortable. I could just close my eyes-- No, no she needs to talk to me so we can figure this out. _

__ Nicole laid her blanket across Waverly and grinned at her, making sure everything was covered. “I figured you can rest here for an hour or so while I make you dinner.” Nicole dropped the book Waverly was currently reading down on the seat beside her. “And then I’ll help you shower.”

“I don’t wanna read.” Waverly replied as she watched Nicole strip off her hat and jacket. 

“No?” Nicole kicked off her boots. “I’ll move everything around and put the TV in front of you if you want instead. I did just find a copy of Ponyo at the thrift store when I was looking for a recliner for you. I know how much you like Miyazaki and we don’t own that one yet.”

“Nope. Not yet.” Waverly leaned her head down and gave her bossiest glare, causing Nicole to stop unbuttoning her flannel. “You have some explaining to do and I have like eight trillion questions.”

Waverly watched her words deflate her girlfriend, her mouth pull to the side.

“Ok.” Nicole nodded before crossing to the wood stove, popping it open easily. “I’ll work and talk-- if that’s ok with you?”

“It’s fine as long as you are talking.”

“Ask away.”

“Who sent the bag of peppermints and the coo-coo note?” Waverly asked as peacefully as she could, her eyes watching Nicole pop kindling into the stove.

“Bobo Del Ray. It was a warning.”

“A warning,” Waverly mused. “A warning about what?”

Nicole sighed and lit the kindling, watching it catch fire as she slightly closed the door to activate the floo. “Waverly, what’s your earliest memory of Bobo?”

This threw Waverly for a small loop, her mind flipping fast through her memory like it was a rolodex. “I guess back when I was a little girl. He would come to the farm and drink with Daddy. He would always bring Willa and I those little cuties oranges. Why do you ask?”

“He’s been obsessed with you and Willa since y’all were little.” Nicole sighed. “To what extreme? I can only imagine.”

“Obsessed? What? How does this have anything to do with the bag of peppermints--”

“Because, Waverly, Bobo has been trying to manipulate all kinds of people to keep tabs on you. To figure out a way to make you his and well, I couldn’t have that.” Nicole opened the stove and popped in the larger pieces of wood, the crackling filling Waverly’s mind as she wrapped her thoughts around this revelation. Then it clicked.

“Has he been trying to buy Peacemaker?”

Nicole stood and turned, “I don’t know-- has he?”

“Someone has been ever since I started doing the books, even before Willa died.” Waverly nodded. “Then when we went to do the expansion, Wynonna received a large sum of money from an investor to allow us to do it. Doc told me he was vetted so I dropped it.”

“Wow.” Nicole blinked a lot and ran her hands through her hair, crossing into the small kitchen. “I don’t know anything about all that. I just-- I figured out that he is not some big time gangster. He’s just a small time heroin dealer whose real money maker is Narcan.”

“He sells Narcan?” Waverly gasped as her mind clicked. “The fentynal-- Levi and Fish in Vancouver-- Charlie-- Fuck, Neal. Wait, is that why is he coming for you?”

Nicole pulled a pot from its hanger and placed it in the sink, Waverly could see how everything affected her. Her girlfriend was no longer standing broad and tall, she was pulled in and trying her best to keep her body small.  _ Why Nicole? _

“He threatened your life so I--”

Nicole stopped, her hands gripping the edge as her head hung low in defeat.

“Nicole?”

“I convinced Levi to help me burn all of his supply in the Hardy barn-- Once we did that he lost all favor with the big timers in the Big-City and his little gang scattered like walking in on a room full of mice.” 

Waverly felt her heart rate increase as her mind wrapped around this new information.  _ Nicole did it to protect you.  _ Anger bubbled up before Waverly could stop it. “How could you!?”

Nicole flinched, her body still turned to the sink.

“You could have been hurt-- You could have been killed!” Waverly’s mind moved a mile a minute and she leaned forward too quickly, her gut wrenching in pain. “Bobo found out, didn’t he?”

“Yep.” Nicole confirmed. “And he gave me the length of your recovery to turn myself into Nedley.”

“Wait, Nedley works for him?”

“Unsure.” Nicole placed the pot on the small stove to get it boiling. “But Champ does.”

“That little rat-- but like, how will that fix this?” Waverly asked as Nicole strolled towards her, her face obviously pulled in regret. “Turning yourself in doesn’t stop Bobo from getting to us.”

“Bobo threatened you and if I have to turn myself in for the Hardy fire-- I’ll do it to protect you.”

Waverly blinked some more, her mind running a million miles a minute. “But Nicole-- you, I just--”

Nicole sat next to her girlfriend, placing her hand on her thigh and catching her hazels in deep, confident browns. “I will gladly go to jail if it keeps Bobo away from you, Waverly.”

“But you and I both know Bobo won’t stop.”

Nicole looked off, her face full of pain. “I can’t risk it, Waverly.”

“We have six weeks, Nicole.” Waverly nodded. “Let’s use these six weeks and figure it out.”

“Ok.” Nicole nodded before catching Waverly’s eyes in her own. “Ok.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Waverly asked, seeing warmth radiating from every part of Nicole’s face.

“Because you are too good to me.”

“No, I’m just right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts below!
> 
> PS: I have been badgered enough to get a twitter. Come follow me @reusabletears.
> 
> PPS: I also made three playlists for this fanfiction on spotify.
> 
> Here is the link to my reusabletears profile on spotify, please enjoy!
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/4gan3xy859nc82iyrkauquuoo?si=8l0zwk19Q9G0KD2tDDTUjw


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!
> 
> It's the penultimate chapter.
> 
> It features Sawyer Brown's "Some Girls Do."

**January 29, 2021**

Through the fog of waking up, Waverly felt a searing pain behind her navel and rolled herself from her side onto her back, groaning slightly as the movement deepened the feeling. Her eyes were still closed as sleep cradled her mind and she fought the pain hoping to fall back asleep. Her body wasn't that kind.  _ Fuck, what time is it?  _ Waverly wanted to know but she couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes as the pain doubled in her new position, causing her to lean back and recline her side of the loveseat even more. This motion brought a smidgen of relief and Waverly was able to focus a bit better, allowing herself to notice the deep breathing of the woman beside her. The thought of being awake before Nicole excited Waverly and she pushed her eyes open, the dim winter morning light coming from the windows illuminating the soft, slumbering visage of her girlfriend. Nicole was stretched at an unruly angle on her side of the loveseat, her mouth slack, copper hair wild, and left hand lightly resting on Waverly’s exposed thigh.  _ Perfection. _

Waverly yawned and shook some of the sleep from her head, her core still deeply painful, as it usually was in the morning, since she always took her last round of pain medication before bed. The brunette had tried to get Nicole to sleep in the real bed behind them but the redhead refused, willfully defiant about leaving Waverly alone. The younger woman knew her reasoning was a mix of her recovery and of Bobo’s threat so she hadn’t pushed her love, instead just accepting the closeness this arrangement provided. It was all a far cry better than what Waverly expected recovery to be. She had honestly believed cancer would be a lonely, sad experience but instead she found herself feeling more loved now than she ever had before.

Waverly grabbed her cellphone off the nightstand and noted it was half past eight; she was coming up on twelve hours without bathroom and meds. As much as Waverly wanted to let Nicole sleep, she knew the woman would be angry with her as her pain regiment was very important to Nicole. Everything about her recovery was important to Nicole, so much so she hadn't done her normal ranch work since the pair returned from the hospital. Waverly wasn't complaining though, she figured Nicole was the best for the job and she shivered when she considered how Wynonna would nurse her back to health.  _ Whiskey is not a food group.  _

She couldn’t twist her body so Waverly just grabbed Nicole’s hand and brought it up to her lips, kissing her knuckles lightly.

“Nicole, my love.” Waverly kissed a bit harder and squeezed slightly. “Rise and shine.”

“Mmfmnble.” rolled out of Nicole’s mouth as she scrunched her face into the pillow.  _ So fucking cute. _

“What did you say?” Waverly asked lightly, smiling as she caressed the skin on the back of Nicole's hand.

"Waverly?" Nicole murmured thickly as she slowly opened her eyes. Waverly just watched as her girlfriend slowly gained consciousness and her smile grew with every passing second.

But then Nicole stiffened suddenly before her head shot off the pillow, sending her side of the reclining loveseat into an upright position with a jerk. “Shit!”

Waverly could only laugh in response even as her surgery site throbbed at being jostled by Nicole's quick movements. 

“I’m sorry, Waverly-- holy fuck it’s almost nine! Why did you let me sleep this long?”

“I didn’t baby, I just woke up myself.” Waverly soothed as Nicole flung her blanket off and clicked in her footrest with a loud snap. She watched her girlfriend jump up, all boxers and white tank accompanied by frazzled red hair.

“You wanna pee or get your meds first?” Nicole almost shouted, her eyes flickering around the room in a panic.

“Nicole.”

She began shuffling away, mumbling incoherently to herself, so Waverly raised her voice.

“Babe!”

Nicole froze and slowly turned, her face now sheepishly fearful.

“Relax, nothing bad happened by sleeping in. Just come over here and help me up.”

_ That did the trick. _ Nicole’s body relaxed and Waverly watched her breathe out a harsh breath before running her fingers through her hair. “Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry.” Waverly motioned for Nicole and she came over, pushing Waverly’s footrest down with her foot. Grabbing onto both of Nicole’s hands, she felt herself being pulled upright in a quick but controlled motion, very little pain was added as Nicole had become an expert at getting her out of the loveseat.

The women were now flush and Nicole moved her hands to Waverly’s back and hip, careful not to touch anywhere near her incisions. “Ready?”

“Almost--” Waverly responded before tilting her head up towards Nicole’s. “First thing on the agenda is kissing me.”

Nicole chuckled deeply and pressed their lips together, inciting a grateful moan from Waverly.

"Now help me to the bathroom."

*****

“Sing me a song.”

Nicole couldn’t help but laugh at Waverly’s request as she pulled a pre-wrapped syringe out of the large plastic prescription bag on the kitchen counter. “You want me to sing to you while I give you your blood thinner injection?”

Nicole didn’t hear a response so she turned her head, spotting her very excited girlfriend bobbing her head. “Otherwise I’ll be scared-- duh.”

‘Scared, huh?” Nicole joked, getting the syringe, gloves, and small antibacterial wipe ready. A fun thought crossed her mind and she let it flow freely from her mouth. “Don’t you find it funny?”

“What?” 

“Everyday at noon for the past week or so, I have been using a syringe on you. It’s like Wynonna’s worst nightmare.” 

"You're right." Waverly chuckled before letting out a painful grunt and Nicole heard her adjust herself on the chair. "I'll make sure to mention it to her-- She was just so sure you and I were doing drugs together. It's funny to consider since everything we do is so tame in comparison to Wynonna's fears."

"She just loves you more than anything in the world." Nicole mused, turning and crossing to where Waverly sat. "I know the feeling."

This soft admission created a deep blush on Waverly's features followed by a shy lip bite. "You are a charmer, Nicole Haught."

"Well, you know--" Nicole began as she reached down to Waverly’s hip and helped the girl pull her pants and underwear down mid thigh.

"That won't get you out of singing for me though!" Waverly teased. "So sing."

Nicole stood to full height and sighed, grabbing for the pair of medical gloves and slipping them on as she thought of what to sing. A glint came to her eyes when the perfect song came to mind.

**She turned up her nose as she walked by my Cadillac**

**From the corner of my eye I saw you and you laughed**

Waverly snorted, "This song, really?"

"You only asked me to sing, you didn't tell me  _ what  _ to sing." Nicole grabbed the wipe with a gloved hand and kneeled next to Waverly. "Now be still and let me sing."

"Yes ma'am." Waverly responded gleefully.

**You were sittin' on the swing on your front porch**

**Paintn' your nails like you were bored**

**And you yelled she was sure impressed with you**

Nicole finished wiping and grabbed the syringe, pinching the fattest part of Waverly’s upper thigh before inserting the needle.

**Well I ain't first class**

**But I ain't white trash**

Nicole pushed the plunger down and released the mechanism, the needle popping out and then back into the syringe as she rolled back on her heels. 

**I'm wild and a little crazy too**

**Some girls don't like boys like me**

Nicole helped Waverly pull her pants back up and leaned in for a chaste kiss.

**Aw but some girls do**

"Yeah, some girls do." Waverly grinned, affection apparent in every facet of her face. 

Nicole swooned and leaned back down, recapturing Waverly’s lips.

*****

**February 4, 2021**

"I'm not saying she is the greatest writer of our generation," Waverly mused as Nicole set the tea kettle on the stove. "She just writes the best lesbian romance novels."

"I didn't know I was speaking with a Gerri Hill connoisseur." Nicole responded playfully, pulling two mugs down from the cupboard. 

"I wouldn't say connoisseur but I am familiar with her work and with the works of similar authors. And I know lesbian romance isn't life changing fiction but Gerri-- she has published romance fluff down to an art."

Nicole laughed deeply. "I wasn't trying to go toe to toe with you. I simply stated that I liked  _ 'Gold'  _ by E.J. Noyes."

The redhead placed in the tea bags before turning to look at Waverly, who was sprawled out in one of her main positions that took the stress off her incisions.  _ Which reminds me, I need to check those. _

"And I was giving Gerri credit where credit is due. Her stuff may be occasionally problematic but her fluff novels are top notch; like ' _ Chasing a Brighter Blue' _ is the pinnacle of Christmas romance." Waverly touted as Nicole walked to her, leaning over Waverly and giving her a quick kiss.

"Christmas romance is very niche." Nicole grinned. "Now, let me see your incisions while the water is boiling."

"Very demanding nurse." Waverly teased but she pulled up her shirt and Nicole studied her abdomen, the incisions all bruised and flakey but no signs of late infection. "What do you think?"

"Looks good to me, thank you for humoring me."

Waverly opened her mouth to respond but three loud knocks emanated from the door and Doc's southern drawl followed. "Y'all decent?"

"Of course, come in Doc." Nicole rolled her eyes and made her way back to the tea kettle as Doc opened and closed the front door.

"Miss Waverly." Doc removed his hat and slightly bowed. "How are you feeling today, darlin'?"

"Much better than I did last week but I still need help getting out of this recliner." Waverly responded kindly. "I can walk around on my own though!"

"Wonderful." Doc hung up his hat then shrugged off his coat.

"You staying awhile?" Nicole asked as she removed the squealing tea kettle, pouring the hot liquid into the mugs. "I can rustle you up some tea too if you'd like?"

Doc hung up his coat and gave Nicole a stern look. "I will drink yours, Haught. Wynonna needs to see you. I came over to keep Waverly company and tend to her needs."

"I can keep myself company." Waverly groans. "Thank you very much."

"I know that but I would not want you to have to wait to go to the bathroom-- or worse, try to get up yourself and get hurt." Doc replied, crossing towards Nicole. "She's in the horse barn."

Nicole felt her stomach drop as she saw the concerned look in Doc's eyes.

"Ok." Nicole started towards her dresser.

*****

Nicole racked her brain for a reason why Wynonna wanted her to meet in the horse barn that didn’t start with 'Bo' and end with 'Bo.' Nothing else came to mind, so Nicole steeled herself and repeated the same old mantra in her head.  _ For Waverly. _

Nicole opened the side barn door and crept inside, Wynonna was all wild hair and leather as she brushed Dandelion down.  _ For Waverly. _ Her boss turned, no play in her eyes. Just concern.

"Hey Nicole."

"Wynonna."

"How's my sister?" Wynonna's voice was even and Nicole stepped up to Dandelion, taking the horse's muzzle into her hands.

"Doing much better this week. She can walk without me but she still needs help getting up off the couch."

Wynonna hummed in response and the two women listened to her brush Dandelion, the scraping noise the only thing present in the barn.

Nicole couldn't take it. "You wanted to talk?"

"No." Wynonna replied. "I wanted to beg."

Nicole's eyebrows furrowed and her chest tightened. "Beg?"

"One of my birdies told me that when Nedley arrests you, which will be soon, you'll-- you'll be--" Wynonna stopped brushing, her hands frozen on the horse's back. "Targeted. In jail."

Nicole felt herself relax. "Yeah, I expected as much."

"Wait." The woman turned, tossing the brush into a bucket on the ground. Nicole could tell how blue her eyes had become; the anger growing in them. "You knew you’d be targeted?! You could die, Nicole!"

"Maybe." Nicole shrugged and let her eyes drift back to Dandelion, petting the horse's neck. "But Waverly will be safe."

"We could keep both of you safe  _ here. _ " 

"No, no. I can't bring Bobo's wrath on the farm. If he wants my head for what I did to his supply then he can have it. He won't hurt Waverly this way--" Nicole's voice faltered before she caught her boss's eyes once more. "Now you can keep her safe from whatever he wants from her. He doesn't have blackmail on y'all. Me however…"

"The fire."

Nicole nods. "The fire. And if he manipulates that information and drags Peacemaker Farms into it… there will be a hell of a lot more to lose."

Wynonna bends over and grabs the brush again, circling Dandelion in a safe manner before beginning to brush the other side. "Does Waverly know?"

"She knows I have to turn myself in." Nicole stepped back and slid her hands into her pocket. "Can I ask you for a favor?"

"Sure."

"When she figures it all out-- or if I die-- tell her that I've never loved anyone the way I have loved her."

Wynonna stops brushing again and leans her head into Dandelion's abdomen exhaling loudly. Nicole considers waiting for an answer but the urge is back and the emotion of saying her intention out loud pulls her towards the door.

_ For Waverly. _

*****

**February 9, 2021**

"It's nice."

"It is not. It's February in Alberta, Waves. I can see your teeth clattering." Nicole scoffs, standing up from the porch table.

Waverly knew her girlfriend was right but she had wanted to get out of the cabin, breathe in the fresh air even if it was cold. The afternoon sun barely reached her foot under the awning and the smaller woman could feel the dull ache of her abdomen in the folded position of her body on the chair.  _ But it’s totally worth it. _

"I wanted to come outside." 

"And we did." Nicole crossed to be next to her. "And now let's get you back inside so you can take pressure off your stomach and lay back."

"Such a bossy nurse." Waverly grumbled but then she heard it, the distant crackle of gravel being driven over. She attempted to move her head and look around Nicole to see who was coming down the driveway.

"Sheriff Nedley?"

Waverly watched as Nicole's shoulders tightened and she looked up and saw a brief flash of fear in her love's browns. It was replaced with sadness rather quickly and Nicole leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. "I'll go see what he wants; stay here."

Nicole was quick, grabbing her stetson from the porch table and placing it on her head. Waverly watched her form trot down the steps as the Homestead's front door opened and Doc was putting his own hat onto his head. The group gathered at Nedley’s truck; the rotund Sheriff waving in her direction. She waved back but her stomach began to feel sick in that ominous sort of way.

"Babygirl?" Wynonna came riding up on Tanner, swinging herself off in a fluid motion. "What's the fuzz doing here?"

"I don't know." She responded honestly, her stomach now doing flips. "I'm worried. Would you walk me over there?"

Wynonna nodded and Waverly watched her look over at the group, her own eyes just as worried as Waverly.  _ I didn't think the police knew. Oh no, what if-- _ Her thought was cut off as Wynonna reached out to help her up, Waverly’s right hand going to her stomach to support the large stitch that still ached when she stood. 

"You good?"

"Yeah, let's just get over there." Waverly nodded, her eyes shooting back to Nicole who was holding her hat in her hands. Waverly could tell something was wrong by her body language. "Hurry."

"But you can't--"

"Don't care." Waverly pushed through the pain and almost ran down the steps and towards Nicole.  _ He's going to arrest her, isn't he?  _ About halfway there Waverly’s ears picked up Doc's voice.

"Do you gotta handcuff her, Nedley? She has not been charged with anything, right?"

_ Handcuffs? _

"You going to give me trouble, Nicole?" Nedley’s rough voice asked.

"No sir. I can come answer some questions." 

Waverly felt confusion and fear mix in her blood and Nicole's eyes met hers as she reached the trio. "What is going on here?"

"Miss Earp--" Nedley turned and removed his official steson and nodded at her. "I was just--"

"Don't care for pleasantries right now, Nedley. Why are you arresting my girlfriend?"

"Waverly--" Nicole began.

"No!" Waverly yelled, her heart beating faster. "I asked him a question."

Wynonna had caught up to Waverly and placed a hand on her shoulder as Nedley looked between Doc and Nicole, almost like he was asking permission. 

"You can tell her." Nicole sighed.

"Tell me what?"

"I need to take Miss Haught down to the station to question her about the murder of Bobo Del Ray." Nedley replied, placing his hat back on his head. 

"Murder? Bobo?" Waverly felt weak and Nicole sensed it, rushing to her and grabbing a hold of her arm and hip.

"Whoa, baby. You need to go back inside and rest." Nicole's voice was soft as Waverly felt her world spinning out of control.

"I--I." It was difficult for Waverly to think, her mind could only focus on murder and the scent of vanilla.  _ Nicole would never. Tell him. Tell him Nicole would never murder anyone.  _ But Waverly’s voice was caught in her throat and she found herself only able to look at Nicole.

"Adult female horses have four less teeth than adult male horses." Nicole whispered as she brought up one of her hands to cup Waverly’s cheek.

"This is serious--" Waverly began.

"I know but it got your focus back. I can see it in your eyes."

Waverly felt her chest tighten and she gripped at Nicole's shoulders. "Nicole, I--"

"It's going to be ok. I'll go down to the station and answer any of Nedley’s questions. I'll be back before you know it."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Nicole sealed it with a kiss before pulling back and looking at her sister. "Take Waverly back in. She needs her afternoon dose."

"Nicole--" Waverly choked out, so desperate to go with her. Desperate to know everything would be ok. "I love you."

"It's gonna be ok. I love you too." Nicole kissed her again. "Everything will be ok in the end and if it's not ok, it's not the end."

"Come on Miss Haught." Nedley droned. "No handcuffs this time, I promise."

Waverly watched Nicole walk with Nedley to his cruiser. Before she got in she turned and smiled at Waverly and held her gaze for an extended amount of time, almost like Nicole was studying her. Like she believed she wouldn't see her again. _That's_ _a silly fear. Of course we will see each other again._

But as she watched the two drive away, Waverly worried that fear would become true. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😇
> 
> Let me know what you think! Thank you all again for the overwhelming support for this fic.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well friends, we have reached the end of the road! I am gonna go ahead and post this chapter because if I keep editing it, I know I am going to ruin my original vision.

**February 9, 2021**

The door to the interrogation room squeaked open and Nedley shuffled in, one paper cup and one brown colored mug steaming in his hands. He kicked the door shut and smiled wide. Nicole wanted to trust him but her experience told her otherwise. Her dream of becoming a cop was crushed by heroin but the way she has been treated by cops crushed any idolizations she had left. The police stopped being an untouchable dream and became a frustrating nightmare. So no matter how many smiles Nedley flashed her way, Nicole would never be fully comfortable around him.

"I got you a cup of coffee." Nedley placed the paper cup down in front of her. "I hope you like it black, we are all out of cream and sugar."

"Black is fine." Nicole responded but left the cup where it was, instead training her eyes on Nedley’s mustache.  _ Not nearly as cool as Doc's. _

"Alright." Nedley sipped from his own and flipped open a manilla folder. "Let's get to it then."

Nicole pulled her lips into a thin line and blinked as the Sheriff studied her, his own demeanor becoming harsher. Eyes seemed smaller, mustache was straighter, and his shoulders rolled back and sat higher.

_ There it is. _

"How do you know Bobo Del Ray?"

"You know the answer to that Sheriff. I used heroin and Bobo dealt heroin. Purgatory is a small town so you fill in the blanks."

Nedley sighed deeply at her curt response and looked back down, flipping through his folder again. "Right. Well, where were you on Friday, February fifth?"

"My cabin at Peacemaker Farms with Waverly Earp. I am sure you are aware that I've been caring for her during her recovery. She needs help all the time and I haven’t left her side until you drove me here." Nicole felt annoyed and confused, unsure if this interrogation needed to be done at the station. If Friday was the day Bobo was killed then she was good as free, seeing as how she hadn't left the cabin. "Call Waverly, she will confirm."

"You are in a relationship with Waverly, correct?" His voice was more coy this time and she found her frustration mounting.

"You know that I am."

"You can relax."

Nicole's mouth pulled into a disgusted frown as she leaned forward on her elbows. "You know that I can't."

“When it comes to Waverly, you can.”

“When Waverly is concerned, I can’t.”

Nedley sighed. "Can we cut the shit?"

"I don't know… can we?"

Nedley stood and began unbuttoning his uniform sleeves, rolling each one up in a practiced way that kept Nicole's eyes on his movements. This conversation was going nowhere and now that Nicole knew Bobo was gone, she was ready to put this all behind her. As long as she could get out of the Sheriff's sightline.

"I know that you didn't kill Bobo." Nedley said quietly as he finished cuffing his sleeves.

"Then why the hell am I here?" Nicole felt pressure in her chest, her mind immediately pulling to the fire.  _ Maybe I won’t get to go back. _

"Purgatory ain't the small town I remember growing up in anymore. Not even ten years ago, you could walk down any street late at night and not see a soul." The man sat back down again and began picking at his fingernails with a dejected expression. He was choosing his words carefully and Nicole felt her guard tighten. "Nowadays you have to pass at least three dealers before you can make it home from Shorty's.”

Nedley clicked his tongue, still looking at his nails. Nicole tried to hide her discomfort.

“When did you move to Purgatory?"

"End of 2014."

"Figured." Nedley coughed. "Bobo started pushing hard in 2012 and our budget ain't changed since 2010. So we’ve had quite a lot of dealers and users move into town. I’ve had a terrible time keeping everything under control."

Nicole found herself curiously drawn in and against her better judgement she felt brave enough to ask. "Is Purgatory gonna get a much needed breather now that Bobo is gone?"

Nedley’s eyes met hers and his expression softened, a small smile pulling at the edges. But he ignored it and pressed on. "I remember arresting you. July 2016."

"Me too."

"I've arrested a lot of addicts in my tenure-- never arrested one as polite as you though."

Nicole swallowed and leaned back, waiting on the other shoe to drop.

"I should have known what was going on when Champ pushed me to get you hired on at the Earps. Champ barely gave a fuck about his damn self-- I should of wondered why he gave a fuck about you." Nedley reached forward and took another draw from his mug. "But honestly, the way you looked at me when I put you in my cruiser... I was wanting an excuse to let you go."

"I'm not following."

"I found Levi’s journal in Bobo’s things."

_ There's the shoe. _

"Y'all did a number on his operation." Nedley leaned back, both hands pulling up to rest behind his head. "What a great plan too. I honest to God thought the barn had an electrical fire… shit, I closed the case with one hundred percent confidence that it was."

Nicole tried to keep her face straight. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"I thought we were cutting the shit, Haught." Nedley gave a half chuckle. "This room ain't bugged. I don't have the  _ budget  _ for that spy shit _." _

"What's the point, Sheriff?" Nicole's voice was strong but her hands were definitely shaking. She was ready to face the music but she wasn't going to make it easy for him.

"The point is you figured out that my part-time desk jockey was a mole, Bobo was pushing Narcan harder than heroin, and you burned down his operation without killing a single person. You figured out more in a year then my team could in nearly ten.”

_ Except Levi and Fish.  _ Nicole grimaced and turned away, the sting of their memory palpable behind her eyes. "Plenty was lost."

"Bobo killed Fish and Levi. Not you." Nedley leaned towards Nicole. "You did your best but that’s just what happens in the heroin world. People die."

"They aren’t just people to me." Nicole felt the tears threaten to fall as she thought about Waverly. About what would have happened if Bobo had targeted them first.  _ Waverly was going to be pissed at her. _ "So, how many years?"

Nedley’s brow furrowed and he tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"How many years am I looking at?" 

_ You can stay clean in prison. Waverly probably won't wait but she'll at least be safe. With Bobo gone, she'll actually be safe.  _

"I'm not going to arrest you." Nedley laughed deeply. "You've done more for Purgatory then any of my deputies could ever do."

Nicole felt her relief mix with reluctance. "It's never that easy."

"It will be this time.” Nedley laughed again, pushing her coffee cup towards her before taking another long draw from his own. “Though--"

"So you do want something." Nicole deadpanned but she actually took a sip, the bitterness of the cheap coffee making her gag a little. "God that's bad."

"Yeah, sorry." Nedley nodded. "Anyway, I want to offer you Champ's old job. Since you know-- I arrested him and all."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he flipped on Bobo's whole deal after I found the journal. Filled in all the blanks for me."

Nicole was on a whirlwind with this turn of events. For the first time since she used, the world had gone her way. She had actually protected Waverly. "I-- I can't possibly take that position. I’m a criminal."

"Why not? I heard from Doc you used to wanna be a cop?"

"Used to." Nicole nodded and thought of Waverly, Wynonna, Doc, and even Gus. All the people who had come into her life when she took that job at Peacemaker Farms. She couldn’t possibly throw that away now. "But I have a family and a job that keeps me grounded. I think I’m meant for that life."

"You found your redemption then." Nedley confirmed. "In Waverly."

Nicole felt lighter at his words and nodded.

"Alright then." Nedley smiled. "I already called Doc to come get you so let's go see if he’s waiting in the bullpen."

"I have one more question if I may, Sheriff?" Nicole needed to know.

"Shoot."

"Do you happen to know why Bobo wanted Waverly so badly?"

Nedley’s mustache curled into frown as he thought for a few moments. His eyes then met hers. "Why does any evil man covet someone who ain't his?"

*****

The ride home with Doc was silent but Nicole's mind was still running a million miles a minute. Had she really just been let go? Were they really free of Bobo for good? The possibilities were endless now but her chest still felt the heavy weight of all the cost this freedom entailed. 

_ Levi. Fish.  _

The cost of her years of using went even further than that.  _ Charlie. Kevin. Debbie. Neal. _

_ Oh Neal. _

Guess they will continue to be the consequences she will bear. And maybe one day she will be able to live, comfortable with just their memories.

"So, Nedley offered you a job?"

The truck bumped and creaked as Doc took the turn to the farm a little too fast. "What are you, a cop?"

Nicole looked over and watched a huge grin spread over Doc's face. "Not a cop-- just a fella who likes to know why his best friend was taken to the station. And when I ask, people answer."

"Alright then." Nicole felt herself relax a bit more. "Does my best friend know why I was let go?"

“Yep.” Doc pursed his lips and slid his hands over the wheel before answering. "Your best friend made sure you were coming home. No strings attached."

Nicole felt her stomach do a flip as the truck careened under the archway and came to an abrupt stop. "Did he now?"

"No idea." Doc cooed wistfully. "Since Wynonna figures she is your best friend."

Nicole's brow furrowed as Doc hopped out the truck in a swift movement. "Go see your lady, Haught."

"Wait--"

The door slammed and Nicole was left with new questions. Before she could mull them over, her passenger door was flung open and she was enveloped in leather and wild brown hair. Wynonna's budding baby bump pressed tightly into her side.

"Haught-Damn, I missed you!"

"I was gone for like three hours, boss." Nicole whined but she knew she couldn't keep the affection out of her voice. 

"You in any trouble?" Wynonna pulled away, her blues twinkling.

"No. It seems Bobo was killed last Friday and I have an air-tight alibi taking care of your sister." 

Wynonna pulled her out of the truck and she steadied herself on the woman's shoulder, happy to be home and untethered by the fear and worry. 

"Exactly the news I wanted to hear, especially since I knew it would happen that way." Wynonna slapped her butt lightly before pushing her in the direction of her cabin. "Now go tell your alibi before she breaks any more of your things."

"Wait, breaks?" Nicole turned, her eyes wide. “And what do you mean you knew I’d have an alibi?”

"Go on, get!" Wynonna grinned. "I'm off to find a jar of pickles-- this fetus demands dill every waking hour of the day." 

And like Wynonna was gone, leaving even more questions in her wake. Nicole let her thoughts take over as she walked towards her cabin.  _ They wouldn't kill Bobo… right? I mean, Wynonna's pregnant--  _ She was mid-thought when she swung open her door and was met with her girlfriend standing in the middle of the cabin, her hand clutching at her surgery site while her eyes were fiery and focused.

"Nicole Rayleigh Haught!"

Nicole froze and smiled in a way that she knew would deepen her dimples. “Hi, love.”

“Don’t ‘hi, love’ me!” Waverly groaned, her face straining in pain. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”

“How about I get you back in your chair and then I’ll tell you everything.” Nicole responded, finding herself terribly amused by Waverly’s attempt at being mad.

“Ok.” Waverly nodded. “But I’m still very cross with you.”

“That’s ok.”

*****

“I can’t believe you declined Nedley’s job offer.” Waverly said softly, bringing a spoon of cheesy potato soup up her mouth. She turned her head and locked eyes with Nicole, trying to catch any notion that the redhead might actually  _ want _ the position. “You always wanted to be a police officer.”

Nicole adjusted herself, dipping a slice of white bread down into her own bowl of soup before placing it in her mouth. Waverly watched her grin slightly as she chewed, as if the woman was considering her response with a fond memory. She then turned and locked eyes with her, her dimples popping again.

“I wanted to stay here and work for you.”

Waverly laughed. “Honestly? You’d rather muck stalls and move cattle than be a cop? Nedley could really be your in, Nicole. You may even be able to get a waiver and go to the Police Academy.”

“Maybe in another life.” Nicole mused, her voice still playful. “I can’t imagine myself doing anything other than this. Peacemaker Farms is my home.”

Nicole pushed her right foot out to touch Waverly’s left leg. “You’re my home.”

Waverly shook her head in disbelief but still felt warm at her love’s words.

“Doc and Wynonna. Lil’ baby Doc and Wynonna.” Nicole snorted. “Even Gus. Without you all I wouldn’t be alive and I just--”

“What?”

“Dreams change.” Nicole slipped her hand into Waverly’s. “Priorities change.”

“I accept then.” Waverly nodded, finally understanding Nicole’s meaning. “But you have to promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“You and I have done a lot of things for each other without the input of each other.”

Nicole grinned and leaned her head over onto Waverly’s shoulder. “No expectations.”

“Right.” Waverly hummed. “So from now on let's expect to do things together.”

Waverly felt Nicole breathe in a long, deep breath and then release it with a loud exhale; like a mountain of emotion and past deeds were dumped from her body and back into the ether. Love bloomed in her soul as she looked down at brown eyes looking up.

“I can do that.”

*****

**June 23, 2021**

“She’ll meet with you both in her office.” The nurse said, looking back and locking eyes with Waverly. “It’s the door at the end of the hall.”

“Thank you so much.” Waverly nodded before grabbing Nicole’s hand and pulling her in that direction. 

Today was the first follow up appointment post radiation and she felt nervous energy at the results of the CT scan she had taken the week before; hoping everything was going to come back clear. Waverly was looking forward to a long stretch of time in between appointments as she settled into domestic-like bliss with Nicole.  _ Nicole _ . Waverly looked up and saw the soft features of her girlfriend, her new shoulder length haircut looking absolutely adorable under her classic white stetson. Nicole had cut it to symbolize new beginnings and depending on today’s results, Waverly might finally be able to enjoy the idea behind that. She stopped at Dr. Taylor’s office door and knocked three times.

“Come in.”

Waverly opened the door and found a smiling Dr. Taylor situated behind a large brown desk and surrounded by bookshelves. "Good morning, Waverly. Come in!"

"Thank you."

"Good morning, doctor." Nicole said brightly, closing the door behind her and removing her hat.

"I see you brought your person."

"Yep. She's been with me the whole way."

Waverly turned and caught Nicole's wink and the slight blush that cast over her cheeks. Waverly hoped that kind of reaction would never go away. 

"Lovely. Please have a seat." Dr. Taylor pointed to the chairs and the couple sat as she clicked away on her desktop. "So Waverly, I had a look at your scans and I see no current signs of cancer."

Nicole reached over and squeezed her thigh as elation ran through her body like electricity. 

"I know we spoke at your physical exam last week and I let you know that your recovery from the hysterectomy is going really well, I have no concerns on that front. Do you have any pain or current worries you'd like to bring to my attention?"

"No." Waverly couldn't peel the smile off her face as she cast a cursory glance at Nicole who was staring lovingly at her. "I've felt really good."

"That's good to hear." Dr. Taylor clicked a few more times. "I also got your genetic test back and it seems you are moderately more predisposed to hormonal-related cancers. This is great information as it will allow us to map out an aggressive screening schedule so that we can stay on top of any future cancers that may develop.”

Waverly was not surprised by this since she had spent most of the past six or so months researching; in all honesty she was relieved it was only moderate results and she let a glee filled sound leave her lips at the solid plan ahead. 

“I take it that noise is a good one?”

“Very much so.” Nicole answered and Waverly noticed she was still beaming. “Thank you so much, Dr. Taylor. You have been amazing during this entire process.”

“Beyond amazing.” Waverly sighed happily. “I am so glad Dr. Placer referred me to you, you have done way more for me-- for us, than you will ever know.”

“You are both so kind.” The woman touched her hand to her chest and smiled wide; it was the most emotion either woman had seen from the doctor during the entire process. “Do either of you have any more questions or concerns?”

“Not that I can think of.” Wavery looked to Nicole who shook her head. “Thank you.”

“Then I will see you in six months.” Dr. Taylor passed a sheet across to Waverly. “Give this to Carla at reception and she will get you guys scheduled.”

*****

Nicole’s warm hand was in Waverly’s as the elevator dinged, the doors rattling open and leading the women back into the same parking garage they’d been into so many times before. Nicole caught herself looking down at Waverly again, her radiant glow seemed to be brighter ever since they left the oncologist’s office. Nicole couldn’t get enough.

“Do you want to celebrate?” Waverly squealed, tugging her out of the elevator. “I’m thinking a big ole supreme pizza from Niko’s-- ooey gooey cheese topped with olives, peppers, sausage, onions, pepperoni--”

Nicole laughed heartily and stopped Waverly’s forward movement, slinging her body back into her own and capturing her lips in a searing kiss. Waverly responded immediately by sliding her hands up onto Nicole’s face and then into her newly short hair, tugging her closer and deepening the kiss. It felt just as wonderful as the first time.

“Wow.” Nicole mumbled as their lips broke contact and Waverly giggled.

“Wow, indeed.”

“I love you.” Nicole pulled back further, looking into Waverly’s eyes and finding only love reflected back.

“I love you too.” Waverly recaptured her lips and Nicole moaned, her happiness overflowing. “Now take me to get pizza.”

“So bossy.” Nicole laughed as Waverly stepped back.

“Just wait until I marry you.” Waverly winked and began walking off. “Then I’ll really rock your world.”

Nicole felt her urge for forever bloom into a guarantee. One where Waverly was truly with her, in every possible way.

*****

**July 12, 2016**

  
  


Nicole’s head pounded as she stood in the hot July sun with everything she owned inside a plastic tub at her feet. The man who brought her here, Doc, was having a heated discussion with a leather-clad woman on the porch of an older style farmhouse.  _ They ain’t gonna hire you. Can’t blame them-- you are just a shit ass junkie. _ Her skin prickled and burned while her brain ran a mile a minute, she could turn and make a run for it but her cowboy coworker had driven her pretty far from town so she’d just have to stick it out.  _ This could be your big break. No it won’t. You’ll soon be as dead as Neal. _ The thought made her urge and she began looking around the farm, sizing up the best things to steal.  _ Seems like a nice place, I’ll just take enough to get a bus ticket back to the Big-City.  _ Before she could truly formulate a plan she heard wood creak and the leather jacket woman was walking towards her.

“Wynonna.” She gruffed, shoving out a hand. Nicole just looked at it, knowing full well she couldn’t show this woman her tremors. “Earp.”

“Nicole.” She coughed and listened to a distant door open and slam. “Haught.”

“Welcome to Peacemaker Farms, Haught.” Wynonna replied coolly, assessing Nicole with weary eyes before pointing behind Nicole. “That will be your cabin. This all you got?”

“Other than my name.”

“That’s alright. The place is furnished.” Wynonna sighed. “Get un-packed and comfortable, you start chuckin’ and muckin’ tomorrow.”

Nicole nodded, leaning down to grab her tub and go. Before she could get a proper grip she heard a new voice and felt her stomach flip at the sound.

“Are you going to invite her to lunch, Wynonna?”

Nicole looked up and saw a petite woman; tight blue jeans, white button up tied up into a crop top, tan skin, golden brown hair, and bright smile. She was beautiful in every sense of the word; so much so that Nicole forgot how to breathe let alone remember why she was kneeling in the first place. The woman came trotting down from the porch to stand beside Wynonna and Nicole lifted herself to full height, attempting to seem like she wasn’t already gawking at the gorgeous sight before her.

“Hi, I’m Waverly Earp.” She grinned and stuck out a hand for Nicole and the redhead took it immediately, Wynonna grunting at the obvious diss. 

“Nicole Haught.” Nicole tried to smile but felt like it wasn’t enough.

“Well, Nicole Haught,” Waverly released her hand and began backing away. “I don’t mean to run but I am almost done making lunch. Please come and eat with us when you are done unpacking.”

“I--” Nicole nodded. “Sure.”

“Good.” Waverly looked to Wynonna before back at Nicole. “Nice to have you on the team, Ms. Haught.”

Nicole watched Waverly stroll back into the house and felt her heart try and pull her in that direction. Nicole picked up her tub and nodded at her boss before walking back towards the cabin. For the first time in a long time, things were looking up. 

_ Maybe you can get clean. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't have made it here without all your kind kudos and comments. Thank you so much for coming on this journey with me. I hope it was a fulfilling to read as it was for me to write.
> 
> Come see me on twitter, @reusabletears. I'll be announcing my future projects there.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! I live off of kudos and comments.


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